 Kraft presents The Great Gilder Sleeves. Yeah! Kraft Cheese Company, who also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night, present each week at this time Harold Perry as The Great Gilder Sleeve, written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. We'll hear from The Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. But first, quite likely a lot of you have been wondering about margarine lately, wondering what it's made of, what it tastes like, whether it's really nutritious. Of course, I'm not qualified to speak for all margarines, but I can tell you about Parquet Margarine, the delicious, nutritious spread-for-bread made by Kraft. Parquet is a wholesome vegetable margarine, made from selected American farm products in Kraft's pick-and-span modern plants. And it's for flavor while Parquet Margarine is made by Kraft, to the same high standards of flavor and quality as all of Kraft's fine foods. Parquet's flavor is really outstanding. It's known, you see, as the margarine that tastes so deliciously good. Now, how about food value? Parquet Margarine is a wholesome, nourishing food, one of the best energy foods you can serve. And every pound of Parquet contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. So with these facts in mind, ask your dealer tomorrow for Parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y, Parquet Margarine made by Kraft. Now, now let's see what's happening with The Great Gilder Sleeve. It's five o'clock in the afternoon and The Great Man is just arriving home. He's little early this afternoon since big things are afoot. And as he enters the house, he finds margarine Leroy in the parlor. Well, well, well, happy little family. You're looking very pretty, my dear. Thank you, Uncle Morris. So are you Leroy? Yeah. Mr. Gilder Sleeve, Miss Ransom just phoned. She wants you to come right over. Oh, well, I'm going right over, Bertie. Thank you. Yes, sir. What's going on over there, Ron? Everybody's invited but me. Well, it's not exactly a party, Leroy. It's a committee meeting. We're going to raise some money to buy the town a new fire engine. A new fire engine? Yeah, the old one's got no pumping power. And besides, it never gets to the fire. It'll have an hour or two late. Oh, that's not on account of the engine, Uncle Morris. It's on account of the driver. Yeah. What are you talking about? Well, Charlie Prentice drives the fire engine. And Charlie is nuts about a girl that lives way out on Lincoln Avenue. Well, what of it? Well, every time they go to a fire, Charlie drives past her house no matter where the fire is. I don't believe that, Leroy. Well, you can ask anybody. When they go past the house, he waves at her, and she waves back at him, unless her old man's home. Leroy, I'm sure that story is nonsense. But I'll look into it. We'll have no three-alarm court chips in this town if I can help it. Are you all ready to go, Marjorie? Yes, I'm ready. Excuse me, Mr. Gilleslead, but are you going to be out for supper? No, Bertie, I'll be back for supper. He's just going over there to buy a fire engine. Oh, you go long, Leroy. He isn't joking, Bertie. I am going to buy a fire engine. Mr. Gilleslead, you can't keep a fire engine in your garage. I'm not going to buy it for myself, Bertie. The town of Summerfield is going to buy it. I'm just a member of a committee to raise the money. Oh, what do a fire engine cost, Mr. Gilleslead? Well, another committee is looking into that. I'd guess around $1,000. My, my. Do that include the tithe? Yes, that's with everything. How are you going to raise $1,000, honk? Yeah, we're going to put on some kind of entertainment. Oh, I'm with you tonight. Well, I don't know what kind of a thing it'll be exactly, but I suppose they'll be after me to play a prominent part. Is Judge Hooker going to be in it, too? Hooker, what can he do? Send petty crooks up for 30 days? That's not entertainment, my boy. No. Have you ever heard him recite The Children's Hour? No. He does? Yeah. Well, he won't do it in this show. Oh, my goodness, I got to go. Maybe I can help Leroy get a few things ready. Shall I come now, too, Uncle Moore? Well, I suppose you just wait until you see someone else coming, then you come over, huh? You see, I haven't seen Leroy at all today. I get it. Leroy. Everybody gets it, Uncle Moore. You go on, and I'll be over in a few minutes. Oh, well. Who said a man is only young once? I hope. I was here, yeah, if that's what you mean. Oh, good. You know, I'm so excited. I love giving tea parties, don't you? Now, let's see. There'll be Marjorie and Judge Hooker and Dr. Pettibone and Mrs. Pettibone. Yeah, why did Hooker have to ring her in for? She always wants to run everything. But this is one show Mrs. Pettibone's not going to run. Well, I hope we'll get to play opposite each other, Throckmorton. Wouldn't that be romantic? We will. Either they make you my leading lady or I don't accept the part. And I hope it will be a costume play. Well, I think something with a little singing in it would go well. You know, I have this perfectly gorgeous costume. It was my great-grandmother Winfield's wedding gown with a hoop skirt and no shoulders and all. Oh, I'd like to see that. I wore it in a performance we gave down in Savannah and it was a tremendous success. The gown, I mean. The entertainment lost money, but the bow weevil was bad that year. Well, the gown is in, definitely. Grace is here. I am rambling on and I've got biscuits in the oven. I'll have to excuse me, have to ask you to excuse me for a moment, Throckmorton. Oh, don't get nervous. Let me come and help you. Oh, goodness, no. You sit down and I'll be right back. Oh, no. Let me help. Oh, apologize for the way I look. I'm a perfect fright in this old apron and all. That's the cutest apron I ever saw in my life. Here, ruffles. Oh, Grace, this is just an old thing I had around the house. And I'm afraid I'll probably have flour on my nose. You're adorable with flour on your nose. Have our wear. Want me to show you? Please. Right there. Oh, my goodness, the oven, which probably burns. Oh, let it burn. Well, if you want to help me here, you have to help. Otherwise, I shall have to banish you to the pub. Well, just tell me what to do. Well, first, stop interfering with the cook. I make no promises. Oh, and I'll give him a few next month. Leela, this is kind of fun, isn't it? Watching the biscuits. No, being here in the kitchen together. You know what I'm pretending? What, Throckmorton? I'm pretending it's our kitchen. Oh, let's do that. Let's play house. Nathan, darling, so you won't spoil your nice new suit. Here, I'll get you one of mine. Well, your apron would never fit me. Why, the strings won't even meet in back. I told you. Are you so big or am I so small? It's you, honey. You're no bigger than a minute. Oh, well, that just isn't so, Throckmorton. Though, of course, my great-grandmother Winfield was famous for her tiny waist. And I can get her wedding gown on without any trouble, hardly. I bet I can get my hands around your waist. Now, now, I'm going to have to send you to the parlor. Throckmorton, do me a great favor, Winfield. Anything for you. Get me a kind of anchovies. That's a lime. You'll find them in the pantry closet. Where, in the closet? On about the third shelf, I think, toward the back. What is this, Pepper McGee's closet? Oh, no, I just got hit on the head with a load of canned goods, that's all. Lila, what is all this? You've got enough canned stuff in there to start a grocery. What's the idea? Well, maybe you'll think it's silly of me, Throckmorton, but I call that my hope change. But, Lila... Well, you see, I have this little man down at the supreme market, and he's just as nice. Every now and then, he slips me an extra can of something, and I just put it away here for when we're married. But, Lila, that's hoarding. I'm not hoarding, Throckmorton. I'm just saving up. If you can tell me the... If you can tell me the difference between that and hoarding, it's unpatriotic, Lila. Are you implying that I'm unpatriotic, Mr. Gilda Sleeves? Well, you don't mean to be. You might be interested to know that I had a grandfather who was a general. He's probably turning over in his grave right now, then. The army needs the food, Lila. That's why it's a crime to buy any more than you need. Oh, so I'm a criminal now? Well, I didn't say that. Yes, you did. I scrimp and save to make everything nice for you, and this is the kind of thanks I get. This is the way you play house. Oh, brother, what a start for a tea party. Mrs. Pettibon, oh, thank you, Marjorie. Well, if you ask me, I think what we ought to do is give a concert. After all, we have some very fine talent here in Summerfield. Mrs. Ransom plays the piano beautifully. Oh, Throckmorton. You do. And I'm told that our friend Peavey here is a real artist on the flute. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. I haven't played since the town band broke up, and then it was in Piccolo. Oh, well, that's all right. You can practice up, Peavey. Then there's Dr. Pettibon here. I'm sure he has his musical side. How about it, Doctor? Oh, I'm a wizard with the saw. You see, folks, we have a wealth of musical talent present, and, of course, I can always sing if necessary. I don't think it'll be necessary. What do you mean, Hooker? Well, you're charging admission for this. You've got to give them something for their money. Oh, no, a costume drum. Yes. Now, I recall a performance we gave some years ago of a tale of two cities in which I happened to play the part of Sydney Carton. It is a far, far better thing that I do than I have ever done. It is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known. That is a far, far worse performance than I've ever heard. Well, it's better than you're singing. Why don't we have a minstrel show? I'll be down to get you in the taxi, honey. Yes, love. Let's agree on one thing. Shall we, everyone? There will be no singing. Time for that. If there's anything worse than an amateur baritone, I don't know what it is. Well, now, just a minute, Mr. Pettibon. Excuse me, Mr. Gilda Sleep, but while I have the floor, I should also like to say that I don't think we're going to accomplish anything at this meeting unless we organize. Organize? Yes. I think we should have a chairman. I nominate Mrs. Pettibon. Oh, that's very kind of you, Judge Hooker. But I'm afraid with my many other duties, the women's club and so on. All in favor? I suppose my first act should be to appoint a secretary. And for that, I think we should choose one of our non-performing members. Mr. Pettibon. He plays the piccolo. Nevertheless, I shall appoint Mr. Pettibon. But I've never been a secretary before, Mr. Pettibon. All you have to do is write down the minutes. Give him a pencil and paper, somebody. Now, there arises the question of what type of entertainment we're going to give. Chairman, ask what type of entertainment? I think we ought to give them a good drama, like a tale of two cities. Why don't we give them something more popular, something that's been on Broadway? Oh, I think a costume play would be... I still think we ought to do something musical. Just a moment. Would you repeat those suggestions, please, for the minute? Never mind, Mr. Pettibon. As chairman, I think I can settle this very quickly. It happens that I have a play which I wrote myself that I think would be perfect. Chairman, suggest it on play. Is there any singing in it, Mrs. Pettibon? No. Oh. Gildishly wants to sing. But I'm sure you're like the story, Mr. Gillespie. It's about this terribly attractive man. He comes home from Paris and runs into this sweet young thing. Oh, Leela. And they fall madly in love. Sounds very interesting. Go on. Would you repeat that, please, for the minute? Later, Mr. Pettibon. I won't tell you the whole plot now, but it's a wonderful part for the right man. Oh, great. And I think it would be perfect for Judge Hooker. Hooker? I thought this was supposed to be a romantic part. Well, whom would you suggest, Mr. Gildishly? Well, I wouldn't want to suggest anybody, but there must be two or three people here who would do better than the part than Hooker. Two, anyway. Or one, at least. Would you repeat that, please, for the minute? Oh, never mind. Don't tell me you think you could play the part, Gildish. Well, what's wrong with that? Can you imagine Gildishly as a lover? Why, Gildishly, you're 60 pounds overweight. I told you six months ago, keep eating those starches. You'll bust those arches. Nobody loves a bad man. I don't know that. Leela, do you agree with that? Well, no, Throckmorton. Of course not. But I do think they've got a point. Oh, you too, eh? Now don't take it so personally, Throckmorton. After all, your waistline is something you just can't get around. Oh, you don't. Very good. Gildishly's waistline is something you can't get around. Wait a minute. I don't see that that feel very funny. No, my dream? My uncle may be a little big, but I'd rather be big like him and small and mean like all of you. Never mind, my dear. Let you and I go home. And he can sing, too. Gildishly, you're acting like a spoiled baby. Really, Mr. Gildishly, I must say. Throckmorton, in my own house, I think you might show a little more consideration. I'll show you some consideration. I'm going home. But before I go, I want to say that for a bunch of ignorant, incompetent, stupid people, this committee takes the cake. Would someone repeat that please for the minute? The great Gildishly will be with us again in a few seconds. You know, that nursery rhyme about old mother Hubbard and her bear cupboard has a pretty up-to-the-minute ring to it these days. 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Now let's get back to the great Gilder Sleeve and his campaign to provide Summerfield with a new fire engine. Several days have passed. He's still on the outs with Mrs. Pettibone under committee, but in the bosom of his family we find him his old genial self. Birdie, you're a queen. I'll bet there's not another cook in the country who can make coffee cake like this. Oh, I didn't make that, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Ms. Ransom sent it over. Oh, well, now isn't that nice of her. Like another piece, Mr. Gilder Sleeve? No. And if you see me reaching for one, take it away from me. I'm reducing. Reducing? What's come over, you wonk? Well, nothing. What's so strange about my reducing? Can the leopard change his spots? Can the hippo change his polymers? Deloy, that's not very nice. Well, let the boy speak his mind, my dear. I seem to be fair game for everybody else. I don't know why my own nephew shouldn't pass a few remarks. There. I thought those people were very rude making fun of you the other night. Lee Roy should have better manners. Well, I may have flown off the handle a little myself, Marjorie. The truth be known, I am a trifle overweight, just at present. Yeah, you're really filling out there, wonk. All right, that's enough. You're developing quite a rontunda. Yep. Lee Roy, that'll be quite sufficient. I've been noticing it too, Mr. Gilson. You too, Bertie? Yes. The last few weeks you've been busting all the buttons off your pajamas. Yes. Well, I think I'll drop a pound or two and get back into fighting trim. A pound or two, he says. Say, here comes Judge Hooker. Oh, Judge Hooker, hey. Coming around now, huh? They'll all be coming around now, I suppose. Now, Uncle Mort, be nice to him. I know he must feel terrible about the other evening. Well, he'll have to be a little nice to me first. I'll go. Lee Roy, I haven't seen you for some time. Well, anytime you want to see me, I'm right here. Marjorie, you're looking very charming this morning. Thank you. Bertie, how are you? Just fine, Judge, just fine. Got all over that whatever it was for you. I hadn't even missed me last night, but it's gone now. That's good. Well, Gildy. Well, Judge, I suppose you come here to apologize. Well, we talked it over. You can forget about what happened the other night. I've already dismissed it from my mind, and I'm here with you with it. Now, Gilderslee, don't be a sorehead. Listen, is that any way to apologize? Gilderslee, you don't deserve an apology. But the unfortunate fact is, we can't get along without you. If we're going to get anywhere with this project, we've got to have you in on it. Uncle Mort, I think you ought to. Well, I'm willing to go halfway with you, Judge. Well, we'll go the other half. All right. Who gets a lead in the play? Well, now, Gildy, we went into all that the other night. So I remember. Let's face it, old man, if you don't fit the part... Who says I don't fit the part? She ought to know. Pettibone. We're having another meeting at her house, and if you just come around, I'm sure... Hooker, I wouldn't go near Mrs. Pettibone's house if it were the last house on Earth. And you can tell her so. Gilderslee, you're just being bullheaded. Out of my way. I'm due down at the office. I'm a busy man, Hooker. I haven't got any time for charades. Mrs. Pettibone. Oh, Mr. Gilderslee. She's been laying for me. Oh, hello, Mrs. Pettibone. You've been avoiding me, Mr. Gilderslee. Oh, no, I haven't. I've been busy. Oh, yes, you have. But you know, I don't blame you. A man in your position must have so many things on his mind. Well, as a matter of fact, I have. Now, today I have to see a man at 11, and then I have to see another man at 11.30. Oh, think of that. Well, I hate to impose on you when you're so frightfully busy, but we're having another meeting tonight at my house, and I really feel that the water department should be represented. It's such a worthy cause. Well, as you know, Mrs. Pettibone, the fire engine is very close to my heart. Frankly, Mr. Gilderslee, but I don't see how we can accomplish anything without you. There's always Judge Hooker. Oh, you know, Judge Hooker is a dear old thing, but then he is old, and he tends to forget things, and he daughtles. Now, one thing I'll say for you, Mr. Gilderslee, you're not a daughtler. You're a doer. Well, I've always prided myself on getting things done. Exactly the kind of man we need, the executive type. Oh, the world is so full of dreamers, isn't it? And there are so few of us who really get things done. Oh, dear the world, what are we going to do about it? Oh, well, see you at eight o'clock tonight. But wait a minute. I'm absolutely thrilled that you can come. I'll only sure bring Mrs. Ransom. I think she's so sweet. I told her you'd call for her. But, but... I'm so glad I got into you. Goodbye. Goodbye. This is going to be one of my bad nights. In any moment now, Mr. Gilderslee will be arriving. We are very happy to have him back with us. And let's show him we are, shall we? Well, I don't know why not. How shall we do that, Mrs. Pennybourne? Well, that's a very good question, Mr. Peavey. Well, in the first place, none of us think Mr. Gilderslee is fat anymore, do we? Well, no, I wouldn't say that. Oh, don't be so literal, Peavey. She means nobody should make any remarks about his figure. And one more thing. Remember that Mr. Gilderslee is not completely one-over yet. The question of the play remains a delicate point and I suggest you let me handle that. Shall I go, love? Will you, love? Yes, love. Now, we're all clear on everything. Oh, yes. Well, of all people, Gilderslee, and Mrs. Ransom, Gilderslee, if I never saw you looking better, Mrs. Ransom, you look like a million dollars. Oh, now, darling. Oh, I should have gone myself. Oh, Mr. Gilderslee, I'm so glad to see you. And Mrs. Ransom. Good evening, Mrs. Pettibone. Mrs. Pettibone, I want to make one thing clear to your committee. I'm only here because I believe in firing. Oh, so public spirited. I quite understand, Mr. Gilderslee, and believe me, all of us appreciate your generosity. Good evening, Thrap Martin. Leela, glad to see you. Good evening, Judge. Hello, Mr. Gilderslee. You've lost a little flesh, haven't you? I don't really know, Peavey. I fluctuate, of course. Mr. Gilderslee, Mrs. Ransom, won't you sit down, please? Thank you, thank you. Now, as you all know, we've made quite a little progress in planning our entertainment, and I would like to call on the chairman of the different committees to make their reports. Let me see now, Judge Hooker, I believe you were the auditorium committee. Yes, ma'am, I'm very happy to report that we've been offered the Elks Hall for the night of show. Will it cost us anything? No, we'll have to let the Elks in at half price. Oh, thank you, Judge. Isn't that splendid, Mr. Gilderslee? Just fine, Mrs. Pettibone. Congratulations, Judge. Mrs. Pettibone, can I make my report now? Mr. Peavey, if you don't mind, I'll call on my husband first. I know he has some very good news for us on the ticket situation. Speak up, love. Well, Fred Rosenhoff is going to print the tickets for us, and if they're all sold, that'll bring in almost 1,500 dollars. Oh, I think that's marvelous, Dr. Pettibone. That's an awful lot of money. Of course, so far we haven't sold any. Oh, is Rosenhoff charging us to print the tickets? Oh, no, he has a bad gallbladder I'm looking at. Could I make my report now, please? Just a minute, Peavey. And Mrs. Pettibone, I'd like to say a few words. Mr. Gilderslee will be so pleased, won't we? Thank you, thank you. I'd just like to say that I think the committee has done a wonderful job, and I'm proud to be associated with the committee. That's all. Mrs. Pettibone, I'd like to have some idea about the show. Of course, my dear. One thing I meant to tell you. We have a wonderful part for you in which you simply must wear that lovely dress you were telling me about. Oh, now isn't that thrilling, Shrack Mountain, you hear? That's fine, Lily. Oh, may I say at this time how pleased I am that we've all forgotten our little differences. And I'm sure we're all going to put our shoulders to the wheel and all pulled together. Mr. Gilderslee, there's just one thing now that would make the evening perfect. What's that, Mrs. Pettibone? I've never heard you sing. Won't you favor us with a selection? My galley, she stops at nothing. Now, Mrs. Pettibone, I told you I'm much too busy to take part in the entertainment. But just for our pleasure this evening, Mr. Gilderslee, please, I'm told you really have a golden voice. Well, I used to do quite a bit of singing in my younger days. Oh, he sings beautifully. Do sing, Shrack Mountain. Will you play for me, Leela? I'd love to. Well, what shall it be? Something short? How about drink to me only with thine eyes? Nothing for me, thank you. Why me? Drink. Sorry, where a famous opera star comes to this little town where the heroine lives, that's Mrs. Branson. Oh. And of course when she hears him sing, she falls head over heels in love with him. Naturally. Oh, Mr. Gilderslee, you've got to play the part. Oh, no. Oh, please, please, remember our cause, Mr. Gilderslee. Well, for the sake of the fire engine, all right. Oh, I just know the play is going to be a tremendous success. Yeah, who knows? Maybe we'll take in enough money to buy two fire engines. Mrs. Pettibone, could I make my committee report now, please? Oh, of course, Mr. Peabee, I'm terribly sorry. Just what was your committee? Fire engine committee. Oh, yes, and the report? There won't be any fire engines for sale until after the war. Oh! There's a lot of kidding around here about Gilderslee's stomach, but I guess we're all a little concerned about our stomachs these days and what we're going to put in them. They tell me the Army's going to need half of our processed foods this year, which leaves just half as much for you and me as we've been accustomed to. That's why they're going to put in this point rationing system. There'll be a lot of jokes about rationing. I hope I get my share of them. But when you come right down to it, rationing is the only fair way of distributing the food that's available. It gives women with war jobs the same chance as those who can spend the whole day shopping around from market to market. And the poor man will get just as much as the rich man. It's the only fair and democratic way of handling it. Another thing, you hear a lot of vague talk about how much of our food has been going to our allies on lend lease. We looked into that, and do you know how much of our food all our allies got last year? Only seven and a half percent. And if that contributed even a little to what the Russians are doing to the Nazis right now, brother, it was cheap. Good night, everybody. Have you discovered the speedy way to make swell macaroni and cheese? These days, clever women prepare that favorite main dish without any fuss of making a cheese sauce, without any bother with blanching and baking the macaroni. They simply open up a package of the product called Kraft Dinner. They cook the special Kraft Dinner macaroni quickly in boiling water. And with the Kraft grated, which also comes in each Kraft Dinner package, they sprinkle the cheese flavor through and through. Presto, the dinner main dish is ready in only seven minutes cooking time, and the cost is only a very few cents a serving. But the best part of it is Kraft Dinner macaroni and cheese is extra special good, fluffy, light, and drenched in cheese flavor. When good cooks discover the seven-minute way of making macaroni and cheese, they say never again by the old-fashioned slow method. Of course, Kraft Dinner is extra popular these days. You can help your dealer with his problem of keeping stock by ordering your Kraft Dinner early in the week. This program reached you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting...