 Hi. Hi. What you always like when we start is like you're laughing at something or someone. That's myself for doing it again. Oh wow, for doing a YouTube video again. Yes. Wow, we see you guys. Anyway, welcome to another video right here on our channel. It's me plus you is us. And today we're talking about something... Maybe we should introduce ourselves. Who are you? Oh, my name is Kwame. I'm a filmmaker and voice actor. And this is... Hi, my name is Elaine. I am part-time YouTube, part-time business developer. And we both... Or we live together in our craft. Yeah, and we document bits and pieces of our experiences in conversation like this one you're watching now. So this is what most of our videos are like. But sometimes we do something different whenever we can. So today I came up with a topic because I thought it would be interesting or... Yeah, I think it's just good to talk about our insecurities as well and how they shape us. I think we live in a day and age where parents and... There's a lot of fascination about growth and learning and self-development. But I think it also has kind of a downside. And often when people see us on YouTube they think we're like so confident. And while people put labels on what we do, they're mostly like... People are amazed. But I think it's also good to acknowledge like there's also things we work on and... How has it shaped us throughout our lives? So that's why we're here. So basically talking about our insecurities. Some of our insecurities. And how they shape us. And how they shape us. Or shape us. Okay. Are you going to go first? Yeah, so I thought we could do physical personality and then skills. Okay. So the physical insecurities personality-wise and your skills as in what you do... Feel like you could do more. Or better or anything. Okay. That works. Okay. Do you want to go first? Physical? Physical. The naked truth. Is it a naked truth? Oh, it's good to be vulnerable but we never... Well, we do vulnerable topics but this one... So this is more like which part of my body am I insecure about? Or conscious of or how you have a story. You need it to learn to love it. So I think the part of my body that I think stands out is my nose. So I don't... I'm not so... Should I say like negatively... I don't know how to even put it deeply insecure about it. But if there was a part of my body that I wished was slightly smaller and maybe slender, would be my nose. When I was growing up, the part of my body that was generally... Laughed at was my head, the size of my head. Really? The size of my head. Because it was not proportionate to the size of my body. At the time? At the time, it was not proportionate. Because you were growing? Yes, it was not proportionate to the size of my body. My head was big. I think it's true because babies also have a very big head and then the body kind of... Yeah, but mine was big, big. So I even had a big name which I'm not going to... I almost mentioned it. No, I'm not going to mention it here. But not that I'm... Orally we'll comment in the comments honestly. If they do know it. But now that I'm grown, I think the part of my body that gets pointed out often is my nose. They make reference to a Ghanaian TV personality as my uncle. If you know him, then you know what I'm talking about. So yeah, that's the physical... But it's funny because you're insecure about it, but you still decided to take a piercing in it. Yeah, because I'm just living. I mean, what can I do about my nose? Yeah, but okay. So you learn to love it, otherwise you wouldn't put it in the way. Yeah, I'm learning to love it. More like hiding it. Yeah, I'm learning to love it. That's good. Yeah. And what's about... Because I know you also got to look a lot of nicknames about the color of your skin, like the darkness of it. I'm not insecure about the darkness of my skin at all. I just dislike the local slang that... I mean, Ghanaians generally describe people by how they look. I know. They just make up a nickname and just, you know, I just really dislike hearing blackie. Yeah. But yeah. I dislike hearing. Not that I don't like my skin. It's just this... What the fuck do you mean blackie? Sorry. Yeah. So yeah, so it's still remarkable people point this out or they used to point it out. Yeah. I mean, people still do. People who don't know your name and are still in that realm of describing you by how you look. Instead of saying hello, would... I mean, if you go to Kansai Manso for example. Then what do you say? If you go to Kansai Manso for example right now and somebody wants to get your attention, they'll most likely use the skin color because it stands out than most of the people around you. Intrigued? Yeah. No, no, no. They'll say blackie. They'll call you like that. Yeah. So they're similar to... Are you compared to Obruni? Yeah, something like that. Similar. Yeah. Yeah. I think that it's very... We're actually talking about it with our friends from Belarus the other day that it is... For me it's remarkable that Ghanaians just call you out on your appearance. Physical appearance. If you're bigger than they call you Obulo. Yeah, which in Nellis if you would do that I think people wouldn't like that at all. But here it's kind of common or maybe people make peace with it. I'm not sure. Yeah. Okay. What about you? Well, I think I've been for a longer list than you. I think... You have a longer list on the physical? Yeah. Okay. I think... So for me, I think in the beginning I was insecure about my eyes because they're quite in my whole face. They are quite small. Okay. And I remember in high school first class there was this geography teacher. You know how these things scar you? I think you know the one with... You know this geography teacher and even reflecting on it with the knowledge I have now I think it's weird but he was like talking to me and then suddenly he said like already talking about my eyes or he started talking about my eyes and then he asked whether I didn't have something Asian in my family which I now find problematic in so many ways. Yeah, because... Like why would you talk to a student about her eyes like a 14 year old or a 13 year old one? And then make a stereotypical reference. My eyes are slanted, yes, I know but like why would you make that... Reference. So I think it's also a weird guy but funny how I still like carry that around and then I believe I talk to my mom about it and then she actually said that she also got comments about her eyes because they're also small like... So I have her eyes. So she also said that people used to do that to her which I think is so weird, right? When people comment on that but now I'm okay, I mean I can't change anything about it so I'm okay with it, like they work and they're doing great so I'm okay. I just like to wear a bit of mascara and then... I think you have beautiful eyes. Thank you. Talk to my geography teacher. I'll find him. I know exactly his face. It's so weird when these things pop up that you can actually picture the person's face or the situation. I think another one is... Well maybe that one increased when I got to Ghana because here in Ghana you have a different beauty standard for ladies so in the Netherlands it's like the kind of model look like so tall, skinny, slim. Yeah, I don't like that standard but you're still influenced by it because you see it everywhere. So I think there I fit it in I didn't necessarily love my body like people would comment that it's nice that I'm tall and all these things but now because I'm in Ghana... When you switch here at Ghana... Yeah, I feel the beauty standard is curvy and I'm not curvy and people like to point that out and they like to say like oh the slim is or you need to gain weight I get that a lot like random people tell me to gain weight. People that are your friends or... No, random people like when I buy something somewhere or when I'm sitting somewhere. Really? Well, I eat a lot for why I eat a lot. So this is how my body looks. Yeah. So I've now been starting to just accept that this is how it looks I probably won't be curvy because for example my sisters are a bit more curvy which I was always like wow you know that's nice but I'm not so... Yeah. Try to accept that and then one more... I mean I have a bit more but I think let's not put it all out there. Yeah, I think women generally get more criticized for how they look. I know about their eyes I know about the body size but I didn't know random people would tell you to eat more. Yeah, I know, yeah. Why? I don't know, people think... These are the moments when I wish I was present then we could have it. Sometimes it kind of throws me off because I've actually been more conscious of that I should eat like I want to eat more regular just because it makes my body feel more at ease not necessarily connecting it to weight. I just think generally people should not comment on your weight or your body in general. Yeah, for me it's... some days I don't even hear it and some days it really throws me off and then I'm angry like why are you commenting on my body? Yeah. It's fine. Yeah, so now I'm more eating regularly and I see it makes my energy more stable like I don't have like other... The fluctuations... So for me that works and that's kind of encouraging. And I think last one... How do I go and play this on YouTube? If you don't want to, don't. No, it's fine. So I have... It's all blonde but I have quite a lot of facial hair. I have... Yeah, but that's what you call cilia. It's not hair here. I know, it's small. I know, but I think for example for my brother it's great because he can literally grow his beard but I do have... like now I do my eyebrows and everything. I do have like thick eyebrows. Like I have a lot of small blonde hairs around this area and... She knows this is only the invisible. So I am conscious of it. So for example when I'm in the sun like I'm in the sun and I'm talking to somebody I'm like they're gonna see it. They're gonna see I'm so hairy but I've been trying consciously the last... I think the last year because of course there... I mean maybe there's also the western beauty center but there's a lot of focus on no hair, right? No armpits hair. Your eyebrows should be on point. No other areas. No hair. Yeah. So automatically when you have an issue like that you feel like you have to remove it. Yeah. I've never done that. Even when I go to the spa sometimes the ladies who work there comment on it like wow you have a lot of hair should we remove it for you? Really? On your face? They do say that. Yeah. Wow. So for me... Tell me these things. Your inkling is I should remove it. That's what's expected of me, right? That's what society is telling you one way or another. But for me I've now the past year I've been trying to... I mean I have been made like this by God or by something. I've been created like this with my hair on my face. Yeah. So I should just accept it as it is. Body hair is not weird for women. Some women have chest hair. What okay I'm going to ask this has it ever bothered you if I notice and it bothers me? Has it ever crossed your mind if you thought it bothered me? Yeah I do. I do think about it. And what conclusion do you come to? Well I try to tell myself that I mean you're not married with me for my looks only and I think... but it doesn't even bother me. I don't even see it. Yeah but it's not only about you, right? I know. I mean I think that I'm trying now instead of going the route of I should remove these things and I should wax everything but that will be half my face so I also don't know how to work with it. You should just accept it. This is how I have been created and women have facial hair, women have chest hair some women have like hair on their belly and we should just normalize that instead of forcing somebody to remove her small blonde hairs in her face just because it doesn't look feminine whatever feminine is by that standard. So that one is work in progress but I am aware of it. I'm sorry. No it's fine. I think it's to share things that you're insecure about so you can throw out of it and I think everybody has these things. Right? Maybe in that case small hands. Really? Yeah. I think my hands are small. Mine are big. She has bigger hands than I do. What is wrong with it's bad for a man? It's not seen as masculine it's seen as a less masculine trait men have bigger firmer usually even more tough palms my palms like my hands are soft. Yeah it's nice. You know and it's small but I never often like think about it it's not something until somebody brings it up and I think about it that my hands I can lift stuff I can do whatever I want to do. Yeah it's so weird that just because the shape is different or different than whose that you get insecure about it it's weird right? Because it works we should be grateful that everything works no? That's it. You have two hands instead of like oh they're small it's weird kind of like. Okay personality. Maybe a character trait or I don't have a lot of patience I think I'm a bit intolerant. I don't know if I'm insecure about it but it often is the reason for a clash with people there's also the anxiety it's not anxiety in terms of I don't know how to turn off certain things like certain things I do not like like for example with time so I'm very timely and I don't know how to switch off or relax. Yes that's the thing I don't know how to relax when something needs to be done in a certain way or at a certain time and since there's also less of a tolerance and more of a quick temper in that sense especially when you feel the need for the thing to be done and the other person is like chill or doesn't take it as serious then I don't know how to just swallow all those emotions and pretend that it's fine and I should just relax yeah so personality wise yeah there is that I don't know how to be tolerant of when things are not or when we're not on the same wavelength in terms of an activity that needs to be done in a certain way there's also which one I was thinking about it right now and I forgot I can go with anyone personality okay you go I'll think about it with the one I was thinking about hmm okay I got a lot of comments when I was growing up that I was loud my voice I was always picked out of class because I was loud and I think in the beginning of our relationship as well I made comments on that especially when I wanted to gossip with you and whisper something to Elaine like what can you just yeah so I think I turned that down a bit I mean I'm still loud I don't think you are anymore no but maybe that's not a good thing because people told me I'm loud I should have just been loud I just think for women people always want to make a small I don't take up too much space so anyway now I'm sad that I'm like that well I'm loud sometimes I get to my life loud I don't think you've toned down in terms of the volume of it you're still very vocal in the things that you yeah you're still vocal there's a difference between the volume of the voice versus you not saying things you want to say anymore so the volume went down a bit but I think also because at home we were with four kids so you really had to be loud to make your point okay that makes sense do you remember your point no because I was talking about yours I wasn't thinking about that yes okay I think I remembered I think another thing would be I don't know if I'm insecure about it again but it's something that that makes me very confident no it's something that so it's not an insecurity as in I think about it in such a way that I want I feel bad when I think about it no but it's more like when it comes to engaging other people in the social setting or you know collaborative way then it becomes an issue which needs to be in a way worked on to be able to accommodate other people around you I think one of the things is sometimes I'm almost always caught in my own thoughts so I come off as not sociable yeah besides the fact that I would generally prefer my own company which is also a bad not a bad thing but in this thin age extroverts are very much rewarded like the more you send out the better the better it is so I'd rather be by myself or do things my own way or so there's that aspect as well because again like you said it doesn't work for the current climate of how things are I mean your network influences your network yeah definitely so it's something that you have to get out of your shell to accommodate other people and be more open and also not only you know just open your if it's a bubble don't burst it if you can open a bit of a hole somewhere like you know let other influences in I do think that I do pull you out of that a bit because I think on your own you wouldn't really go to some things and then I send it to you and I push you a little bit to go or we go together otherwise you would be home a lot which is not bad but I think it's good to practice right and that also makes me often want to do things by myself also because of the first thing I talked about that I mean I often don't have the patience to tolerate certain things to a certain point or to allow things to unveil naturally or yeah you know unravel sorry unravel naturally so your perfection is a bit yeah and when it's not control freak yeah and when things are not going the way I expect I'd rather you know what you just leave it I'll do it my way or I'll do it alone or I'll do it by myself which is not exactly a very positive trait or personality trait to to help you grow trust the other people yeah I'm also perfectionist but I'm not as secure about it now you're not a perfectionist compared to me no maybe there are skills with that anyway let's go to the last one skills you want me to go yeah you go skills first okay one that is very deeply rooted I think it is more told to me than really okay maybe okay I don't know but I'm just gonna talk it already started in primary school because I think in group 4 then you're like 8, 10 9 and we were doing math and all these things and I don't know why the 90s are weird or that zeros is a weird time but they made groups in class and then you had the people who were really good in math grouping and then they I don't know if they named it like the back group but the group of people who needed more help aka the losers and I was part of that because I found it really hard and with math right yes and I think that grouping kind of messed with my head ever since because you get that label like oh I'm not I'm not good at this see I struggle I'm not good at this instead of going in it blankly and just trying it out and that also translate maybe I also have less feeling for it but definitely for math but just because it's so like good or bad then you start putting yourself in that box back in that group every time so even through high school I struggled with economics I struggled with math I needed to get into there and all these things and even up to this day I always immediately ask if somebody else can do the math or can do the financial stuff so I'm on the same page with math and financial stuff but did you also get these weird groups it wasn't very yeah in high school that is done but it's not necessarily I I don't know how to describe it but yeah there's some kind of those A-listers and then the next and then the next and then there's that I often often wonder the way each of the two of us is going to teach the kids math I mean when it comes to English and other sure we can find an auntie or an uncle logical reasoning and all those things you know science or things that require that you know read and understand but when it comes to calculations and the electiveness of it I'm not I don't even come close I just remember the physical one I sweat easily you're insecure about that yes especially because like Anna is not the worst country but it's really hot here so I sweat a lot and you know even now the fan is open the AC so I'm really hot like I'm checking if I was did you see I was checking if I was not if it wasn't coming through my shirt I do that a lot even when I buy clothes I think we'll use so I don't wear gray because if you sweat in gray you'll see it and honestly in Ghana people like to point out that you are sweating they like to point things out generally and it's so like I know I am sweating please stop humiliating me I am aware so now luckily I have face towels and stuff or handkerchiefs that I use but it makes you so self-conscious because I already feel it dripping on my back and then you are gonna be like oh you're sweating yeah I know I'm sweating I know please stop sweating it out it is too much do you have one more I have one more I think my last one was to be about my nose it also becomes oily very fast and then it becomes very shiny so the first thing you see if I'm walking in the sun is a big nose which is oily and it's like a landing pad with a mirror but I think people so I now notice it because you pointed out it's not oily now it's not I just feel like almost every you know few minutes I should just try and wipe if I have something I love your nose I really like it on your face I wouldn't want any other nose thank you you haven't seen any other nose on your face yes but I've seen other noses I think it's really cute thank you now people are probably going to notice all these my last one and Kamen actually contributed to it to the insecurity because I'm insecure about my dancing that's a skill it's not physical oh god or you had another skill we wanted to show no I just didn't want to come with it I don't know so I don't have a lot of rhythm I think the stereotype of white people not having rhythm is definitely applied to me and it's funny because I do like to dance I do like the joy it sparks I do like to I do like to you know listen to music sing along dance a little bit all these things and especially because you're a foreigner and Ganeans are big on dancing people like to invite you to dance but I always feel like they expect me to dance really well and I am not because I don't have rhythm it looks a bit off even though I am enjoying it so I did do some dance class because I just wanted to feel more comfortable in my skin so I did I did some African dance classes that was martial east Africa which really helped in here in Ghana I also have done a few classes but I get very shy when people kind of put me on the spotlight and I say I should dance but that's a general thing unless you're a really good dancer and you really like dancing and they want to film you and stuff and I get super uncomfortable yeah but that's them not wanting to see you dance and be comfortable that's them wanting to actually humiliate you it's not a good thing if somebody asks you to dance don't but then it's not like I don't want to dance I just don't like to be pointed out so dance when you want to dance not when somebody says dance and let me see dance because you're a foreigner people are like immediately when you do a few moves and I mentally freeze like no no no we're not supposed to look at it but it just dance but you will still be sometimes you're still pointed out anyway but do you want to tell people why you probably contributed to this insecurity I don't want to cause I'm done with that it's like years ago not years ago it's years ago when I said that it's terrible and I apologize like 7 billion times but every single chance Elaine gets she brings it up it's yeah so it's better for you to tell I'm not telling I made a comment about the dancing which wasn't supposed to happen it's probably coming from me who doesn't dance so he he says he's a bad dancer which I don't think so and he doesn't dance yeah but it's so weird because why is there a standard for dancing anyway but Kwameen said something like you don't want me to say Mon Dieu we've been had it in the previous video like this is like the third video this is coming out in yes because I'm insecure about it so you can see how it thinks of its impact word it's fine he said I look um how to say it nicely what other word can we use for it we can't cause there's no other way to say it it's just bad yeah like I let's just put it like you look like I'm physically incapable of dancing let's put it that way that's how you put it I think that's the best way to describe it politely correct way to describe it I don't remember the scene I don't remember I just remember the words like going into my heart like I will never dance again that was an immediate conclusion but of course I don't hate and I like to dance so I will keep on continuing to dance even though some people think I'm physically incapable of doing it oh sorry you didn't think I would bring it up it's fine please don't even like this video just subscribe if you can and let's call it a day but it's fine no it's not and I think it's good to talk about these things we're all sweating now it's okay this is the end of the video thank you for watching okay thank you for watching as you can see we don't plan our videos and we wanted to share this vulnerable one with you we are still fine it's just sometimes difficult to talk about these things right yes bye I'll die