 Thank you to the guys for sending some beastmen to the rescue, hey? You still got a long ride ahead, you... ...mind keeping me company till we arrive? I ain't never... ...felt the embrace of a man... ...beer stature. You know, maybe I thought... I'm just kidding. Alright chumps, let's do this. New character. Let's start from the top. We have Haiawer. Haiawer is said to have first traveled to Eorzea. Eorzea from her surrounding continents and islands. Three great migratory waves later, they are now the most populous of all the civilized racists. Ah. Elyzen, in former times, the Elyzen were so inhabitants of Eorzea, claiming dominion over her. Traditionally a nomadic people, the tall, slender Elyzen believed the realm to be theirs by divine right. So those are the racists. Okay. I'm not playing a little boy. A wee people sporting short, rotund bodies. The falafels appear as no more than children to the eyes of most. It's because they are. Many of these nimble little folk hail from the islands of the South Seas, where they practice a simple agricultural lifestyle. Well, howdy. It was not until the opening of maritime trade routes that the gradual migration of falafel to Eorzea began. Girl, cat girl, cat girl, cat girl. No, we ain't playing no dadgum, cat girl. Oh, I ain't a little bit of this when I'm reading this. Traversing the frozen seas in pursuit of the wildlife upon which they subsisted, Mikote are known to be very territorial, and many individuals tend to lead in solitary lifestyles, particularly the males. Nice. Rogaden. Known for their brawny builds and piercing eyes, the Rogaden are the largest and most rugged of Eorzea's races. The majority of the realms Rogaden belong to the Seawolf clan, a maritime people who earn their keep on or by the sea. Same body. Okay, this guy is way more jacked than I am, okay? And so is this girl. Aura, the curved horns and beautifully patterned scales that characterize the Aura, often give rise to speculation that members of this Eor-like race native to the far eastern continent of Orthod are, in fact, the progeny of dragons. The progeny of dragons. Why do so many of these character descriptions have tongue twisters? I do not know. Hailing from the distant shores of Ilsevard, the Rathgar are a burly people of lion-like appearance, or the males, at least. Females number staggeringly few among their population, and thus are rarely so much as glimpsed by the other races. This is not me, okay? I'm not this hairy. Ever say you, I'm not this hairy. Of tall stature and slender frame, the Vieira's physical appearance is strikingly similar to that of the Hior and Elisyn. Say for their distinctive long ears, adhering to a strict code known as the green word, they are prohibited from contact with the outside world under threat of exile. Their society is purely matriarchal, and males of age are seldom, if ever, found within the bounds of any village. They instead serve as protectors of the wood from the shadows. There's a joke there. View your character in a set of underarmments he or she will be wearing at the game's onset. Why is that even an option? Why is that an option? Character's legs scream. Why is that an option? For ERP. Okay. You guys keep saying this is an ERP game. It's not an ERP game. Okay, probably. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not doing Lollafell. If I had scrolled over Lollafell there, that would have been last stream. I'm telling you. I'm leaning towards Rogadin, Hior, Vieira. I'm just kidding. It's just weird that they would do this. Save that for later. There's a boob slider in the female adjustments. Okay, hold on. This is so, this is so funny to me. There needs to be an even bigger range. Look, listen guys, there's something that I believe in. I believe in it very, very strongly and very greatly, okay? And that's complete and total character immersion. If I'm playing a Harathgar, that's not me becoming one with my character. I think we're gonna go Sea Wolves. Okay, muscle tone. Oh frick, I'm yoked. Okay, complete and total character immersion. What is the most like my hair? Oh frick, okay, this is our guy. This is the one, this is it. That's our guy. Facial features, nope. Okay, listen, this is how you get good at games. Step one, you become one with your character. That's life. That's the reality of how this whole thing works. From top to bottom, that's a man right there. That is a man right there. We have one more thing that we have to check, okay? How do I, how do I size up? Do I size up good? What do you think? Chat, listen, this is what it's about, okay? If you can't become one with your character, then what's the point? There is no point. But when you wanna be the best of the best, when best is the standard, when your standard is best, is what it takes. That's all it takes, okay? Let's play the game. Let's actually get going. Okay, so Disciples of War, Gladiator, Pugelist, Martyr, Lancer, Archer. Okay, so Lancer looks like a Dragoon. I'm really, really thinking Dragoon. Let's start with Gladiator and then we'll go to Lancer and then we'll turn into a Dragoon and then we'll go Paladin back and forth however we wanna do that, okay? Okay, chat, so here's how we're gonna play the game. Listen, I ain't doing that bullshit, okay? I'm being honest with y'all right now, okay? When people told me Crystal has the role-players on it, don't go to Crystal, I was like, give it to me, baby, cause I feel like Crystal has the content. Okay, the first and last name of your character, S-Fan, television. The story of S-Fan, television begins. Do voices? Absolutely I will, as you're about to see the best 14.3 I've ever seen. Honestly, cannot wait for NPCs to call you Sarah, television. Dude, this game is copping Kingdom Hearts, dude. Sink. This company is, they're just stealing from other companies. You're moaning something fierce for a while there. The only effects are they either, I reckon. You'll get used to it though and don't worry. Brassblade captain. You there, halt. What's all this about? Inspection? Men, search the carriage. I'm just an honest paddler friend, so don't be too disappointed if you don't find nothing, eh? Sir, look, somnus. Honest paddler, was it? Since when do honest paddlers deal in prohibited herbs? You're in a lot of trouble, old man. You'll rot in a dungeon till the end of your days, unless you can afford the fine. Be as this as usual. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. I'm all joy, I'm all joy. To arms, to arms. What the frick? Consider this a warning. Now go, all of you. I thought there was only one hell. Better than in-game voice snakes. That kind of excitement. I'll tell you that ain't good for the heart. Be careful around them brass blades, lad. Bastards will have the shirt off your back if they fancy it. Like common bandits, they are only less honest. Thank you to God for sending some beast men to the rescue, eh? Senus, you've still got a long ride ahead. You mind keeping me company till we arrive? I ain't never felt the embrace of a man, of your stature. You know, maybe I thought... judging by your unusual garments, how hell I wager you're one of them new adventures. I knew it. Going where the wind blows, seeking fortune and glory. Now that's what I call living. What was it that first attracted you to it? I wanted to win glory. Glory, eh? Well, if you're willing to take on them tasks, as other folks ain't, an adventure such as yourself can win fame what coin can't buy. When you arrive in town, you'll want to report to the adventurers' guild. You can find out everything you need to know about the adventuring business in there. By the by, is this your first trip told? Uh, yeah, it is, actually. It is. Well then, let this journey... it near it. What the frick? What does that mean? It's in it. Whatever. Tell you the ends and outs of your destination. Ah. Long last. Behold, Oda, Jewel of Thanaland, where folk turn sand to gold. Deep in the sun-baked south, surrounded by the shifting sands of an endless desert, she rises, a solitary rose amidst the dust and rock, a symbol of defiance. Her name, Oda, hopes brings eternal for the mongers and merchants who vie for lost fortunes in this bustling oasis. Dude, hustle and bustle. We had neighbors who had ghosts. As the twin faces of Nald Thal maintain their vigil over all that has been in Shelby, the present proffers a brave soul, one whose arrival could mark the beginning of a new era of prosperity for the realm. And here's where we part ways, lad. Here, why don't you have this? My way of thanks for putting up with my prattle. You never did tell me your name, though. Hey, here's an idea. Come the sword of storied personage I can brag about having met and I'll consider a square. That's the company. He's got the name of the company. May the traders nurture our fortunes as they kindle the flames which burn within us all. For by fire are we reborn. I could listen to this all day. It really does play like a single player, like play-through game, like people were saying. So far. That was grogsy, I bet. Oi, venture, over here. Okay, I got the voice for this guy. I mean you. Fresh off the carriage by any chance. How can I tell, huh? It's plain to anyone with eyes that you don't know your way around here. Really, dude? If I, like, let you go wander and off down to the nearest dark alley, you're certain to get mugged or worse. And I don't want that on my conscience. So before you do anything else, you'll want to head over to the quicksand and speak with Mamoti. She's the master of the adventurer's guild and can set you on the right path. Take those steps over Yonder and pass through the double doors. You'll find her inside. And that's as much as you're getting for free. Good luck with the adventurer and adventurer. Quest accepted. Good quest. Good quest. Good quest. Speak with Mamoti. Okay, so coming to Old Town, I'm here. I think we're gonna go inside this building right here. Hey, Mamoti, where you at, girl? Oh, you're a kid. Sorry. Why, hello there. Who might you be? If you're lucky to join the adventurer's guild, you've come to the right place. I also manage the adventurer's guild here in Old Town. So you might have said that looking after green screen adventures like yourself is my vocation. And lucky for you, that is, without someone like me to steer you right, you'd soon find yourself in the middle of nowhere. Caught up in business you don't understand. Like our conflict with the Amalcha, for example. They've been plaguing that cell tonight. For now... oh, forever now. Hey, the people drink and make merry, but underneath it all, there's Worry. Worry and lingerie feeling of loss. And little wonder. It's scarce been five years since the lesser moon cracked, releasing an abomination intent on turning the realm into an eighth hell. But then things began to get foggy. Everyone's got their own version of what happened next. Oh my gosh, Mamoti, you gotta stop talking. I'm gonna rip through my voice in like five minutes. All I ask is that you lend a helping hand and try to leave Holda in a better state than you found her. If you can promise that, I'd be happy to let you join the guild. Mm-hmm. All right, then. A promise is a promise now. S-Man Television. Well, ain't that a charming name. All right, Mr. Television. On behalf of the English Guild, I officially... Please, sir, be merciful. 12 is my witness. I swear to you, I'll bring you your money. In the East, it is said that even a merciful God might be driven to avenges if thrice blasphemed. You two, attend to this scum. No, please, Mercy. Well, ain't that a sorry sight? Nor an uncommon one, if I'm honest. Don't worry, though. If you work hard, I doubt you'll end up like him. Any road, welcome to Holda. Take a moment to catch your breath, and I'll teach you a little about our fair city. I gotta go out for a pack of smokes. Yeah, I gotta get the throat code after this. You've taken the first step as an adventurer in the city of Holda. Listen well to the wisdom of M-M-Modi-Modi, and then go forth and discover the incredible adventures that await you. Da-da-da-dan-dan-dan-dan! This concludes the introductory game tutorial. Hey, tutorial complete. Tutorial complete. Okay, so is this the part? I finished your tutorial. So is this the part where I get boosted? How do I boost? Chop, chop, and I'm gonna quit tomorrow. I'm just kidding.