 A very good morning to you. Thank you very much for keeping it to Y254. My name is Ram Agucco. It is a pleasure being with you on this fine Thursday morning. We are coming to you live from the broadcasting house here in Aruby, Kenya, also streaming live through our website. And that is www.kabc.co.ke4-y254. We value your feedback, engage with us. And of course, we shall sample your feedback a bit later on, even as we let us know where you are watching this show from. Now this is Power Talk. And we are here to kickstart your morning on a high note. And of course, the conversation that you are about to have this morning is about baby mamas. How do you deal with baby mama drama? How do you deal with baby mama drama? How can you handle, you know, our women? Is it possible for you to do that? Is it possible for you to be at peace with them and be in another relationship at the same time? Men, let's talk. Today, I want to have a man talk. And with me, I am with men in studio. To my far right, I am with none other than Sam Wafula. He is a pastor, a consultant, and of course a counselor. And next to me, I am with Antonin Janga, a counseling psychologist. You know him, you've seen him, you've seen both of them. Thank you so much, Ram. How are you? I am fresh. My name is Freshi Barida. Why are you laughing at me? Barida is my name. My name is Ram. My name is Freshi Barida. Barida is my name. Barida? I am from Mubasa, Ram. Barida. My name is Ram. I am Freshi Barida. Of course, today I want to talk about baby mama drama. And of course, we value your feedback. The hashtag is Power Talk Show on Twitter, at Ram Agucco and at Y254Channel. That is where you can find us. Head over to our Facebook page. We've posted our question of the day on our Facebook platform. That's at Y254. But don't forget, before you do anything, like the page. Follow us on our Facebook platform. And then you drop a comment on the comment section below on our poster. And of course, on our photo. What do you think? How do you handle baby? Do you have a baby mama? Let's talk. Men. Let's talk. Before to, okay. Because Kunajima and Nashanga, what are we talking about? Yes. By definition. Just. Okay. If you want to talk about baby mama, what do you mean by baby mama? To me, Ram, baby mama is baby mama. Mama is a child. Mama is a baby. So it's the mother to my child. That is baby mama. So you have to make a difference. It's not girlfriend. It's baby mama. Mama is a child. Mama is a child? Yes. Mama is a child. In the past, there were more and more. Which is which? More and more. Yes. There are more and more in your wife. In wife. If the difference between wife, girlfriend and baby mama. So baby mama is? Mama is a child. Mama is a child. Yes. How much more? How much more? How much more? How much more? How much more? And you are not dating. Yes. Baby mama is someone who once shared some good time together. Once. Yes. I love to see you no longer having that good time. No longer having the conversation, the good times. Yes. But fact is you once shared something together. Yes. Let's get that out of the way. To make sure it appears baby mama and nini nini. So now you know if you have a baby mama or if you are a baby mama. Yes. Because today, ladies, I would like you also to talk to us. How do you handle the men? Yes. And of course, because it's a man talk, we are going to find out how men should handle you. They should tell us how we should handle them. And then one day, I don't know Ron and Timo. Another time, we will have now girls. And then girls should tell us how they want, how baby mama should be handled. Yes. Baby daddies. Yes. Yes. Baby daddies. Yes. No. But come up with a baby mama. It means the other person is a baby daddy. Yes. Yes. Alright. Let's talk about baby mamas. And of course, we are going to give different examples. But first things first. Is it possible for you to be in another relationship and at the same time be with your baby mama and take care of her affairs? Some. I think I don't have experience because I don't have a baby mama. But I think it is possible. Solomon had 1,000 women. True. True. Very funny example. One Solomon. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So I think it's possible. It only depends with the maturity of the man. Yes. And the wisdom to handle the situation. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yes. Exactly. It is possible to have a girlfriend and have a baby mama at the same time. But there are two people who have boundaries. And you can take care of both of them. Yes. You can. Maturity if you want to know who you see as a girlfriend. This is not your wife. This is your baby mama. Someone you share a kid with. And that's it. That's it. Yes. Do you love her at the same time and love your girlfriend? Not possible, Ram. You need to know who... That's why I don't want to talk to Ram. Yes. Yes. Because the problem comes in. Yes. The girlfriend has a problem with the baby mama. And she says, You know what? I think you're giving her too much attention than you're giving me. What I can say to Ram is Before she had a girlfriend, she had a baby mama. She had a baby mama. She had a baby mama. She had a baby mama. She had a baby mama. If I now decided to get in to another relationship with a lady, I'm going to pend a baby mama to her. Yes. And that's problem of attention. Yes. The baby mama by saying, I have a child and not just my child is your child. Your attention is needed. You are paid by the family. You are paid by the family. You are paid by the family. You are paid by the family. You are paid by the family. Let's talk about attention first. How do you divide attention between these two? When it comes to attention, Ram, you have a mother and a child. You have a father and a child. So you guys are sharing a key, Ram. You need to set things straight first. So you are paid by the family. You are paid by the family. And that's it. But what's wrong with men when it comes to this part of attention? Sam, you mentioned Solomon. Now, if Solomon could handle all these congs. Actually, what exactly? If Solomon could handle all these congs. Why do we have the current man of the year 2022 having a problem taking care of the baby mama yet in the end, he is a child? Actually, it is just a sense of responsibility that most men try to run away from here. Because most men assume that the woman doesn't need a husband and the child doesn't need a father. That is where we have the conflict of interest. I think men should know that even if the woman doesn't need a husband, the child needs a father. Exactly. So when you know that, you'll be able to balance between your current girlfriend and your baby mama because you have to be a father to the child now. Even if you won't be a husband to the woman, you have to be a father to the child. But why do men keep on getting it twisted? Every time you meet her, it's a matter of time. It's a matter of time. You don't want to talk and you don't want anything to do with that child. I think Ram is a good example. Even the psychological effects that we have on the children are prepared to take care of the child. Yes, there are. You're not prepared to get a child. There are two of them. You know, there are people who are in a relationship and they engage in, you know what I'm saying? It's sex. They are prepared to take care of the child. They are prepared to take care of the fun moments. But the fun moments are not the consequence. There is a consequence to everything that we do right now. So if you take a fun moment, the fun moment is not the consequence. They're doing it for fun, but they're not ready to have a child. And that is the science. And actually that is the nature of man. You see, before a woman sleeps with you, they love you. Most women. But a man will just sleep with you because they want pleasure and all that. So it also depends with how the child came about. Yeah. The one night stand. The one night stand. Yes. They didn't love them. They only wanted pleasure. Yes. So they consider that thing as a mistake. So they wouldn't want to hear about. You always remind us what happened. You know, baby we shared. Remember what we shared? True. Because you know, working with a man, does you know what a man is? Working with a man is because a man is prepared to father a child. So they consider that act as a mistake. It happened. Let's forget about it. But you know men sometimes we fail ourselves. We fail ourselves. Because now you're not ready to get a child, but you are there with this baby mama. And of course you engage in intimacy. You get together. You get to know her. You're not ready and you opt out. You're not ready to get a child. You're not ready to get a child. You're not ready to get a child. You're not ready to get a child. Even the lady played part. When I went to bed with her, she didn't know. She played a part. Ram, let's be honest. Yes. Today we sign it for the ladies. Ladies, I have your back. I'll sign it for both of them. But let's be honest. What do you mean? What do you mean? Yeah, okay. The lady is okay. So she's not ready to get a child, but she's ready to get a child. Maybe it's a red case or a sexual assault. But the lady is okay. So the lady is okay. But the lady is okay. She's not ready to go to bed with you. So she says we're going to play a part. You're not ready to play a part. You're not ready to play a part. See what? See what? Ram, society may castigate men. thinking but they it wasn't a rape if it was rape we can but it wasn't rape it was a mutual agreement even though she was not the one who had done the thing even though I was forced to do it I was told no I was touched I was touched I was touched I was touched If you knew very well as a man you cannot take care of a child, why get intimate? That's a question I have to ask them now because now it isn't logic. Don't go just, if it is having this intimacy, the sex part of it, you need, if you come and take care of a child, there are preventive measures, you can use condom. If you really wanted a kid, you are responsible to take care of this child and that's it. The problem with men is just responsibility, that is what they are trying to run away from. Their sense of responsibility is too low. So we agree, Manome, she dares to take responsibility. But sometimes baby mamas demand too much, I don't know. There are baby mamas that are into this thing as a career, as a way of earning a living. Ram, I have a friend. A friend of mine was telling me a story of the friend went to visit a friend in the US. He had an opportunity to sleep with some white guy there and she intentionally got pregnant for the white guy. Knowing, she is a child support. So that I sleep with you, I give birth for you, but my interest is in what I'll get. You are saying some women intentionally get pregnant to get money out of you. As a way of getting pregnant. You are saying they are gold diggers. Yes, exactly. This is the kind of work you have to do at school, full-time. As a man, you could not realise that this is a gold digger. You know women are clever. They are powerful women. Today, I'll be an advocate for the women. And as I said, next time when you have a girl stalk, I'll be an advocate for the men. Because women fear. Last month, I got married in Eikitu. So men, let me answer this question. I have seen cases where a woman tells you, you know what? I know we have a baby together. I know things did not turn out well, but I still love you. Let's try and work it out. Why? If you have a child with this woman, why can't you just marry her? No, Ram. To those who are watching, and there is something I usually tell people, Ram, on that issue, having a child with a woman doesn't mean that there is no love directly. Why? Because... I don't understand Ram. When I say I have a child with this woman, I don't love her. And there are women who are meant to just have kids with them, but are not meant to marry them. No, no, no. Listen, if I am not happy, why should I marry this lady? If I am not happy... Why should you make her pregnant? Why should she turn? Why should she turn? Pregnant just came as a... He will cook that too. What? Actually, there are some women who are just meant to become pregnant, to just have your kids, but not marry them. And maybe they were very tactical. That was their intention. No, this... Our intention wasn't to have kids. There's something this man is saying here. He's saying that in this life, there is a role for everybody. That there are some women who are just meant to have your children, and others who are meant to be your wife. If you're not happy with that relationship, Ram, why should you marry her? If you're not happy with that relationship with her, then apart from the pregnancy, if you're not happy with that relationship, why should you end up marrying her? Because she loves you. She's committed to you. She's saying, I love you and I want you to help me father this child. Are you sure if they love you? Who knows? Who knows if that was a trap? Yeah. But they are traps. There are women who said you're traps. Ladies, I want you to talk to me. These are traps to this... It's true, by the way. ...sams of Solomon. Is it traps? Yeah, there are traps out here. Marry them. There are women who are very intentional with what they want. No, you are like a sheep that is being taken to a slaughter and you went there blindly. No, you see, Ram, every man has two heads. When one is functioning, the other is not functioning. Exactly. That is a very nice quote. Every man has two heads. You could say by some or full. Every man has two heads. One is functioning. So don't use the other head. Which heads are you talking about here? The one upstairs and downstairs. Okay. First floor and second floor. First floor and last floor. Ground floor and first floor. So when one is functioning, the other one is not functioning. So there's a time when a man stops reasoning. That's the time when the lady is very intentional. He knows what she wants. Exactly. So that's a trap. And men out here know it. Who annihilate the trap. No problem. Let us move to something else. Men, let me ask you. This one goes to you, Sam. We have cases of particular men who are pretenders. In the sense that they will woo this woman. Because yes, you said in this instant that they laid a trap for you. What about in the instance where it is you who went for them? When you went to the kitchen, when you went to the kitchen, when you came in the box, when you came home and picked it up, you went to the kitchen. Because some ladies are loyal. Very loyal. And in the case of men, it is too late. There is no woman in the house. Sleep over. Sleep over. And you are looking after her interests. You are just caring for her. You are caring for her. Being a gentleman. On that night, she got pregnant. Now she is pregnant for your child. She never laid a trap for you. You looked for her. Yet you are the one who is not being there for her as we talk. Now that's a different case Ram. Because that one, it is you who initiated the whole thing. Yes. And that is why you must not run away from the responsibility. Yes. That's a different case. But they do. That's why I'm calling them pretenders. Because at the beginning, you wanted her. And at the end of the day, you no longer want her. She is not as interesting as you thought she was. Have you ever found Ram going to ask you a question? You are not going to ask her a question. She will not ask you a question. But she will ask you to ask her. Yes. She will not ask you a question. They will not ask you a question. If she asks you. No. So you will be happy if she doesn't answer. She will not initiate. She will not cut herself. She will not sleep over. But before that, In India, she will not ask you the question. She will not say to you that she is not interested. She will not ask you a question. about we just have a kid which is so sad, very sad. If I go away from home, I'm not psychologically ready. And I will tell them, and I will repeat, you cannot turn a sleep over. You can't say, how are the intentions? You can't say, do you have a child? You can't jump in. Please, do me any protectives. Do me any protectives. There are people who say, I'm ready to have a child. And I will agree to have this intimacy part. Which is so sad. So one of us has to take responsibility. All right. That is true. I agree. What do you say about the kid? Ask the kid. I have a question. Let her support ladies. You're joking with me. We have some interests where this particular individual, Alim Katia, who is a box, who is a chana, I can move on to someone else. Now, we have these calibre of men who, after they are with somebody else, they still come back to their baby mama. Joribound. I don't know which terminology we can use there, but they come back. So sometimes they are with this lady, and sometimes they are with their baby mama. And at other times, they are with both of them. How should you... What would you say about that? You say, water melons. OK. Mojie, lady. Sam. Actually, for such a case, I think the man is just trying to balance. You could have that balance. The man is just trying to be a father and to be a boyfriend at the same time. Yet he's having sex with both people. Now that is polygamy. So the man has accepted, I have two wives, and I will settle with both of them. The ladies are not aware. Now we should make them aware. I have another lady. Actually, before you move far with your current girlfriend, open your life to her. Tell her, I love you, but I have a child. We are still in touch with the baby mama. We are good friends, we still talk. So if the girlfriend will be OK with that, we'll end good. If she won't be OK with that, you... But now this is the issue with some of these men. The girlfriend is aware that you have a baby mama, but where you go behind her back and have other affairs with the baby mama. Because you have a history with her. Because she has your child. Ram, one thing we must accept is that anywhere a child is involved, anywhere a child is involved, actually it's a lifetime thing. Anywhere a child is involved, you can never run away from such a reality. It's a reality of life that we must learn to live with. Anywhere a child is involved is a lifetime affair. OK. So anyone that is coming into your life after the child must know that there is a child exists and must come to the fact that you will give attention to the child and anyone involved around the child. But in this case, there is lack of respect for both parties. Is that so? Yeah. Because I know I have a girlfriend. Why should I go behind you in my uncle? He is sleeping with my baby mama. Don't you know what you want first? You need to know what you want, Ram. Let me repeat. Know what you want. So you know now, you know what you want and you know your girlfriend is not giving you what the baby mama can give. See, but she is single. Now she has no girlfriend, she has no time. Ram, have you seen women that get married to a man but they are still in touch with the baby man? We are a baby daddy. Yes. You have seen them. Yes. So such women have two husbands. Technically. You know, that's how we are. We are the bitome of the child, aren't we? It's the same thing. Just copy paste, that's how it's an agenda issue. If I'm coming into it. Because at this end, we have a man who is married to a particular woman but has a baby mama who can get. Still moving around with the baby mama. Either that is a girlfriend or that is your wife. You still have a baby mama that is outside here that you are moving around with. Is that right? I have a baby mama. The fact is I will always be in touch because I want to know the welfare of the child. I will want to see the child often and again. I will want to send child support and all that. So my current girlfriend must understand. But even though I have a past and I'm with her, I have, you know, there are some things about my past I can never run away from. And that's why you need to tell your girlfriend in advance. And that before when they buy a listen and I have a kid, we are in touch with the baby mama and that's it. Now what is your girlfriend says? As long as you are keeping it official with them. Now which brings me to the next thing. How deep and how in touch is keeping in touch? How far does keeping in touch go? When handling a baby mama? What I can say, how far is keeping in touch Ram is I am not with you. I have a child. So I can keep in touch just to check up on the kid. Maybe call you once in a while. See, he is not picking up, he is not picking up. If you need something, you don't need to call every time. Oh, I need something for the baby, she is here, she is here. You can even text. But you need to set boundaries. See, I have told you I have a girlfriend. You need to respect and set boundaries that mean a date, mean you have a girlfriend and I am happy. And you are just my baby mama and I am taking full responsibility of my kid. So I will be checking on my kid once in a while. If you need something, you don't need to necessarily have to call 20 times in a day. You can just leave a message and I will get back to it. Set boundaries. How in touch is getting in touch? How far does it go? According to me, I think the only extreme, what we can term as extreme is a man having an affair with a baby mama. But communication, I don't see any problem with communication. Because there are times when maybe the baby will fall sick at night. It's an emergency. The baby mama must call you at midnight. There are times when emergencies will arise. But if there are no emergencies, let's come to a mutual agreement and say I'll be seeing my child maybe once a month or twice a month. But you are only allowed to call me at certain times when it's an emergency. But now in the case of an affair, does it mean that this man, although he's married to the wife, he is still in love with the baby mama? To be in love with the baby mama and I'm with the wife? Is he in love with an affair? Yes, he's with a child. So you're in love with an affair? I'm not in love with a child. No. You're having an affair with a baby mama. You're meeting in restaurants secretly, in motels. Why should it be secret, Ram? Communicate to your girlfriend. It doesn't mean that you're meeting with a child at a certain restaurant. Nothing sexual. And in cases where it's sexual, my point is in cases where it is sexual. I'm a girlfriend. Yes. That's wickedness. Immorality in the house, the Greek. You know it happens. You know it's happening. It happens. And a balanced equation? Simultaneous equation. That's so bad. If I could have you, why should I waste this girl's life when I'm in a date? If I'm in love with my baby mama, see, I just go back to my baby mama. I'm in the house, I'm with the wife, by the way, I'm sorry. But I'm like, when you're in a date with this lady, your girlfriend for five months, one year, and you find out that you're in love with a secretive and a baby mama and I'm engaging in sexual affairs. This is very bad. What about cases where some men meet their baby mama but they don't alert their current partner? Because there are men who do that. You've not told your partner that you're going to meet, even if it's shopping, how do you say, mama? That's cheating. That's cheating. I think that's cheating. That's been unfaithful. Yeah, that's been unfaithful. If you don't feel that way, you're going to see your baby mama. You can't get involved with your current partner. Now, still, you have other cases where baby mamas demand that you do certain things, there are demands. Let me mention one demand that you should take them out on a particular Saturday. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to be on my daughter. You're in love? I'm going to be out. You're with your daughter? Yeah. I'm going to be on my daughter. I think men must also... What do you think is the difference between a girl friend and a boy friend? I think it's my daughter. You are saying that you are a girl friend. You are saying that you are a daughter. What is the difference? If you are a girl friend and a boy friend, then your girlfriend is your wife. So I think it's important to be aware of the difference. Basically, if you are a girl friend, then your girlfriend is your wife. What do you think? I think I think men must also develop respect because of what they share with their baby mamas. Yes. And that is the respect. I think with that respect, the baby mama must not demand for you to take them out. If you want to take them out, it's not a demand. I know my responsibility. I will take care of the child. But you must not place demands. Because that is a breach of respect. Because I am the father to the baby. But I am not your parent. But you are the baby's parent. Yes. What do you think is the difference? What do you think is the difference? When it comes to dealing with the baby mamas, men should avoid taking them out. Take the baby. Let's assume this baby mama also has a boyfriend somewhere. I have a girlfriend. We have a kid together. But I have a girlfriend. What will your boyfriend do if I take you out? That's a complicated six. Very complicated. Because you have your own life. You have your own happiness together with your boyfriend. I have my life, my happiness together with my girlfriend. The only thing that brings us together is the child we are sharing. That's it. The child is a mother. If you go out, there are things a mother can do that you can also. Let me carry my girlfriend there. Let me carry my girlfriend there. I have a baby. I have a baby. Maybe you still love me and I will be. Maybe you still love me and I will be. So you are saying if a woman insists to take you out, she has a hidden agenda. She has a hidden agenda. She has a hidden agenda. Because as a man, I wouldn't want to bring trouble between you and your current boyfriend. And at the same time, I will want to respect my current girlfriend. Exactly. So, if I must take both of you out, let me carry my girlfriend along. Give me the baby. If there are things a woman must do, let me carry my girlfriend along. Will you share everything that you do with your baby mama to your girlfriend as well as your girlfriend? Everything that you do, like the example of your wife. If you take a woman to your mom and she starts anything, she needs to share everything, the history that you have heard with your baby mama with your current partner. Personally, I would do that because it's not just me and my girlfriend I have a baby mama. We have to share that come I'm cheating on her. It's like I'm not being faithful. I agree. I agree because I'm faithful, I'm open, I can share anything with my friends. Now in Asinariwa, you've shared information with your current partner, your girlfriend or your wife about your baby mama, and she badmoutes her. What do you do? Actually their lines, their lines, she must not cross. That is according to me. Their lines, she must. Well, we might not have anything to do with the baby mama. You know the example I'm going to. We might not have anything to do with the baby mama, but at least respect what we shared. Exactly. Now that is where the problem comes in. My questions are coming up. That is where the problem comes in. You decide to defend your baby mama in front of your current partner, because an issue has reason. How should men handle that particular issue? Because some men now have that particular problem. Yes. You defend one person, the other person feels bad. If you defend your wife, your baby mama will feel bad that you're not being responsible. And if you defend your baby mama, your wife will feel bad that you're not being faithful. Men have this problem. So Ram, how am I defending this baby mama? I'm a two-seem baby mama. I'm a mom, he is. She is just badmouthing the baby mama. That's why I advocate. Once in a while, come on baby mama, if you're watching. If you have a baby mama, come on, I'm going to watch. Plans come over, it's your girlfriend or your partner in front of your baby mama. At least you're on gay. But you're not happening. Come on, it's your responsibility at all. Yes. I think it's just much of respect. Yes. Respect. I'll tell my girlfriend now, please don't cross that line. Because at some point in life, this baby mama was at treasure to me. And I wouldn't want you to disrespect her because of what happened between us. What happened between us is between me and her. When you came into my life, I told you, you knew I had a baby mama and you were okay with that. So, please. Now, are you saying what happened between me and my baby mama is between us, therefore it is none of your business as my partner? It could be your business, yes, but there is a sense of respect you must have. But you know, around the past is the past. Who demands this respect and who is the one who controls what should be said against who? Because if you go to your baby mama's side, she'll but mama was your wife. It begins to get hot and one person is not getting along with the other. You need to keep the past to the past. You're my girlfriend. I have a baby mama and I have a kid and I keep in touch with the baby mama because of the baby. Respect your aspect and that's it. So, you're saying that your current partner should respect your baby mama. Now, what if it's vice versa? Why is the baby mama disrespecting your partner? The baby mama should also respect my partner. She will also respect my partner. So, you both agree that they should be introduced to each other? Yes. Yes. Hey, where's the plan dinner? What's the plan dinner? The plan dinner is for my daughter, my baby mama, my wife and my girlfriend, they'll come and have me check. Hey, what's going on? Huh? What happened? I don't know. I don't know. Hey, come on, let's have a joke. If there is a man who has done that, I want you to organize a meeting between your baby mama and your partner. Yeah, because you're open with your girlfriend. There's nothing you hide into your girlfriend, then why should you not meet them? I think Ram, it also depends with how you parted ways with the baby mama. Yes. Because there are people who are separate, but they didn't have the mutual agreement. They have never made peace. Yes, the closure. Yeah, the closure. So it becomes very hard. They can't even meet. Anytime they are talking, they are fighting. Yes, exactly. That's what I was saying earlier. They fight every time. So it actually depends with how you ended up things with your baby mama. If you came to a mutual agreement and you said, see, we can't have this thing anymore. And all of you are okay with it. You're happy. You are free to introduce your girlfriend. Yes. Yeah. But if you're going to chaos and all that, I don't think of a good respect to a bus. Okay. Because I'm not here for the baby mama. I'm here for the child. You're here for the child. Yes. Now, some men have this particular problem here. The baby mama has said, I want to move out from the house I am in. And there is a particular demand that they are making that is, that that means they should change from the current situation to another. For example, a house. But now these are the problems comes in. Your current partner is not even staying in such a house. Meaning the house you'll get for your baby mama may be better than the house your partner is in. What do you do? That's the baby mama has a boyfriend. Because you just give them a chance, she can have a life. Not so much, I'm talking about the home, because the child, for the sake of the child, the child needs a better compound. You know, you're going to get a job. Like you say, you're going to get a job. Yeah, you're going to get a job. Something better. You know, you're going to get a job and you're going to get a wife and you're going to get a home. you know what I'd say. I think your demand, what you said, I'm talking about you. You know you are the best for our kids, give your child the highest class of life. then why then should you not provide what I want? And depending on how you approach things, you will have a mother and a child. But if you just have a mother and a child, and a mother and a child, normally these are the demands that come with it. And you don't have a boyfriend. You don't have anything single. I'm not single. As a man, you don't want to break her. We have been together for six months. The problem is now with men here. You broke her heart. You made her pregnant and you left her. And you want her to move on. How will she move on? And she now has this belief that men are dogs because it is you who made her like that. It is you who broke her. It is you that made her feel as if men should not be respected. What do you expect? Okay. But it's my fault. It's my fault. It depends on how you approach things. It's your fault. Whichever reason she feels like you offended her. This is life. Life is full of ups and downs. I'm lucky to have a smooth life. So, break ups, it happened to some point. See, it's not a lucky day. You're done. That's a hard question. That's a hard question. That's a hard one. That is why we should look at both sides of the coin. You're not good. Look at it. It's not your fault. I'm not your fault. I'm just looking at the coin. I'm looking at the coin. But, why do we need to do this? Because there is therapy. Because there is therapy. Why are we doing this? Why are we doing this? Actually, I can sponsor your healing. If a man breaks your heart, you go to therapy, let him pay I'll pay for it Let him pay That's a very hard question It is true Guys, talk to me, Dash Nugget is always on Power Talk Show On Twitter, at Ramaguko and at Y254Channel, I want us to take a break After this, we still have more How much? I don't know How should we be dealing with baby mamas? Because we're not going to leave them And of course, after this break, I want us to touch on the particular aspect of social media Social media How is it that we need to balance? How do we balance between a private life and social life? How do we keep things in check? Today, you're posting a photo with, for example, Jane, not as an example For example, Jane, and tomorrow, you post another photo with Jacinta And another day, you post a photo with Janet Jane and Jacinta are both your baby mamas Can you tell us the story of Jane? No, I don't know what Jane is They have nothing Let's take a short break and we'll be back in a bit Keep it Power Talk Can we do it because we're late? Y254, Imagine How do you deal with your baby mama drama? This is Power Talk and of course, my name is Ramaguko Welcome back, if at all you're just joining us Of course, we value your feedback, keep talking to what I'm seeing People have already sent in their thoughts and their comments In regards to this particular conversation Let me just sample a few of what you've said Parlek, when you're Facebook Shyam, Atta, Anasema It's very tactical dealing with these baby mamas And the girlfriends at the same time This issue has many dimensions to solve There is the biblical way and the human way What do you mean? It's very inhumane Neglecting your child And exposing her hardship simply because you are not In good terms with the baby mama Who can take responsibility of your child? This is not about your baby mama, it's about your child What do you mean? Actually, the act might have been a mistake But the child is not a mistake Akka and the layer Shyam, The biblical way It says once you engage in intimacy Your souls get connected and you can never be separated And that's why women get depressed Trying to connect the lost husband I think it's to disconnect Is that true? Is that why baby mamas are always an issue? Because you're connected spiritually The soul ties The soul ties is an issue when it comes to this issue It could be mamas It could be an issue Actually the guy has a point Because anytime The Bible says anyone that looks at a woman lastfully Has committed adultery with a woman Now, sex is spiritual So anytime you sleep with someone You get connected together That's how soul ties are made It becomes very hard disconnecting Emotionally, psychologically Spiritually It becomes an issue So the guy has a point Do you believe in soul ties? As a psychologist? Not really Psychologically soul ties I apply We usually advocate for If you're happy, you're happy Being that relationship The relationship that I give you Happiness that Akka and Moko Namtoto Work out If this is my theory I love this man Men should always know what they want It's okay to have a past But while I am your present I need security I need to feel respected Meeting your baby mama in secret Even if you're doing nothing wrong Will get the woman overthinking That's interesting Thank you so much And it's a fact Yes I'm watching from Kakamega Thank you so much Tracy Keep watching Racha Jose I'm a Nihose Play on Of course keep talking to us Let me go to the other I remember we've got two of them Let me read this Before we move on to the next issue here This is Kevin I'm watching you Enjoying the conversation I love it Thank you so much Kevin This is Simon Simon Clinton Dambuken Count me in 100% Ben Ason Kona Pali Bazenga Steve Thank you so much For your comments Nudin Giacchi Miritini Well tuned in I'm usually As usual Fabian Caesar Kei Kericho Tuned in Kericho Thank you so much Fabian Keep talking to us The hashtag is Power Talk Show Head over to our Facebook page Like the page Follow us Drop in your comments Let us know where you're watching us from Now Power Talk continues With Antonin Janga And Samua Fulla Let's talk about Before I talk about social media We have a scenario where You have agreed with your baby Not yet baby mama Not yet With your baby Before it becomes baby mama You've agreed with your baby That you know what We're just having sex Just casual Nothing complicated No feelings You know such conversations happen Nothing complicated No feelings And once you have agreed About it And then You get a child You even say There is no problem But now later on She changes her mind And says No we should be together How should you handle it As a man How should you handle it As a man we should be together In the beginning It was just something casual because you have such conversations you know it was something casual and then you end up getting a child and then the conversation goes to you know it's okay we can even get a child there's no problem but later on she says that she wants you to be together and I could talk to her messages hi baby hi hubby hi what what what how do you handle that as a man he's a hard question but let me let me let me try to say initially we were together then we got a child then later on I say mom is a teenager yes I think love grows and so is the relationship exactly so in the casual but in the cause of time the love grew and the relationship became even deeper so she's now comfortable being with you she's a comfortable you know doing parenting with you and she feels you people can be an item I think it's just a growth of love and relationship because you know incidences and instances in you know but love is our twin in a grow out of sex one's a common lover still answer out of sex to couple and that's it so you can build it you can't build on it and get something solid yes what if you're as a man you're not interested you are in it for the thrill post not clarity but some ladies would accept peer I know the ladies will say let me come to you some what is the church perspective of this issue of having a baby mama actually hard question because actually the church perspective is abstinence until marriage but here we have a scenario where people get born again after they have you know messed up their life they have given birth and they have baby manna baby manna baby mamas and they may come church women in charge come out on a hero past and so you have to help them yes so I think the church perspective is that men should just take responsibility yes all right yes now in the case of what you've said is in case where we have people who are not it put again and they get born again and of course they have a baby mama yes what about those who are born again they end up engaging intimately and they get pregnant now you have a big mama how does the church handle such kind of a case number one we have a responsibility to restore the soul the soul of those that have been involved into you know the situation ship and here they they are because I think that is our sole responsibility as you know as clergy yeah we will not cast to get them we will make them aware that what they did is wrong but we will also help them you know restore them so here so so what are you looking into here and I don't know I know you'll give in your thoughts in the gospel this also what exactly are we looking into we have two youths okay and they got intimate actually those are not just youth they are now husband and wife actually what we would help them settle down in a godly way and just raise their child as a family so one psychological intercuter and I will repeat I will say it again it doesn't have to be necessarily due to me but I'm totally not a woman mm-hmm but what this is church how do you handle as a church you just accept we don't need two people in charge you know the biggest sinners in the world just bring them close accept them the way they are you know okay let me come to you back to you some yes what if they are not able to take of each other as a family as husband and wife how are you easy how do you handle that now come on how is it that that is a different case because maybe say the child came unexpected now here they are we may be part of a moja now how are you easy maybe they have parents that would help them or maybe the church would you know get involved and help because the act might be a mistake but the child is not a mistake yes that is what we believe as the church no child is a mistake so we both of us have a responsibility of taking care of the child as a gift so come how are you easy we will find measures to help them raise the child because the child is not a mistake so she does not think of going for an abortion to save no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no as long as you're pregnant never think of an abortion there's a way out unless it is rape yes unless it is right unless it's right yes I don't know you're not comfortable about yes yeah I love that I love that now still on you Sam yes what we are talking about the church and the the issue of baby mamas you have us in not aware somebody impregnates a lady and the church says you know what you called it soul so the part where you say you help their soul restoration restoration so restoration yes okay so you restore their souls and now the guy based on the advice that we are giving them here yes I'm a summer you know what I don't love this woman I want to be with another person how should we handle such kind of a case we respect that decision but we actually we will try talking to them talking to him if he is adamant and he feels like this was not love what we shared was not love it was just you know fun and intimate but it wasn't love we will respect their decision and allow them be with the one they love yes all right you thought exactly I agree you agree with that all right huh look Namaswali bring them on let's go to social media yes and then I move on to another question here when it comes to social media is it okay for you to post photos of your baby mama online it is not okay I usually believe and I will say it is power in privacy but if you feel like you want to post your baby mama if you're not dating if you're if you don't have a girlfriend and you feel it is okay for you to do that then well and good come on a partner and if you have if you have a partner who's supposed why should you post so actually the internet does not forget exactly that's a high story it's power in privacy around yeah even just a normal relationship I don't expose it exactly that is premature exposure because the internet people might not comment people might not like but they are seeing it but they are seeing it let me ask you this question it is Mother's Day yes the baby mama what we have with Mother's Day to the mother of my child yes you know you're dating I was in which mother's day why why on social media you can send I can wish you happy Mother's Day yeah that's it a special message for Mother's Day yes because you're not my girlfriend just because it is Mother's Day and you have my kid I post you and write happy Mother's Day then emojis are love love it will sound and if she demands that you recognize the child and her publicly I demand why would she demand why come on a respect you are less yes why can't you recognize her unless he has a hidden agenda yes why why do men find it difficult to recognize the baby mama's in public because if a girl friend if a man has a girlfriend why should I recognize you on social media now what post girlfriend you have a life you have a life that is that is your past yes why would you keep bringing your past back every time you start dating today you date a lady give me a name Jerry Jerry yes you have Jerry and you guys start making posts online and you get intimate and of course you're dating and she gets your child you break up now you get into another relationship you're with another person give you a name I don't know I don't know I don't know feel tagged look for me look for me now you you you that's Jerry and of course that's Jerry and you you you guys break up but after getting a child now you're with Teresia and Jerry as you know it of course you're no longer together but you have to stay in touch what do you do with the Teresia and Jerry will come to social media because here we have posts of Jerry online now you're in another relationship how do you handle that as a man I think you you post your current girlfriend and allow your former girlfriend to be behind the scenes so now you post now you make other posts of your current and still keep the rest why should we even post you posted we have men who have done that we should post it online I got a little against you to delete the ones that Jerry would watch Teresia private account we have seen people who have been together deleting photos yes yes they do so and so deleted photos of blah blah blah they go I have also done that I've done that actually I was one guy that was you know would post my relationship everywhere on Facebook everywhere the whole world knew actually after we broke up I went and deleted them because actually I want a new life because everyone everyone that goes through a timeline knows you are with this one yet this one is with someone else you know so it becomes very very hard for you to break you know to you know forget your past so the best way of healing is to buy guns be by going to our total overhaul that life yeah those are just your past never bring back your past if it is a past it is a past let by guns be by guns you can tumble and now it is a present focus on the present and move forward do you still make posts never that was a lesson I learned the hard way so now it a bit of deletes yeah so social life to me is my social life is a very private very private delete those things yeah don't post it's not a must you keep on posting every day's achievement all right let me ask another question what about friend requests your friends on Facebook yes should you unfriend your baby mama I personally think you shouldn't unfriend your baby mama because if you know you you guys are not together and you just stay for the kid and could you lia highly I'm total don't unfriend don't unfollow don't unfollow just see what's you gonna live here coram I mean it gonna live here that's it you both of you have a bit to move on yes yes move on why would I don't I don't see the need of unfriending each other if she unfriends you and unfollows you should you send her a friend request no leave her that's a decision yeah yes leave alone yeah no but don't unfriend her if she decides to unfriend you that is that is she has reasons maturity comes in when you know right now let me still on social media we have some men who keep on liking photos of their baby mama you like photos come on IG double tap you comment beautiful sexy wonderful I am single I'm dating you are dating you have a girlfriend should you disrespecting don't even comment liking it's like it's not bad should you keep on liking her photos and your girlfriend or your wife is seeing when you come across it why do you keep on liking a picture when you come across it why should you not like see it when they call it Instagram or Facebook who such do you know baby mama like should you like there's no problem see your girlfriend knows that you can be mama like to see not a matter also no problem you like likes it just same as ignoring her call when she's but liking is not ignoring her he's telling her you exist but like you know just social media Ram social media social media what kind of like he can I lay here a kid or a thumbs up to deal with this like another like me We have hearts. Another like is He. The EO of emojis. Even emojis. We have hearts. We have the EO of emojis. We have the EO of emojis. We have the EO of emojis. If you know me, you don't need to know me. Do we have those ones that are restricted? You can do any. But I think the normal like too. I think these emojis are communication Yes So you can pay here Yes So yes, at times like this What if your wife or girlfriend complains and asks you why you are liking her pictures According to me, if it brings issues with your current girlfriend You avoid Now teach your baby mama one's attention I like Instagram too much There is no difference So you will like her pictures I have no problem I like It's not easy being a man Why should you like pictures of your baby mama So what kind of a picture is she? She is a real life picture You are still together social media meaning You are still together social media meaning She likes you She likes you She doesn't make her name Exactly Who is your enemy? She is just present in my past What if your baby mama is jealous of your current relationship? Maybe you have given her reasons too You are giving her reasons Some of your baby mama is jealous of you You are giving her signs and you know that You are not in secret You are out You are editing somebody else And she is feeling jealous When she has not moved on How do you handle her? Please you are watching and you are in that state I am a counselling psychologist I will do you free counselling Kindly Okay and let me ask you this What about remaining friends? As we conclude What about remaining friends? With your baby mama You know Ram There is a difference As I started I said There is a difference between a friend, a baby mama And a girlfriend and a wife She is your baby mama She is the mother to your kid Can she be your friend? Not really according to me She cannot be close circle of friends Depends on the level of friendship It depends There are distant friendships Where you only call once in a month Once in a while So it depends on the level of friendship You are not close to threaten your current relationship So arms length Let me ask you one more question The last one As we bring this conversation to a close And then I will give you time to have a final word We have baby mamas who stay alone Okay If you have a family Let's give an example We have a family We have a family We have a name It doesn't matter She has a place And she stays with her child As a man Is it okay Because some men do this Is it okay To spend the night In your baby mama's house Whether you are dating or not Is it okay To spend the night in your baby mama's house Are you in love with your baby mama? Of course Personally If you are okay with it I don't think there is any problem If you are okay with it As a man It is okay They are men Their work schedule only allows them Free time during the evening That's the time they want to go To their child Okay with you And your current girlfriend No problem There is no problem Don't have that masculinity You cannot spend a night As a man in a gas If you are okay with it Then why not I am serious Let me give my thoughts I am serious I am serious I am not in love with my baby mama Who is the one who is in love with your baby mama The difference is The difference is in the house The difference is in the house The problem is Ram We have We have taken our egos too high Too high What you find men saying Oh I am not in love with my baby mama I miss you easy That is ego Also Psychologically Our culture From our culture and our background And sociatively We have this toxic masculinity Because if you are okay with it Then why not That is the culture Ram assuming your girlfriend is in Mombasa They are going to see her What will you do I will be in Nairobi If my girlfriend is in Mombasa I will visit her in Mombasa Where will you sleep I will get a hotel Okay Remember Okay Let's finish I am not giving you time to have fun Thank you so much Anthony And Sam I also want to finish If you are there and you have a baby mama You can talk to me You are finding it hard to deal with that issue I am on social media On Instagram And if you want to call me My number is 0725-0293-98 Talk to me My number is 0725-0293-98 I am a counselling psychologist And I can help you deal with that Thank you Thank you Anthony And of course this brings us to the end of power talk show Do we have a quote of the day Timothy All right Yes we do And let's bring this conversation To a close with a quote of the day As always this how we do it Right on power talk And a quote of the day I want you to tell me whether you agree with me With this quote or not I want to say one is our I will just read it To the mama who hasn't felt like herself lately I know how difficult it is When you catch yourself not being you Be patient Your sparkle will return again And you will shine Again Happy Mother's Day We say Happy Mother's Day Happy Mother's Day come soon Keep talking to us My name is Ram Maguko It's a pleasure repeat of this show Tonight at 10pm This is power talk