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What we've done joined by Sam Avery again as usual now, he's full in. Sam's full in, but Sam, what we've done this week is, we've done that thing that sometimes sitcoms do or programmes where we've replaced one of the people who were on it every week with someone who's got similarities, but we'll try not to address the elephant in the room. He's even had his head shaved like the other said, Ginger, who's normally sat there, but we have of course got Ned in the hot seat this week. I think going to the bar and saying, can I have the ped? This is my style. What? Ped to your style? This, just this, isn't it? Which? For the purpose of people who are listening to this, what is your style? My hair. You have to what is it? Explain to the listeners what your hair is like. It's like a fade into a fade into a fade of her on the top. That's not a fade of hair on the top though, that's like a mop. Yeah, but it's like a fade into a little bit of glamour of Ginger. I don't know where the salmon is. I don't know where the salmon back that up. I say Dave, Dave, Dave, just give me enough to just like do something with it. And he's like, I know exactly what you mean. And he does this. Fair play. Fair play. With a fade. Okay. A fade into a little bit of glamour. Fade into a little bit of glamour. I mean, Sam, fade into a little bit of glamour. Is that how you would describe Ned's hair? Someone who's not been to a bar until 2017. I'm already in a position of strength to talk. Okay. So it's hair, but I do like it. And I also, it would have been kind of cool if you swapped head for the head. It could have been swapped out for my Cosgrove. And then you just come for like all that kind of look. Well, who's doing me then? I mean, who's replacing me? Well, no, I'd say more like Martin Freeman. Martin Freeman. I don't know whether he's a watchy. What Mike did. Mike was using the toffee TV environment, wasn't he? Cos Mike, it's Mike. Sam, Sam could have got someone far better than Mike Cosgrove. Could anybody went with, cos Mike's great. And Mike could just throw the game. It's just the ball stereotype, isn't it? But like, I mean, to be honest, like the thing with Sam is, if Sam grew her, I would laugh at Sam. But like ironically. Why? That's not very nice. If they shaved the hair off, I'd go, ha, baldy baldy. But like Sam suits balls. Sam wouldn't look right with her. I just saw Sam. I just saw Sam. We haven't, have we? No, but that's because he doesn't have one. Brokei. So, my wedding anniversary not long ago. And you see all the old photos come out on your wedding day. And you're like, look at that. Look at that open my eyes then. Look at the joy. Look at the money we had before we had kids. We had the disposable income. It was incredible times. And my hair on my wedding day was terrible. It was terrible cos I was still clinging on. And I was bawdin', but it was just... I mean, wife said this amazing phrase. She said, you look worse then than you do now. I thought it was a really unusual way to... Instead of saying, you look better now than you did then. You look worse then than you do now. You look bad now, but you look worse then. That level's not good there, is it? That level, she's not held you up to a level there, Sam. She could have gone, oh, you've glowed up. Love having it all. You've aged. You're like a fine wine, Sam, the way you're aging here. He's got this persona now, hasn't he? And Bald is part of it. I mean, he just took his glasses off for a minute and I was looking up, going, bloody hell's that. And he just didn't look like Sam to me. I mean, when people say Sam Avery, the picture is Sam Bald. It wouldn't be any good if people said Sam Avery on the picture would say like Dominic Halbert Lewin or something like that, cos that would just be false. No, because Dominic Halbert Lewin, if you got on stage, it'd be very hard to make you laugh. I don't know. Sam's already kind of given you that with his big glasses and stuff. You look kind of like a kind of comedic anyway. Do you think Sam looks like Harry Hill? No. Okay, I'm just asking you. I don't think he does, I was asking you. Harry Hill's more of a voice to me. If you say Harry Hill, the first thing I think of is his voice rather than his looks. I think it was just stupidly big collars on the sheath. That's what I mean. Fair play. Let's get on with this anyway, by the way. Sam was it lovely having a weekend where there was no evidence. Cos we had that the week before, obviously, but on top of that, there wasn't additional pressure either of looking at other teams around you whether they were winning or not. It was just like, yeah, there's no foresee, basically. It was boss. It was amazing, it was beautiful. The weekend before was good, but then I'd forgotten that there was other Premier League games until the day off. This weekend that was just like basking in a glory of life. Life's good. There's a foolish man in the corner for me and I don't know his name and he doesn't know my name, but he's one of those. He's just stopping at it. I'm going off here, I'm going to the shop, we'll stop a minute, two minutes tops. No commitment, just a little chat. And he's an evident fan. That's probably one of the few things we know about each other. And the last few weekends I've seen on the way back from the shop, I've just gone, good weekend and he's gone, no evident and I've gone, I know. And we're just smiles. It's not cool, that is it. That isn't cool, this is it. What it's probably useful for though is acting as a reset, like a sort of refresh. Because it's not healthy for any of us fans to kind of take this anxiety constantly. Which it has been, if you think it's been pretty much in session for the last three years hasn't it been a threat of, not just like the threat of what we might finish 10th, existential nightmare is on the horizon and it's almost like it's too much to bear. So you would hope that the way I feel today is quite fresh. You would hope it would move to the plays as well and they would benefit from this little break. But it's just, it's being glorified. It has, it has, hasn't it? It was a weird week for us wasn't it? Obviously we're normally doing pre-match content and all of that. But it was just nice wasn't it, to just go, just nothing to worry about. It just makes me wish that everything that we're going through Evan didn't exist, stop it and make you wish. What I mean is like with everything off the field would have already been done by now. I really enjoyed the past couple of weeks. Obviously we can't, but waiting on 777 we've got this appeal in the next couple of days or if not today isn't it? Yes, that's it. So there's still that off the pitch worry. And then obviously we discovered last week that we'll have a week with three home games one of them decided that I'd be. So I'm really enjoying no football. All three are on live. Not only a busy week for us but a really stressful week for us. But I think having no football for those that really need to get away from the stress and anxiety of Everton. Having a weekend or a couple of weeks like this helps you realise that there's other things to do and I can enjoy my weekend without the stress of Everton. So if you do need to get away from it then you just think back to what you did on that week where there was no Everton. I mean that sounds good now but it's not as easy as that is it? No, it's also quite sad. Shouldn't have to pull away from something that's meant to be for fun or sport and something that you spend so much money on as well. Shouldn't have to make you feel like... It's like Sam's just said though because we haven't even had like one buffer in between. Like a season where we finished 11 but there was no danger. This is just three years piled on top of that. It's a continuous cycle. State of misery. Yeah exactly. Well it's compounded by the fact that because you think of like the last three seasons every season has been you're looking down the barrel of relegation or waste because then you look at if relegation does happen it's not just like in the 80s or even the 90s where you go down you probably come back up there's all these other factors to it you're looking at your brain then catastrophises and you go like 10 years on the line and you're playing the league one. It's all sorts of horrible thoughts going to your head which is absolutely ridiculous in it but I don't think... I'm losing track of whether the forest points deduction came out after the last podcast we did wasn't it? Yeah. So they've had the four. We're talking about six, they've got the four. There's been a bit of fallout with that this week hasn't it? So there's obviously... Obviously Evertonians were not happy because it was like well I'm gone now. We ended up with six and they ended up with four with a bigger breed and we've had all of that stuff and now they're not happy and they don't know whether to appeal or not. Lester have been done since and Lester have gone off on one but they're getting done either or they didn't get up, they were getting done and they get up, they're getting done and Everton are just in the middle sort of going well I'm gone. Now they've said Chelsea are definitely getting done next season. There's two other teams on the watch list apparently. They're all some now saying city of face with expulsion. And we're at a stage where you just look at the league table there's already two asterisks on the league table and Everton are in the middle of the net. Well Everton are beginning their next hearing to David. I just find... There's like questions that can't be answered and certainly won't be answered by the Premier League or like everything. Even Lester won and I know they should only be punished in the Premier League but then there's clubs in the championship they'll say. The players that they bought which meant they breached are helping them promote them now stopping us being promoted. So why can't the other points are looked at now? I know it probably doesn't work like that but there's no definition of how it all works which is just crazy. That's the problem really. How can you give someone who's had a more severe crime breached more a lesser punishment because they were nice? That doesn't make any sense. We've used all the analogies we can do so I'm not going to give another one. I can't even keep track of what's going on and I've run out of... It's a bit like X, a bit like Y. We've done it all. It's like Brexit. There's no jokes left. We've just said everything that we can. The whole thing just like a disaster. But if Man City... I mean one of the... Man City's punishment... Exclusion, that's never a good weapon isn't it? The brand of Man City is so powerful in the Premier League at this point. I made the joke saying at this Man City's punishment week that they have to go back some match of the day for one week, that'll be it. It doesn't seem like there's any kind of reason. But there's a question for the period. If if I ever can get a second point of seduction will it be the first team in the history of sports or football to have not one asterisk but two asterisks next to the name and if so, normally they have an asterisk and they have another symbol to denote the second one. What's the second symbol going to be? I don't think they're the first because Derby Canti got basically... The football league basically made Derby Canti made sure they relegated them. They give them 12 points and give them another nine on top of it. When Rooney was nine. They were taking off them in the season and then they were like, ah, you were unlucky there and they only got relegated in April which imagine losing 21 points and it's near the end of April before you go down. I reckon a cry and laugh in emoji. I think that's what the Premier League want, just like tears and head on the side. Head on the side. Rolling laughing. That'll be one. A big old machine. Big old machine, yeah. And a... It is mad though, isn't it? Because where we are, I mean, what do we... This morning I went to get I went to Tesco to grab something and I was on my way out some fella just went and said how many points more do you reckon you're getting then? And I was like from now on. Oh, all right, me didn't even say good morning or anything on my name. How many more points are you getting the doctor that me? So we had a brief chat and he was like, he was a red obviously. He was a red, but what he did say was if I'm mad was. We had this little conversation and I said why are you bothered anyway? We're no threat to, you know, we're no threat wherever and he went well, we're crap this season, we're not going to win anything. I was like fucking hell mate, two weeks ago you want a bleeding trophy. We've got to go back 30 years for us to have that and he could win the league and the Europa League. But anyway, he was, so I was like, I reckon if we get a point of the ducks and it'll be two. I mean, Ned, first of all, do you think we will get a point of the ducks and there's a little bit of noise now so kind of saying everyone won't get one because of the bright. I'm not going on that road. I think we'll get two. I'm very feeble. I'm glad you've admitted that. And the people around me who are more educated than me on this will get a point of the ducks because we have breached again. Obviously because they mitigate some circumstances we've already been punished for two out of the three of the years because we can't go back to more than three years ago so there's only one year that hasn't been punished so rightly we should get, well if we've always got four points for being nice if we're nice on this one we might get one point but it should be a maximum of three points based on the six points we got before. And if it sends us down, going with relegatio in the past couple of years because we were there by fault of our own I know we've had to sell players and stuff because of what's going on now but it was almost like at first I was really petrified of relegatio and devastated but imagine if you're really scared of getting punched in the face but you keep getting punched in the face for two years or over and over eventually you're going to get used to it aren't you so over two years I've been constant scared of relegatio and being in relegatio at a bath and I was just like I don't know if you go down and I'll still go with a match and I'll probably enjoy winning every week I don't give a toss anymore but now because if we get this point seduction and that sends us down it feels someone just, it makes me feel sick so and then the things before it's getting four points and stuff because there's no, like Sam said rhyme or reason to it, it feels someone justified That's the problem isn't it? Because I'm scared of it I've prepared myself for the point seduction and I've also prepared myself for maybe a really close relegatio but because of it, because I wouldn't be surprised if they go no where's another six points mate you've breached again and we're not doing it or you've breached six points Sam, where are you with it? What are you thinking with this one? Well, through phases where I poured over every little bit of information and I've said the work you've done on this channel has been phenomenal making it down, making it digestible because it's such a complex issue and John Blain listened to him talk about it as well it's been really, really enlightening but now and again I'll hit me head into the national media that tends to just annoy me because you get a lot of waffle and a lot of noise and a lot of comments from people who've not really educated themselves on the subject of the matter but then I think you get some really interesting stuff who's the football guy and Karen McGuire he was doing something really interesting and he was just talking about it like basically he was saying the same thing that we're all saying even though he's an expert he was going I don't know how the water is I don't know what forest, I don't know how the way it's out, they don't seem to know which kind of gives you out that it's not just us as fans kind of go this is nonsense, it's not I know what forest, fans who've gone this absolutely makes no sense whatsoever so that's kind of enlightening but then the phases that I go through this week and it's probably off the back of the weekend there's been no games I'm just like I'm blissfully ignorant and having to just float on a wave of nothingness and just not pour out the details and not think about it too much and just see what happens I know that will change because that's the way your brain is wired but it's being quite nice to not have to get into the nitty gritty of factual stuff that's not what when your dad takes you to the master first time he doesn't sit down and talk to you about the years and the year cycles and he doesn't see go he's a hot dog shut up and he has a biff the next year so but it's just it has ruined the season and a lot of people have said that it has ruined the season and we don't need help ruining the season we can do it on our own but it's just made everything consequential not inconsequential it's the wrong words but what happens on the pitch is more inconsequential because they can just take stuff away from you without actually explaining why and like you said at the start Baz if by the end of the season there's asterisks over the league what are we doing if everyone's breaking the rules the rules clearly aren't fit for papers and they've admitted it by the fact of changing them so you know we've had MPs starting them calling for it to be scrapped they're all suspended till they've got rules the fab evidence fan advisory board kinda did similar the other day it's a load of nonsense and I think the most frustrating thing I think for Evertonians this season is the past two seasons we've ended up where we were because of us and this year we've been given a kick and because of I mean listen the other day and I still believe it we're not in danger of being relegated because we've had points taken off us we're in danger of being relegated because we haven't won for nearly four months this has helped the getting the points taken off has put us in has put us back in Rocky Waters but if we'd have just won three of the 11 games we'd be clear of it and go and we only need a couple of wins but we've just got to get this week over and done with common sense is provided by this independent commission you look and go Everton's second breach is not a big cause I don't see how it could be a big one to be honest this time and you've already been punished like you said for two thirds of the punishment and we don't believe in giving you multiple points imagine if our two breaches are up to 28 million you know 19 and then we get another points deduction so we'd have been overall over four years deducted nine points nine points for a breach 28 million over four years and Forrest have had a breach of 33.5 million four points that doesn't make any sense and that's what I'm talking about feeling so unjust and it's also hard to assess where the team is at on the pitch when something like this is happening that can tell you where they are the crap at the moment whether it's taking pressure off them or put pressure on them it's obviously put pressure on it in the early stage where we got the points but then you also look and go oh you know we had the points we'd be there we're absolutely dire and also we stay up in the Premier League and we get through these breaches what's next where are we going the biggest thing what we have to do is we have to draw that line underneath it don't we we have to draw that if we say we come out of this and they say it's now let's say they give us three points for breaching right because that seems to be what the time the tossing about but I'm not convinced that it's real but say they did and then the panel went both mitigation you've been done for two of these three years therefore it's one point you get a point one point deducted because it was three you've already been done for two so it works out yeah you've had 66% of the punishments already right so you're getting one point so have it and lose one point we stay up we win games we stay up and the takeover goes through which looks like we've had more over the weekend but it looks like that's gone on we get to a place in the summer where we can kind of go right we can move forward now and that's what we have to hope for as fans like Sam said you know that could get us to a place where next season we are 12-13 but there isn't drama we're never near in any kind of trouble at the bottom and we occasionally might be flat and we're chasing the european swap but we end up right in the middle but with less stress but bringing plays I think we'd all be happy with Dara's progress for now for one year going in two then of course starting the next season at the new stadium and hoping for a brighter future but when you say progress it's not just like this year we could say there's progress because we're parallel more points I mean progress towards like a not an end goal but I want to see people going in a certain direction we're getting better we're implementing this style of play we're getting the plays that's right for it and you know we're working towards a stage and by the time we get there we might be on our way to like because we had Tony Grant and he said there's no reason why in a couple of years you know or at least maximum five years we can't be back battling with the likes of Brighton and stuff for your route it'd be few minutes or five years because if you got it right this year we could have been battling for it but there's no real signs that we can get there and be sustained at the moment because there's too much distraction there's too much other stuff going on and not when you're going to some of the games with Dara Wyn that's not sustainable no it's nonsense you know it's done we're back in action next week it's a tough game at Bournemouth so to us now the managers they've had a break like Sam said hopefully that resets we've got ten games to play we've got a win at least four of them that's where we are but over the weekend and my daughter's birthday today so over the weekend we've done a couple of activities because there was no foot it was great but on Saturday night I went and experienced bongos bingo Sam I don't know whether you've been I don't know whether you've been it was my missus and my daughter they've been a few times and I was like I'm never going it sounds like hell but my daughter asked me a while ago of my birthday will you come so okay we'll go and I don't drink I had one drink at seven o'clock water and stuff and I drove home I was the designated driver I drove home at half twelve my drink was five hours after I finished it drinking water and everything and I thought it was only a thing and I had lemonade with it so I got in there and I was like I'm not convinced there you're going and it was bedlam and I'm thinking I'm not sure I will still be here at twelve when it finishes it was a laugh it was a laugh and I just got into it and it was golden you're up and you've got a dance on you've got a dance on plumbing, benches and all that so what part is the actual an actual game of bingo there's five games of bingo in it I think you can win like the prizes like money you can win a motorised scooter someone want a motorised scooter I'm going to someone want a box of cocoa pops disney princesses the best in the motorised scooter they just bladded the drive home on that, that was it three miles an hour I don't know if it's legal if it's under five miles she was from warrington so I don't know whether she was driving her home I've never been to bongo's bingo but the closest I've been I was in Belfast a few weeks ago and my where my show was was in a different room there's loads of snide versions of bongo's bingo and I was like bongo's bongo and they've all the old style of saying my dressing room was above this Belfast bongo bingo version underneath and I got my dressing room at about half six so it's like tea time and everyone has theirs is bladded and the table is shaking when the beast kicks in I didn't know what was going on on the face but every 30 seconds or so a new song would kick in and everyone would just go yes and whatever song it was it did sound really good honestly you'd want to go and try it once because I was one of the I was a nace absolutely I am not going to that thing I was a full on and Johnny bongo skipped I'm not him because he's a big evertonian so he's sound Johnny no problem with that and slutty shoes he's evident season to his older as well who's your man dressed up as a woman just because in case you're looking at me like that and there's another I can't remember what the other ones called I apologise but it was good and you write songs every three or four songs and then you get dance and it's like being in a disco as well it was a good laugh being in a fair play to them I was like doing when it started it was about 10 years ago wasn't it 9 years yeah just before it started so I was still just on the sake and I was just gigging away and then I knew someone who owns a pub in town and they said we're trying this thing out it's called control bingo do you like to be the host I was like that's great instead of numbers my little clips of songs and if you've got the song on you'll have to cross it off for the bingo world this was groundbreaking and I think it was almost the day that I started doing that bongo's bingo started which has got hoovers on stage and he's throwing stuff at everyone foam everywhere I'm going that was Taylor Swift and it was like time and boring when we lasted about three weeks this is crap let's knock this on the head you could have you could have been there you've got places all over the green New York you've got a couple of dates in New York and things like that it's so worth going to check out it is mad but if you just go in and go it's going to have a laugh it's sand and it was a good night good night was had by all how about dating some of the old parlor games then as well so what then what could you do like cocaine domino's or something what are the other parlor games like shuffleboard you've gone hard there tiddlywinks like tequila tiddlywinks or something something like snakes and ladders snakes and bladders snakes and bladders snakes and bladders there's one you've got to have a shot every time you throw the dice or something you've you've got to throw the dice you've got to throw the dice every time anyway so you'll just be getting bladded that's why it's called snakes and bladded net you've sort of missed it there but yeah so it was good so if you get the chance Sam go and experience it because it is a bit mad and you Ned Ned honestly I think I've sang that I've got bingos but venues like that I think you'd like it I think you'd like it I think you'd have a good laugh I've done a gig once in Hinley and it was like a proper club big massive proper music venue and there was bongo bingos and they all came in after it and it was booming and everyone was absolutely bladded already and I was like I need to go to bongo bingo mate honestly you would you would really like it because it was full of people if you just go if you just accept it for what it is it's a laugh I have a laugh I've done that and then yesterday I've done an escape room into the escape rooms at the moment Sam got to be said I'd lose my patience so quickly on them because I'm not very clever at figuring stuff out just punching on the wall going let me out okay well we don't want to go on no go on he's not got out he's not got out that's a difficult one to get out of this one was in New Brighton and it was a well water one and it was a live escape one and the threat was you literally get captured by the Nazis if you don't do it and they come martin in with the gear on so you are up again it was amazing we got out it is next level we got out thankfully but it's really good honestly it was a really good one like you had loads of stuff I didn't see them because we escaped Sam we escaped so we were like I don't know we escaped I keep telling you we escaped but it was really good it was a fort rockers or something that's called I don't know it was good it's in New Brighton anyway so go and check it out my wife's incredible I forgot what to call claustrofobic okay well you can't just press a button and the door opens you're not like locked in chains and you can't it's not who do you need Sam do you know what I mean there's a big free one on my side called saint ellens you've got to drive in and execute can you get out excuse me would you be up first doing something like that Sam yourself well we went to a place on saturday called the quakey quarter on the top of the oak streets which isn't an escape room but there's an escape room at the start but it's all like perspective photographic intake I sat on this chair at the back and my lad stood up in front and I looked dead small and he looked dead big it's really good but it was really good one and done and then we had all the stuff you know you sit down and you look yourself in the mirror I think that was just an old mirror to be honest that doesn't seem great to be honest just me after the night out on the crow's feet they arrive very quickly have them fast so what were your gigs like at the beginning? I had three really good gigs and I expected them to be all really bad gigs because it was Paddy's last weekend and it was was this like after the Lord Mayor's show because it's bank holding next weekend and I thought everyone's going to be at last weekend but I ended up having three really I was in Ashton Friday Ashton Saturday and England was on before it so it was nice to cheer everyone up and Sunday I was in a place called Bamba Bridge which you'll probably know from playing football playing football especially Preston and they had a little song quiz on yesterday and what they do in this place is called the beer box in Bamba Bridge, they have a song quiz they put a clue in the morning and then everybody comes in hands their guesses in and then they write it on an envelope and then he creates a playlist and plays all the songs that people have guessed and then at the end he answers what the song was and yesterday the guess was it's a song from a big film and I thought big 80s film the 80s film called big but I got up and I played all my guesses so I played The Lost Boys, People Are Strange and it was like trying to be good from Back To The Future I played Stand By Me Did you play Take My Breath Away from Top Gun? No, but I said to him I said I bet you it's Berlin Top Gun and then at the end I said did I get it right so I reckon it's Danger Zone Danger Zone, yeah I don't know what the answer is You built this up, you haven't even given us the answer but I want to let the audience guess the answer and then they can decide whether right or wrong It's more Bamba Bridge than Bamba Bridge I was going to say it It was a good gig We've got some random questions because I was like these random questions just to see the answers that you two are going to give me so Professor on his watch is see the talent so I will go to you Ned because you will stand us I'm sure I can move the bones in my body but bones that aren't meant to be moved I think we all can I'll give this an example If you're watching on the podcast in fact you can't even see this but watch me Nuckle Yeah, that is They look more like tendons than your bones No, they look like bones Bones in your hands I can move my bones OK That's a talent fair enough Sam have you got a secret talent? Apart from being a very generous lover I'm able to open a bottle bottle of beer with another bottle of beer which is kind of boring That's all right It's useful but it's just that if you've got three bottles of beer I can open two of them and the last one I'm stuck with OK because you've flicked the tops off obviously That's not bad though to be fair That is not bad It's probably not Britain's Got Talent standard of Well, I don't know Jumping on, the other year I fell I went on it and just ran around and took vests off and got to the final He was funny Did he wait for running around in a circle? He won it like V's RV or something whatever's name as he did He just ran around and clapped him and had like different hives Well, he was talented because he won it As a child What was your favourite game to play? Peter Jackson King Kong Easily Just running around as a giant gorilla That was your favourite game Peter Jackson's King Kong on the Xbox original Oh, I think that I mean I think it meant like more You've gone computer which is fine Which is fine, you are a young I used to play this game called it probably a very popular but German B's C's versus the English and we just batter each other Okay There's another one Okay, right Sam, same question to you When you said Peter Jackson's King Kong I don't run around with you at all I thought Peter Jackson was in your school and he was King Kong Do you want a fun fact? My father-in-law's called Peter Jackson Is he, yeah? I love his work He's very good, very good director So go on Sam, what was your What was your favourite game to play? We used to play a game called the car game Okay Which was, you'd all stand at the bottom of our road and when a car came you'd have to let down the road and jump with the hedge and move my dad to front guard before the car got to you Not that the car was on the road, you were on the pavement I'll say Sam's the easy way to play Can you beat the car to the hedge? You would beat the car because they'd be 10 and you'd just get a pelfon and you'd jump over the hedge But there'd be like 90 years so people would be diving through the hedge and you'd dive through an extra jeffordy But it was a good game I guess it improved your speed Nothing was better than Kirby I was going to say Kirby would have been one of mine Kirby was a belter I was faulty Kirby or normal Kirby Normal Kirby throwing it with I should just go full like Does Leighton Baines play Kirby or are they in Kirby? He took throw-ins Fair enough Did you play Heads and Bollies though? Do you remember playing Wembley where you'd have like the outside team had been one team and the goalie had been one team and then you'd go through the epic up and you'd get to the final and my Heads like the memories of some of those games were really actually at Wembley in my Heads When you're like eight you're like heading it in It's celebrating We used to have one where there'd be a group of us or there'd always have like there'd be five of us who were always together so what we'd do is we'd have two v two with a goalie and we'd have the goal and then we'd have a point at like about 40 yards from the goal where there'd a stick or a top or something and that signalled the half-way line so a team would kick off two people and attack so obviously Sam impaired against me and you'd kick off we'd have to defend and if we nicked the ball we had to break to the half-way line go round the stick or the thing and then we were attacking and we'd have the boss games and we'd play like that all ten minutes each way loser has to go in the goal but the keeper we were just proper footballers wasn't to do it raw what is it about you fighting get balls smashed at their ass brilliant again you lift and sing to Ellen so fair play probably a Friday night thing but yeah we had great times two bins for the post there's this field outside of mine and it's got two fields two perfect trees two perfect trees and with a little slope behind it so we kick the ball through the trees it just goes into the slope most of the time it ends up on the road if you hit the target then it's perfect two perfect trees, perfect distance it was just the best time I've ever great times how would you sum up the internet in two sentences let me go the internet a search engine for the searching so you'd have to do a search engine full stop the internet is great it helps me search things that's fair play go on Sam from it so much ultimately ruined everything see I like that I like that it's one of them though isn't it it is one of those things isn't it again Sam massively old and one of those but when you think the box is open isn't it it can never be closed oh yeah and every photo and every post and every thought that you ever posted on social media is there forever and ever and ever and aliens will find it and they'll go that's Sam Ivey it's not bad some of the things he was saying and you're like wow you've got podcasts podcasts are amazing YouTube channels like this it's fantastic but there's so much bad stuff isn't it the fact that everyone's got a a vehicle to be able to talk about all of their thoughts and all of their opinions surely that's not a good thing it's not a good thing but you have to learn to take the bad with the good and there's a lot of good with the internet and I remember like growing up it wasn't properly like early 2000s it wasn't properly established yet we didn't have YouTube until 2005 or something Facebook was later and all that stuff social media so the internet for me was just like every now and again I'd get a little laugh an hour on my mum's computer and I get to go on Club Penguin and it was just it was brilliant it just gave me something to do with playing outside and playing with girls because all the people in my street were girls doing proper things that you should have been doing well as a little bit I haven't played footy and stuff and climbed trees and had fights but listen you're right it's done unbelievable stuff it's unbelievable where they are simply because of the internet doing this because of the internet aren't we but there is a lot of diamonds and Sam you're right it's like some of those people's thoughts in their heads wouldn't they they would have just been a place that they lived in their head or occasionally they might have shed them down at the pub with their mates or out and about with their mates or whatever you know what I mean and that would be it if you've been on social media have you ever found yourself having a feeling like an emotion and sometimes it's a negative emotion I'll feel anxiety or I'll feel fear but I've scrolled on I can't remember what it is that caused that feeling so I'm feeling a negative feeling and I can't even attack a meaning to it it's like that's not how people are yesterday I watched a video of a little turtle on a little skateboard chasing a cat so swing's around about it every cloud there's always the pet one the pet ones are always the best dogs mate the pets the pet ones are brilliant they really are the ones that make you laugh and the ones that you go aww that's amazing I needed to see this this beaver getting washed aww it's a different video but you know there's a lot of things isn't there where you'll see dogs on you know the monkey with the helmet riding the scooter aww what was that one aww the monkey on a pig I had a song aww I remember yeah monkey on a pig I can't remember what it went like I'm moving on from this what's one thing you wish you knew five years ago I wish there I knew what I know now no I've just asked you the question I wish I I wish I'd just go with a Brian Jonestown massacre earlier it's a bum Sam one thing you wish you knew I wish you knew five years ago I wish I'd started a conspiracy theory YouTube channel in 2012 February and just filled with nonsense because that would be way too rich and powerful to be talking to the like to you two right now yeah definitely absolutely you put off mate I wish I knew what Sam knew five years ago that makes sense that makes sense I wish I knew Mishiri was a nightmare five years ago I was starting to feel like he was a bit of he could be a bit of an issue but I wish I really knew so that I could start mentally preparing myself for where we are with Evan right now that would be a great if I show about an event that finally goes back in time to 2018 or 70 16 was it 16 many took over size to stop size to stop at the club and everyone's this is obviously a good thing but it's called this hasn't it Bill, it's not you it's your club Bill we've got to go back to that future that would be a good film wouldn't it that would have been a good film but imagine if at that time you would have had some kind of you know the way you can have those mushrooms what are they called the whiskey ones or whatever it's called whatever it's called and apparently you get I don't condone stuff like that no it's a you don't just go and cut them down a forest net and smoke them it's done under like super vision and everything but it's supposed to be able to look into your mind or whatever imagine if you had one in like 2016 2017 2017 in particular when Michelley was splashing the cash and you had it and you seen a vision and this was like listen I've been sent from the future the future net is telling you Michelley is a nightmare when you take these set mushrooms do you always see the future no I was just using that because you see things then you pass then you try to people use it to correct issues so if it wasn't guaranteed I wouldn't want to go through that but imagine it was real and you had to come back like Sam said at that time when Steve Walsh was like that money just throwing money at every player and you had to come back and go this is all going to end terribly stop doing it now honestly imagine the trailer for David Cassons not going to work out we don't need any more number 10s the public was already people that told him to stop or probably preempted that no but imagine you see that and then it fast forward to like the future and you see like then there's Rod Vigas and we're all like getting and then the next minute Rafa's on the touchline doing all this but then imagine going back and then there's headlines and they're like shut up kid you're about 12 and you're ginger and there's nothing you can do and you're like nooo that's the point isn't it that's how I feel now and imagine it's Sam just like that stop this has all gone wrong imagine how many people would have gone I'll listen to you we've gone from Romelu Lukaku to Neil Moe the biggest everson voice on youtube and we're like stop signing crap players hello Neil oh my god imagine imagine the looks you would have got you would have got those looks from me by the way I was delighted when there was money to spend again and it was like right come on let's start getting better I'm a big pessimistic so I never thought it would be any good anyway see I don't believe that I don't buy honestly it's easy to say that looking back on all so I'll go when Mishiri coming you were about you still were wearing naffies or were you onto the I'm a big boy now pulling your pants up maybe 16, 17 so you were 16 which is only 7 years ago so you weren't 16 when Mishiri coming you were 14 years ago and this is like I remember when but back to that rock and roll thing we signed Sigurdsun Clasun Sandro and Vlassys was all at the same time and Wayne Rooney and Everton put a post on facebook going how many will these go this year and I shared it on facebook like a quote re-tweet in the pre-season going more like how many games they'll play the old play of the same position and then everyone was like oh I can't wait and then they ended up like my thing was like right I remember when we signed Vlassys where I was like he's got my skills none of the signings apart from Rooney really inspired me to go like yeah we're going to be a great team now but I'm talking about splashing the money I'm not necessarily talking about who came through the door well that was the thing for me I'll be honest Ned I think what we're going to take from this today is that you are just depressing you couldn't add a moment when we were spending money you still couldn't enjoy it you never expect anything good maybe that's the law of expectation I'm glad I did enjoy it at the time even though I was completely misguided because I feel like they're my happy ever memories of recent years where we had all this money and we were spunking it up the wall on the dros but it sounded exciting at the time so in lieu of a trophy I'll take that memory as a happy memory even though in hindsight it was all really really bad decisions wasn't it ah it was just they were just fake out no-nickers my happy memories is just David Moyes late 2000s 2008, 9, 10 when we signed Y Llywodraeth he was just scoring he couldn't stop scoring for ages half a season great time I'm sad you've brought the podcast mood right down me and Sam come up with a good film there and you were supposed to take it on and run with it and be excited and you basically just went I told them back in 2016 it was all going to be terrible when I was 31 but you couldn't do the sums when Mishiri coming you were 13 or 14 years he's been here now how old are you? I'm 24 this year right now so you're 23 right now no listen to me you're 23 right now so Mishiri came in 8 years ago it was Endomarsiness Mishiri came in 8 years ago I was 15 so you were 17 I was 12 it feels like you were 12 it feels very much like you were 12 I kind of feel so like I am 15 let's finish on a high Sam where are you up to? gigs wise you've gone full Ross from friends now you're on a break or are you still what are you doing? where are you up to? what's going on? I've got my hot water in Liverpool I'm just starting to work on my next show but my next show is starting from next year now so I've got to eat so I'm just thinking about with ideas so I've got these two gigs then I've got a nice little two week break you just need a bit of time you just need a bit of time you just need a bit of time you just turn your brain off that's a great club in town what time are you on on? hot water on Friday there's about 15 shows over the weekend so one every hour on the hour I think like a cookie clock I just pop out and do me stuff and pop back in so it's going to be really good I've got my top Friday I've got my top Friday I've got gladiators with me kids cos it's the semifinal and I've got well into this new season of gladiators glad the TV show there's no semifinal of the Russell Crowe film there's no semifinal of the Russell Crowe film there's no semifinal of the film competition with the kids I'm choosing gladiators so what time has the full competition for the excited on what film the what oh fair play and finally as it's Easter weekend are you still at your age will you still be given an Easter egg by your mum and dad? I do hope so my original plan was I've gone camping with my mate and I was like let's get some Easter eggs on the ground and we can try and find them we can be like ah you found that was this your idea? let's just get this I'm just going to get bladded surely you've got to take some Easter eggs to eat while you're drunk that will be good that's a good idea but what I've got I've bought myself an disposable barbecue don't put an Easter egg on a disposable barbecue I want to do sausages on it with an Easter egg? no I'll eat the Easter egg also but just not I'm not going to grill Easter eggs if you had to oh exactly if you were to choose an Easter egg what you'd want your mum and dad to get you with one would it be? see the Easter eggs always like pretty much taste the same is what you get with it I'd want a mini egg one because mini eggs those packets of mini eggs are absolutely gorgeous Sam will you be partaking in the old Easter eggington over the weekend and if so what would be the Easter egg of your choice? well I used to like the cheap stuff any cheap chocolate I used to like but now there's lindor ones oh you're on them so I've sort of dropped a few into my wife for a lindor one so I'm going to buy her a lindor one if she doesn't get me one I'm going to eat theirs well that's I mean that's clever that's just backing yourself up where is what he would have wanted? will there be a little breakage and knocking them together like horses you know in a Monty Python see if you can hear the sea hear the sea how do you crack into an Easter egg because you can't just go what's going rubbish now? do you just break it but you should come apart quite easily so you could do it but now you might have to drop them sometimes I'm going to fight with it I used to bash mine on a tray a lot of aggression coming out of you today now I don't know whether I'm feel safe it's a good release I'm starting to be a little push me on down the stairs just a little nudge see where it goes when it cracks at the end I like that with chocolate oranges if you ever have them now they're getting way if you'd have to drop them on tile floors and stuff to get the what are they called? that's a great Easter activity to do with your kids Sam that's it, segments couldn't think of the bleeding way get your kids and get loads of eggs it's not the most fun way when they crack you turn to the kids and you go yeah yeah high five and stuff let's pretend we're the police this is a suspect go off we go Ned's back to his Nazi versus the English game again have a game of rugby bang yeah I think before you descend and make this podcast even more terrifying I think we should finish this we have to say Pett is being away this weekend so he's not in and David pretend that he's really busy again couldn't be with us this week both are pencil backing for next week have you stuck in your writing? he's stuck in, David didn't get out the room David couldn't escape so therefore he's been detained at someone's pleasure right Sam, big thanks mate have a great week and hopefully when we talk next week we might have some indication of what evidence punishment maybe, maybe has been and we might be a little bit further down the road with the takeover as well but have a good one mate hope the gigs go well at the weekend where is it again, hot? hot water on Harbour Street get down there and check Sam out over the weekend Friday and Saturday on there big thanks from me and Ned give it a thumbs up, subscribe if you're up and we'll see you all next week, bye