 You have informally counseled many couples who've been struggling in their marriages, and you like to focus on tools rather than on the failure. So what kind of issues have you noticed that typically arise in marriages that are struggling, and how do you turn that ship around? You know, probably the number one thing that I just see, I'm seeing organically, and I tell my children to do the love for this and to thank Allah if they have this, which is unfortunately many people struggle with the inability to self-reflect. And if anyone out there was listening to this or you or me, if any of us are the type who are able to hear criticisms about us ourselves and to hear feedback and to hear more than one person kind of say the same thing about us and to think, okay, maybe I'm the common denominator, maybe there's something I need to work on regarding myself. That is a huge blessing if people are able to do that, because for the most part what I see is people aren't able to self-reflect. They're not able to take criticism. They get defensive, they go on the offensive, and we're the heroes of our own narratives, and we want to be told how great we are all the time. And so it's very hard when somebody holds up a mirror and shows us that maybe we're not perfect, and that's what marriage does. Marriage holds up a mirror and shows you what you need to work on, but you have to be willing to look at that mirror and be like, okay, this is what needs polishing. This is what needs refining. Whenever people are struggling in their marriages, I always say there's his truth, there's her truth, and then there's the truth. It's not ever... It's very rare that there's a clear good guy and a bad guy. Very rare. So usually when there's physical abuse involved, then it's like, yeah, okay, that's a deal breaker. If somebody's physically abusing another, then it's clear that a person needs to get out. But other than that, most things, inshallah, can be worked on. So the ability to self-reflect and to take criticism, I think, is a huge thing that people need to be willing to bring to the table. So can you state some of the things that you've seen and the kind of advice you would give in a specific situation? Yeah. So I knew of a couple where literally the people in my home, what they would say about the wife is that when she comes into a room, she lights it up. Just this really outgoing personality, really friendly, just the life of the party. And her husband obviously fell in love with that quality with her of her. And together, they were a very dynamic couple and everybody enjoyed being around them. And then one time, she had me come over. And I did notice, I remember asking her, did you just move in? I thought she had just moved into her apartment, but she had actually been living there for a few years. And the reason I thought she had just moved in is because there was a lot of stuff lying out. There was things that looked like they needed to be put away. There were boxes, there was piles of dishes in the sink. It looked, it was pretty chaotic in her apartment. And it looked like somebody's in the midst of moving in and getting set up. I didn't think beyond that, but then later she took me into confidence and was telling me about some struggles she was having in her marriage. And what it came down to was that her husband wanted domestic bliss. He didn't just want the partying wife. He didn't just want the person to have fun with. He wanted a home where it was calm and it was peaceful and it wasn't chaotic and meals were cooked and things were picked up. He was out working. She was home. They had a kid. And what she said to me is, she said to me that one of the things he said to her was, if I needed a clean undershirt, I know I couldn't rely on you to be able to get that for me, to be able to provide that for me like a clean undershirt. And her response to him was, even a maid could do that. What I give you is so much more than that. You and I have a good time together. I'm good to your family. I'm good to your friends. Like everybody enjoys our company. That was her love language, right? Like being there as far as talking and hanging out. But what he was trying to communicate was that he needed something else. So I actually, at that point, I was probably maybe 10, 15 years into my own marriage, I actually saw myself in her because I saw similar qualities between us and I had I know my husband had also expressed certain requirements or certain wanting me to shape up in certain ways. And so I felt like what I was witnessing in her was like allah guiding me to what I needed to work on in myself. So I really encouraged her and I was like, come on, we can do this. And maybe she even talked to me because she saw herself in me. But unfortunately, she wasn't able to change. Like she would try and she said her husband even said to her, like, I know you're going to try for like a week, but then you're going to give up, you know? And so she would try and she would like get into the cooking, the meals and having a and tidying up. She'd get her mom and sisters over to help her clean up the place. But then it would go back to how it was. And she was coming to me quite a bit to talk to me about her issues. And what I was seeing on social media was that she was out with her friends a lot. Like she was going, you know, she was flying to other states to celebrate people's birthdays and bridal showers and whatnot. And her husband was home with a kid. And I was just like, dude, your your husband's telling you he's barely hanging on by a thread to your marriage. What are you doing leaving and going to another state to party, you know? Unfortunately, you know, she she it takes so much work to change. Whenever somebody tells me that another person has changed overnight, I don't believe them because and I've had people try to convince me, oh, he's a different person now or oh, she's a different person now. Like she went to this one class or she moved away or he moved away for six months and he's a totally different person now. I don't believe it because it takes a lifetime to work on yourself. I mean, there's issues that I'm still working on myself from childhood. And it's a day to day struggle, nobody changes overnight. And but the what I always tell people is you're allowed to make mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. It's part of being a human being. But what matters the most is what you do to to repair after the mistake, right? Like how you plan to grow, how you plan to change and everybody can forgive mistakes. What they can't forgive is the same mistake being made again and again and again. And so that's why when my husband told me at that phase in our lives, 1012 years into our marriage, that he needed certain things from me that I needed to deliver on. I had to take that seriously, because if somebody's taking the time to talk to you about what they need, it behooves us to listen, you know, because nobody else is going to come bring the warning bells for us. So what you've said echoes what I've read in many marriage books that you can be the most charismatic, beautiful, fun woman that there is. But if you not, for example, ironing his shirts and putting a meal on the table, it's not going to mean anything. So that's interesting. But when it comes to then change, so as you said, the person relapsed, so then it takes time to change. It then requires having a spouse who's also been patient to support you in that period of growth and change where, you know, one will jump off and slack, slack off, right? Yeah. Yeah. No, definitely. It is a two way street. And that was one thing I always, that's one thing I appreciated about my husband, because when he told me he needed more from me after we had that conversation, he would act like he never even saw the flaws, you know, and once he had the conversation, he didn't bring up the past mistakes, and then he would act like he didn't even see whatever was lacking in me, which would then allow me to kind of start to relapse again, because I would start to think that, you know, he's not noticing or I'm getting away with it or what I'm doing is good enough. So it was the second time that he talked to me about the same issues that I realized, no, this is serious. Like he's not blind. He does see and he needs more and I have to deliver. And so Alhamdulillah, you know, it took, it took more than once for me to get it. But Alhamdulillah, it didn't require him to say it 10, 12, 15 times because there is an end to people's patience as well, you know, and so both parties have to realize that. Have you seen issues between couples related to gender dynamics and roles? For example, the man not being very manly enough or the woman being too masculine? Yeah, I've, unfortunately, there is this whole thing going on in our society where men are being emasculated and many men are, you know, they don't feel respected and they don't feel like they're in charge. And so they feel like, well, okay, if I'm not needed, then I don't need to deliver. And so, you know, there's some basic, basic needs that each gender needs from the other. And one of the primary needs women have, even if she's highly educated, even if she's really successful, even if she's earning a lot of money, she needs to know that her husband is capable, and that her husband can provide, and that if tomorrow she wasn't working and wasn't earning that she would be in good hands, right? Like her husband would be able to take care of the family. And so I do see that if the husband isn't providing, then the wife loses respect. And probably the number one indicator that a marriage is on its way out, you know, on its way to being over is when you see that a spouse is contemptuous of the other spouse. When you see that they're rolling their eyes when the spouse talks or they're getting annoyed or they don't respect them or don't agree with them and openly contradict them, openly laugh at whatever they're saying or, you know, put it down. Oh, that's so painful to witness because it's a very clear indication that this probably isn't going to survive. Because it's very few people can tolerate that can tolerate feeling like they're just being tolerated, you know.