 So this talk is DEF CON 101. It's a panel and they're going to teach you guys how to DEF CON appropriately. So I hope you guys get something out of this and I'm going to let these guys introduce themselves. There's dance lights just in case. So, all right, we're going to start this off by throwing out a few t-shirts. Kind of enthusiasm we should have for talks. Yeah, we'll be throwing out challenge coins too. All right. How many people in here are brand new to DEF CON? That is awesome. There are a lot of you and every single one of you should be proud that you're a noob. So as you can see on the slide, welcome to Las Vegas. Pace yourself if you've never been here before. Trust me. The first time I was here, I didn't know. I thought, oh, this is really cool. Then I end up in a cab and the cabby's going, hey, you fell asleep. I don't know where you're supposed to go. All right. In DEF CON, everyone is a noob at something. You know, this is, what we want to do when you come to DEF CON is get you to learn stuff. That's why you're here. You're not here for any other reason other than to learn. If you're here for a different reason, then you spent $260 for that reason, but you might as well take advantage of the fact that DEF CON has a lot to offer. And on the bottom, DGAF, somebody says that you're a noob, don't give a fuck. Here's something that I probably should have said to start this off. There may be a one or two cuss words in this. It's a serious talk, but it's not a serious talk. We encourage people to participate. We encourage you guys to participate and there will be active participation at the end of this talk. Yeah. In case you missed that, that was authoritative. There will be participation. This is the desert. Stay hydrated. And if your pee looks like Guinness, you are in bad shape. There are water stations all over the place. There are bars all over the place. Try and mix it up. Don't always hit the bar. But otherwise, yeah, you can get water at the bar, but you know, try and mix it up. Don't always get alcohol. Beer or water? Both. Get them both going. And if you read the book, Dune, then you can talk about recycling. We'll just buy a bug light. It's premixed for you. All right. There are simple rules for surviving at DEFCON. This is a countdown. It's important. You need to get at least three hours sleep a night. My second DEFCON here, I participated in Capture the Flag. That year they thought it would be fun to capture the flag around the clock. So I didn't get to sleep for 36 hours and then promptly missed the rest of DEFCON. So it's going to be important that you get a little bit of rest, also that keeps your brain working properly. So you're not addled all the time. You should eat at least two meals a day. It is easy when you're at DEFCON to forget, to eat, because you're doing things. You're running from talk to talk. You're trying to make sure you're in the front row here. It's going to be challenging. But make sure you take time for yourself. Make sure you take time to eat. Here's an important one. Please bathe at least once a day. You are in the desert. You are going to sweat. And you are going to stink if you sweat. Sorry. There are only very few people that I know that actually don't stink when they sweat. So make sure you bathe at least once a day and wash your hands too. This one is really important. I can't stress it enough. In fact, we'll get a little bit more to that in a little bit. I would like to talk about shirts. We threw out a bunch of shirts. Those shirts are a little bit long. Please make sure that you wear a shirt that is the right size. Under boob is sexy. Under belly is not. All right. Again, washing your hands. The DEFCON crud. For those of you who have never been here before, you've probably heard stories about people who leave and then they get sick and they're sick for like a week and they can't shake it. And it might be from DEFCON. It might be from the airplane. It might be from anything in the world. But an important rule of thumb. Fist your friends. Fist them often. Dude. You can't really, or you may not be able to see it, but that little story says there was a scientific study that it says 90 percent fewer chance of catching germs if you fist people rather than shake their hands. So seriously, wash your damn hands and fist your friends. Some simple rules. Don't be a dick. This guy. There are some simple basics. There are going to be 20,000 plus people here, I hope. And when you're doing that, you have to just some common courtesy. Hold the door because people are pouring in. Don't let the door slam on somebody. Make sure that you keep your head up. Don't get your head buried in the program or have your head buried in the phone because there will be people that will walk right into you and remind you that you should have kept your head up. Pay attention. Pay attention to everything that's around you. Don't block the hallways. You'll notice tomorrow that, you know, while the hallways are pretty easy to navigate right now, tomorrow they're going to be a lot harder to navigate. And don't stand at the base of the escalator. Fortunately, the hotel scheduled some maintenance on the escalators for this weekend. And so that means that three of them or four of them or however many are out. So it's going to be really important. The goons are going to help you get around and navigate and just make sure that you don't decide to stop and have a family reunion at the bottom of the escalator. Please don't be an ass hat. Do not ruin everybody's time. You may think something is funny. Like we might be up here and I might make a joke. I might think it's funny. You might not, you may take offense. I'm the speaker so I get to do that. But please don't, try not to ruin everybody else's time. An important rule? Don't heckle. Okay. Just checking. If you don't agree with something in the talk, if you think that, you know, something is way off base or, you know, that you have some other different piece of information, that's okay. You have an opportunity to speak to the speaker afterwards. And the speakers are supposed to go to the speaker room to do some speaking. But none of them ever do. We just hang out right here on the side. Yeah. Also, don't be an ass hat. Also, another thing. You're going to come up and you're going to see your friends. And for a lot of people, DEF CON is the one place where they see people once a year. You know, the rest of the time everybody lives on the computer, out in the interwebs, inner tubes. If you're going to hug somebody, make sure that they're ready for that hug. You know, don't go up and try and hug somebody and then you're going to get Tyrannosaurus Rex arms because they're, you know, not comfortable with that. Phones and wireless. You're at a hacker convention, man. If you haven't taken care of all of that stuff, updating your phone, turning off your wireless, making sure that your Bluetooth is set properly, all those things, you know, it's going to be a problem for you. So check that. You probably should have updated things before now. Also, pictures. Everybody has a phone. Everybody's phone has a camera. And I say everybody. That might be hyperbole. But for now, you know, let's assume that everybody has a phone with a camera in it. You're going to be in a picture or two. There are some people who are, that's their job. You're going to be in picture or two right now. If you don't want to be in a picture, ask that person nicely and ask them to delete it. If it really is a problem, you can always find a goon. But let's be honest. You're in a public place. So you don't have a whole lot of leg to stand on. This is a different conference than most security conferences. We don't have tons of giveaways. We don't have corporate sponsors giving stuff away. So if you see something, chances are it's not free. Anyone want a free t-shirt? Giving is different from taking. All right. Defcon, there's a lot of stuff going on. We have a lot of tracks. There are a lot of talks. I think we have more talks in the key than we ever have. We're going to go with lying and say we do. We're going to lie and say we do. But you need to have a plan. You know, look at your program. Make sure that when you're reading your program that you know what's going on. Try and identify where you need to go. Because there's a lot of space, too. I covered six and a half miles yesterday. Just walk in the space. Also, Hacker Tracker is an awesome program. It's an app for your phone. You can get it on the app store. You can get it on Google Play. You can get it in these really bright lights. You know, you probably should have downloaded it before now. Again, the talks fill up quickly. You can see a lot of people back there. The goons are doing a good job. Speaker goons and other goons making sure that people aren't standing in the aisles, aren't planting themselves against the wall. So you might consider finding the source of knowledge in purchasing the videos. If they're here hopefully. Okay. Awesome. Just a word about the Hacker Tracker app. Whitney, champion. She's the one that created the original one. She turned over the Android branch of it to somebody else. Again, this is something that you should have downloaded before. But it is pretty awesome. It does make things a lot easier. All right. There are tons of talks. This handsome person that you see in that picture. I'm giving a talk. There are tons. So again, I just want to make sure that everybody has a plan. You know what? Everybody does have a plan. Till they get punched in the mouth. Yeah. Mike Tyson is going to be in Mandalay Bay tomorrow. Is he really? Yeah. Pretty neat. All right. The villages. There are a ton of villages. I'm not going to read them all but I will read as many as it takes. Some of the highlights. Biohacking village. Crypto and privacy village. You heard about that from Trey. Hardware hacking village. ICS village. The lock pick village is very popular. Recon village is new. The sky talks are not new. They've been around. Roots are, is DEF CON for kids. And then the voting machine hacking village is also brand new. This is something that dark tangent decided that he wanted to put up or shut up. He wanted people to actually be able to test to see whether or not the voting machines can be hacked. So this is something that's going to be really interesting and followed closely by the press. And Wi-Fi village. I was told that if I did not mention Wi-Fi village, somebody would be really disappointed. But Wi-Fi village is actually really cool. Some of the stuff that they're doing is pretty fascinating and I'm a new but that. Nothing. There are too many contests to list. You know contests and events is all over the place. But I do want to highlight a few. Capture the flag. People love it. There is no badge hack this year. Which is fine because you can hack the contest. This is DEF CON. You should be hacking everything that you can. And the contest is included. All right. Hack everything you can that doesn't get you arrested. Workshops and demos. How many people knew that you could even get hands on experience here at DEF CON? Anybody? A few people? Yeah, you can sign up for workshops. You can't sign up from now. They're all sold out. You could have signed up for them. This is something to think about for the future. And then demo labs is actually pretty cool. These are talks about tools and it's not enough to be a big talk but it's specifically about tools and you get to experience it hands on. Swag and vendor. I already said DEF CON is unique. DEF CON is not like Black Hat as an example. The people that are in the swag and the people that are in the vendor area, they are selling here. They're selling stuff. They're selling stuff that supports their business. Their businesses support the community in general. You may see some corporate organizations in there but they have ties back to the community. Free stuff for the community. As an example, Pony Express. They've been a vendor here since DEF CON 11, Chris. Okay. Yeah. A long time. Back when they were 100% open source. And you know, they still provide their product open source. All right. I'm going to double dog dare you guys. You need to reach out. Take a second. Pretend yes, you can reach out. Pretend all of the funny people reaching out. Thank you. I'm going to go back to my previous slide. Take a second to introduce yourself to the person next to you. And seriously, take a second to introduce yourself to the person next to you. This is awesome. This is something that you guys should be doing all weekend long. What's that? Yeah. Don't do during talks unless the speaker says it. Don't do it in the bathroom. But you know, introduce yourselves and make sure that you get to know some people. Put yourself out there and find somebody that you have something in common with. The reason I say this, there are a lot of people that come to DEF CON by themselves. This is, you guys can stop introducing yourselves. There are a lot of people that come here by themselves. They don't have people to hang out with. And it's going to be actually really cool to make this a community. To make sure that everybody here has something that they have in common with. They find somebody whether you're from the same country, whether you're from a different city. It doesn't matter. You know, if you guys all do the same, have the same little niche thing to do, it's kind of cool to be able to get in touch with people. I'm also going to triple dog dare you. I want you guys to consider doing something you've never done before. You know, you might not know it, but I have social anxiety. Conversations with me, if I don't know you, generally go hi on mic. Then there's, hi Dara, how you doing? And then I know Dara, so I can have a conversation. But if not, there's awkward silence. There might be an awkward hug. I don't know. But you know, but still, put yourself out there. It's kind of important to be able to try and do something that you've never done. Find experiences. You may find that you really like them. Try one of the villages and go to a party. Find a party and go to one. I'm going to suggest a party. There's a party right after this called the noob party. Did you, did you turn your mic off? That was all this. Free beer. Free beer. No, there we go. It's back. Duo security, and I've got another slide. Duo security is sponsored. They've been kind enough to actually buy a bunch of kegs for this party. So you know, it's free beer until the beer runs out, then it's pay for the beer. That's in the Octavius Baldwin. And now I'm going to take a second to have Priest come up here. He wants to talk about something. Actually, I was going to introduce him. Should I? You talk there. We can hear you. There's, there's, I am standing up. So there's a lesser known team at DEF CON. Everyone knows that we have our red shirt goons and you, they're visible and you see them all the time. And there's, there's another group here that is sort of a special operations team where every once in a while we'll have incidents where maybe somebody takes offense to something, somebody did something untoward. You may not feel comfortable with something. And I'll let him talk about that. But we do have a team where even if it's a goon or a hotel staff or another attendee, doesn't matter who it is, we have a neutral party that is not us that we can say, well, our guys can do that or what have you, that you can go to and you can talk to. And there are women on his team. There's a lot of people you feel comfortable talking to. And I'll let him talk to you more about that. But this is Priest. And we just wanted to let you guys know because we don't talk about it. And so now is the chance that we are. So here you go. Okay, so obviously some of you know who I am. Raise your hand if you remember me from the old days. Okay, so those of you who don't know, my handle is Priest. And I'm the guy you are probably going to see right before you go to jail. And my job is to help you stay out of trouble, basically. And for the last several years actually, we have heard you guys talk about it. And we wanted to put together a team that worked outside of the goon squad. And by the way, we don't wear stealer shirts, we'll actually wear goon shirts. I'm going to have my team, my team come up, have my team come up. Gentlemen, up on stage please. We are here for you as attendees. If you like, like Nikita said, if you have a problem with a goon, you have a problem with the staff, you have a problem with another attendee, we're here to help you with that. And we're here to address that. And we want to make sure that you feel comfortable and safe talking to us and not have to worry that there's some, as they say in the police department, the thin blue wall or the blue wall doesn't exist. Think of us as internal affairs. So if someone does something, let us know. And I want to, like I said, this is about half of my team here. We want to let you see our faces. Unfortunately, one of the women who are on the team, she cannot show her face, have pictures taken. But we want to let you know that we've all had diversity training, we've all had sexual harassment training, all those kinds of trainings where we're here to help you make your way through whatever you need to make your way through and make sure that you have a good convention experience. Bullying, harassment, not tolerated, period, full stop. So come let us know. If you want to find one of us, go to one of the information booths, grab anybody in a red shirt, goon shirt, ask for priest or want a priest team. I'm here, I probably sleep about two hours per night. And I'm here 98% of the time. So come find us and we will make sure that your issues are taken care of. And we just want to make sure that message was getting out because it wasn't getting out. And people were saying, well, how come this isn't happening? Well, it has been, as Nikita said, we just kind of kept it behind the scenes. Also, I will probably do a spot the Fed or two this year. It's a lot of fun for those of you who've been here before and saw one. You probably remember, it's where we bring a Fed up on stage and then I do some comedy with them. And the shirts they get are actually one of the highest sought after shirts where I've seen actual FBI agents, any FBI agents in the room? Raise your hand. Sometimes you can get them, they're not very bright. Agents will actually steal the shirts from other agents. So if you spot a Fed, you can bring one forward. If we can do a spot the Fed. It's kind of a little bit of a fun thing to do while we're at the con from the old days. So we're going to do a spot the Fed. We're going to do a spot the Fed. We're going to do it while we're at the con from the old days. That's all I've got and we'll be available and on the floor from today until Sunday. And like I said, you can just come find us. So have a great con, have a great time and we'll see you on the floor. And I'm sorry, we have someone who speaks Spanish, we have someone who speaks Mandrin, we have someone who speaks some German, so we've got some foreign language coverage as well if you're not comfortable speaking in the English language and want to speak Thanks, priest. And it actually is a perfect segue. On the back of the shirts that we threw out, it says this word courage. And you notice it's in a rainbow. It's not just to celebrate the LGBTQ community. It's also just to support anybody. Because DEF CON has a bad rap. And it's not true. DEF CON supports diversity. DEF CON encourages diversity. So, you know, this is one of the things that is really important to us, especially on the panel. You know, we want to make sure that everybody understands it doesn't matter who you are, what anything you are, what we care about is you. And that's it. Also, have the courage to do the things that the double dog dare and the triple dog dare that I talked about before. Hopefully the introductions that you made just a little bit ago will encourage you guys to, you know, head on over to Octavius for the noob party, another plug for free beer. And, you know, have a beer and talk to each other. What I'm going to do now is introduce the panel. We're going to talk about our DEF CON experiences, getting involved, how to get involved with DEF CON, a lot of different things. I'll introduce each of the panel members by their handle and they can tell you if they want to give you their real name. And we'll take a little bit. Okay. Actually, for just a second, we're going to bring up the female staff member of the special teams. From the time it takes you to say, my God, she's killing me. She's already ripped her heart out and shown it to you. So just be advised. She's one of our Mandarin speakers. She's also available to assist with any issues that come up over what we talked about. So again, I want you guys to have a face to go with the description just so you know who you're talking to. Thank you. Sorry about that guys. Thank you. So here's the panel. Wiseacre. That's me. My actual name is Mike. And Mike is a more anonymous name than Wiseacre. And I got my handle spoof of an SAIC program back in 2000. There was a group that was trying to increase their cybersecurity and they decided that they were going to call themselves Blackacre. And the tag was where encryption lives. And I thought that was the dumbest thing I'd ever read. So I made Wiseacre where the smart ass lives. Because for those of you who don't know, most people don't know what a Wiseacre is. It's an old word for smart ass. I got involved because of Romer at DEF CON. I had already been coming to DEF CON as a participant doing capture the flag. I met Alex Rogan and Romer. And the next year, because we played poker together and had a good time, he's like, why don't you help me out in the vendor area? And ever since then, it's been kind of important to me to try and sell this whole idea of how much you can get out of DEF CON. Next is Romer. I've already talked about him. We've got Shaggy over here. Malware Unicorn. Nikita. Hi Wiz. And we'll shoehorn Alex Rogan in there. So I'm going to go ahead and introduce Romer. He's going to talk for a little bit. And then I'll remind him when he's done talking. Listen up you beautiful bitches. I'm about to fuck you up with some truth. So Mike asked at the beginning of this, how many of you guys were first time DEF CON? A ton of people raised their hand. How many people this is like their fifth DEF CON or more? Sweet. I think it's actually kind of cool that you guys are here except for the front row people. Those are just my friends. How about 10? Sweet. 15? Nice. So this is my 18th DEF CON. And every year I wonder why the fuck I do this. This is, believe it or not, this is actually only my second time attending DEF CON. The other 16 times that I was here I worked as a goon. And then last year retired. And I actually realized DEF CON is a lot of fun. Something I had not recognized before that. So that's kind of fun being one of you guys for a while. You know, I really hadn't thought a whole lot about what I was going to say up here. And then Mike kind of talked for a minute about hacking the conference. And I think that's probably when High Wiz came up with the idea of doing DEF CON 101 eight years ago, nine years ago. I thought it was the dumbest idea I had ever heard of in my life. I'm like, why in the world would you have to tell people how to hack a conference? If you have to do that, they're clearly at the wrong conference. And it took me a while in coming and actually watching this panel to kind of understand what he was doing and realize that it really does make a lot of sense. And we can kind of help you guys not make some of the same dumb mistakes that we did when we first started coming here. But the big one that Mike talked about is hacking the conference. And I guess I'll kind of tell you guys a story from a few years ago. When I first started I was working on a security team and then I ran the vendor area for 12 years. Yeah, 12 years. And then in that timeframe I also ran what was probably the precursor to like the wireless village now, but it was basically just the war driving contest. And the war driving contest, and remember this was like a long ass time ago when war driving was actually something that was useful to do. But it was one of these things that we were just kind of talking on IRC and said, hey, we should actually do that. And we got DT to kind of sign off on it and did it. And the one thing that I did for the years that I ran it was I always said that, you know, I had very, very minimal, very sparse rules on what people could or couldn't do. And basically the scoring format. And then I always said, if it's not specifically forbidden, then it's allowed. And that like brought some of the coolest stuff that I had ever seen on that contest. Like the first year the Schmu group guys came up to me and they're like, hey, it's a war driving contest, but do we actually have to drive? And I'm like, I don't know, what else do you want to do? And they had a really cool idea says, since you got unique points for every access or you got extra points for every unique access point that you found that no other team did. They contacted one of the local news stations and said, hey, we can give you an exclusive on this on this war driving thing if you'll fly us around in your helicopters so that we can actually pick up access points. They won. And then the next year, I'm like, all right, we can't fly. Added that rule in. Then one of the guys came up to me and he's like, I was reading through the rules and nowhere in there does it say it has to be Vegas. I was like, shit, you're right. So is it cool if I drive to LA? I'm like, I'll give a shit. If you want to drive to LA, more power to you. Sucks getting from here to there. But they did. And so one guy from the from the wiggle team drove all the way to LA. All of his access points were unique and they won. And it was kind of weird. I was telling this exact same story last year. I really like repeating myself. It's a lot of fun. And like this is girl freaking out like in the like third row or something like that. She's like doing this shit. And I'm like, I'm like, what the hell is going on? So afterwards she comes up and she's like, dude, that was my dad that drove all the way from here to LA. I'm like, that's amazing. I'm fucking old. So that thing happened and I am old, which is cool. Yeah, one of the things that you're going to see is a lot of the staff that have been here have been doing this for a really long time. You'll see several of the people with the 15 year goon badges, several of the retired people, which there's a lot more of us now than there used to be. You can tell the difference between a regular goon and retired goon by the retired goons actually smiling. But you know, one of the things that we always tried to do, whether it was with the vendor area, whether it was to the contest, whether it was anything, was to try to give you guys an opportunity to do this shit that you want to do that the rest of society may think is stupid or they may think it's illegal. I know it was really weird when we were doing the war driving contest. There was a time that I used to work for the government was really shitty. But there was a time when I both had a security clearance and was the subject of an active FBI investigation because we decided to run some more driving stuff. So that was cool. Didn't fuck my clearance up at all. I want you guys to like you're going to hear this a lot of the same crap because I'm not the only person that likes repeating myself they do too. But you're going to hear people tell you to get involved. And if there's one thing that I can't can't stress enough, it's that when I first started coming to Def Con, there were I don't know, like 2000 people here, something like that. Maybe more. Hmm. Dude, I'm not like 90. But anyway, how many there were. All right, so they're like 600 people at Def Con then. And so it was really cool because it was the Alexis Park and it was really small. And it wasn't here. And it was off the strip. So there weren't a lot of the fucking rules that you guys are running into now that can be you know, they can kind of tend to make your fun less fun. But it was great because you could just walk out to the pool and you would hear conversations going on. And you're like, dude, I would like to be a part of that conversation. I'm going to go get some beer and see if I can bribe them into let me talk to them. And so I came to my first Def Con 18 years ago, knowing exactly one person. And that was Russ Rogers and Russ is the kind of dude that likes to go to bed at like six p.m. or some shit. So yeah, basically, from the time normal people are having dinner for the rest of the night, I was kind of on my own. And Def Con was a great place because you could you could just walk up to people and start talking. And as long as you're following mics, don't be a dick rule that would usually work out pretty well for you. I will tell you if you are a dick, you're going to be exposed as such. If you start trying to pretend that you know shit, you don't know, you're probably talking to the author of the tool that you're pretending you're an expert on. I've literally seen it happen. It's glorious when it does. I mean, take this, take the opportunity to get involved with these things. Mike went through like the entire list of a jillion villages. I thought it was some forest gum shit there for us. Yeah, hardware hacking village, lockpick village, ICS village, a lot of villages, but go to them and actually like participate. When I started here, those weren't a thing that you could do. Participation was maybe hanging out at the pool with your laptop if you actually have one because it was probably one of those big thick Toshiba motherfuckers. But you know, literally when I started coming here, the halls in the Alexis Park were lined with people's desktops that they brought from home because nobody had laptops. That's for rich motherfuckers right there. Yeah, you know, if you take the opportunity to get involved, you're going to find that people are going to be very responsive to that. If you come into everything that you're doing without an ego, and I know you motherfuckers have egos, because I'm used to being the smartest motherfucker in the room too. Alright, so I've seen the way you act when you come in and act like you know everything. Chances are you really do not know anywhere near as much as you think you do. So actually listen to the people that are giving the talks, listen to the people that are doing it. And like Mike said, if you think that the speaker is wrong about something, trying to embarrass the speaker on stage is not going to go very far. There's a lot of better ways to address that. And the speaker is probably going to be actually appreciative of it being handled in a proper way. But if you try and just like humiliate them on stage, they're probably going to get pissed and scream at you and shit. So anyway, that is about all my time. I don't have a ton. So I will turn it over, I believe, to Shaggy next. Alright, thank you very much. I'm Shaggy. I got introduced in Def Con 18. Everyone's noobs here, which is good, because we need noobs. Wiseacre is going to die. Romer is going to die. People need to take their positions and do things and need to learn. So don't feel bad about being a noob. There's tons of things to do at Def Con. Yeah. Go to the contest and events. It was a goon there for a while. There's tons of good contests and events. There's going to be lots of lines. We know that. Don't stand in line and bitch about the line. Stand in the line and talk to someone else in the line to learn something. Because the guy sitting next to you probably knows something that you don't know and vice versa. So try to make relationships with people and really just have fun. I'm not going to tell too many stories because I'm not as good as Romer, but I'll tell one. In my first Def Con, I was at a bar, which happens in Vegas. And someone was talking about something and I was kind of new and stuff. So I just was nodding along like, yeah, I know what he's talking about. I had no fucking clue what they were talking about. And instead of just asking them, like, oh, can you explain that? I looked like an idiot just going, yeah, I know that, man. I did not know shit. And I honestly can't remember what they were talking about because I didn't ask them about it. So that's probably the worst thing that you can do. Like Romer said, don't try to bullshit people. If you try to bullshit someone, you will be called out and you're going to feel like shit. So don't do that. And yeah, just have fun. Enjoy yourself. I keep on hearing this weird echo. It's weird. Okay. But yeah, have fun and enjoy Def Con. Have a good one. Good one. I'm Alex Rogen or just my name is Aaron as well. I worm away up on stage. I've done a couple of these before, took a couple of years off and probably going to be retiring with Romer at the end of this con. So I figured eh, one more shot's not good. I've been coming to Def Con since Def Con 10. Myself and my buddy Tim and his wife Dara back there. We were some of the people that tormented Romer and Russ on IRC prior to the Def Con 10 wireless competition and really got him pissed off. And so that was my introduction to Def Con was showing up with this guy I've been pissing off for the last three or four months who changed his avatar to a middle finger on the forums because of it. So, you know, lots of fun times. He ended up asking me to help out in the vendor area. I've been working in the vendor area since Def Con 13, 12, 13, anyway. The cool thing about participation that everybody's been talking about is that you never know what's going to happen. You don't go back to the forest gump thing. You never know what you're going to get. Every con I've attended, I've ended up talking to people one on one. Somebody stops you in the hallway. Somebody kind of has that questioning look in their eyes when they pass by you and sometimes you just kind of stop and say, hey, can I help out? What's going on? I was asked one year while waiting for the vendor area to open the Skywalks. I said, hey, I heard about this party, this Ninja Networks party. And this was at Def Con 20. This was the last of the Ninja Networks party. He goes, how can I get in? I want to get in. I'm sure a lot of you here have heard about different parties that happened during Con and there's different ways to get in. So I said, hey, I said, well, I mean, I can introduce you to the couple of guys that are part of Ninja Networks. They're not going to give you a badge, but you can talk to them or you can talk to people that they're talking to and figure out, you know, you know something. I'm sure you're here. You have some kind of skill. So talk to the people. And he's like, all right. Yeah, man, that's cool. I was like, okay, cool. Just had a good conversation. That was Friday morning. That was the first opening of the vendor area. Sunday comes along. We're all dead tired. We're last day of the con. We're dragging. This guy comes and finds me in the vendor area. And I was like, hey, to see you, he's like, yeah, yeah, I'll talk to you on Friday. And I said, okay, cool. I said, what about it? He said, oh, the Ninja Networks thing. I said, oh, cool. How did it go? He was, hey, I got in. I got the badge. I got all the cool stuff I got to meet, you know, you know, a dark code and everybody else and had a great time. And I was like, dude, that is so awesome. And just, you know, out of the blue. So fast forward to last night. We were doing some of the pre-vendor area setup and I was walking back and I think I hit, I don't know, 20,000 steps yesterday. I don't know what it was. But there was a guy that stopped me in the hallway. Again, questioning look and he had a little piece of plastic card out and he had a little like, like a moleskin kind of reporter, like cop's notebook, you know, he's scribbling stuff down in it. And he had Caesar's Challenge badge and little translucent plastic with a whole bunch of little six sided dice on him in various orders. So, you know, numbers one through six and he had written out, he had, you know, recorded all of them down and he had gone through and he was trying to do numeric substitutions, trying to figure out how to crack the cypher. He goes, hey, do you have any advice? Well, I'm not a crypto person. I don't know anything about that. But I do remember reading stuff about, oh, well, you know, how many across? Oh, there's 10, 10 numbers across. I said, okay, start breaking them up. I think maybe you put them in groups of five or something. You can start doing substitutions. I don't know. Again, you can tell I don't know crypto. But, you know, it was like something like when I was like, oh, and he was talking to a guy that had like a cube badge around his neck. And so he was like, cube and block. He goes, maybe there's something there, like a block cypher or something. I said, I don't know. Sounds good, you know, like run with it. And like, he just like, you could, you could see the light bulb go off in his head that he had started clicked onto something. And he was like, I am so excited. He was saying, you know, I'm actually leaving out Saturday. Even if I get this done, I can't make the party. But I want to figure this out. And so just random people in the hallway when you're in the lines with them, when you're in workshops and stuff, just talk to people. Reach out to them. You're going to get so much more back when you do. And don't let the whole concept of being a noob, being a first time attendee shame you in any way. Every one of us up here on stage has been a noob. I'm still a noob. I've been doing stuff for 22 years in FOSAC. I know nothing. I'm John Snow. I know nothing about this shit sometimes. But you know, come on, you know this. I'm sorry. Oh, yep, my time is up. So anyway, I'm Alex. Everybody have a great time. Thanks. I'm going to introduce you to the newest member of our family. Malware Unicorn. This is a first year she's done this. She's going to tell you a little bit about what she does and how she has a good time. Yeah, so I've been going to DEF CON on my own dime for several years now. And you know, this is the only place where I get to see people once a year from all over the world, all over the country. And we get to just nerd out about stuff like Malware. Obviously, Malware Unicorn, right? And I can sit there having a drink at like a club or a bar and we can just talk about, oh, what would be your most awesome Malware you would develop? Like, well, I'll tell you my points and you could tell me your points and we can, you know, come together and make something cool. But, you know, this is, I wanted to give back to the community by being involved and trying to get more diversity into DEF CON. There's so many villages out there. There's so many niches out there that you can find your passion. But I'll tell you, if you come up to a girl that looks like me, make sure you call out their name before you touch them. I've had so many times people tapping on the shoulder and I'm like, oh, shit. But, yeah, just be kind. You know, not everybody knows your Twitter handle or your handle or your name. Just be cordial like you would in a business situation. We're all here for the same reasons. There's no reason to shame people in public. You could do that offline in a hotel room somewhere. But enjoy DEF CON. I mean, there's so many things to learn, my reverse engineering, which is what I do. There's exploit development. There's so many good talks out there and I hope you guys enjoy this here. I'm not going to mention that you are newly added to the DEF CON CFP review board. Strangely enough, most of the people here are also on the call for papers review board. So next, when we talk about DEF CON, for most people, DEF CON happens through magic. Everything just happens. You see a bunch of guys with red shirts and they're directing you to different places. You see guys in red shirts introducing the speakers. You see guys in red shirts and women in red shirts. Sorry. Basically doing whatever. And you don't probably think, how did all of this come together? Nikita. Nikita is one of the full time employees for DEF CON and she is the one that makes the magic happen. So, you know, I'd like Nikita to take a little bit of time to talk about her wonderfulness. Honestly, I thought I was just going to be on the panel to make jokes. Thank you for the applause. I appreciate that. I do this for you guys. It's the only reason why I'm committed to working the long hours and the months that I put into it, but it's worth it. I didn't really expect to talk because I thought we were just going to sit up here and crack jokes, but that's okay. We've talked about a lot of stuff about being open to asking questions. Don't try to bluff your way through a conversation. You're with people who are smart and asking the question. But one thing that I did want to say is don't have, I read this in the knock today, don't have strong opinions about things you don't fully understand and be willing to keep it open to mind and talk to the other people about it. You know, you can't just say like, oh, well, social engineering is completely shit. Well, that's not, you know, or this is useless information or you shouldn't have your phone. You should have a burner phone. I was like, well, you know, everybody's security risks are different. And if you can't go to Starbucks with their phone and come to Dofcon, you need to adjust your settings either way. They're both public. So I don't know what else to say. Does anybody want to ask me something? Thank you. That's a really good question. He asks me to say what I do to get ready for this event. Everything. No, I'm joking. I help coordinate the floor floor plan. I help the speakers. I get them scheduled. I run the Dofcon CFP review board process. All the speakers, the workshops. I hope it is difficult to describe what an amazing job she does on the CFP board. This is we have almost 600 submissions this year, of which we accepted 100 and something. Yeah, roughly a little over. She wrote specific feedback to every rejected talk and sent it to every one of those submitters. No other conference does that because no other person as you, you're the only person that's insane enough to do that. So, you know, seriously. I have an assistant now, so I do have a little bit of help with that. Leah, she can't be here because we're both pregnant at the same time. I decided to come, but she, you know, couldn't and that's fine, you know. It's cool. I miss her a lot, but one of the things that the CFP review board does do is the feedback. If you are even remotely hesitant about submitting a talk, please just submit it anyway. The worst thing that can happen is we say no and we tell you why. And that is going to be some invaluable information to you from a team of incredibly smart people that just blow my mind at how brilliant they are. And they process all of the reviews. They read them all. They put their heart and soul into it to pick the best talks. And if something just doesn't fit right, it just doesn't fit right, but you could take that to another con. You can build your speaking career. You can build upon that talk. And even in some cases, well, this isn't quite deaf gone, but why don't you consider reaching out to this speaker? Or why don't you consider this avenue? And that has helped people grown their data and grown what their project is and helped evolve it. So it's always worth it submitting. If you think you're not good enough, you're wrong. That's just dumb. Just submit it. This year, over 60, 61 or 60 something plus talks were first time deaf con speakers. And they're not like super elite rock stars that everybody's afraid to talk to. They're people just like you. And even those super elite rock stars everybody's afraid to talk to, they're just people like you. They're here at deaf con because this is deaf con. It's a family reunion for most of us. Yeah, I don't know how to say that. I really hate speaking. Thank you, guys. All right. The best has been saved for last. And it's because HiWiz started this nine years ago, the idea of deaf con 101. And it has grown into this. And I get to speak because while I have social anxiety, I also like the sound of my voice. But the reality is we work together and we have the same ideas and HiWiz has a great deal of participation. In fact, he organized and worked with Nikita on which talks went where and the 101 track. So you want to talk? You got visual aids? I'm going to put my sunglasses on because these lights are really fucking bright. So I am the token homosexual of the panel. Speaking of, if there are any hot single guys out there, holl at me, okay? I'm not going to tell you to get involved because everyone else did. I'm going to give some shout outs though. First is to lost. Lost with a long time panelist of deaf con 101. This is his first year not here. He's at home. He has some family issues. So he designed the badges for years and I'd like everyone to give a round of applause to lost. All right? Speaking of badges though, how awesome are these? What do you guys think? Because you know who designed the badges this year? You know who designed them? Nikita and her husband Neil. So can we give a round of applause for these awesome badges? If you're gay, if you're straight, welcome to deaf con. If you're gay, go to queer con. Queer con is awesome. They have a pool party tomorrow night. It's at the Palms this year. There's a shuttle bus from here. So go to it. Lots of hot guys and girls in the pool. People of all colors. The scavenger hunt is probably the best contest if you are a noob. Hands down. Unlike most people on the panel, I actually have a real earned black badge. I did that at the scavenger hunt. All right? And that was not directed at you. I said people on the panel here. I'm not on the panel. So you'll get a black badge if you win hopefully this year maybe. No, DT totally said you would. So he's the one that decides and it's usually right before the event but if I guess I say it on camera maybe it has to become true. So do the scavenger hunt. It gets you out there. It gets you involved getting you meet people. All year round there's a DEF CON subreddit slash RDEF CON. How many redditors here? Can I see a show of hands? All right. All right. How are you guys not on RDEF CON? Come on. You got to do it. Let's see besides that the security tribe. So most of the people on this panel are in a group I belong to called security tribe. And I probably owe them more than anybody else for DEF CON 101 happening. So we're looking for new members. So if you want to become a DEF CON or a security tribe member come up to us, the new party, hang out with us and maybe we'll make you a member of our hacker group. I just want to thank everyone for coming up here and doing the panel with me. I'm always all inspired by these super awesome and smart people who basically come out to support me and support you guys. Support all the noobs. And thank you all for coming. So give yourselves a round of applause for coming. You had heard of the 101 panel before coming. Not very many of you. We like to play a game besides throwing out t-shirts. We play a game called name that noob. Now we talked about or I talked about everybody's handle. Handles should be earned. A lot of people have their own handle and they think it's fun like I'm Eldrick or you know I'm a rogue tracker. But the reality is a handle that's earned is a handle that sticks with you and it's a handle that's fun. For those of you who don't know what a handle is, I'm sorry. But when you type slash Nick in IRC you put your handle in. Some of the rules here. This is for fun. We're going to invite people up here. You're going to come up here and you're going to talk about yourself. But we want to know things that are interesting. Things that other people may not necessarily know. Maybe even embarrassing things. Especially embarrassing. Yeah. Especially embarrassing. So Romer and I used to work with a guy whose handle is wad. He originally got his handle because he typed in password, P-A-S-S-W-O-R-D, wrong. Twice. He typed in password, left the R off twice. So we called him password for a while. Then we were on a trip together doing an assessment. And we went to a club. Club. And that club happened to have a lot of black lights in it. And Danny walked in and his shirt lit up. And Romer said, dude, why did you wear your wad shirt here? I believe there are jokes about masturbation and a couple others. But wad stuck. And he hates it. But it's still his nickname. It's still his handle. We call him wad. And I'm sorry that he's not here. Oh yeah. There are so many. He is in the room. That's great. I love that story. All right. So we will pick on you. Much like we picked on wad. But your handle will be a badge of honor. We're going to invite you to come up here to the podium to talk. Because you should talk to all of these people. Once you've got your handle, when you're in the hallway, and you're Dr. Kitty, I'm trying to remember some of the other spud, mom jeans, mittens. You know, if you're one of these things, people are going to say, mittens, dude. And hopefully they'll fist bump. So I'd like for a few people to line up over here at the steps, if you want to get a handle. This is part of the double dog and triple dog den. Do something you're not comfortable with. Get up here and talk. Double points if they're a cute guy. I can't say that. Hold on, hold on. I can't say that. Where's Rob? Okay. That's all right. So the panel is going to name you, but we encourage participation from the audience. Let's stop with how many we have now. If you're thinking about coming up here, go ahead and take a seat. That's a lot of people. He's already dressed in the theme of 90s. Hi everybody, my name's David. At least that's the name my mama gave me. And this is my very first DEF CON, first time in Las Vegas. Very excited to be here. I work in VoIP, so basically I specialize in that. Some networking stuff. I don't really know much about exploits, malware. You know, I'm definitely not a malware unicorn. I can say that. So I'm here to learn. I'm here to learn and grow and hopefully learn some new exciting things and have some memories that I'll treasure for the rest of my life. I speak German. I've lived in Germany and have an undergraduate degree in German. So for anybody here from Germany, I just want to say... I have seen the band The Flaming Lips 38 times. So I'm a bit of a die-hard fan. I have the lead singer's phone number. We follow each other on Instagram. Another thing you may not know. Let's see. I have my very first iPhone after being an Android person. Sorry to say I'm not going back. The iPhone is great. Just trying to troll the audience a bit. Okay. Two more things you don't know. I'm thinking. I'm thinking. Let's see. Should this be embarrassing or? It's unique. Unique. Things about me that are unique. Do you like glad eating movies? No. But I did watch a lot of anime in high school. Like, too much. I've detoxed now but I watched too much in high school. You ever seen a grown man naked? Yeah. Okay. After much deliberation, we've decided we're going to name this noob, Fruity Lips. We have noob challenge coins. See us at the new party and we'll have some for handing out. But for being the first one, I'll give you two. One to keep, one to trade. Remember, Fruity Lips. I will give you a heads up. I will fist bump anybody that wants to. But the con crud that Wiseacre was talking about, I am absolutely patient zero. So I'm doing the best not to cough directly into the microphone. But if I do that, I apologize. Shut up. This one's going to keep up. Alright. Our next victim. Five things about yourself that most people don't know. Introduce your name first and then things that people don't know. First off, how are you doing? Awesome. Cool. So my name is Art. And what most people don't know is my name isn't actually Art. Maybe 30 year into high school, one of the teachers couldn't pronounce my name. And they said Artie instead. And I thought, that's great. I'm in the Art high school class. This is going to be the best thing ever. So I just stuck with Art. And now from that point on, everybody just calls me Art. Where are you from? I'm a Russian guy living in Ireland. Most people know that. Most people don't know why I got into tech or why I'm even here. About seven years ago I watched some DefCon videos. I thought I love the Atmos here. So it was kind of on the back burner for a while. But for the last year I kind of got to learn and program full-time. One time googled how to become a hacker and found Eric Raymond's blog telling me to join the Linux user group. The next month I joined the hacker space, traveled there at midnight and stayed there for 24 hours before going to work. I'm going to moderate. What's the one thing you want to do at DefCon? Or what do you want to do here? I want to make a friend. After much deliberation this noob is Iron Clover. Safety first guys. You're a little too enthusiastic. Please introduce yourself. Tell us your name, five unique things about yourself. I will probably ask you one unique question. All right well I'm not going to introduce my name because I know half you sons of bitches are just waiting for me to give information so you guys can get into my accounts. You guys can call me Hawkeye. We'll go with that. Let's go five introduce or five. Never mind I can't speak. First thing I am from Arizona so Gilbert so this is actually super nice weather because I come from hell. Number two, I don't know. I'm not really a... How do you spend your time when you're not jittering on stage? Okay. I see how it is. Probably mostly Netflix. That's just kind of how you got to spend your time. What made you decide to get that haircut? Please tell everybody what he just asked for. Yeah so I was just asked what exactly it was that made me get this haircut. Well do you know an artist named Nash? No okay great. I kind of liked the guy but yeah he was I thought his haircut was cool so I went for it. Are you of legal age to drink or anything? How old are you? Depends on what you mean by old enough to drink. How old are you? 17. No way. Well actually that was smart. He shouldn't give me his idea. No. We've all talked. This noob is squeak. My name is Grant. I'm a front-end developer some unique things about me. I'm originally from a town of less than 500 people from the Midwest before I moved to New York City. Thank you. I lost all my hair after moving to New York City. I was a designer before I'm a developer and I'm a self-taught developer which means I'm probably bad at development. I'm into Brazilian jujitsu but to counter that I also did a year. That's good enough I think. I share too much. Could you tell us the security number? No. I mean you told us your name. I appreciate the try though. Where are you from? A small town. Your name? Mother's name maybe. Your dog's name. I mean we know. I will say my cat's name growing up was Spass Bucket which I think is probably the best cat name you can ever come up with. You're obsequious. Everybody say hi to this noob. Obsec. Hi my name is Eric. I'm from Vancouver so I'm Canadian. Sorry please thank you. I'm an infrastructure engineer at Salesforce so I build tools that manage tools and I play natural selection sometimes. I like my sodas flats. I'm one of those people I know. Also I see myself as I know a kind of mad scientist so if you guys ever watch Steinskate in anime you have Ho and Kuma and they're like Rick and Morty you got Rick. I want to be those. Yeah. All right am I getting my roasting? We need more dude we need some more embarrassing stuff that's just not enough. So you said you're from Vancouver. What do you do for fun in Vancouver? What is fun in Vancouver? Besides what? No fun exists in Vancouver whatsoever. It is a dead no I'm just kidding. No video games. Browsing the net. Hacker news. Hacker news is half on Defconn actually. Yeah I changed my life no joke. Guys get on hacker news if you haven't. Would you say you're pretty boring? I hope not. I hope not. I like drifting so I mean that kind of gets your adrenaline up. All right you ready? Yeah we got it. Please we see waffles. We got it. No we got it. Please we see waffles. No. We got it man. Let me in here. Oh okay. We got it. All right everybody say hi to this noob. Beige. You all know I was saving that one. Oh geez. Hey I'm Chris. How old are you? Why are you asking such a weird question? I'm older than 16 but younger than 18. So legal in the bottom. I started programming when I was like six or seven. I learned LUA because I used to play this game Roblox. Horrible I can't believe I'm saying that in front of all you people. I don't know I'm not that interesting of a person. I tried to get my friend to install Arch Linux recently because I thought it'd be easy for him to pick up. It wasn't great and then I got expelled from my school because I did a penetration test on the servers for the district but I forgot to ask them permission so and as of recently I have started an LLC and hoping to find clients so if you're interested. So what brought you out to DEF CON? I like computers. Classified. It's classified I can't tell you. Wait what one thing do you want to do at DEF CON? Oh yeah he has an impress me so give him that name. You mentioned it. I believe you said it. Ladies and gentlemen I'd like to introduce Stool. Please. Hey there everybody. My name is Cracis. This is my second year DEF CON but my first time at 101 so I hope it's cool. I'm a security analyst and I argue with bots. I got that kind of moniker when I was redditing online and I was arguing with someone over I think it was that whole thing where you say I can't remember exactly what it was but anyway I was arguing someone and it turned out to be a bot that I was arguing with and I had like a five argument thing with this and someone said well he argues with bots now so that's how I got that nickname. I'm also named Fetish Cracis because well yeah. What's your Reddit username? Which one? Your main one. Not any throwaways. Your main one. The one I'm currently using I think is Seth Storm. Okay. Yeah. Some things that people don't know about me. I like Twilight. Alright I'll just say that but you know I guess that's a start to a little bit of a... Yeah everybody when you're in the hall I want you to fist sparkles. Fisted and then says thank you. Get a coin. Coins for sparkles. Please introduce yourself. Morton everybody. My name is Kiran. I'm from the sunny city of Seattle Washington. First Def Con. Something about me. I'm an amateur voice actor and what that means is that you will never find any of my work until I get paid. God I'm kind of nervous because this is going to be on YouTube later. I guess the most embarrassing thing is I've done some audio books on fan fiction that's not exactly clean. So that's exciting. Sounded familiar. Yes. Yes I am. What? Our quote. Give me something. Not the thing is I'm an actor. You give me the money. We want an excerpt. You know something. Steam it up. Alright. As high-wiz took his little index finger and inserted it into the outlet. The electric current that flowed through his body. I'll let you finish the rest of that on your mind. Alright yes. I have him say his own name in his voice actor voice. You're very subtle. My name is Forrest. This is my first time at Def Con. I know I don't look like it. I've had lots of dealings over the years including Dogecoin. Talladega was super fun. Cryptocurrency exchange system administration like PC gaming wiki. I'm also part of the archive team. Jason Scott is my hero. And right now my current job is point of sale or point of shit software. Based on your outfit I'm just going to take a guess here. You use Reddit. Yes that would be correct. I'm a heavy redditor. Where's your fedora? Sorry I left that in the plane. What's your username on Reddit? I'm going to google you right now. My username is XJRWR. Alright someone google them. Read so you can help us with his name. We want audience participation on this one. I also happened to play Eve online and no I'm not a goon. Maybe someday though. Also I've done some early and stupid things in my early youth that happened to involve the power bay and otherwise known as a media defender. If anybody remembers that from way back then. Tell us what you do. Tell us about me? Yes. Tell us about your hat. My hat is called Hatmas. You probably see it on the wifi access list. It is a file sharing hat that has wifi. It's written in PHP so have fun. It's the most secure PHP I've ever written. That's probably not saying much. Generally though I am trying to break into the information security field. My job sucks currently. Doing technical support and never do it. Well I kind of recommend a stint or two but generally though don't do technical support. Managers are dumb. Are you ready? Sure. This is where we want some audience participation. Shout some names out. The manager. Miss the manager. Alright next. I'm from Canada too. I'm sorry but I'm also not sorry because this is actually pretty awesome. This is my first time here and whatever. I've been hacking since I've been ten. Basically lived nights in soft ice. Hacking games like Counter-Strike and whatnot way back. I'm a black bands do you have? Black bands? Black bands. I don't know. A long time ago. How many back bands do you have? None. I can CSGO you got some back bands. No not CSGO. CS1.3 way back. Alright. Do you want to play CSGO? No I don't know. What else do you play? I play SharePoint. Yeah this is my life. Otherwise I also dress up as a giant dog with a mohawk and I do stage performance DJ things. I made a whole guitar that's all LEDs. Back that up. Say that again a little bit slower. You dress up as a giant dog. I'm a husky with a mohawk and I do stage performances and I have an LED guitar that's like. We're going to explore that. Yeah yeah. And I do like on stage DJ performances and stuff like that. Thank you so much. I'm a big doggo. Alright are you ready? Sure. I'm sorry that would have been really funny. Alright we had another one and I was just told that that would be wildly inappropriate. So I'd like to introduce Pepe. Yes this is you. Holy shit there's a lot of you here. I have to get a picture of this. Hold on. No. No? Oh come on. What's some fun here? Oh you're no fun at all. Oh okay cool. Hi my name is Brian. I'm probably like amongst the upper quartile for the most extroverted people here. So please come say hi. Give me a hug. Pat on the back. Squeeze my ass. Whatever I don't care because I'm like like that you know. Cool. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing here but this is my first DEF CON which is why I decided to come up here and do the thing. So I also I see I just turned 40 this year. I'm an old fucking man. How about that? Alright just just quick show of hands. Who here also is in the 40 and up club? Alright cool so I'm not the only old fart in the room. I love you all. I speed this up shit. Okay so I gotta like say something that like not a whole lot of people know about me. Yeah. Okay okay okay. So one of the things that I learned in my youth back when I did drink a lot which I don't know at all anymore. The best place to throw up is in the snow because it freezes instantly and you have a nice pack right there. So just a pro tip. You know if you ever want to splinter off DEF CON do it up in like you know in the mountains like Colorado. So yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You've got me already I'm sure. Yeah we've got you. Of course. Tell them how the evolution of it. So this started out Chattie Cathy. Because he's not getting the social cues. Then we went just to Cathy because that was gonna be fun and then we heard the story about throwing up. Fist catheter. I was thinking hair ball ball take it. Left your hand. Don't give a fuck about Shaggy. Hello DEF CON. My name is Steven. I'm from Virginia. Things about me. I've memorized hundreds of digits of pie. Super fun. Okay 3.1415926 but I got it. I've got it though. Let's see. Oh yeah. So does anybody else here go on YouTube and find yourself in that section where it's people popping pimples. Oh come on somebody likes that. You're not admitting it. I feel like squeeze it and come shooting out. That's fun. Questions, comments, suggestions. Sorry. Yeah. Okay. Alright are you ready? Sure. Alright this started out we were gonna call him pie. But that one would be too cool. So we decided cake. Good evening everyone. My name is Chuck. I'm from West Virginia. Yes we do have internet out in West Virginia. It's dial up but we're getting better every day. Embarrassing story about myself 10 years ago when I was doing a contracting job in Iraq I was on a I did IT support for area reconstruction team. We had to go out and meet with the tribal leaders and eat a meal with them to show them we're all still friends even though we hate you you hate us. At one of these meals the tribal leader produces the rose goat pops the eyeballs out and said okay who's gonna eat the eyeball with me. I am that guy. And from then on I was his best friend because no one else would ever. So you ate the goat eye? Yes. Had you ever done anything else with a goat? Only watch gladiator. Tell us more about it. Let's see I delivered our last child so Nikita if the paramedics can't make it I do have experience I hope never to do that again but anything. See what else? I am in IT I've done about everything there is from cable dog to bracket sex which is to infosec jack of all trades type. It's about it about me there's not a whole lot. Chewy. Alright his name Chewy. There we go. Seriously tights? Hi everyone. Spats not tights they're spats for jujitsu and they're great for this hot weather. Hi I'm Mark up until yesterday at Bayside's. I virtually knew absolutely nothing about this community or this world so I'm like the ultra noob here. Wait, wait, hold on. Dude you got a fucking boner in your tights. This is not a boner this is regular. It's like staring at me. You can see for yourself what that actually looks like later. Things that are rarely known about me I had a short lived career it was short lived because it was getting too much for me at such a young age but I actually worked in sexual therapy. We taught couples and single women how to perform female ejaculation and coached women on how to get there psychologically to allow themselves to be able to do that. That's actually fun. It's going to be hard to follow up this guy but this is boner. Hi my name is Mark or that would be Mark for you Americans because you don't pronounce it the right way. I'm an Australian I've been living in Seattle for 11 years so five things would be I've been made fun of and I've been made fun of on an Australian TV show before and I have a YouTube video to prove it. I'm the middle child of five and because of that I've had middle child syndrome so clearly I'm the most successful at all of them. I have an uncanny neck to spot a spelling mistake without actually reading anything my I just naturally gravitates to it. It's painfully obvious. This is dingo. In a former life I was a sound guy so I'm going to eat the mic. I live in southwest Missouri which I call misery. One reason I'm in misery is because I'm attracted to Asian guys. I registered for queercon and I'm surrounded by white country guys so I desperately want to move. I love film scores, soundtracks, John Williams is a genius. I've been backpacking in New Zealand and China love it can't wait to do more of it. I'm an insomniac. God I had so many ideas and now I'm blanking on them. Tell us your wildest sexual experience. Yeah that can't be spoken about. Where's the weirdest place you've ever had a sexual congress or someone? There is no weird place. What's weird? Outdoors, pools, everything is like legit. There's nothing that nobody hasn't done sexually. Have it on the stage. On the stage? I have never had sex on stage in public. Step back. Crowding the mic. One last bit. I'm a reform Mormon. I was a missionary in Chile way back in the day. LDS would work. We're going to call you soundbite. Soundbite we actually enjoyed you so much. I have a special badge for you. You shouldn't take offense because it has deodorant in it because you don't smell but wick he's a he was around here somewhere created these awesome badges with a countdown use deodorant four times a day three hours of sleep two meals one shower zero of rest will be fantastic. I don't think they can see me though. Miss Elemig everybody called me Ellie Eli hey you named myself Ellie so I'm from Venezuela usually the only girl in the building so I have the bathroom all for myself kind of new to this so I'm way out of my comfort zone because you say so so I'm here so hit me. Give us for fun outside of DEF CON. Holy shit. What's your favorite alcoholic drink? What's your favorite alcoholic drink? Well I discovered something called mojito and holy shit. Well yeah it's actually not bad this is kind of fun my mother-in-law loves mojitos but for some reason she can't say them right so you're going to be mojo and actually we have something special for you since you're out of your comfort zone gunner glasses was a gunner optics actually was awesome and they gave us some gunners and I use mine pretty much on a daily basis which is a shameless plug they don't give me any money or anything like that I truly believe in these things so here you go. What is with all the kids? Dude kids fucking love me. Hi my name is Anthony I'm 15 you probably thought I was I first started getting interested in programming when I was around 11 and I got a virus on my computer because I downloaded something to try and hack a Minecraft server. It didn't hack the server I got a blue screen of death but I make websites I know all the things like JavaScript and stuff like that I'm not an expert if you tell me to make a website it will probably break if somebody tries to break it. All right give me something to talk about. I don't want to fucking go to jail so I'm not going to. I do. I have two pets. They're both dogs one's a big one one's a little one big one's Jackson little one's Oliver. The big one has a white beard so my friend calls him white beard. All right next topic. What talk are you most looking forward to at DEF CON? Oh I don't know. I just want to learn I love hearing about RFID things that stuff really interests me because there's a lot that you could do with it. Are your parents here? Just one of them. But don't worry about it. How did you? Did you hear that? No I missed that. I think he told his dad knows but his mom probably doesn't. It doesn't matter don't worry about it. What's that? We're just going to call you. We're going to shorten abductee to bait. Hello? Oh okay so I know this is lightning round so my name is Michael. I work tech support up in Detroit Michigan some of you may see me as sitting on the side of the hall begging for food offering services. Unless you pay a lot. I do urban exploration given I live in Detroit lots of burned out buildings and I know for a fact I cannot outrun a cop car. Lightning round. Handyman. Who likes Street Fighter? You guys like Street Fighter? Street Fighter is cool. Alright so my name is to be determined. I haven't said that yet. I probably don't want to say it because I'm going to tell you guys a really funny embarrassing story and I hold the story very dear to myself but I'm up here so I might as well tell it. I'm historically I've had really awful first days at work all the time. Every time whether I like fell asleep at work or like passed gas at the wrong time like I have had it pretty bad but one day I got hired at a new company and I was wearing these like really pointy boots okay they were like these light brown pointy shoes and my stomach was hurting really bad that day like I had a lot of protein I don't know I was working out a lot. Nothing good okay and I went up to go to the bathroom on my way to the bathroom there's like a door and there's like a hallway and there's a women's bathroom and a men's bathroom and as I walk through the door the coast is clear behind me so I let it go I'm like okay I start walking and someone opens up the door behind me and starts walking to the bathroom too and this woman and she's over there like oh like oh like it stinks like it's awful oh my god I freak out and I panic so I run into the bathroom and as I run into the bathroom I look around I'm like oh interesting these bathrooms don't have urinals very nice I go into the stall and as soon as I get in the stall I hear someone's heels walking into the bathroom and I immediately I pick up my pointy little boots and I like sit up in the stall and I'm like freaking out panicking I'm like oh shit I walked in the women's bathroom we're ready we're ready that's the story cool story yeah some of you may actually get the reference kinky boots now I'm gonna give you a pair of gunners too for that crazy story now you don't get one of these you get glasses evening my name is Tyson I am from Vermont and this is my obviously first time at Def Con so let's see story about eight months ago I ended up underneath the back of a van that ran me over while I was on my motorcycle so I have a titanium leg so that's something new most people don't know let's see what else is it how quick do you want this how quick do you want it there you go let's see so how quick can you go how quick can you go yeah that's all I got I guess okay go for it yeah most of you won't get this reference but it's a very Vermont thing jeezum crow hi my name is Shane I'm from New Mexico I have a PhD and I also have a kettle corn business I've got a service dog named Houdini but he doesn't fly so he can't be here he's magical and escape artist and this my first Def Con and for someone who used to hate programming in high school I ended up with a PhD in computer science makes you more money the PhD or the kettle corn PhD totally kills it you should make better kettle corn it's fun I only do it once a week I only do it once a week I like to do it often yeah yeah yep all right we're gonna call our newest friend sweetie god Mike why you have to be so misogynistic not the east side but the part that's kind of like Alabama so technically lower Alabama or LA my feet is Manny he's a purebred Belgian shepherd he's my service dog up until a couple years ago I had a really weird infatuation with antebellum dresses or southern bell dresses and I actually dressed in them for many years I'm kind of gone with the wind style lots of corsets it was really uncomfortable I have a whole bunch of stuff until I walked up here I have a really bad memory I'm bionic actually I have a pulse wave generator in my back so I can't feel my legs which is kind of cool when I get stepped on I said like two more people so Mike goes and grabs other people out of line you totally fuck the front of the line yeah all right so we've got two more people that are coming the rest of the people try and find us at the new party we'll have a well we've got a whole stack of coins the two ladies that were picked out of line please come on up why do you gotta hate men I'm Rebecca I'm out of DC and I'm really really really really really new my approach to this was just like don't bring anything they'll hack it all so like you guys are kind of like wizards to me but um so so I'm into se but I don't know terribly much about anything yet you guys wanted embarrassing stories I'm no longer allowed around vacuum cleaners because within one year I broke my pinky toe and tore off my big toenail trying to vacuum I'm also no longer allowed to bake casseroles because I have two consecutive years worth of Christmas party burns my wrist from the same casserole pen I'm very domestic let's see the terrifying childhood story my dad always brings up is the time that my cat bit me and then they couldn't find me and my cat started tearing across the house and I came out and I bit him back and I had fur on my mouth I'm happy to deliver on the embarrassment but I can't think of anything else to say I was sitting there in line and I'm like what do you tell a room full of people that don't know you to try and get them to know you well enough to name you and I'm just like yeah so I chose eating cats yeah that was the obvious choice so it started out when you told the story about how awesomely nimble you are we were going to call you grace and then we heard about biting your cat and then we thought about Hannibal but we're going to settle on Clarice. My name is Shantel this is my first time at DEF CON I'm extremely anxious I'm really proud of myself for coming up here and talking okay so five things thanks okay so five things so from New York City I am partially deaf in my right ear so I don't know if I'm talking too loud or if I'm okay okay I have two cats named Hamlet and Shakespeare but I really hate literature so I think so not that I hate my cats but it's just like it's irony so what else what else what else I am a computer science major and I declared when I was like 18 but I had changed my major six times initially you're supposed to be a cardiovascular surgeon and that took a total 180 and did like CS and and it was through the CTF I'm hackathon at my school which was for me to switch my major so I'm really happy to be here I like the community and I hope that I'm close to future I stick more with security hopefully a career so that's it we're ready well you're kind of an underachiever because you switched to CS so you're an underachiever alright thank you guys very much for hanging out we went over our time you know we'll be over here chatting if you want otherwise we will be at the new party sponsored by duo security in Octavius ballroom it starts at 6 ish ish there you go thanks guys