 It's May 13th today, May 13th 2023. On this day in 2013 I went to court and got sentenced and went to prison. The reason that that day is so significant is because on that day is when I started my sober journey. So I was sober all throughout my prison sentence and then I continued that sobriety upon my release. The reason that's significant for me is because drugs and alcohol were the main driver to everything negative in my life. So I think it's pretty easy to see that if you have been not had a drug and alcohol problem or if you're not from the kind of place I was from, you know, it's easy to look from the outside and see that drugs and alcohol are a huge problem. But when you're in that mindset and when you're on the street and when you're involved with gangs and violence and you have addictions, it's actually pretty hard to see where the problems lie. When you're in it, you really don't see the problem so clearly as when you pull yourself out of it. Yeah, going to prison really hindered my drug and alcohol use or obviously alcohol use. But there are drugs in prison, but I decided to keep a clear head in prison because of the politics inside prison and I wanted to keep my head screwed on. And if I was under the influence of any substances inside that, it might get me into more trouble than I needed to be in. So I just wanted to keep a level head. And when I was released, I was on parole for seven months, actually. And they test you urine. So it stopped me from using drugs and alcohol. It was about a month after I was released, actually, that I became vegan. And I've been an activist ever since. And you know, my journey and you might have an idea of what you think gang life is like, you might have seen some shows about it, you might have, you know, watched the movies about it. But really, the gang world, the underworld, the drug dealing world, experiencing it is a lot more heavy than just watching it on a show. You know, because there's a lot of a trauma involved, there's a lot of emotions, there's a lot of anxiety, there's a lot of violence. And the thing that repeats on you for many years afterwards, you know, being involved in incredibly brutal acts of violence and using all these amphetamines and substances and constantly looking over your shoulder and police and all of these things that scars you in a way that you don't really realize until you stop using all these substances and then you're just kind of a sober blank slate. I assumed that just stopping the drugs, stopping the alcohol, leaving the gangs would be a solution to my mental health issues. It stopped me creating new problems, but then there's a mental health issues that just stay with you and the nightmares that repeat on you and PTSD and things like this. So that took many, many years to get through. In 2018, I ended up getting some help for those issues. I didn't actually know what these issues were. I didn't have a good understanding of these mental health issues that stem from being involved in traumatic experiences, perpetrator-induced traumatic stress as well. I didn't realize what I was having recurring violent nightmares and screaming in my sleep and things like this until I went and got some help for it. But that took me a few years. But now I'm looking back like 10 years now I've been a different person kind of thing. It's still the same underlying character. Always been a good guy, but I've done some bad things. It's bizarre looking back because when you look back a decade ago, you never think that you're actually going to get there. When I was six months sober, I was like a month out of jail or something. I was like, yeah, I'm six months sober. Let's keep going because I'm on a good run here. And no one thought that I was going to continue that way. I remember putting up my one year sober post on Facebook and I had people hating on me going, this is just a phase. He's going to get straight back into it. He's not serious about this because I was a heavy drug user. I was known for my heavy drug and alcohol use actually, just more than average, a lot more than average. And I was a loose cannon as well. I was a loose cannon carrying weapons doing this and that and terrorizing people and being terrorized myself. It's the gang world. It's like, that's the way it is. People just are not expected. And honestly, looking back from the start of my journey, it was just like taking each day as it comes and just not giving myself the option to use drugs and alcohol, even though the temptation is really full on, especially when you're going through some hard times, like when you say you have anxiety or something happens and you're feeling lonely and this and that. And I'm an adult, I can just walk to the alcohol store and get some vodka, get some drinks, get some beers, get some wine, whatever I want. So resisting those temptations for 10 years is quite crazy. And also the temptation of drugs, there's certain triggers that make you want to use drugs again. And the main thing that kept me from using drugs again and using alcohol again and getting back involved with the riffraff and the characters I used to be around and that world I used to be in, the main driving force for that was that the feeling of being in prison, the feeling of losing it all, the feeling of losing my mind, that feeling of anxiety, that feeling of what alcohol does to you, that feeling of being involved in insane crazy gang politics and police, all of those feelings I associated with drug and alcohol use and being involved in that world. My whole thing is like, you get one shot at life or we only think what we can prove, we get one shot at life. And I thought like, what legacy am I going to leave behind about what impact should I have? Should I have this negative impact? Should I be staring at four walls in a prison cell, out walking the yard with people who wish they'd taken another path and filled with regret? So am I going to leave a legacy behind that that makes a positive impact on the lives of humans and animals? And I believe that now looking back 10 years, like I've achieved things that I never dreamed that I would achieve, you know, I always knew that that gang life and the drug life, it was like, it's like I was in there playing a character, you know, I mean, I shouldn't have been there. I should not have been there. Like I had so many introspective thoughts about the world and philosophical thoughts about the world. And I thought, you know, I really did want to make a difference. I was really inspired by people who were activists and who changed the world in a positive way. And I was always around negative people. So whenever I spoke about these, these sort of topics of awareness, I just didn't feel like anyone was listening. There was a few, but you know, it's just people don't want to hear that in that world. So basically the environment that I was in, the environment that I was in was really holding me back and not allowing me to flourish into like that person that I was underneath. So there are a lot of, a lot of people, right, that are involved with that world. And they're, or not even the world that I was in, just like drugs and alcohol on that. And if they let go of those things, they would actually evolve into the human they were born to be. I truly believe that there's, you know, there's so many talented, good people that are sitting in a cell right now. And they just didn't have a father in the home or they were born in, they were born into poverty or they just, they had the old stacked against them. They didn't have the right environment for them to turn into the person that they should have been. A lot of people don't make it out of, out of the system, out of like, out of addiction. So a lot of people, they are the, you know, they lose everything, they lose their family, they end up on the streets or they end up in prison. Generally, they could end up dead, they could end up with an addiction for life. So it's really a, it's really a tough thing to pull yourself out of. So I guess, knowing that, knowing that it's so tough to pull yourself out of, don't want to get sucked back into it. That's for sure. Once you've, if you're, if you're someone who's, who's going through addictions and things like this, and you do give yourself three months off of it, that three months is huge. Don't throw it all away just to get back on it. Because, you know, now, now looking back 10 years, looking back 10 years, imagine like, this is how quickly I could throw it all away, just by having a drink, you know, one drink of alcohol, it would just be a huge slippery slope back into exactly the same life I'm from. So a lot of, there's people who are more susceptible and less susceptible to this, and I'm someone who's really as susceptible to it, you know, with me, getting into substances was like, it was like an escape from my reality, but it soon fell into like addiction and, you know, and that coupled with the environment and your peers and, you know, and maybe your socioeconomic status and, you know, where you don't see any way out except drug dealing, and you might not have any good, you know, male figures in your life, or maybe they're lost as well. It's just a cocktail for just getting stuck in the same loop, trying to prove something to your mates and taking a bunch of substances and trying to deal with your mental health issues with substances and then turning yourself into like a monster and going out and committing acts of violence and then retribution and then prison was something that changed my whole mentality because I had, I just cleared, cleared my eyes and cleared my mind and I was able to see things so much more clearly from jail. And the problem is, is that you don't want to be sitting in prison having this transformation. I got let off with a, with a light sentence. I got caught with a firearm. I didn't do anything to anyone with that firearm. I had it on me. So I got a smaller sentence than say I shot that firearm towards someone. Then I would be looking at five to seven years. Imagine if I didn't have that shorter sentence and just got caught with the gun, maybe I got caught. Imagine if I shot it at someone and could have killed someone, could have killed someone. Then I would be sitting in, in prison having this transformation, trying to make an impact, but sitting at four walls. You really want to make that change before something really bad happens and you end up doing a long stretch in prison and getting sober in prison. I just, I don't wish that for anyone. I want people to turn their life around now where they have a chance. In the last 10 years since I've been out of that world and out of prison and out of the drug scene, I've achieved more in that 10 years and I'll have it in my, then the entire 26 years before that. You know, I never, I left school early, left school at 14 and from basically 14 to till I was imprisoned at 26, 12 years it was just the same. It's exactly the same stuff constantly. It was just, it just kept getting worse and worse and worse and worse to the point where I got put on house arrest and then put in prison and got sober. So I honestly believe like I got really, really lucky. The one thing I didn't want to do is ruin the chance that I got. Basically, I got a really good opportunity when I got out of prison to take this as a fork in the road and take the right path. If I didn't, I'd be doing, I can only imagine what, what would have happened. The probability of something really, really bad happen is extremely high. So I took that opportunity and I didn't want to waste that opportunity, basically. And I had a desire to make a difference. You know, I really had that desire and I didn't know what it was going to be. I just knew that I wanted to, I didn't know how it was going to come about or in what avenue it will be in, but I knew that I wanted to make a positive difference. That's all I knew and it was that knowing that I'm going to make a positive difference is what opened up the doors to what avenue it was and it happened to be animals. And I just so happened I used to have a affinity for pigs when I was really young and I didn't know where that would lead, but it turns out I spend a lot of time defending pigs. So the reason you need to protect your mental state from substances to the highest extent practicable is that your mind is all you really have. You know, your mind and your thoughts and your emotions, they dictate how you live your life. So they dictate what you bring into your life, they dictate how your life manifests, what, what, what roads you travel down, how robust and fulfilling your life is and whether or not you follow your heart or whether you're not, you're clouded by paranoia and your judgment is off and your emotions are off. You can really make better decisions when you have a clear sober mind. I used to make such all the wrong decisions. I didn't know who was ready, who was the captain of my ship because I was just clouded all the time and I was being misled easily and I couldn't see things clearly, couldn't see who was there manipulating me, couldn't see who had good intentions for me, who was really trying to help me, who, who's who because I was clouded by substances all the time. So I got misled and I got manipulated and then I would get angry and be filled with vengeance, with revenge, I wanted revenge and but I allowed the thing is I want to revenge on all these people that I feel like were manipulating or doing me wrong, but I was doing myself wrong. I was allowing myself to be manipulated by people and I was allowing, I was, I was lowering myself and allowing people to walk all over me and that's because I wasn't in a good mindset and that's because I was, my mind was taken over by substances and now for the last 10 years I've been able to make really good decisions on who I spend my time around. For, for any reason I feel like I shouldn't be around this person that they're going to, they're, they're into that or they're into this and they might be still connected to the gang world or whatever. I don't make that decision. I make very, for the most part, very well thought out decisions that I think are going to impact me in the best way and, and I'd never thought like that. I always just let, I always just felt like I had, had to, had a commitment to people that didn't really care about me, you know, that, that wouldn't care if I got a 25 year sentence for shooting someone in the head. That, that, oh, well, he's, he's a junkie anyway. You know, just people, people that I committed myself to that didn't really have my best interest in heart anyway. So why would you, why would you, why would you throw your life away for, for people? It's just like fake friendships, you know what I mean? Not saying all my friendships were like that, but there definitely were some. And yeah, sobriety is the most important part of what makes my life livable now. Definitely didn't see a long life ahead of me the way I was going. And now I had a huge opportunity now to, to create an insane impact and built all these platforms. I had no education. I didn't have a very wide vocabulary and every second word that came out of my mouth when I first got on YouTube was a swear word. But now I'm, you know, I feel like I've educated myself. I've even though I had a leg down, I've been able to still achieve quite a lot. A lot of people who didn't know what my past is and where I come from kind of used to give me a hard time like, who is this guy? Why is he so aggressive and listen to his attitude and who is, you know, but I think if they knew where I come from and who I was before, maybe they would see it's just like night and day because a lot of my friends and family, they see it's like night and day, you know, and they'll say, wow, he's a lot. He's, he's, he's changed a lot. This guy, I don't really think about my past too much anymore. That's how long it's been. When I was five years sober, things like that, I used to have, I was still having recurring PTSD triggers and boom, boom, and I have this like, this is like, it's almost like mental flashbacks. And they would come something in an environment would trigger and it would come and I'd have all these flashbacks and I just don't get that anymore. Like I feel like it's faded away, but you're talking like 10 years to have those things fade away and living with those things and trying to function with those things for the first five, six years is terrible. So a huge inspiration actually to see other people who pull themselves out of prison and gangs and then violence and things like that. And you can only imagine like what soldiers of war feel after going through such extreme levels of fighting and things like that. And I do understand complex PTSD and things like that. And I know there are different levels to it, but it is a really debilitating thing. So if there's any young people out there, just don't get yourself down, don't take yourself down that track, because it doesn't end there. You know, if you think, oh, well, I'm glad that's over, it's not over. It's not over everything that, that happens to you, everything that you're involved with, every kind of violent thing that happens around you. And that will all repeat on you, you know, for years. And in the moment, you might not think it because you're smoking weed or you're taking drugs of alcohol, you're drinking in a way. But if you get sober, you'll start to realize how much this stuff repeats on you. I feel incredibly grateful to be able to have the freedom to talk to all you guys who watch my channel, to spread a positive message for animals and animal rights. And like, I feel like I dodged a huge bullet. So basically, now I can do 100% of my, spend 100% of my time on animal rights, which is an incredible blessing, really. And it's a curse as well, because it's such a horrible, horrible tragedy that I'm constantly coming up against opposition about. And it's a battle, but it's a battle that I'm grateful to be able to, to fight because there are other battles, you know, like being in prison forever, you know, that's not a battle I would have wanted. So this here, I've got my freedom and I use my freedom to try to, to help those who can't help themselves. And yeah, I've got to always have that as a reminder. And I think that I think that that general mentality will help anyone, even someone who didn't pull himself out of like gangs or whatever, but you should always think like this, right? No matter how hard you have it, there's always someone out there that has it harder. And when I look at what's going on to the animals, it's like, Oh my God, they're sentient beings just like me. They are they are imprisoned in these factory farms. They're suffering, their children are being stolen and murdered. And then they're about to go into a slaughterhouse or a gas chamber to be executed. And someone else has got some oblivious person is going to eat their body. And, you know, all those people that are born into countries that are stricken with poverty and war and there's bombs dropping onto them. And, you know, there's a war torn place. And they see violence constantly. They don't have the same kind of rights. And, you know, so there's people just doing decades of time for something they didn't even commit. They're falsely accused. There's always situations where like you can draw on the situations of others with people who are less fortunate or have got themselves into something horrible by their choice or by not. And you can say, well, you know, I should I've got this opportunity here. I should be very grateful that I I'm actually born into a country where I do have rights and I do have freedom to be able to help others. I didn't make that stupid mistake that could have cost me my life sentence or there's always ways to like generate gratitude and don't waste that opportunity that you have. You know, don't think about how we're spending our time. And could we could we be spending our time better to help others or to make a better impact? And I could be completely selfish and just be like, you know what, I'm just going to blow it all up the wall and just go out there and party and do this all and do everything do everything from through a selfish lens. But I wouldn't find that fulfilling at all. So yeah, I'll just encourage people to get involved with doing something for others and dedicate some of your life to making a difference for or for the animals or for people. I encourage anyone else who is going through any kind of issues with substances to pull yourself away, change your environment. If you can change your change your friend group as well, fulfill yourself with something that brings your life purpose. If you don't live a life of purpose, you're going to turn to drugs and alcohol. If you don't live a life that seeks to help others, you're going to become too self focused and pull yourself into a pit where you drown your sorrows. If you do have mental health issues, I do recommend you seeking help there in the form of therapy. If you wanted to look at look at some of these alternative medicines that they're doing now, they've got these programs for psychedelics or MDMA for trauma, things like this depends on which country you're in. It's probably illegal in most countries now, but I think they're probably going to start introducing some of these things. If you deal with your trauma, then once you deal with your trauma, you can help others and you're a much better human being. If you keep a sober mind and you've dealt with your mental health issues, because a lot of people they've had, they've had a hard run. So it's really hard. If you go to someone who's homeless on the street and they've got an alcohol problem, you can imagine why they've got an alcohol problem when they're trying to deal with what life has thrown at them and they might have had everything come crashing down and they might have lost their entire family or they might have been born into a family of drug abuse and maybe they were abused as a child and maybe that trauma has just stricken them down and they end up on the street. So it's really, it's not just as easy as saying someone, hey, snap out of it, get off the drug, get off the, a lot of people have everything coming working against them. That's why if you are someone who's in a position to be able to pull themselves out of that place before it gets any worse, do it now. This isn't just, hey, it's easy, so you should do it and everyone needs to just quit all substances and but I'm just trying to inspire those who are in the position to change your lives, to change your life around because if you've seen where I was 10 years ago, 11 years ago, and you see me now, you would realize that I'm not talking from a place of inexperience. I'm talking from a place where I was incredibly messed up, drugs, violent, loose cannon, a mess. So if you see me from where I was to now, you would say, okay, I'm someone who actually can advise on this. And really, even if you are at rock bottom, because I've been there at rock bottom, you can pull yourself out of it. It's just going to take a little bit of time and withdrawal from what you're used to and a bit of suffering. But the amount of suffering it will take for you to to quit all these substances and pull yourself out is nowhere near the suffering you'll experience if you stay in that. Thank you for joining me. Thank you for following my journey. I've been on social media since 2015. Been a vegan nearly 10 years this year as well. This isn't the end. We'll keep going. Yeah, I hope this inspires you.