 pinpoint it so I was and I don't know if it if it is necessary to pinpoint anything to say okay this is comes from that or this is the fear about that it's just none I cannot even express what it is is it needed is it necessary that I have to have a reason in the mind for this this for this lump that I feel here or can I just when I just look at it it doesn't go away it keeps on just staying here just being here this really big black thing right here I can feel right here it's interesting how healing is about exposure and a lot of times the mind seems to be a mystery because of the unconscious beliefs the decisions are being made continuously but because of the unconscious police you're not even aware the decision to close down or the decision to have a contraction feeling so to cultivate the healing I would say the willingness to start just to open up that's why we have expression sessions but it could be in group with a close friend could be journaling it could be anyway just a willingness to start to get in touch with the feelings and the thoughts is a huge step towards healing and it's like a good practice to do that that's why when when we feel contracted and a close friend calls and say hey how you doing it's more a symbol to our mind that we're willing to start to open up just ever so slightly even if a friend just calls and say how's it going today well I know I'm not feeling so good I'm feeling a little contracted you know then you start talking about it and amazing miraculous things happen when we start to move in that direction just with the willingness to open up to heal so you might say that it's your life's devotion and the mystery will dissolve away as you dive into the practice and the willingness and you don't have to kind of try to look way to the future or even try to figure out how it's going to happen that's part of our old analytical way you know tell me how to get from A to B but just the willingness to do that and also it's it's quite common when you come together in communities and groups like this where those kind of things will happen you're joyful you're open you're flowing and then suddenly the contraction comes but instead of trying to analyze it figure it out or even kind of do a fix or go for a quick fix just to be able to relax into it for a moment and allow it to come it's so huge it's absolutely so huge and we've just seen it over and over and the people that we've worked with you just let everything come up in this seeming situation that's part of the emptying like you say I probably have some concepts of enlightenment yeah it's more than a probably it's you know it's it's coming and and to the extent that you can split it up then you can start to see that that your state of mind is a decision and that if this thing is repeated someone telling you they're enlightened or something like fear or something uncomfortable with that then it's always just coming from an interpretation and you know you're just willing to let that up because that's you know with our community those sense of presence just comes and comes and comes and then you know I'll hear things like there is no or I don't even relate to those thoughts of personhood or those thoughts that seem to be a story the story just dissolves good stories bad stories awkward stories happy stories just emptiness presence is so strong that that's really what enlightenment is about it's just presence and the mind becomes very very still in the sense of even trying to put a story on it you know when people ask me you know at what point in your life's journey did you become enlightened you know I can't process the question because it's like you know like in what the bleep like the marital status of the number five what's the marital status of the number five is the same at what point in your life kind of at what point in linear time on the timeline did you become enlightened you know it's not that it never was that it's just pure presence