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Two Bulls, One Cow

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Uploaded on Feb 7, 2009

Enjoy my latest video:
Two Bulls, One Cow
A typical day on a farm. Cows come in to eat. Two bulls get other ideas and butt heads over it, being rather, well, bullish about it. Keep trying guys, but she ain't having none of it. She leaves. They follow. Same the world over. Better luck next time.

Your Cow Facts for the Day or More Stuff Than You'd Ever Want to Know about Bovines:

Males and females are known as bovines. There are other more specific terms for what they are genderwise and at various stages of their lives (listed below).

Cows can breed with other closely related species such as:

•aurochs (extinct)

•banteng (Southern Asia)

•bison

•gaur (Southern Asia)

•wisent

•zebu (that's that wonderful humped cattle you see in India)

•yaks (from Nepal). When I was growing up some newspaper filler writer would provide newspapers with little 1-2 line snippets about yaks and yak butter to use to fill out columns. As a result of reading every inch of the newspaper I have an inordinate amount of knowledge about yaks and yak butter. For example: Only yak butter is used in butter sculptures for religious festivals in Tibet. Whew, finally, I've been able to use that bit of knowledge. And another one: Yak racing is highly popular in Tibet, though not very fast (although they'll outrun you). The hide can be cured and made so waterproof it's used to make small coracles (usually saucer-shaped) boats. Okay, I'll stop now.

Cows cannot interbreed with buffalo, though.

The most amazing cow ever: the Heilan coo Scottish: Highland Cow. My first name is Heilan. And frequently my haircut resembles that of the Heilan Coo. Maybe that's why I like cows so much.

And yet more bovine terminology:

•beef: young ox (being fattened up for market)

•beefing: the act of fattening up an ox for market. (Beware being called beefy by someone)

•bull: adult male who is able to have sex (and from this video you know that able doesn't always mean actually has sex)

•bullock: An older castrated bull in most of the world. Steer when they're young. Bullock when their old. And to be contrary, in the US a young bull is frequently referred to as a bullock (and he still has all his boy bits intact -- trying to be PG about this).

•calf (pl. calves): newborn cattle until they are weaned

•cow: female who has had 1-2 calves (some people insist that she have had 2 calves before calling her a cow)

•feeder-calves or feeders: You don't want to be this. This means you are young male beef cattle. Eventually after you've been fattened up, sometimes rather quickly with growth hormones (people stay away from buying beef that's been given growth hormones, they won't tell you, but it's not very good for you), you're heading to market. You'll wind up cut up, shrink-wrapped, on display for sale in a grocery store. (I think there's a Disney film here about a feeder calf that gets away, goes on a quest to find it's real mother, and becomes head bull of all the other cattle. Might even be a major disaster like a fire or earthquake. Ref: Bambi, Lion King. Suggested title: MOOooooooo!)

•freemartin: a female twin of a bull. She's infertile because of her intersexual characteristics (didn't quite make it to becoming a bull, but can't have calves). However, I firmly believe she should still be given the full rights and dignity afforded to all other cattle.

•heifer: young female who has not yet had a calf

•maverick: cattle of either gender that is unbranded

•neat: oxen with horns (neatsfoot oil comes from them)

•ox (pl. oxen): castrated male bull kept around as a draft animal or for food. This term is applied to older female cows, on occasion. So guys, if someone calls you healthy as an ox, beware. Mainly it means you can no longer breed but you're kept around because you can work and possibly might make a good meal some day. But, mainly, you're hooked up to traces and straining and pulling things around. BTW traces are those side straps/chains connecting the harness to a cart or whatever is being pulled. That crossbar the traces pass through is called a whiffletree (sometimes whippletree, singletree, swingletree). I promise I will refrain from naming all the parts of a cart.

•steer: castrated male (sorry guys if that makes you uncomfortable)

•yearling: cattle 1-2 years old. Used more for males than females.

•weaners (all of you with dirty minds can stop laughing now, and that reference isn't even spelled this way): cattle that is more than a year old, but not an adult

•working steer: In the US only. Refers to draft cattle under four years (again with all their boy bits intact)

Use all the above knowledge on your next date and I'm sure you'll make an impression of some sort. Though I must warn you they might find you a bore (not boar -- don't even get me started about boars).

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