 Alright so today I just thought I'd try something new with the lights and how I'm going to record this week's vlog. If you're watching this video today, which is Thursday, the first day of October, it's my birthday and I turn 32. Yeah, I'm old. But anyway, it has been an incredible year so far and that's been even more incredible years to this point. And today I guess I want to sit and talk about some of the things that I have picked up that I wish I knew 10 years ago. So that's what today's conversation is. So if you're ready, let's just have a conversation today. And the first thing I want to say is, things seldom go to plan and that's okay. If chance didn't exist and minds didn't change as often as they do and interests and dreams were not thwarted by the realities that hit us and give us those rude awakenings that force us to adapt because we're competing for those same dreams with millions of other people. Then I'm guessing that, well, truthfully, the world would have more doctors and lawyers and engineers and pilots that we could ever need. I too wanted to become a doctor and then a lawyer and then a pilot and then a marketer, settle down before 30, own a home, have a wife and kids, live free and happy and retire at 40. We attach a lot of importance to certain things because we're told that they are the things that will most likely make us happy and put us in better positions than others and make us enjoy life better. It's like once you get there, everything will be perfect. You are probably going through it right now, stressing out about how things aren't going to plan and feeling like a failure or stressing yourself out because you haven't been able to fit yourself in society's box of what success and happiness looks like. Relax, nobody has to know how to figure it out and I doubt most of us ever will. So stop comparing and stressing on how things are supposed to be. You can only control what you can. The rest are the reactions and the consequences you have to deal with. I wish I knew and accepted it even more that I can only do so much at a given moment and that I'm most certainly allowed to learn, change my mind, reinvent myself over and over again and live as many lives as I want as long as I don't become a burden on another person while doing this and stopping them from finding their true joy. What I've eased a lot of pressure that I went through trying as hard as I could to control the outcome of things because anything else derailed me from achieving the things I wanted to achieve. Money can't buy happiness, it's a big lie. I just want to be happy. Well, we all want to be in my now, I'm sure you know that happiness is what you can afford. It comes with a price tag. We hear this saying, money can't buy happiness. It's a big lie. Money buys happiness. Do you know what money can't buy though? Joy. Once you can afford setting things without worry, without the anxiety of being broke or needing it for something else, you have a peace of mind to pursue things that bring you joy. Joy is long-lasting happiness. Happiness in itself is temporary. So, you bought that new iPhone, the sneakers, the bags, the camera or whatever it is. The euphoria will most likely last a few hours and then it becomes just another thing that you own. With joy, you have to work for it. Joy requires consistency. Joy isn't to one size fits all because you define your own joy. Find joy when you don't need to buy things to sustain your happiness and that can only happen when you're able to work for it for years. You have to know yourself. It also means that you have to define what joy means to you. Joy is more consistent and it's more internal and true to your soul. It's when you have peace whereas happiness is usually more on things and people and events. Let your ultimate goal be to find joy. And take care of your vessel. It's really, really important. Ten years ago, I was living almost carefree when it came to my body and my health in general. I didn't have to think about possibly falling ill. I had energy. My metabolism was so fast for me to be a glutton that couldn't gain weight or feel so tired after working a few kilometers or scaling a few flights of stairs. I thought that would last or I'd enjoy it well into my 30s. Boy, was I wrong. There are so many misconceptions about our bodies and what being healthy means. And the older you get, the more you come to find that your only choice is to be aware that you need to make a conscious effort to build for you the shell that will take you through the years that you wish to live and enjoy life. Being slim doesn't mean that you're healthy and being overweight isn't a death sentence either. It may only complicate certain illnesses that may otherwise be manageable if you weren't. A healthy lifestyle is a lifelong commitment. That's if you start in your 20s when it's easier to do things. You won't have to cry about it in your 30s when life has you overwhelmed with so much that spending your energy on your own body becomes a chore. You don't want that. It doesn't get any better from here. It actually goes downhill from here. And unfortunately, technology hasn't advanced to the point where we can order a full body set all parts or bodies to live in for hundreds of years. Only the rich can afford this and sometimes even they have to wait for a tragedy to befall another person. So yeah, also don't wait for the big wins. Celebrate the small ones. I am an impatient person. I'm also a professionalist and my own biggest critic. So if you're someone like me and you also happen to be a creative who dreams of the absolute biggest things you want to accomplish and you want to do them in the shortest possible time, you only be living feeling constantly unaccomplished and it's draining. It's really draining. You're constantly trying to do better and see the best now. And unfortunately at this point, if you want to put the best thing in front of you, you can't tell the difference. And this is linked to my first lesson of nothing going to plan that there's only so much you can do. If there's one thing this year in particular has taught me is that there's a lot of joy in celebrating your little victories. It's so good. And at the time when they happen you may not see it but when you look back over time you realize you've done so much better than how you thought you did before when you're doing it. If happiness is fleeting and you are only waiting to celebrate your wins when they are big enough before they feel worthy the rest of the time I can guarantee you you're going to be miserable. And I have to say that this is a work in progress and I almost always don't remember until I look back to all the things that I've done in the circumstances in which they happened and I begin to be more grateful for how far I've come. And this also inspires me to do a little more and a little more and a little more to add to the bigger picture that I want to paint. And remember that communication is everything. I used to consider myself someone who knew how to communicate because I could tuck my way into and out of many situations. I can express myself in most cases quite thoroughly and precisely enough to get my point across. I still considered myself diplomatic enough to diffuse things that would otherwise escalate to the point where things couldn't be salvaged. I thought I was a good mediator. I applied logic to everything to find a fair ground because I'm all about balance. Well let's just say I'm at a point where I don't consider myself a very effective communicator but I'm on the road to learning that communication is more than just words, tone and logic. Communication is emotion. Communication is being able to be proactive and so much more. Communication will save you from a lot of headache. This is what I've come to learn about the kind of communication that I grew up knowing and experiencing over and over again. I used to think that if you disagreed with me then you were against me and I would become so defensive and fight till I get my point across enough for you to raise your hands and give up. It was that bad. I didn't know that the first rule of communication is listening and understanding what the person is saying and the second rule is being calm enough to empathize before you do anything. And the truth is even till now my emotions get the best of me and I rely on logic where empathy is required. I used to think that the silent treatment was the best hand to play. The truth is in some circumstances yes it would save you but for me it was an end goal. I would keep quiet, keep it in and never give it room to be talked about again. It's terrible. Relationships have died that way. I used to think that communication or communicating emotions were unnecessary until they bottled up and I had to seek help. Yeah and to be fair most people around us have had similar upbringings so it's difficult for you to voice things or emotions and all you hear is you be fine okay, don't worry. I'm still mostly detached from unpleasant emotions because time no day but I'm still learning to share them with the right people and that can be very helpful. Our biggest problem is the how, the when and the expectations we tend to impose on these people that we share these things with. Yeah, don't stop communicating. It is everything. It applies to friendships, relationships, business, everything. And remember that you can't please everyone and you shouldn't. It's inevitable that you seek validation from friends and family and people you look up to because it means a lot and it means that you feel seen, heard, appreciated and worthy but this actually leads to a lot of heartache. People's perceptions of us often drives us to make certain decisions and choices so as to avoid disappointing them and we also end up losing ourselves over the years. By the time you wake up you only be left with resentment. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't care about what other people think. I'm just saying that you should care more about what you think of you and you come to find that for the most part people don't really care. That shouldn't influence 90% of your decisions. Relationships will go sour. Friendships will end. Disagreements will happen and you outgrow certain people and certain things and yes, it will eat you up but you have to realize that you have only you and only you to account to in the end. Those days situations that no longer serve you don't continue in habits that won't bring you growth and happiness and money. Do not drain yourself trying to be liked by everyone else and it's impossible. A person who's liked by everyone else is no one. He doesn't know himself. And lastly, it's better to fail than regret. Yeah, this has to be one of the most difficult ones for me because I like safety, I like comfort and most importantly I like to feel like I have enough control over most situations that I find myself in. I don't fare very well in unexpected circumstances at all. Although I can adapt to most situations eventually, the initial throw off tends to have me scrambling all over the place and I usually am not able to hide my displeasure. This meant that I had been living with or living within a comfort zone that I created over time and that seemed to work for me and I would only experiment when I could do it safely or I knew that I wouldn't get hurt in the end. I've almost always lived with an aversion for failure as well. I didn't like how it made me look and I most certainly didn't like how it made me feel and safety net means the peace of mind to dream so I like it. But then after a very long time that my dreams kept staying, dreams and I couldn't live them up it ate me up and I had to do something about it. That's a story I've told way too many times on this channel about how I ended up with this vlog. Now I live to fail and learn and try again over and over again so although it's the most difficult thing to do I guess we'll never know what can happen until we try. We just have to be willing to accept responsibility for our failures and learn to grow from them. Yeah. So yeah, this talk here has been more than difficult for me. I thought because you know I haven't even began to scratch the surface of all the things that I wish I knew 10 years ago but let's just say I feel good and I'm happy now with where I am and I definitely know where I'm going and I love it. I may figure out how to share more of these things when I find a way to put them into words. I'm eternally grateful to all of you amazing people who have graced my life so far the good the bad the ugly. Your coming into my journey has shaped me into the man that I am and I'm looking forward to the next decade of lessons. Cheers guys and happy birthday to you if today happens to be your birthday as well or if you have your birthday in the month of October. Happy birthday to you as well. My name is Kwame and yeah, I'm 32. I'll catch you again another time. Enjoy the rest of your day. Peace.