 Do you find going out and meeting new people to be terrifying? Today's video can help. Welcome back and congratulations on taking one more step towards becoming one of the great leaders of tomorrow. With Halloween getting close we've been exploring the things that scare us and trying to understand them. For some of us going out and meeting new people can be really frightening. We get nervous and anxious just thinking about it and we might even start to shake or sweat when we're standing in front of that new person. Just like when we talked about getting nervous about public speaking there are some very real reasons why we might get anxious about meeting new people. Primarily it's important to remember that our human brains are wired for survival and not friendliness. In ancient times a stranger coming into our village could mean danger. Our ancestors wouldn't have lasted long if they automatically completely trusted every new person they ran across. Sometimes we feel like we might be bothering or annoying someone if we go up and introduce ourselves to them and also just like we talked about with public speaking we've all had some bad experiences when we were younger that stick in our mind and make us nervous about approaching people. The good news is that we aren't stuck with these feelings and behaviors. Once we understand them we can accept them and use that knowledge to help reach out to new people. Our parents have all warned us about stranger danger and that's a very safe and prudent attitude to take in the right situations. There are times when it doesn't make sense for us to start a conversation with someone new. The flip side of that is that there are definitely times when it's appropriate for us to say hello and make a new friend. It's all about doing it in the right environment. When we're at a work function, networking event, or even at a friend's dinner party, these are all safe environments for us to reach out to new people. Even though you don't personally know everyone there, they've all been vetted to some degree by the host and you shouldn't have to worry about protecting yourself from physical danger. You'll probably still feel a little bit of that anxiety that comes from millennia of human experience and evolution but you can work with it. Recognize it, accept it, and tell yourself it's okay to feel that way. You're in a safe environment where everyone came to connect and share with other people. Taking this approach won't remove all of the nervousness you may be feeling but it's a technique you can practice to make meeting new people easier. Some of us feel like we might be bothering or annoying someone if we just walk up to them and start talking. I can tell you that this is something that holds me back from introducing myself sometimes. There are a few tips we can use to help keep this fear from holding us back. First, if we're at a social event, it helps to remember that most people had a purpose of meeting other people by coming to this event. Next, if it's a public place like a coffee shop or library, again, most people who are there recognize that and expect at least some interaction with other people even if they didn't come expressly to meet others. They probably won't tear your head off if you speak to them. In either case, what we want to do is go up to that person without any specific expectation in mind other than politely introducing ourselves and getting their name. We would certainly like to get to know more about them but it's important to read the situation and listen to what they have to say as well. If we're respectful and open when we introduce ourselves and they're too busy to talk, they'll most likely very politely and respectfully tell us just that. That's a great cue to thank them for their time and walk away. If they have time to chat, even better. Again, it's important to read the situation and that can be difficult at first but with experience and practice we can learn to read the verbal and nonverbal cues that tell us it's time to exit politely. Like many areas of life, we've all had bad experiences when introducing ourselves to other people. It's unavoidable and it's hard to let go of the memories but if these experiences didn't bother us we wouldn't be human. As we've talked about in other videos, the experience isn't as important as our reaction to it and what we learned from it. When we feel these bad situations creeping up in our memory and giving us doubts, we can do a few things to keep us from retreating into our shell. First, tell yourself it's okay to feel this way. Don't worry about why you feel this way or if you should feel this way, just accept that you do. Now ask yourself what did you learn from that experience and can it help you with what you're about to do right now? If the answer is yes, is there a way to apply it to your next introduction? If the answer is no, give yourself some credit for doing some self-reflection and remind yourself that everyone's different. The person you're about to introduce yourself to is a completely different being than the one you had a bad experience with. There's no reason to expect that this interaction will turn out exactly the same way things have happened in the past because this is a new unique situation. Don't take away the chance of letting that new person get to know you because someone wasn't so nice in the past. There are folks who are completely at ease meeting new people and then there's the rest of us who get a little nervous about it. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us or that it's anything we should be ashamed of, it just means we need to accept that about ourselves and use the tools we have to help ourselves out. Human beings are social creatures and relationships with others are very rewarding on many levels and there's a lot of people out there who would love to get to know us. Understanding what makes us nervous about meeting new people leads us to clear actions that can help us take those first steps to introducing ourselves to someone new and starting a great new friendship. If you found this helpful, please share it with a friend or coworker, follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn, and click off on that globe to the right. That'll get you to subscribe to our email list and that'll bring all of our content direct to your inbox. If you have any leadership or business questions you'd like us to answer, reach out to us on social media or email us at info at evilgeniusleadership.com. Thanks for watching, I really appreciate it, and remember, the future is out there. Lead the way.