 Hey guys, it's David here. In this video. I'm going to talk about what is the inner critic In terms of even knowing how to deal with it or what do you do with this thing? And it can seem like an enemy within us sometimes First of all understanding really what it is is a big big step in that because there's a lot of confusion in that So we're going to Deconstruct the inner critic and leave you in no doubt about what it is. What it's trying to do and Is it a bad guy? Maybe it's not a bad guy. Let's see. That's what we're going to talk about So this issue of the inner critic I'm going to read a question and it might help us start our our sort of examination of the inner critic and This question that starts off. It says I've been practicing Shadow journaling now shadow journaling is something I talk about it's just allowing that inner critic to come out and speak and you write it down but I've been practicing shadow journaling for a few weeks like you talked about in the past video and I've been mindful about how the inner critic talks to me throughout my day The more I become aware of it the more clear it is Becoming just how negative and destructive it is on my life. And yes, it is destructive. We'll talk about that It makes me feel worthless and afraid all the time Why is this voice here? I mean What function does it serve and is it ever possible to fully get rid of it? So that's what we're going to talk about. What is it? Why is it here? Why is it showing up and what purpose does it serve and What are we gonna do with it? Can we can we get rid of it? Should we get rid of it? So when we're talking about the inner critic, we're talking about that voice. It kind of chimes in. It's a fearful voice It's a voice that filters with a lot of doubt in security limitation and There's many different words for many different ways people have classified it. One of them is the super ego That's Freud's version for Freud and for Jung. Jung called it the negative animus and What that really is it's kind of like a father-like or a masculine patriarchal inner voice and a torrid head of voice That's chiming in and giving us feedback all the time often. It seems like it's intrusive uninvited voice that comes in Another way to think of it is I like it's a subpersonality It's a part of your psyche that chimes in every now and then Another concept that's useful to think about this inner critic is that it's a system of thought. It's actually It actually isn't really you this part of yourself, right? It's a it's a system It's a whole framework of thought Think of it this way your nervous system is your body It's always looking for danger. That's its job is your nervous system is designed to keep you safe all the time If your nervous system could speak Okay, this is what it sounds like. It's the voice of be careful be careful be careful all the time It's always looking out for danger and this inner critic is actually a really central part of all of that One thing I'm going to talk about here is something called universal thoughts. So what does it sound like? What does the inner critic sound like? Here's a few examples of what it sounds like I Need to know what to do. That's the inner critic. I'm just going to give you a few examples here randomly. I Need More money Life isn't fair. I need to make a decision. I can't do anything, right? I can't disappoint people There's too much to do. I'm worthless. It's my fault. I missed my chance. This should be different It's my fault. I'm a failure. I need to understand more. I did it wrong. I Need to do it right. I need to be in control Money will make me happier. I'll be better when I have more money So sometimes it's in the form of an high voice like as an internalized voice as if it's your voice other times People say that they'll hear you you need to improve you can't let that happen again So really it's what we're beginning to realize is this is really an internalized voice usually from much younger in life that now is they're chiming in all the time and The thing about it is It's not always bad Okay, now I get that it's very destructive and it is destructive. It's it's crippling to a lot of us It's not always bad There's usually a grain of truth in it But the problem is that it's completely out of balance this inner voice this inner critic comes in almost Like it's completely aggravated and it's shouting at you for attention sometimes when it's really really aggravated So it'll tell you things like you're bad. You're wrong. You're you're inadequate. You're worthless. You're guilty and Again just to point out if your nervous system could speak your nervous system preoccupied it with only one thing Your safety if it could speak. This is what it sounds like now We tend to think of it as a problem We tend to think of it as an enemy within almost now what I'm going to say here is that Believe it or not. There are no enemies within you. There are no enemies within you This voice although it is destructive and it's it's out of balance. It's over the top Ultimately What it's trying to do is keep you safe, which is it's quite bizarre really when you think about it like that like it It's the last thing it doesn't seem helpful and in any way, but it's actually trying to be helpful It's identifying danger all around. This is the problem with our modern-day life Our nervous system is there is no physical danger the nervous system will always have to do its job So it gets busy looking for problems. It becomes maybe even hyper vigilant in its environment Looks for problems identifies threats and will point chime in with this over-the-top input for you Now that's all very broad and generic. I'm going to talk here about More specifically about what it is. What is this inner critic? What does it look like? We talked about some of the universal thoughts that it draws on none of the the thoughts that come from the inner critic are Original original thought our universal thoughts are all Repetitive you may notice that your inner critic keeps saying the same things over and over again. It's not creative and Different individuals. We all have the same. I'm not good enough. I need to do more. I mean need to be in control They're universal. Okay, so there's nothing original about these thoughts. It's not a creative thought system But I'm going to describe seven aspects of the inner critic and this is from Jay early's work and it's really really interesting to to To realize that there's different aspects even within the inner critic and maybe you recognize some of these So there's there's seven of them. I'll list them off first of all. We have the perfectionist We have the inner controller the taskmaster the under minor the destroyer the guilt tripper and the conformist And all of these things In our life, it looks like they show up and they hold us back. They're hurting us But believe it or not. They're all trying to help in their own kind of dysfunctional way When we learned that that's actually a big piece in healing this because we begin to realize there's no enemy within I don't have to get rid of this. I don't have to avoid it. I don't have to Deny it's there or or distract myself from it. All I need to do is to reconcile with it. We need peace. We need Less inner conflict but to start off with here This is something I talk about in my channel a lot, which is the perfectionist, which is a massive part in Procrastination this inner critic doesn't help with this at all. So what is this perfectionist that Jay early talks about? Well, he says This critic tries to get you to do things perfectly. It sets high standards For the things you you produce and has difficulty saying something is complete and letting it go out to represent your best work So it's that it's not good enough. It's not good enough. It's not good enough It's not good enough. It needs to be better. You haven't done enough work on this yet. He's more time That's the voice. That's what it sounds like this inner perfectionist It's expectations probably reflect those of people who have been important to you in the past. So again think Parents think teachers high standards, maybe We made mistakes in the past. They were not really Accepted or that we were undermined for them and this Perfectionist becomes a part of who we are now this perfectionist is only trying to prevent you from being judged harshly Okay, and the experience in the pain of that So it gets in this oftentimes is this procrastination thing where it's never finished. It's never finished So that's the perfectionist maybe you're you're acknowledging that maybe I don't know Maybe recognize that in yourself The second thing we have here is the inner controller and when I think of the inner controller I think of the shamer. This is the thing that the voice that shames you for certain things that you do in your life So J. Early says this critic tries to control your impulses. So eating drinking sexual activity, etc It is prioritized or sorry polarized with an indulger Or an addict, which is it fears can get out of control at any moment It tends to be harsh and shaming in an effort to protect you from yourself. So again It's excessive. It's not particularly helpful But it's motive is safety keeping you safe protecting you from yourself in this case And it's motivated to try to make you you a good person who is accepted and functions well in society Okay, so it's protective. That's what it's doing here, but it uses this excessive shaming tactic So if you notice there's an any an internal dialogue of maybe you eat that food or you have an extra drink at the weekend or something And there's this shaming thing coming in that's what this is when you start to reconcile with this You'll realize okay. This voice isn't my enemy. It's it's it's excessive, but I realize what it's trying to do Next one the task master again. I talked about this in my procrastination course I call this the chronic doer the person who is always always busy all the time The task master this critic wants you to work hard and be successful It fears that you may be mediocre or lazy and will be judged a failure if it does not push you to keep going It it's pushing often activates here We go a procrastinator or a rebel that fights against its harsh dictates So I talked about that in the course also any of these have to voices that we have which is a part of this the taskmaster You have to do this you have to do that Eventually a part of us an autonomous part of us will rebel against that and that results in a stalemate in which we We don't do anything. We don't relax But we don't work. We're just stuck in this constant state of indecision And that's what procrastination is chronic doer again. Well, although it although it seems very very harsh Again, it has our safety in mind Again, this is why the nervous system is speaking This is what the nervous system sounds like if it could speak safety safety safety. It only cares about safety Next the number four the under minor This one the under minor is very very prevalent It's a way to cope with bullying for instance, maybe we've had trauma from bullies in the past This critic tries to undermine your self-confidence and self-esteem so that you won't take risks It makes direct attacks on yourself worth so that you will stay small and not take Chances where you could be hurt or rejected So again, it's saving you from rejection It's taking this job on of undermining you yourself so that you'll be saved from doing it At least a you have control over that now and those people over there that you don't fully trust They won't be in charge of that It is afraid of your being too big or too visible and not being able to tolerate judgment or failure So maybe you have this voice that's telling you don't go out and socialize. It's too dangerous Now doesn't say that overly maybe but it's trying to keep you small invisible not to be seen again This is that the hyper vigilance that we get from abuse or bullying in the past We become very very sensitive to our surroundings That's the under minor that we get from that Next is the destroyer now. This comes from trauma really if there's been really really bad abuse in the past or Really difficult life situation This is how the nervous system deals with a really negative event situation It makes pervasive attacks on your fundamental self-worth Fundamentally who you are to the core of your being it shames you and make you it makes you feel inherently flawed and Not entitled to basic understanding or respect now why on earth would our nervous system do this you must you might be asking yourself How could that possibly be helpful? This most debilitating critic comes from early life deprivation or trauma and it is motivated to believe that it is safer not to exist Okay, so the trauma is so painful It doesn't want you to go through that trauma again. It convinces you that it's better off if you don't exist again Way out of balance way too excessive in the feedback that this that this is given and we see this in depression We see this obviously in suicidal ideation But it just goes to show that There's this isn't about a character flaw when this happens This is people always trying to do their best even in terrible terrible situations But the destroyer it can also be in other things the destroyer can also be there in relationships It keeps just destroying things to keep them keep you safe to keep you away from them Next we have there's a tool left We have the guilt tripper and this is the one that I say it uses the past as a weapon the guilt tripper This is when we get those cringe memories popping into our awareness. Something's reminding us of them The nervous system the inner critic is showing us these past failures This critic is stuck in the past. It is unable to forgive you for wrongs. You have donor people you have hurt It is concerned about relationships and holds you to standards and behavior prescribed by your community culture and family It tries to protect you from repeating past mistakes by making sure you never forget or Feel free. So again, it's basically saying Never let that happen again. Look remember remember remember this happened. Look what you did Look what you did look what you did again Just trying to stop you doing it in the future completely unhelpful really but it's coming from place of safety just safety pre-occupied and finally we have the Conformist and I talk about this in terms of the tribal acceptance when we're young The most important thing is that we're accepted by people around us to feel safe and if that isn't there It's a big problem for us So the conformist tries to get you to fit into a certain mold based on standards held by society Your culture or your family. It's all about fitting in for safety It wants you to be liked and admired and to protect to protect you from being abandoned shamed or rejected This is a massive one. This is really the most fundamental one there is Because the fear of being abandoned or to be left alone is really the most traumatic feeling that there is The conformist fears that the rebel or the free spirit in you would act in ways that are unacceptable So what keeps you from being in touch with and expressing your true nature, okay? So anytime you think about taking risks or to express something authentic about yourself This conformist will come in and start making comparisons. Okay. Look at this. This is not acceptable. This is the other people do it Unhelpful makes you feel restricted inside It's really difficult for Creativity to come through with this part was there, but again, it's all about safety So I know I've been repetitive here and I'm gonna finish up this video here at this point because I just want you to sit with those Again, just one last reminder We have the perfectionist to the inner controller the taskmaster The under minor to destroyer the guilt tripper and the conformist all of them working in their own little way to keep you safe With this excessive Emphasis on safety, right? So I'm just gonna leave it there for now, but that's really answering the question What is the inner critic? Why is it there safety and can we ever get rid of it? And that's what I'm going to focus on in in more detail later But getting rid of it does not involve ignoring it pushing it away pretending like it isn't there distracting yourself What it does how we how we deal with this is we have to Reconciled with this we have to recognize that it's afraid and it needs to feel safe again and we have to Bring your authentic personality and this voice of the nervous system the inner critic Into alignment. Okay, and we have to convince the nervous system. It's okay. I hear you. I recognize you, but we're safe I promise we're safe Convinced that it's safe That is not achieved through positive thinking or denial. That is a process and that's what we're going to get into more in in a little while here, so Thanks so much for watching food for thought. I hope that was helpful and I'll see you again soon