 before you confront the narcissist watch this I'm doing this live video on my new iphone iphone 14 pro max one terabyte a new investment for the channel as I use the phone a lot to do these videos and to take pictures as well for my instagram so yeah let me know if the video quality is better than before it's supposed to be a better camera so hopefully it should be anyway on to the video before you confront the narcissist watch this the narcissist may have discarded you and you may just want to know why you may want to know that after all that time you spend together all of those memories you shared how could they just not value any of that how could you not mean anything to them but you have to accept that narcissists just don't care they never cared about you it was only about themselves and if you confront them it's not going to solve anything they're just going to blame you you're never going to get through to them you're never going to get them to see sense if that was possible you wouldn't be dealing with a narcissist they wouldn't have a disorder because the whole nature of narcissism is that they don't understand they don't self reflect they don't see their faults so confronting them talking to them trying to get them to understand that's not going to work that's not going to change anything you would just be wasting your time and energy what you could be spending on yourself improving your life because really when the narcissist discards you you should see that as a blessing and I say that because it's been a blessing in my own life on several occasions when the narcissist chose to discard me my life improved every time because I didn't waste my time and energy chasing after them trying to get them to see my perspective I didn't waste my time and energy doing that I spent it on my own life and things only got better and better after they were gone but Nala here on the bed with me say hello Nala you're viewing Nala through the new iPhone 14 Pro Max in high definition I don't know if the video quality has actually improved or not I haven't really taken a good look at it yet but let me know if you think it's better than my other phone let me know in the comments but yeah I mean I don't want to make it sound like it was easy for me to just move on and improve my life after the narcissist discarded me because it wasn't easy at all it took a lot of work and of course at times I did have limiting beliefs I thought that no matter what I do maybe things will never improve maybe I'll never find happiness maybe I'll never be at peace with myself maybe I'll never be successful or get what I want of course I had thoughts like that on many occasions but then something occurred to me and this is something that no matter what you're going through in your life doesn't matter how bad it is this is something that you should consider and this specific point is perhaps one of the most important things that I have ever said on this YouTube channel so if you're listening to this right now you should take note of it you could have two people two people who have experienced the exact same thing they've gone through the exact same situation maybe they both made the same mistake but after that they take separate paths they go in different directions one person may go down a downward spiral they may deteriorate and the reason why that happens is because they've defined themselves by that situation by something that was done to them or by a mistake that they have made that limiting belief has then stunted their development and progress possibly for the rest of their lives while the other person does not let it define them and they've experienced the exact same thing the same situation the same thing that was done to them or the same mistake that they made whatever it is it was exactly the same thing it's just that the other person didn't let it define them they didn't hold on to that limiting belief they didn't let it hold them back and that's why the other person continued along their journey and things just got better and better for them two people who experienced the exact same thing the same setback but they both had completely different destinations and it all started with a thought in their heads that thought led to feelings those feelings led to beliefs and just this mentality will impact the rest of your life it has the potential to change your life for the better who's to say that you can't be something or do something who's to say that you can't have a better life the only person who's standing in your way is yourself don't worry about what other people are saying they're not going to help you get to where you need to be they're only going to hold you back and they don't have to live the life that you have to live so don't put too much weight on what other people think about you sometimes you just have to step into the role of where you'd like to be and then just become that just tell yourself that this is who you are now I know it's not always that simple you may have times when you feel like you're falling back into your old ways maybe you get a hoover from the narcissist and you feel like you want to respond you feel like you miss them you want to go back to them that's normal it's not a smooth process but in time it will get easier until you no longer think about them and that is what then separates you from other victims other survivors who do end up going back or even if they don't go back they just don't progress they don't heal they don't become better and you will know if you are becoming better I often examine myself and if I am progressing and to do that I just look back over the last six months one year two years five years I look back and I think to myself what is my way of thinking like now compared to how it used to be what about my beliefs what about the things I value in life and what about my knowledge have I gained more knowledge since then have I become wiser have I gained more experience and if the answer to those questions is yes then I know I'm on the right track I know I'm becoming better so that should help you to see where you are what improvements you need to make it all starts by just going within self-reflecting because you already have all the answers inside of you trust yourself but yeah that really is quite possibly the most important thing that I have ever said on this youtube channel just that story of the two people experiencing the exact same thing the same situation the same thing that was done to them or even the result of something that they did a mistake that they've made what determines your future what happens between now and five ten years in the future is how you choose to define yourself right now that will change everything for you and don't rely on how other people see you how other people define you that's not enough it has to come from within and they look at it in my own life how I was discarded by a narcissist on several occasions and there was one time in particular before I started this channel about four and a half to five years ago and yeah when that happened try to attempt suicide I mean this wasn't just because of the narcissist there were other things going on in my life as well and it just pushed me over the edge didn't know what to do and I think that deep down I felt like I wasn't enough I think that's really what the cause of it was I felt like there was something wrong with me I felt like I would never be good enough for anyone or anything yeah I just thought what's the point in me and even being alive like I'm not even good enough to just exist on this earth because I never felt like anyone cared about me and it was like this one person who I thought loved me and I spent all of my time with I thought that was the one thing that I had yeah I guess it led to me attempting suicide because I didn't realize that I had the most valuable thing that I could ever have that is myself just as all of you the most valuable thing you have is yourself and while at first that may seem narcissistic to think like that you have to understand that if you don't have yourself you have nothing and not only that but you have nothing to give to anyone and that is really narcissistic so of course you should see yourself as the most valuable thing that you have in your life and never give up on yourself never trade yourself in for any anything never sell your soul but yeah I look back and I think after I attempt to suicide I could have just given up on my life I could have just forget it all I don't want to do anything I could have given up no motivation nothing I could have done that I could have just laid down and died and just given up which is what many people do and that's how I'm still here that's how I'm making these videos on YouTube and we're about to hit 150,000 subscribers because I didn't give up I kept going and who knows maybe in some alternate universe maybe there is another version of me that did give up one that stopped trying and let's just think for a moment but where that person is now four and a half or five years later is that person making videos on a channel with 150,000 subscribers and 40 million views probably not and why is that because that version of me let that situation define them he let other people define who he is but the difference in my situation is that I didn't let people or situations do that for me I just I chose to define myself and yeah that's really the that's really the key to your success in life and to moving on from the narcissist to find yourself and when you think of confronting the narcissist responding to the hoovers what do you do and when you do that you're not defining your experience you're not defining yourself you're looking for validation from the narcissist so you're letting them define you you're letting them define your life and that is why you just shouldn't even waste your time leave them alone forget about them focus on things that should be more important to you because that's what I did and look where it got me now I'm changing people's lives I don't think there's anything more valuable in the world than that to have the power to change a person's life and I hope that all of you will find ways to do that as well to create a better world for us to live in just make people's lives better spread the love the joy because that's what it's all about it all starts with you and the decision that you choose to make from now on where are you going to put your time your energy are you going to waste it on someone who likely if in my experiences doesn't give a shit about you to put it bluntly I mean I'm just gonna tell it like it is I mean they don't care they really don't care and nothing you do is gonna change that you can text them you can call them you can respond to the Hoover you can beg them to come back it's not gonna make a difference so when you think about it you really only have one option anyway and that's to focus on yourself and your own life and get better that's really your only option if you want to succeed and I don't know that many of you will succeed I do know that because in my situation at one point I thought was impossible for me but things turned around and they can for you too I believe in you that's why I'm making this video delivering this message to you whatever you do avoid any form of self harm it's not going to help you I've been there I've drunk excessive amounts of alcohol I've taken drugs and all of those things and it didn't help just set me back and it's not going to help you but now I haven't done anything like that for many years and now that I have the awareness I know that no matter what I would never go back to that never I know I deserved better than that I didn't know that back then I thought that was what I deserved now I know I deserve a better life and sometimes I do wonder if when we look at people's lives people's experiences are they not just a reflection of what they think they deserve think about that for a moment because there was a time in my life where I felt like I didn't deserve anything and they didn't have anything but then gradually I became more confident I started to work hard and I started to expect more I started to believe that I deserve more and maybe that reflection of what I thought I deserve it's what then manifested into my life I know it's quite a controversial thing to say but deep down I think that's what I believe I think that's the reason why we spend so much time with these narcissists is because deep down inside we think that's what we deserve we think we deserve people like that in our lives we think we deserve to be treated that way have you noticed how as soon as you start to think that you deserve more they're out of there they're gone because they know they can't be what you want them to be they can't meet your expectations I mean that is really the quickest way to get rid of a narcissist just realize what you deserve because right now you may think that you deserve less and that's why they're still around that's why they're hoovering you and trying to come back but if you start to realize that you deserve more you'll probably never hear from them again they'll be gone so maybe there's some truth to that everything in life whatever people are experiencing in their relationship their job deep down it's just a reflection of in here what they think they deserve in their lives and when you become aware of that you develop a greater ability to change it but of course it's easier said than done I mean it would take a lot of work for me to think I deserve to be a billionaire I mean I I definitely don't think I deserve to be a billionaire and that's probably why I'm not one and I'm sure many of you who are watching you you don't really believe that you deserve to be a billionaire you don't believe that you've helped billions of people to the point where you deserve that amount of money and maybe that's why we don't have it but then we see narcissists and they always seem to be getting things that they don't deserve because it's ingrained in their heads they actually believe that they deserve so much more even when they haven't done anything to earn it I don't really know where I'm going with this now but I hope this is helping someone out there just some deep talk tonight sometimes they just get into this zone where I get all philosophical but yeah as many of you can probably notice from my videos I have come a long way from when I first started showing my face on here I think I used to be a lot more anxious I used to experience a lot more stress and I'm sure that many of you could see that in my videos but now I feel a lot more peace I'm happy most of the time I mean sometimes I do get bored or maybe something makes me angry something makes me upset of course we all go through that but those moments don't last long anymore I can forget about things like that very quickly and that's how I'm able to be so consistent with these videos where I'm constantly putting them out every day I'm doing live videos all the time because now I'm just always in the right mindset I'm always ready and it just shows for you for those of you who aren't there yet it shows what's on the other side for you because I'm I'm not some special person with magical gifts although many of you may say that I am when it comes to this speaking about narcissism but when it comes to things like healing and progressing or emotional and mental health there's nothing special about me there at all I'm just like anyone else and if anything I would think that many of you could surpass me on that we are all on a journey it's not a competition we move at our own pace we we go we go at a pace that's right for us what feels right I mean many of you may not be ready to just go out there and I mean you you may prefer to isolate yourself I've been through that myself where you just want to be alone it's hard when you're hurt and you don't trust anyone and that's okay I mean we don't have to label that as a bad thing that can be good there's nothing wrong with spending time alone and actually that's a lot better than going back to the narcissist responding to them because that's just going to set you back but as time moves on that desire for a social connection will come back and you will spend more time around people again I spend a lot of time outside now I'm always around other people I enjoy meeting new people but yeah I also enjoy some time alone as well it's good to have a balance just have to move at a pace that's right for you no one can tell you when to just move on and put things in the past only you know when the time is right but don't waste your time confronting them and don't wait for them to come back don't waste your life away for someone who most definitely would not do the same thing for you don't do anything for them that they wouldn't do for you if you do that you'll just end up being exploited they see your kindness as a weakness it's not something that they appreciate just laying on the bed looking out at the view over here I actually just leave the curtains open at night and then when I wake up in the morning I see the sun coming through and it's a great start to the day so yeah I gotta get ready for sleep now gotta wake up early and start work on some new videos and I know that it's been some time but I am finally going to upload some videos on my new channel as well so keep checking the posts on here and I will update you very soon anyway I'd just like to thank you all for joining me today on another NARC Survivor Live video if you liked it please hit that thumbs up helps the channel to grow other than that thank you all and I will talk to you in another video very soon