 Item Number – SCP-314-J Object Class – Safe, but kind of an asshole. Special Containment Procedures – SCP-314-J is to be stored in a standard anomalous item containment locker. Researchers who are big babies – I'm looking at you, Kyle – are not allowed to conduct research with the item. Description – SCP-314-J is an anomalous mathematical textbook entitled Numerical Proofs That You Suck. Individuals who open the textbook are greeted with a blank page that begins to populate itself with a series of mathematical proofs, diagrams, flow charts, bar charts, pie charts, and cake charts that culminate with a logically consistent rationale for why each individual is a terrible person. This invariably results in said individual not being able to be chill about this. Seriously, Kyle, it's just a textbook. Log – SCP-314-J The following is a log of various tests involving different personnel and SCP-314-J. Individual – Researcher Zhang Wen Result – SCP-314-J flipped open to a page with a hypothetical proof with unknown variables. When Researcher Zhang finished working out the proof to confirm that the two compound matrices A and B were in fact identical, the book flipped open to the next page to reveal that A equals your mom and B equals dumber than a sack of bricks. Notes – My mom's dead, man, what the hell? Signed – Researcher Zhang Wen Individual – Agent Stephen Adams Result – When Agent Adams opened the book, a single line proof by intimidation appeared. Quote – The proof of why Agent Adams sucks is trivial and left as an exercise for beginning students. Notes – Where the fuck do you get off, you little shit? Spare up, I'm about to… Quote from Agent Stephen Adams to SCP-314-J Prior to being physically restrained and dragged out of the testing chamber. Individual – Researcher James, age 11 Result – SCP-314-J opens to a random page showing the following equation – 1 plus 1 equals you're a little bitch. Notes – Researcher James was officially consoled with a juice box and a promise to take him to McDonald's after work. Individual – Junior Researcher Ryman Result – SCP-314-J opened to a complex mathematical proof about sets or something. Junior Researcher Ryman was heard to exclaim, finally, something that appreciates my work. During three weeks of work on the proof, Junior Researcher Ryman went into the testing chamber only to run out three minutes later in tears. Notes – Junior Researcher Ryman officially reprimanded and told to grow up. Jesus, I thought you liked math shit.