 As a dating and relationship coach, one of the common frustrations I hear from women, particularly when it comes to understanding men, centers around men who seem to struggle opening up emotionally. In fact, I probably would say that's one of the top five things women wished from men that they would open up emotionally. And I think before we lean into that how to do that, I think it's important to understand why this happens. Now, for those of you who follow my channel, I'm more of a personal development coach than actually a dating and relationship coach. And what I mean to say is I'm here to encourage individuals to do personal development, self-help and spiritual. Why? Because one of the fundamental causes of human beings being what I call emotionally constipated, and that was a friend of mine who shared that terminology with me. Some people call it emotionally unavailable. Some people call it emotionally frustrated. I like the term emotionally constipated. Is that typically a human being has experienced some sort of traumatic wound in their life. This is also known as childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that might cause them to stuff their emotions. In addition, men have been preconditioned to actually be more stoic and not even share their emotions because they were taught by sharing emotions that isn't very manly. Little boys are taught be a man, tough it out and so forth. So to understand that part of it is social conditioning, but really what causes most men to be that emotionally unavailable person that makes it difficult for them to open up is as I said earlier, childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas. And this is true for women as well as men. This is one of the reasons why I highly encourage human beings to read this book called The Hoffman Process. The Hoffman Process, here's a copy of it. This is a book to heal your childhood wounds and traumas or if you want Google the Hoffman Process and go to their retreat center. There's one in Napa. There's one in, I think on the East Coast as well because this organization has a way of helping individuals find that peace within themselves to genuinely love on themselves, to really genuinely love on themselves. I know personally when I went in 2017, there was an experience I had where I felt, I experienced what felt like a blanket of self love. And given that the number one emotional health issue for most human beings is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable, we are thirsty. Human beings are thirsty for a capacity to open themselves up emotionally and yet they struggle on the inside to get there. This is one of the reasons why, where the heck did I put my book? My book is what the heck is self love anyway, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. By the way, all the books I recommend are in the description below. Why I'm suggesting this is if you want to understand how to open up a man, ladies, then it starts by actually learning to open up within yourself. I can tell you as a coach, and I've worked with thousands of women, I have over 10 to probably 20,000 hours of coaching. By the way, if you want to schedule a discovery call with me right there is a link, check out a link to a free discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. Why I share this with you is I will tell you, women as much as they think they're good at emotional communication, oftentimes women might vomit their feelings or have diarrhea in the mouth when it comes to their feelings and not necessarily articulate in a way to be seen, heard and understood. This is why human beings need a level of education when it comes to looking inside and more importantly coming back to women. I would say there is a huge percentage of the female population that act as people pleasers that stuff their emotions. In fact, in many cases some of these women are doormats and they're being taken advantage by women or by men, excuse me, and I'm here to encourage a more empowered approach to the process, but if you want to get a man to open up emotionally then you have to recognize, or at least this is my invitation for you, that you might need to learn how to open up emotionally within yourself. You know, it's interesting in my private coaching one of the exercises we do is a journaling exercise. And I can tell you probably seven out of 10 women who do this exercise struggle mightily to actually express their emotions on what they want to feel in a relationship. Can you believe that? It's interesting, 70% of the women that work with me have difficulty actually writing down the types of emotions and feelings they want to experience in a relationship. And yet everybody walks around going, Jonathan, I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want. And yet when they go through this process, they find themselves going, oh my gosh, I really didn't have an understanding of who I am or what I'm all about. So I'm here to offer approach of, again, an invitation to do inner work. And hopefully by doing this work you actually become more attuned to yourself by being able to ask better questions to determine to gauge a man's emotional maturity and also if he's compatible with you. In fact, one of the significant things I do in my private coaching is called radical honesty, pre-qualifying your prospect. Why is it important to do that? When you learn based on your personality what questions you can ask a guy, not can, are willing to ask a guy, you can gauge his emotional maturity. Is he emotionally constipated? Is he emotionally unavailable? Or does he have a capacity? He just needs a little bit of help. And I can certainly help you with that. And again, schedule a call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. All right, so how do we get a man to open up emotionally? Well, I've got my trusty nose. I want to be candid with you. I Googled this out of curiosity and it's funny because a friend of mine had written an article that we had talked about years ago this very same subject. And I go, hey, we'd already discussed this. I thought I'd pull out this information for this video. So number one, if these are some simple tips to get a man to open up emotionally, number one, I highly recommend paying attention to his body language, paying attention to his body language. Men and women alike demonstrate their feelings through their body language. Do you know communication is roughly 80 or 90% non-verbal? So it's fascinating how many humans believe that they're talking to someone when they're talking on the phone via text message, that they're actually having real dialogue. Yet when it's our facial expressions, our energy, even our pheromones and our hormones represent part of communication. And yet I've talked to women so frequently to go, I'm madly in love with the man. I've been talking to him on the phone for six months. They've never met him. You've been having communication but you really haven't heard the communication until you physically can see their body language. And by determining a person's body language, you then can do what I call mirror and matching. One of the things, and I learned this in sales years ago, mirror and matching is when somebody's body language is like this, you can mirror their body language so they can see how they're representing themselves by being a reflection of them. It's really important to pay attention to body language because that gives you an indication of how a man or a woman is operating in that moment. And in that particular case, you can start to connect with them if you do this technique called mirror and matching. If you want some help with it, do me a favor, Google mirror and matching plus sales and you can learn a little bit more of these techniques that sales people use to actually feel like their perspective client is engaging with them. So pay attention to body language and then operate from a place of mirror and matching. Okay, number two, this is so hugely important. Most men who go through a divorce, say one of the fundamental frustrations they had in their marriage was feeling a lack of appreciation with their partner. Their partner actually appreciating them. Ladies, you've experienced this as well and men experience this as equal as you. Men don't oftentimes feel appreciated for their efforts. So if you can, by the way, I invite you to use these words instead of thank you. Thank you is something we say to the grocery store person. Thank you is something we say to random people. I say random people. Now we can use thank you. I'm going to invite you to use different words. I want you to start to incorporate the words grateful, gratitude and appreciation. My girlfriend said something to me the other day. She just really appreciated that I got up this morning and she's got a little shoulder problem and I got her ice pack for her so she could put it around herself and she just simply said, Jonathan, I really appreciated you doing that. She didn't have to be asked, I just did it. Now my point in bringing this up is when you use terms like grateful, gratitude, appreciation, these are powerful words that helps emotions within a human being. So that's my invitation for you to start sharing more appreciation. Number three, do fun things together. That's right, do fun things together. Again, I come back to how many women I communicate or reach out to coaching with me are in long distance relationships. They're in cyber relationships, thinking they're actually in a relationship with someone and yet men bond through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests. That's how a man genuinely bonds with another person. Certainly with their male friends, it's playing golf together, going fishing together, going to the car show. These are just some things that I'm going to be doing recently or did recently and going to be doing. That's how men bond. Well, it's the same ladies. I'm encouraging you social activities, hobbies, mutual interests and you can be the instigators of these events. I remember one year I was dating a woman and she said, hey, Jonathan, could we go do a hike up at the Hollywood sign? She instigated it and we had a great time. It was a great bonding experience. So doing social activities, hobbies, mutual interests is a great way. Do fun things together that allow you to connect because, you know, how do I say this? When we're men, how we get into our body, our emotions is through the doing of things. Is through the doing of things. We don't connect through our body through the telephone. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Most human beings are having such benign conversation, surface level conversation. They're not going deeper, which will allow you to connect to a man and help him open up emotionally. Number three, four, do the things he cares about. Do those things. You know, it's not about you love the opera and you want him to go with you to the opera. I'm here, I'm using that as an example, but I'm here to suggest do the things he cares about. Folks, let me bottom line something to you. Listen, I was watching a video the other day where someone said, if you really want to get to know another human being, you have to live with them. That's how you get to know someone. That's why my relationship, we now live together. We are getting to know each other at a deeper level. Well, if you want to get to know each other at a deeper level prior to moving in together, getting married, then you're going to have to do a lot of stuff together. Weekend relationships where you see each other once every other week, isn't going to build the deep roots of trust. The light, and by the way, trust is the most critical component of a relationship because trust isn't just about someone's fidelity. Trust is, does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own? In other words, does this person have my best interest at heart? And the way you're going to get there is through social activities, hobbies, doing things together. And doing the things he cares about as well. And that's number four, doing the things he cares about. You have to do stuff together. Number five, don't make assumptions when it comes to men. Oh my God, this is driving me nuts. So many women are saying, Jonathan, why don't men think the way I do? It's because ladies, you have a vagina and we have a penis. We think differently, we operate differently. Why are you expecting men to be, why are you expecting men to be shaven versions of you? I mean, men are hairier creatures, so you're expecting a shaven version of you. Don't make assumptions when it comes to men. Be more direct. If you have something to say, be direct. Men can't stand that you have this expectation that we're mind readers for you. Be direct. Don't make assumptions when it comes to men. Ask more direct questions. And lastly, if you want to get a man to open up emotionally, then you're gonna have to lead by example. I think of my dear friend who was in a relationship for four years with a woman who constantly led by example with her feelings. And I can say, my friend was more of a stoic type of man. Great guy, true mention in the world, but stoic. It was through her leading by example, leading by example by expressing her feelings, expressing her feelings, expressing her feelings. Was he able to start tapping into his own feelings? If you haven't read the book Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, I highly recommend checking this out. Because ladies, many of you think you understand emotions. I can tell you probably less than 3% of the human population actually understands their own emotions in a healthy, happy way. So if you wanna shift the narrative, then maybe learning about your individual emotions and then being more expressive with it in a, by the way, I'm a big proponent of speaking your truth, doing it with kindness, doing it with kindness is a great way to get a man to open up more fully to you. Look it, the passive dating process today is not going, people aren't going anywhere in this passive casual world. I'm here to promote something more radical. I'm here to say, look, ladies, before the penis gets to go inside the vagina, you need to establish your standards in a relationship. If you want to be in a healthy, happy relationship, then set your standards and set your boundaries rather early. In fact, this is one of the reasons why I created my dating vows. If you haven't seen it before, by the way, the dating vows is in the description below. Because have you ever heard the phrase, women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment? So if you want to be in a committed relationship, if I invite you before you get physically intimate with someone, then you establish your standards. And here's a sample of one. Each person says the following. I, Jonathan, agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious within three to six months. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. I agree not to actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process, including taking down my dating profile. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. And lastly, I agree to invest regular time in the process to get to know you, which looks like spending three or four days a night a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal, our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to maybe moving in together, getting married. These are the exact vows I said to my sweetheart. Okay, I think she was pretty grateful that I was more intentional. Listen, I know you love the idea that you can just sit back in your feminine energy and let a man claim you, but here's the problem with the dating process today. Men, what's that old saying? And I know some women, people get pissed off of this. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? Look it, sex is so freely given today. It's so freely given today that men have make about this much of a commitment to a person. If you wanna shift the narrative, then you have to be in charge of your relationship destiny. And if you wanna get a man to open up an emotionally, then start reading the books that I keep talking about habitually with men. And I gotta tell you something. I had a guy send me a message on YouTube just yesterday said, Jonathan, I've been following your channel. I have sent your channel to my girlfriend because everything you're saying resonates with me. Ladies, a small percentage of men will agree to the dating vows. A majority won't, but guess what? Those guys aren't serious anyway. And if you want a serious relationship, then stand up in your power, lead by example, take charge of your relationship destiny, be in your empowerment, because guess what? It's not a fair world out there. I know you all like, I deserve love, I deserve, no, nobody deserves shit. If you want something to happen in your life, then you have to make it happen for yourself. The fantasy is over. Wake up and smell the coffee. All right, I'm done pontificating right now. Listen, has this resonated with you if it has? Please let me know, hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. If you wanna connect with me, check out the links below to whether a discovery call with me or my group or even follow me on Instagram or purchase my books. All right, I think this would be a great place to start our Q&A. If you have a question for me, those who know my format, write the word question in the box there and then post your question there after or purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. All of the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. He's the one my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor, I have started a scholarship fund to organizations like the Hopman Process Insight Institute and to defray the cost of personal development for those folks. And if you're watching the replay, you can purchase the Super Thanks as well. All right, we're ready to take question here. So let's see what we got. Neverly says, how many men are here now? Ladies, men don't, I mean, a very small percentage of men follow my channel. Please introduce my channel to guys. What do you got to lose? Some of them are gonna think it's junk. A lot of men who are emotionally healthy will actually appreciate this conversation of individual empowerment. Hey, I wanna thank Samantha for the $3 Super Stickers. Thank you so much. Neverly says, thank you. I love the fact that you talk about Connor constantly. You know what? He's near and dear to my heart every day. Thank you so much. Michelle says, this is great content. Cece says, men need to read these books. Yes, I agree. Men and women alike, small percentage of people. Ah, here we go. Here's a question. Question, I don't know how to pronounce your name. Pymia, Pyman, question. What to say in support and encouragement to my person whose ex-wife is talking or taking him to court on a legal custody battle scheduled this Monday. He has three very young children with 50-50 custody. You know, this is a tough one. What do you say to a person that's going through a tough time? You know, what occurred to me in that moment is his little kid inside of him might be feeling like the world might be against him. And not in your childlike voice, but certainly in that space of love and compassion. Just let him know one thing. I've got your back and I'm here for you. I'm here for you if you need me and I've got your back. I love the phrase, I've got your back. You know, whether he's able to receive or accept it, that's another thing, but I love the phraseology. I've got your back, I'm here if you need me. And you don't need to say much more than that. You don't need to say much more. He's on his individual journey, allow him to process this at his own pace. Your job is to be there when he needs you. That's my invitation for you. All right, that's a great question. Thank you so much. I hope that resonated with you. All right, I mean, it says much appreciated. Thank you so much. By the way, there's, unfortunately, I'm shooting this video a little bit earlier in the day and that's why there's some shadows coming in. I just want you all to know that. Lisa says, so true what you're saying. Again, if you have a question, write the word question and post the question there after or purchase a super sticker, super chat. CC says, I love that phrase. Thank you so much. All right, we need some questions, folks. You know before, well, there's not a question right now. I wanna show, oh, here we go. Samantha's got a question. Question, I am interest in a man who is wealthier than me. Aside from improving my financials, what else can I do to improve the relationship? What are our friends at this stage who once dated? Okay, so you're interested in a man who makes, listen, most men for the most part, all the most men who are financially successful don't really care how much a person makes. What they don't typically want is a freeloader or someone who can't take care of themselves. Ladies, you don't wanna be a nurse and purse to a guy and a guy doesn't want the same thing for you. Doesn't wanna do the same for you in the early stages of a relationship. So, so long as you can financially take care of yourself, I don't think it's gonna matter to this guy if he's financially set off. Men have a propensity to wanna be provider protectors. However, you need to understand something with this narrative. Men who have gone through a divorce and if they've gone through a contentious divorce, one of the last things they want to do is provide and protect for someone else. I'm not saying it's DNA built in our DNA, but I can tell you social circumstances can outright, outright, outright, not outweigh, well, outright our DNA programming. So just remember this whole narrative that men are the chasers and men are the hunters and they're the providers. Yeah, that sounds great for cave people, but in the real world when you add emotional trauma, life experiences, a lot of that stuff changes. So, and for the most part, men who are doing okay financially, they just want someone else that is doing okay financially, usually speaking, okay? Thank you so much for that question, I really appreciate it. Oops. Michelle writes, question. How could I introduce the Hoffman process to a man who does have some childhood dramas? Traumas. I like the idea of just saying, hey, I've gotten introduced to a book that I find very fascinating. It's about healing childhood wounds and traumas. Would you be interested in reading it with me? This is a great place to start. Folks, you guys can have surface relationships or you can have deeper relationships. How are you gonna get into deeper relationships? By asking deeper questions. And if he's reluctant to do it or if he's dismissive, maybe he's not your guy. Just an invitation for you to think about. All right, great question, Michelle. Thank you so much. Neverly says, like, subscribe and share Jonathan's lessons or goal. Thank you so much. By Mia says, thanks very much indeed, Jonathan. I've been watching your videos for a long time now. Great content and have some books recommended. Oh, I'm so grateful to hear that. Okay, Francis says, question. How can I get my dismissive avoidant boyfriend to open up? You know, human beings who are dismissive avoidance coming back to childhood wounds and traumas. In many cases, okay, so where is my emotional maturity relationship skills chart? Okay, I want you to see this. Okay, this is not the fact, it's merely an opinion. Roughly 20% of the population has clinical emotional, clinical issues emotionally speaking and weak relationship skills, okay? And while I say 20% is healthy and has good relationship skills, the vast human beings are dysfunctional. Folks, you can't say some magic word to automatically change someone. They're going to have to do work for themselves. They're gonna have to do some work. Now, if they're not familiar with the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, again, all the books I recommend are listed below. This helps give you an understanding, it's right here, can you read the cover? Are you anxious, avoidant or secure? How the science of adult attachments can help you find and keep people up. Folks, I'm not a big proponent of investing too much time with the wrong person. I'm here to encourage finding the right person. The more healthy person is someone who is closer to a secure attachment style, a secure attachment style. And if he's avoidant dismissive, there's not some magic fairy dust that you can say to him that's gonna change the way he is. What I'm encouraging you to do is invite him to do some inner work. And if he's not interested in that, then do it for yourself. And what you're gonna find, once you love yourself more, you're gonna probably end a relationship with someone who can't meet you where you're at. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, great question, Francis, thank you. Candy writes, question. I received a call from a woman who claims she had a relationship with my boyfriend for the past year. He claims she has been stalking him and has zero romantic relationship thoughts. You know what? Did anyone watch the Amber Heard Johnny Dept Trials? There are some crazy women out there. And guess what? There are some crazy men out there. Those two were completely dysfunctional. That's a tough one. I don't, you know, you have to ask yourself, okay, how fully committed is your relationship? How long, I mean, here's the problem. If you don't trust him, the one foundational piece in a relationship is missing. So I highly recommend reading the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Chapter one. Chapter one, we're gonna open it. It's called Lean on Me, Trust and Commitment. I would read this chapter to get a better, and I would read it with him to get a better sense of is this something to have a dialogue to talk about the real importance of trust in a relationship. Now, do you know much about his past? Was he, you know, about his past relationships? What happened in his marriage? I mean, sometimes our past can be an indicator where we're at in the future. So these are just some quick thoughts, but this is a tough one because she could be right or she could be a lunatic. This is a tough one. I'm sending you a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug on this one, Candy. That's a tough one. All right, thank you so much for your question. Angela writes, question. How to call out and proceed with a man who keeps pulling back. We are seeing each other, but he said it wasn't dating. Then he said, actions speak louder than word, but his actions aren't much. Ladies, first you have to establish what is it that you want? What do you want your relationship to look like? What do you want your relationship to look like? In other words, do you wanna be in a relationship that's contentious or do you wanna be in a relationship where you're spending three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and professional life. Intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. Before the penis gets to go inside the vagina, have these kind of conversations, have start to establish this kind of relationship so you don't find yourself in a relationship where you're having to wonder what's going on here. When a man pulls back, say, what the fuck is going on with you? What's going on with you? You said you were here and now something's changed. Tell me what's going on with you. By the way, you don't have to use the expletive I used. I'm saying this a little bit in being a little rhetorical here for a second, or excuse me, using it to emphasize something. That's what I meant. But if his actions do matter and words matter too, if his actions aren't aligned, call him out on it. And if you need be, end the relationship, end the relationship, because why do you wanna be in a relationship that a person is out of integrity? Where's my book, The Four Agreements? Let's see, here we go. Do me a favor, Angela, read the book, The Four Agreements. This is a book that will change your life. The Four Agreements are, be impeccable with your words. Always do your best. People's opinion of you is just their opinion and don't make assumptions in life. Read this book, it'll change your life. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right. Liz says, question. If we're both emotionally immature, then we're emotionally compatible, correct? But seriously, can emotionally immature couple grow together if they are intentional and decide to do so? Absolutely, two people that are intentional can do anything if they have established a deep desire for commitment to one another. Anything is possible in that regard. So absolutely. Now, listen, I don't tout myself as being the epitome of emotional maturity. Believe me, I am riddled with flaws. I mean, thankfully I have a partner that accepts and puts up with my neuroses and such, and we, you know, and she's no different. We're all works in process here. We're all a work in progress here. So it's okay to not be, now here's the thing. If you're operating from a place of contempt, criticism, stonewalling, or defensiveness, this is the four horsemen of the apocalypse that John Gottman talks about. Definitely Google the Gottman Institute. If you're operating from that level of emotional maturity, then do some inner work on your own before you re-enter into this relationship. Do your due diligence. That's why, folks, listen, my book, look at the back of the book. I have my recommended teachings and workshops. I highly recommend this list of books at the back of my book. This is the journey that allowed me to get to where I'm at today, and believe me, I'm not here to suggest I'm the end all be all. I just think I'm a little more grown up than most people. So check out the reading list at the back of my book, and it might give you some insight of the direction you might wanna head for yourself. So, Alys, thank you so much for that question. I appreciate it. Samantha says, thanks, Jonathan, look, your channel. Okay, well, Ellie says, question, other than current flattering pictures, what is something we should absolutely include in our online dating profile? You know, it's interesting. I was, one of the things my girlfriend said to me, she goes, my profile stood out from others. I think it's because I actually wrote a letter to the person that I wanted to read. I'd literally wrote a letter to my beloved. I didn't know it at the time. I'd done it years earlier, but I was writing what I wanted to experience in a relationship, God, universe, spirit. I'm in a relationship where we have amazing chemistry together, and our communication and our banter can go on for hours and hours at a time where our little kids play together in the way we communicate with one another. And we have lifestyles that are blendable with one another and we share the same core values that allows us to build the deep roots of trust that can take this relationship from just a, from something of just attraction to something meaningful. And I've been experiencing this now, God, universe, spirit. Folks, write a letter to the person. Write a letter from the heart. Think of it like poetry. Think of it like journaling. And a person who can appreciate true vulnerability that can appreciate true expressiveness will look beyond the surface of the photographs and actually wanna get to know you at a deeper level. Folks, the physical aspect is certainly important in a relationship. There's no doubt about it, but ultimately, it's funny, I'm watching a show, we're watching this third season of Love is Blind. I'm addicted to these stupid reality shows, mainly because I love watching the dysfunctionality of human beings. But what's interesting about this show is they start by actually getting to know each other on an emotional level before the physical level. Now, most of these turn into shit shows, but I really appreciate that. And what I appreciate most in my partner is that we genuinely, consciously, intentionally want to go below the surface on those emotional levels to have a deeply committed relationship with one another. That's my invitation for you. So if you're gonna write that kind of message, write a letter to him from the heart, and maybe the right person, or let me not even say maybe, and the right person will find it. All right, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Oh, I wanna thank Christine for the $4.99 Super Sticker. Angela says, thank you. Liz says, oh, I love your answer. Nice, really appreciate your humility and knowledge. Thank you so much, Liz. Okay. Oh, by the way, if you have a personal question of me, this is your chance. If you have a question to ask of me, I'm gonna be wrapping up in a few minutes. Write the word personal question and post the question thereafter. If you have something personally you wanna ask me, then I'll share publicly with the group if it's not crossing a boundary. All right, Pam writes, I was sexual too soon and our relationship never progressed. I dropped him because I needed more intimacy. Now he's starting to reach out emotionally. Do you think it can progress? You know what? Well, here, before his penis gets to go inside your vagina, purchase two copies of this book and have a conversation with them. Start talking about what's in this book. If he's legit, he'll do the work. That's my invitation for you. Oh, I got something caught in my throat. All right, let's see. Paul says, oh, why do so many couples, even those who have been dating for years in person, then break it off when faced with a prospect of going long distance? Well, I think, so if you have a, if you have a day-to-day relationship, then, and then something changes in that dynamic, the question really becomes, are you committed to a long-term committed relationship? Do you wanna live together? Do you wanna get married? That's, listen, folks, I operate from the premise of partnership and not casual relationship. If you wanna follow the other coaches that focus on casual relationships, talk to them, follow them, I'm here to encourage partnership. The sooner you get to some level of moving in together, getting married or some level of partnership, the sooner you do that, the sooner you figure out if you're a good fit for that, the sooner you find yourself in a relationship that's either meeting your needs or not and you can move on to someone that can. So, going back to your questions, why do so many couples, even those who have been dating for years in person, break it off? Because who wants to be in a long-distance relationship? Long-distance relationships fucking suck. Listen, I don't know too many red-blooded males that wanna wait, wait, wait for sex. So, and I know women feel the same way. So, the whole point of being a relationship is you get to fuck your best friend on a regular basis. That's part of the reason why. Now, are there ways around it? Absolutely, it's by having a plan, by talking about things and closing the gap. When are you gonna move in together and get married? Dating for years? Who wants to date for years? I'm here to encourage people to move in together, get married a lot sooner because guess what? It used to work 50, 100 years ago. Why is it now we have a dragged-out process because nobody has to make a commitment because guess what? The vast majority of people are in casual relationships and not something substantial and guess what? After too many casual relationships that go nowhere, it can wear on someone's emotional well-being. All right, thanks so much for that question, Paul. Let's see. All right, this is gonna be our last question for the day from Rose. Question, why did my ex suddenly out of nowhere emotionally detach himself from our kid's friends, family, coworkers ever since he's engaged to a supposedly rich girl their long distance relationship met twice a year? Why did my ex suddenly out of nowhere? You know what, Rose? That is a really complicated question. I'd have no idea. I mean, I'm gonna guess. He's in a long distance relationship that he's not getting his needs. There are neither one of his getting their needs met and he probably wants something more. That's just my rough guess, but that's a complicated one. I don't think I can answer that one. But thank you for offering that question, Rose. I really appreciate it. Paul says, thank you for the answer. All right, folks. Looks like nobody had a personal question for me tonight. So I wanna thank Liz for the $5 Super Sticker as well. I hope this content resonates with you. I just wanna remind you. Listen, most men are good guys. What they're seeking and the dating process is set up with the narrative that men are the leaders of the relationship, but most men are fucking clueless. They're winging it. They have no real idea. This is why I'm encouraging you to lead by example by setting healthy standards for yourself and certainly healthy boundaries for yourself. This is why I say what commitment looks like for me or did look like for me until I moved in with my partner was the idea where at least we spend consistent time together, whether it was three or four days and nights a week together or spending significant time together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. Folks, stop fucking around with casual relationships, be intentional, set your standard, choose people who can fit that narrative and you have a greater chance for success. Are you with me? If you are, give me a hallelujah and amen. All right, Liz says this definitely resonates with me. Thank you so much, Liz. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up our video today. I'm gonna do it as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic shot the bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or a pill and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Michelle, Martha, Liz, Jaime. I don't know how to pronounce your name. Pam, Rubb, Rubb Barb, Martha, Paul, Rose, Ellie, Neverly, New, Angela, Christine. Everyone, thank you so much. I hope you have a wonderful, fantastic evening. Be well, take care, bye now.