 What does she do? Is she a mother? Ya, I'm a mother of two. I engage myself in business. I've at some point engaged myself in corporate world but I dropped it. Right now I'm self-employed, struggling to make ends meet. I'm a widow. For the first time I'm coming out to the limelight to share that I'm a widow. And when I say I deal with the widows and the young girls, you cannot do something that you don't have fast-hand experience over it. But I'm ready to say what I know because I have fast-hand experience. Ya, because when I was introducing the show I mentioned that there are some cultures which still hold onto retrogressive cultures like wife inheritance. The husband passes on and then the wife must be inherited. And if she's not in for it, she has to be disinherited. So have you, as a widow, have you passed through such experiences? So far in terms of inheritance, not really but there is this harsh treatment. Once you're a widow, you will never be treated right. Even with the nearest relatives, the society, they'll never treat you right. So how has been your life as a widow? What challenges, what struggles have you gone through as a widow? To be specific, when my husband left, he left some properties, he left some business, he left me with children, one from my own, and then foster children that I had to take care of. My own, some extent you wish to do it your way, all the way you had done it with your husband, but there are these people in the society, maybe the in-laws, they want to come in like they own it, they want to direct you how to do it, they don't want you to have your life and it just become hectic here. So when you say that they don't want to get involved with you, does it mean that they left you on your own to take care of the children and whatever you had? It's a tug of war, I would say. The society is large. There are brothers in law, sisters in law, and mothers in law. Some will be for your decision, but a good number will not be for it. And at the start, they will give big big promises that you are on your own, we will take care of it, but with time as time goes by, you find everybody with the drawing and now you left alone, you have to do it. And now you're wondering now I'm alone, which direction do I take? Should I go their way? Should I do it my way? You find there is this tug of war. They keep telling you not this way, this way. As a strong woman I believe, we have our strengths. And after accepting that this is a situation, we are able to get on. So we say when your husband passed, did you go through the struggles that other widows go through? You find that familiar and bigger vit at one extent, that you cannot even access the little wealth that your husband left behind. And so you get struggles taking kids to school and all that? To a big extent, yes. For example, my husband left a business and when he was leaving, I thought okay, it's hard, he's leaving and he has left. But I would console myself and say at least there is something, there is somewhere that I would start from. For example, there is a school business that is started at some point. He trained me and I became the director of the school. It's like a new lake. I would go at some point and if I don't make you strong, you will not carry on this. But it has been a struggle to an extent that that school today how telling you it's not performing well. Because I literally withdrew. And I say, let it take its course. Because if I demand or if I don't my direction, it doesn't work. There is these other relatives who would push. It should not go that way. And they keep on asking you where do you take the cash? We don't see any progress. You're failing everything. How do you do? I decided let me just withdraw and somebody else to take over. And so how somebody else took over your husband's business rather your business as a family. So who took care of the kids? How did you take the kids to school? How did you manage everything around the home? I resolved it to a different direction. I'm doing my own business. Running an impesa. Sometimes I actually went back and did some course in insurance and I'm now selling insurance policies. So taking care of the kids. It's a bit hectic but I'm heading there. So you mentioned something about talking to girls and just making them come out as a better people. Tell us something about that. Young girls. As I was growing up, I grew up in a society that it wasn't so warm for the girl child. And I know what we underwent. Up to this point where I'm now a mother and adult I've known the challenges that they undergo. If I was told or if I was mentored at that point when I was a girl I could be a different person today. So I do meet girls. I've stayed in the borders of Kenya Tanzania borders. That's where I got a first hand experience. There are so many girls who lack mentorship, direction. So I don't have a platform like an office where they come but I can pick. And being that I've dealt with the school I've done the guidance and counseling in school. I can pick and just talk to you. Because you find that right now teenage pregnancy is something that is not just going away. You find that girls are indulging into it so much so many girls. You find that some of them are being lured into it because of poverty. Girls are having sex because of poverty exchange for things like pads. Pads. So in our society some issues affecting girls like teenage pregnancy and all that when you're talking to them, what do you tell them? I'll start by just making that friendship. You must make that conducive environment to them. Show them that you understand and you're just a girl like them. And I tend to educate them and tell them it is normal. First you know sometimes they don't even understand the changes that they undergo. Just start by telling them this is normal. You have to undergo this and when you feel this you have to do this. But there is this challenge of rejection and poverty and lack of mentorship. When they go back home they don't meet somebody to guide them. But if I get that opportunity like I sit you down I just dig into you. I ask you your background. I get the main challenge. Where is this rain starting to be this guy? Lack of money, lack of parents, lack of guidance. When you speak of lack of guidance do you think that parents have failed in a way in that when COVID hit that is when teenage pregnancies hit up so high. It was so high that the question on people's mind was that have parents failed in a way? Have they failed in their responsibilities of guiding and just taking care of their kids in a good way? To some extent, because when COVID came in it was a transition and abrupt what parents used to keep their pupils in school. So when you speak of parents keeping their pupils in school they actually diverted their responsibility to the teachers and it used to be comfortable for them to do the activities leaving the pupils to be attended to. So when this COVID hit us parents did not know how to balance going to work, fetching for their children and guiding them so they were left alone. They were actually left alone and the girls they were roaming all over. That is why I am asking. Do you think parents have failed in a way because they are leaving the responsibility of guiding and cancelling? They have actually failed. So many parents, especially mothers and mothers I am just saying it loud mothers are the first principles that have been accorded that strength of guiding these children but they failed. They don't have that one-to-one talk with their girls. They tend to think that they know it they don't know. So I would say parents have failed especially mothers. So moving on there was a time when the government was proposing of teaching sex reproductive health in our schools. What's your take on that? It's been there though not intense but I would emphasize that it will be a subject on its role and they tackle it fully not that just you being introduced and told these are the reproductive system but the system and to which and the process and to which emotionally, physically or spiritually it's not being touched. The teachers just brush on the topics like this is your reproductive area Don't you think that it will be too much information like kuchanu or atoto? No it should be done in stages At class one there is that little that she should know at grade one then you advance like that up to maybe the college or that age that now you prefer this is now an adult and with this knowledge she's good to go Not that you instill the whole thing into her head at that center age there are specific stages make sure you do it for example you can't start telling a girl at grade one that if you want to get pregnant this is how you do it it will be so hard but you can start with these simple words like this is your private part and don't call it with other name give it a real name like this is a vagina this is your breast and don't let anybody touch your private part so the kid will always know that this is my private part it is called this and this not for example like we tell our kids it's called do do then they go to another grade introduce another topic but there is someone who was trying to argue that in some families they are mother tongue speaking so there is someone who was arguing that like for example a vagina you tell a baby that this is your vagina this girl this little girl doesn't understand English can only speak her mother tongue so someone was arguing that some of these words they sound big because in our language of noxious really you find that a mother can't just tell the daughter or the son but this is how it's called that's where we go wrong tell her how it's called and how to use that word it's like when you're using an abusive word you know it's an abusive word when you're using a polite word you know this is a polite word so you have to tell the kid that it is this but you don't use it when do you say say sorry when do you say thank you just the same way you tell her in your language yes so is it hard it can be hard in a way because one thing you even find that parents who are educated find it hard they find it hard to even talk to their daughters in their sons above the sex do you know why it's hard that's how we were brought up and now we are transferring the pattern but we can't change we can't change we can't live with my parents this is just a no no thing because when we are quiet you assume that these young girls and boys don't know anything to do with that's where the problem starts where do we go and learn these things they are doing it you're not parents and not talking to them but they are doing it on the internet they are learning it from the internet and before you know it you find that the young girl is pregnant so it comes with a sham of my teenage girl is pregnant so what else do I do so where do you start from she is now pregnant where do you start from do you want now to start telling her you know if you don't do this if you could have not done this before she went there but in most cases you find that teenage pregnancy is in a way becomes a cycle you find that the mother to this young girl got pregnant when she was a teen mum so how are you trying to break this cycle in the society when you are talking to these girls and mums too I don't give them vague picture I tend to give them the real thing real thing sometimes they don't know but when I engage them I tell them this is the real life this is the real thing it is called this and this is the way to go this is the way to go you have to be patient you have to work hard to achieve even it doesn't matter whether you are coming from a poor background or a rich background but you know the standards or the principles of life they are just the same whether you are coming from a poor background or a rich background the morals remains the same so you tell this girl if you work hard if you be patient if you just talk to God I believe as a believer in God and his promises engage yourself in some activities that will not let you go astray and this one I think is just standard principles across the question that I keep asking when I talk to women who are trying to change lives of young girls out there who is talking to the boys because I keep saying that it takes to tango for a girl to get pregnant a boy has to be involved so are we missing and thinking that we are correcting the situation ok, but they are leaving the boy child outside the box it's also another mess and it's a girl child most of the time even in the since time immemorial we've been taken as a vulnerable group we've been seen as a weaker side that's why you keep strong to the girls but the boy child too should not be left outside the box so the duty still remains with the mother talk with the boys talk with the girls too as much as I talk to the girls I also do to the boys I don't discriminate but now I'm just specializing but at the back of my mind I know the boy child should not be left out should not be left out so in most cases you will find that girls, the society today's society people are going for they want it so quick young people want it so quick they don't want to go through the process just hustling and just making ends meet through a process they see what people post on social media and they just want to be like them so when you talk to these girls what do you tell them you know the challenges come with the digital we say this era of digital thing and now there's a lot of pressure pressure through social media what we see hits us so much rather than the practicals that we and they go so I would advise them that don't live the social media life do a practical life because no one posts her or his bad side no no no even me before I come to the limelight if you see my social status everything is okay it's not okay until you speak about it things are different on the ground things are different so when you talking to these girls you tell them this is just a social media have you gone and have you met this friend physically and naturally and known the process that it takes to reach there it's a process and even I myself it's a process I came from somewhere when you say primary school work hard to secondary school and you still work hard to even the socialites the celebs they went through and most of them went through school they actually went to school first they now develop their talents so I have to tell her that you look at for example I might pick on Waou you look at Waou she is not just doing the music this lady had to struggle from primary school she had to work on her books she had to pass through secondary school and through to the college is when now she is doing her thing it didn't just come like pop and you have it you have to go a process be patient working hard and then achieve achievement okay so let's talk about the widows you talk to widows we live in a society today we've got HIV and you find that some societies are still retrogressive they still hold on to the culture of wife inheritance now you find in life some women who will not see a problem being inherited despite the fact they know so and so passed on because of HIV they still feel like okay that is what this culture says so I will have to be inherited just because she doesn't want to lose whatever wealth she must be the husband so what do you tell such women do you enlighten them on that I talk to them and I tell them that's not the way and unfortunately I'm enlightened I know it's not a must and you can do without that you can take a different path but it's just because of fear lack of believing in yourself that's why these women struggle with this and the culture that like I said just continues because they didn't know they passed it on and it keeps passing on but I tell them it is not the way to go you only need to believe in yourself you have to start a new beginning which is a must it's not the same the story will never be the same and you just have to start a new beginning and it's not necessary that you must be inherited to start a new beginning you can start it on a different path and you make it so while at whatever you do what are some of the challenges that you have first while trying to talk to these young girls and widows at large some of them do not get it actually when I tell them my story they look at it as yours is fixtures not real how I've even been accused of you're not doing it yourself you must be having somebody sponsoring you to do this they don't believe that you can do it by yourself yeah okay and so what do you intend to achieve in whatever you're doing what is your mission what is your push that at the end of the day this is what I want to have achieved come 2022 come 2023 this is what I want to see okay I wish I had and as per now I don't have an office or an organization but I work for spreading the gospel that you are strong enough to make it as a widow you can stand by your own you are strong enough to make a culture to just work the normal process and achieve it but to that channel that I use through my phone whichever way that I might even meet you and start conversation at the end of it all my goal is to just have that change the generation with a different perspective and view in life not like our culture used to this is the way we should it's high time we have a different perspective on how we view life okay so it's been a good conversation and we almost coming to an end of our interview this morning but before we end the show I want you to look into that camera and just encourage a widow out there and a young girl tell them a word of advice yeah I think my wrap up will be that you may never really have a choice to become the person you wanna be or you are today but you have a choice to make the right decision you might be pushed by circumstances people situation but you have the right you have a choice to make the right decision okay so it was nice having you and we wish to have you more here so that we can continue with such conversation we thank you for coming and here at Way to Faithful we celebrate you thank you so much we've come to the end of our show this morning and I would want to advise a young girl out there that as girls we are the future of tomorrow and as I keep saying a family without girls it's like a river without a source so let no one intimidate you let no one put you down always have the spirit of moving on even when you fall up next with Girl's Talk