 CHAPTER 19 Following all this turmoil and pain and anxiety came a let-up. The severity of Sareff's disease spent itself, or the skill of the doctor triumphed. The professional nurse went her way. She was too important a factor in this disease-stricken world to spend her time in coaxing back to ordinary health again, one from whom the immediate danger-threatening had been withdrawn. Other homes were waiting for her, where anxious fathers and mothers stood helplessly about, building all their hopes of happiness on the efforts that doctor and skilled nurse were making. Such a life has its compensations. One could see that the nurse was used to these experiences, hungered for them almost. From the first hour when her skilled eye detected the watched-for change for the better in Sareff, her interest in her began to abate, and when the doctor told her of a case of typhoid that was in very special need of services such as hers, she was in almost heartless haste to be gone. It was a sickly spring, and professional nurses were in demand. With her went much of the comfort of Sareff's room and nearly Olive Ruth's peace of mind. An ordinary nurse who could be depended upon to give the invalid thoughtful care seemed well-nigh impossible to secure. Notwithstanding the fact that Judge Burnham offered such fabulous wages that the kitchen entrance was besieged all day with applicants, there was some hopeless objection to every one of them. Of the few who were tried as a last resort, not one stayed through the third day, and still the slow convalescence went on, and the interviewing of applicants mingled with Ruth's heavier duties of trying to reign in the invalid's room. Nothing more utterly wearying had ever come to her than this period of restless waiting and distasteful working. There were days when her life seemed almost unbearable. She had had tastes of such different work. She had so rested herself in those Sabbath temperance meetings. She had been so helped by the weekly meetings for prayer. She had felt that in these directions lay work that she could accomplish in the name of the Lord whom she loved. She chafed under this utter removal from such influences and questioned wearily as to why it should have been permitted. During the sharpness of Sareff's illness under the pressure of possible danger, she had not felt in this way, but to be obliged to spend her time in trying to play the part of nurse to an exacting invalid who did not enjoy her ministrations, or, leaving Caden-Charge, who was trying to do double duty, go to the kitchen and question and cross-question an applicant whom she felt with that acute inner consciousness which a woman much disciplined in this way comes to possess, would not do at all, or if her summons came instead from the parlor, say over again for the dozenth time that day, we think she is gaining slowly thank you, or she is not quite so well today had a restless night, or yet another phrase of the same story, she is about as she was yesterday thank you, we see very little change from day to day, she will not get much strength we fear until settled weather. All this was wearying to her in the extreme. Whether was she when doing her utmost a successful nurse, with the most earnest desire to be kind and thoughtful, she did not understand the hundred little things that can never be taught, and which helped to make the difference between the successful attendant and the good-hearted bungler. For instance, she had an exasperating fashion of bringing the utterly distasteful business of eating before the sick girl by the use of that irritating question, what will you have for your dinner today, or that almost equally trying one, don't you think you could take a little chicken broth now? Ruth had never been sick in her life with that depressing sickness and weakness that continues day after day, though the disease has been banquished. She knew nothing by experience about the nervous state of mind and stomach that impels the invalid under such circumstances to say, no I don't want any chicken broth either now or ever, and you will be kind enough never to mention the words to me again. So she went on with her honest attempts and privately thought Seraph the most childish as well as the most disagreeable of invalids because she was irritable and capricious over the various trifles. Moreover, this choice nurse made that trying mistake of reasoning from her own standpoint instead of attempting to put herself in the sick one's place. And because when she was sick her head ached and the light was unpleasant to her she was always drawing the curtains and screening the fire and making the room dim and quiet when Seraph's head did not ache and her eyes were strong and she hated dark rooms and one of her employments which she best liked was to watch the glowing coals in the open great fire. All these little things made it harder both for Seraph and for Ruth. The latter had still another anxiety that was in its way harder than any of the others. During these days she saw comparatively little of Erskine. She could not even attend to his lessons which had been one of the pleasures of her life. It was useless to undertake to interest a child in a reading lesson when she was liable to be called three or four times in the course of the half hour to the kitchen or the sick room or the parlor. Moreover the half hour even in which to commence this pleasant work was very hard to secure. It was not that there was much to do if there had been crowding employment for hands and mind it would have been in a sense easier. It was the wearing thought that when she was downstairs she ought perhaps to be up and that when she went for a little walk with Erskine she ought possibly to be at home that tried Ruth's nerve to their utmost and there seemed to be no way out of the maze. Daily was Erskine left to the care of a servant to an extent that his sheltered life had not known before. Neither was her husband a source of strength to this much tried woman. She saw little of him it is true. He seemed more than ever engrossed in business but that little was most unsatisfactory. He was moody even with Erskine and disposed to be as nearly fault-finding as his habit of courtesy would allow with Ruth herself. Despite an evident attempt not to do so he still let his thoughts linger much over their recent family disgrace. Too gentlemanly to blame Ruth in distinct language he yet made frequent references to the misfortune of his having been from home just at that time to the certainty that he could have discovered what was going on and been able to prevent it. He hinted that if her friends had been more outspoken less afraid of involving themselves in uncomfortable consequences all the misery might have been saved. He openly declared that the mistake of their lives had been in not keeping close guard over Minta on that last day. Ruth who had great pity for him in her heart because she believed that the father's heart must have received a blow something akin to what it would be to her if Erskine should desert her held herself entirely quiet during those outbursts not even once reminding him that if he had long ago he did the plain warnings of her friends instead of sneering at them all might have been well. But it was perhaps not in human nature not to remember this fact and say it over occasionally to herself nor was he particularly sympathetic with his wife over her home burdens. He did not realize what the daily strain was to her. He assured her that she was extremely foolish not to have all the help she needed that it was nonsense to suppose that plenty of help could not be had. He could always secure as many men's servants as he wanted that there was no reason in her being so exacting and that Seraph ought not to be indulged in her whim of taking violent dislikes to persons without reasonable excuse. And on the whole Ruth decided that the less he knew about home at this time perhaps the better it would be for them both. So the wearing days went on Seraph seeming neither to gain nor to lose and the future stretching out before them apparently as barren of comfort as the present. Of course some change must come to them they always came sooner or later nothing ever stayed for any length of time just as it was but what would that change be? It came in an unexpected manner perhaps that is the common way in which they come. Dr. Westwood followed Mrs. Burnham from the Invalid's room one morning where he had been giving his usual sentences intended to be cheering to the effect that it would not always be in March nor even early in April and that the warm spring days would come before many weeks when housed up people could venture forth into strength giving air and sunshine and then he had called for the usual glasses and spoons and made his mixtures and given his directions and said his courteous good morning and then followed Ruth as she went away in answer to a summons from downstairs and as the door of Seraph's room had closed after him had said, I would like a word with you Mrs. Burnham if you please and Ruth had halted and thrown open the door of Judge Burnham's upstairs study and followed him in somewhat wonderingly. Dr. Westwood was not one of her favorites they exchanged as few words as possible. He closed the door carefully and drew a chair for the lady then came directly to the point. I do not know madame what your views may be in regard to plain speaking under the circumstances in which we find ourselves I always leave such matters to the family my responsibilities are sufficiently heavy without shouldering them I think Miss Burnham is entirely deceived is it your will that she should remain so I do not understand faltered Ruth her face growing pale over she knew not what was it possible that Dr. Westwood meant Mr. Satterley and was there a new shadow coming over this much tried home even now why of course you know my dear madame that it is only a question of time and a much shorter time than I had at first supposed but Miss Burnham evidently looks forward confidently to regaining her health and do you mean do you think she will not recover strength eventually I do not know what you mean Dr. Westwood is it possible you do not know that the disease is what is sometimes called quick consumption and that it is making rapid advance you do not mean doctor that she is going to die I beg your pardon Mrs. Burnham I did not know that you also were deceived I have been very abrupt there was both dismay and pity in his voice for the pallor of Bruce's face was very apparent now and in her surprise and consternation she felt giddy and faint she reached forward for the chair she had declined and leaned against it no matter she said tell me plainly now what you mean if I understand you we have certainly been very much deceived there is little more to tell he said speaking gently and evidently greatly surprised over her manner of receiving his news I will be perfectly frank as is my custom when the circumstances of the case will admit Miss Burnham may linger through the late spring but this morning I have my doubts even as to that she is failing more rapidly than I had supposed probable and it occurred to me that it might not be the wish of the family to have her kept in ignorance of the true nature of her disease I had not supposed that Judge Burnham and yourself shared her hopes and that must account for an abruptness which I can plainly see has been cruel I beg you will forgive me and unless I can serve you in some way I will not intrude longer he was very polite very ceremoniously kind and he bowed himself away and within the next hour told a brother physician that the gossip which had been afloat so long about Mrs. Burnham and her stepdaughters not getting uncomfortably together was all false so far at least as the sick one was concerned that he had rarely seen an own mother more overwhelmed with the news that her daughter was going to die than was Mrs. Burnham he was right Ruth was overwhelmed no thought of such a conclusion as this had entered her mind since those first days when Seraph had been acknowledged to be alarmingly ill when the disease had reached its crisis Ruth had supposed the danger past and all unused to illness as she was had continued ignorant even in the daily presence of a disease which to the experienced eye of the physician was making rapid advance she was more than overwhelmed she was dismayed Seraph Burnham going to die to die soon why it was appalling could anyone be more unready for death than she how was it possible for one like her to go up before the judge it seemed to Ruth afterwards that during that first half hour after the doctor had left her alone she came face to face with a realizing sense of death and the judgment for the first time in her life and the thought that a soul with which she had had to do for years was going swiftly forward into those scenes all unprepared seemed almost to paralyze her with terror she could not give way to these feelings long there was much to be done she had forgotten her summons to the kitchen had forgotten also that the sick one was left alone but she was not left long in forgetfulness an imperative summons came to her and sending Kate to Seraph she put aside her strange terrors as best she could and tried to listen coherently to the valuable tongue whose owner had presented herself in the hope of being engaged as nurse and attendant all the time the bewildered mistress was saying to herself she will not do she will not do at all if there were no other reason she is not the person to attend one who is going to die when at last she had schooled herself into outward calm and forced herself to return to seraph that young lady threw her again into consternation mama she said turning on her couch and looking full into Ruth's face I heard the doctor asked to speak to you this morning and I know it was something about me it would be a great satisfaction to me if you would tell me just what he said how was this appeal to be answered Ruth had not thought about it she had put it away sternly as something which must among other grave things be decided but not until she had time to think here it was confronting her and it could be answered now only by dismayed silence I do not want to be treated like a child said seraph speaking coldly if the doctor had any information to give which concerned me I think he might have given it directly to me but since he did not choose to do that I ask you as a favor to tell me exactly what he said I will tell you said Ruth hurriedly startled at the sound of her own voice I will tell you what another time not now I haven't time now that is I have not thought how to and there she stopped what a terrible bungle she was making of this terrible thing oh what ought she to say if there were only someone else to take this awful responsibility still seraph questioned her with those great beautiful eyes you have almost told me she said you might as well finish he says I am not going to get well isn't that it now tell me this does he think I am going to die soon he thinks said Ruth and her lips trembled he is afraid oh seraph never mind said seraph I understand you need not tell me anymore go away and leave me alone and she turned her face to the wall and lay perfectly still end of chapter 19 recording by trisha g chapter 20 of judge bernam's daughters this liber box recording is in the public domain judge bernam's daughters by pansy chapter 20 belated work the days that immediately followed this revelation were strange ones to mrs bernam long afterwards she looked back upon them and wondered that her over strained brain did not real under the intensity of the excitement her life had been unusually shielded from any experiences connected with death her father it is true had lingered in his sunny room on the borders of the other world for weeks but ruse daily visits to him were filled with not only the tenderest but the brightest memories always he was in the sunshine ready to cheer and encourage her so full of bright anticipations for himself that it had not seemed possible to think of the word death in connection with him and the final scene had been such a jubilant entering in that she could only feel afterward as though she had a glimpse of eternal life but this was different so utterly different it was not that seraph made any visible sign of fear or of rebellion such was not her nature but that she had a fierce battle to fight in her own heart was only too apparent her face changed alarmingly in the course of the next few days took on the worn haggard look of extreme illness and anxiety and rung mrs bernam's heart whenever she saw it with a pain unlike any that she ever felt before a human soul in peril and she the only person near who knew the one shore way for safety yet feeling powerless to lead to it she was made to feel during those first days that she had managed the trust that the doctor had imposed on her in an utterly irrational manner judge bernam was at first angrily incredulous it was utter nonsense that a girl who had been in splendid health up to the time when she had caught a violent cold should sink into a rapid consumption that disease was not in the bernam family they were as a family noted for strong constitutions the thing was incredible westwood was nervous or careless or mistaken at least they must have counsel he wondered that the physician had not attended to this before if he really feared danger and a solemn counsel of eminent physicians was held although dr westwood assured the father that in his judgment it was unnecessary and useless so indeed it proved there was no dissenting voice dr westwood on his part expressed himself privately to mrs bernam as being extremely shocked over the effect that the news had had upon his patient and did not hesitate to say that he feared she had been too abrupt the only reply he made to her explanation that serif had overheard his own words and precipitated the tidings upon herself was to gravely repeat his fear that she had been too abruptly told and to wish that they had kept their knowledge to themselves as for her husband he angrily blamed her for exciting serif in any such manner and he should have supposed her judgment might have served her better than that but Ruth could forgive much to the disappointed father during these trying days these were his daughters and in strangely different and in strangely unthought of ways he was losing them both meantime there came into her heart a genuine pity for mr satterley let him be what he would a subject only for contempt here too for there was no denying the fact that the dignity of a terrible sorrow was upon him he came and went a dozen times a day always with that look of misery deepening about him which told of a sudden and bitter disappointment settling down on his soul Ruth watching him being waylaid many times during the day to answer his eager questions felt convinced for the first time that at least one thing in his life had been genuine he loved the woman who was now his promised wife was this swift coming sorrow a portion of his retribution for the past her manner toward him grew gentle almost in spite of herself he might have been guilty of that which had led her to despise him but he was suffering now too greatly to make her want to add one feathers weight to the blow so she took care to speak an encouraging word when she could and let voice and manner tell him that her heart ached over his burden and grew nearer to liking him during these brief encounters than she had imagined it possible she ever could and still she carried about with her hourly a burden different from that of others but heavy and bitter how to reach this girl whose life was slipping so rapidly away how to help her with that important suggestion of infinite help before it should be forever too late this was the question and the longing that so grew upon her that it was becoming almost insupportable could she bear to live and walk about these familiar rooms and order their belongings reminded all the time of one who had been with her years and years and had gone and feel that because of her unfaithfulness the going had been rayless of hope a professional nurse was installed once more the disease having now taken a sufficiently serious form to awaken the respect of those important persons ruth had more leisure and less responsibility more time therefore to break her heart over what she alone of all the household felt in fear she betook herself to prayer such eager longing cries for the soul as seemed to her the lord must hear and of course he heard but his answer was to reveal to her herself the scales that had blinded her for years fell off and she realized only too plainly that much of the unhappiness of her life she had brought upon herself she had done her duty by her husband's daughters good measure pressed down oftentimes running over but she had never loved them nor tried to love them she had mentioned their names many times in her prayers but she had never prayed for them in her life with the heart rung cry with which she now almost hourly brought this one to the notice of the healer it came at last to be almost the cry of israel of old i will not let the go except realizing oh so fully her mistakes realizing that had she lived before them a different life in every way both of these who had made her life miserable might be today living for christ yet she cried out to the great physician nevertheless for thy sake lord it was several days after she had begun to pray in this manner that her anxiety expressed itself in words she was alone with seraph the nurse having taken advantage of a quiet hour to secure some much needed rest she began by almost timidly suggesting that the pastor of the church at the corner had called the day before and indeed called often would not seraph some morning when she was feeling pretty well like to have him come up and see her silence followed lasting so long that ruth thought her question was not going to be answered then in a cold constrained voice i don't know why i should care to see him i do not feel in the least acquainted with him the only time i ever saw him alone was that day he called when you were not at home and kate thought you were and he spent 10 minutes in asking me about the last concert which soprano in my judgment was the better and whether on the whole i thought miss nelson's voice was as good as her cousins who used to sing that part i don't feel any particular desire to see him i have lost my interest in concerts it all came over ruth then so pitifully the pale face saved for those fateful spots of crimson high on the cheeks the hollow sounding voice which told only too plainly that the singer would sing no more the short breath which made her pause frequently between even short sentences and the apathetic voice hinting of interest lost in almost everything she had meant to be very quiet very careful about exciting her charge and she was not given to tears nevertheless they filled her eyes now as she came over to the invalid chair which was stretched back almost like a bed and knelt beside it and touched the white hand lying idly on her lap and spoke low and tremulously sarif i want to say something to you i feel oh more than i can ever express how far short of all that i ought to have been i have seemed to you i have lived before you the christian life in such a way as to lead you to feel that there was no reality in it and no comfort to be had from it and as though i cared little whether you walked that way or not this i realized and i want to tell you what a mistake it all is there is a vital personal union with christ which is able to make up for the loss of all other things there is a heaven so glorious that we cannot even in our wildest flights imagine it i know for i saw my father bid goodbye to this world and the glory on his face as the light of the other dawned upon him was not to be mistaken then i know by my own experience that christ is able to give such strength and comfort as are to be found nowhere else and if i such a miserable christian as i have been can be sure of this and i am ought you not to believe it if i could tell you how i longed to have you take the rest which this friend stands ready to offer if i could give you any idea of the consuming desire i have to see you sheltered in his arms of love and have him undo some of the mischief which my cold and careless life has done i almost think you would in very pity for me turn your thoughts and hopes to him it was not what she had meant to say there was not a word spoken of all that which she had lain awaken planned the night before it had not at that time seemed to ruth wise to speak of herself at all for she believed that seraph was too indifferent to her to care what she felt and here she was almost basing her plea on the strength of the pain which she felt for this dying girl neither was the answer she received in any degree what she had planned for she had thought that there might be possibly indignation or sarcasm or coldness or perhaps no attempt at reply and indeed this last seemed for a few moments what was to be seraph lay back and looked at her with no trace of emotion on her face with apparently no quickening of her pulses yet presently she spoke slowly in a half curious tone as one might who was making out a puzzle i almost believe you have been in earnest all the time i thought your religion was a sham worn as one would wear a fashionable dress because in your very high and exclusive circle it was the fashion not to be fashionable in a worldly way but to be religious i did not think you cared whether minta and i or even papa ever had any religion or not saved so much for papa as would admit him into the fashionable exclusiveness where you belonged we didn't think you wanted us there but i have believed we were mistaken all the while these sentences were spoken slowly almost impersonally as if she were not referring to herself and that other woman who knelt before her but ruth was too intensely in earnest now to have this strange language or this utterly indifferent manner prevent her message i do not wonder she said i do not wonder at anything which the mistakes of my past life may have led you to think it has all been wrong i was never a hypocrite i was simply a half-hearted christian yet halfway as i was i tell you in all sincerity i could not have lived my life at all it seems to me without christ what i want now more than anything else in life so much that it seems to me i would willingly die to secure it is to have you give yourself into his keeping and learn from him all that he can be to a soul oh sarif will you do this will you forget all about me and turn your thoughts to him again there was no response sarif's eyes were dry and her face composed though her stepmothers was wet with fast falling tears a long time it seemed to the excited woman that she waited not daring to say more to other ears than gods but praying oh in an agony of appeal for an answer of peace i'll tell you mama who i should like to have come and stay with me a little while and that is susan urskine that at last was the answer she received ruth rose up then brushing the tears hastily from her face and in that instant she was shown another revelation of her heart she thought she had been to its utmost depths but in the light of this experience she saw that she not only wanted the soul saved but had wanted the master to let her be the instrument in his hands and that it hurt her to have herself in effect pushed aside and another messenger called after it was an instance revelation and the sudden revulsion of feeling which had caused past almost as quickly as it had come it is a good thought she said humbly susan could help you she always helped me she is teaching but perhaps a substitute could be found i will write to her this evening no i will have your father telegraph if you like that will save you from so long waiting i feel almost sure she can arrange to come then send for her she is the only one i can think of in the world whom i would like to see and sarah had turned her head away from her mother and closed her eyes then the nurse came and ruth went away went to her own room and locked the door and went on her knees she spoke no audible word but knelt there long and rose up quieted money is a potent factor in this world susan urskine was 300 miles away was holding an important position in an important school and it was in the middle of the term when judge urskine died and the old home was broken many plans had been discussed as to what would be done ruth wanted susan and would have been willing to agree to almost any arrangement which would keep her in the family but no one knew better than susan that the mother would not be at rest in judge bernam's household that she did not fit it gracefully and that she jarred on the nerves of the master and for the matter of that on the mistresses well although her heart was full of grateful love toward her now susan did not discuss many plans she kept her own counsel but had in the course of a few weeks announced that mother and she were going back home to the neighborhood where they had lived so long that her old position was waiting for her and mother had many friends there and in every respect she believed it would be best and judge bernam had said that susan urskine was the most sensible woman of his acquaintance that he had always thought so nevertheless he sent the telegrams which ruth suggested with promptness and added other and expressive ones about the importance of having the invalid's wishes respected and about the fact that any salary desired might be offered for a substitute if susan would but come so susan came to her mother she said i think i ought to go for i used to have influence with the poor girl and now that she is going to die i may be able to help her of course you ought to go said mrs urskine what are schools where they teach grammar and things when a body comes almost to the end and needs the kind of help that we were put into the world to give poor thing what an everlasting pity it is that she put off the only important work in life until life was pretty nigh over but there i'd have done the same thing myself poor fool that i was and would be doing it yet i dare say if it hadn't been for your father and to think that maybe that girl will see him in a little while i could most feel like asking her to take a message for me if i was going along i'm getting to be an old woman susan and i do feel kind of homesick after your father once in a while now that's a fact it isn't as though i had had him all his life you know for i hadn't there was a good deal of wasted time and susan who had steadily given her life to the care and comfort of her mother smiled on her cheerily and said nevermind mother you and father will have time enough together to make up for it all one of these days that's the living truth said the old lady with a smile on her homely face suggestive of the peace of heaven and while she trotted about packing her daughter's trunk she sang in a quavering voice and on a high key when we've been there ten thousand years bright shining as the sun's days to sing his praise then when we first be end of chapter 20 recording by trisha g chapter 21 of judge bernum's daughters the sliver vox recording is in the public domain judge bernum's daughters by pansy chapter 21 transformation but because susan urskine kane mrs bernum did not therefore find herself banished from the invalid's room instead she was drawn there more than before and indeed from the hour when she made her pitiful appeal to sarah the two had seemed to be on a different footing no further words had passed between them but sarah had seemed less indifferent to her coming and going and had shrunken less from receiving attentions at her hands she even smiled occasionally on her now and once inquired as to whether her incessant coughing the night before had disturbed her mother it was not usual for sarah to appear at least to care who was disturbed by her at another time she said smiling gratefully on susan who was arranging pillows in that deft way which some attendants seem to know by instinct and others never learn it is so nice to have susan here mama it was so good of you to think about it and bring it to pass all these little things were very unlike sarah moreover as the days passed ruth distinctly saw another change unmistakably sarah's face was taking on that look of rest and peace which can come at least at such times as those she was rapidly nearing from only one source the haggard lines were being smoothed the apparent apathy which had followed the days of unnatural excitement was also gone she had roused to some degree of interest in the affairs of others she inquired for urskine who had long been banished from the sick room because his sister had no desire to see him and he now made daily visits occasionally his happy little laugh was heard to ring out from the sick room and when someone went in haste lest the invalid should be disturbed she would be found smiling on him yet these were days full of salinity to ruth she had never before lived as it were in the presence of a soul at the time when it opened the door and let in the heavenly guest she had never before watched the process of transformation go on it might have been unusually rapid in this case because the time was short but ruth stood off and odd before it this marvelous change of even the lines on the wasting face and the hardness of his faces changed she came to that verse one morning in her somewhat hurried reading and stopped over it as something which he had never seen before and thought of it the instant she entered seraph's room an hour afterwards it is true she said within herself the hardness of her faces changed that exactly describes the process then she wondered if any infidel had ever watched this steady change in a human face and what he thought could be at work in the heart transforming the life conformed to his image this was another sentence over which she had lingered and which she applied afterwards feeling austrican what an amazing thing it was that this girl should be singled out from the family for such an experience such an honor is this getting ready to go abroad these words were spoken in her hearing one day in regard to an acquaintance of seraph's and ruth thought of it constantly as the days passed so is she she said to herself looking the while at seraph getting ready to be presented at court oh more than that she is the bride getting ready for the bridegroom in the palace what a marvelous thing it is how do we ever succeed in thinking about or caring for anything else with this in view and the fascinations of that room increased upon her it was not that seraph said much said anything indeed except to susan in the confidential talks which ruth knew they had it was rather that ruth allowed her imagination full play when she was in the presence of this one who was evidently slipping away from earth others beside herself saw or felt the changes mr. sadderly who had obstinately refused to believe that nothing could be done for the sick one and had hoped against hope and begged that this remedy and that might be tried and such and such an authority consulted followed ruth from the room one morning when it had seemed to her that seraph looked unusually quiet and reposeful and dropping into a chair at the further end of the hall gave himself to a perfect abandonment of grief i've given up he said when at last he could speak i could not believe it possible that she was not going to get better but i can see that she isn't some strange change has come to her she is not like herself she talks as though she did not even care to get well can anything have happened to make her tired of living to to change her soul it isn't that ruth said it isn't that she is tired of this life but and then she attempted to speak the king's language to this man of alien birth he did not understand her was perplexed pained almost angry that anything should or could reconcile this woman whom he loved to satisfying her soul with another love could make her willing to glide away from him into a mysterious world gradually there was coming to be a very pleasant understanding between mrs. bernum and her stepdaughter seraph smiled on her now in return for service and sometimes said thank you in grateful tones and once she caught her hand and said earnestly you were right mama there is one who can make up for the loss of everything else it seems very strange that he should be willing to do it for me but he is and has and i knew you would be glad after that ruth looked at her and thought about her with a feeling which might almost have been called envy this young woman who a few days ago had spoken of jesus as though he were an indifferent stranger now evidently belonged to him in a sense of which she the disciple of years knew nothing why should her education progress so fast what was there in heaven for her to do that she should be so swiftly hurried through the earth journey and sheltered in the sunny home it was new experience in every way to ruth and she studied it and prayed over it and spent as much time as she could with the one who had seemed suddenly to rise to heights above her to draw closer each day to the great source of strength and power they had little self-confidential talks together sometimes seraph speaking out suddenly after long quiet moments revealing in a brief sentence perhaps glimpses of the past which were very revelations to ruth making her understand what she had had to contend with in her hard and unsuccessful struggle with life when we first went to school said seraph the girls used to laugh at us they thought we could not be serious minta and i when we talked about you and told how kind you were and what you had done for us and how much you planned for our pleasure they made all sorts of fun of us when they found that we really meant it they said we were the greatest simpletons they had ever met that the idea of stepmothers really caring for grown up daughters was too absurd to be credited that in the very nature of things we were and must be rivals that you had stolen papa from us and we must take the consequences of course but as for pretending to think a great deal of you that was too silly for girls as old as we were and a great deal more of that sort of nonsense would seraph add somewhat wearily as her strength began to fail it was most ridiculous in us to be influenced by such talk i cannot think how we came to be such idiots but we were poor minta was inclined i think to have a low opinion of the world in general and being constantly under such influences and hearing stories all the time about unhappy homes and heartless second mothers there were half a dozen girls in the school who were stepdaughters we actually came to believe that their experience was ours or must be in the course of time and we came home prejudiced you know or with eyes so blinded by false lights that we could not see the real we have been very hateful mama but we were honestly so she was too tired to say more or to hear other than soothing words never mind the stepmother said don't worry over it now seraph i too have been to blame greatly to blame i can see it plainly now but i can say like you that i was honest i meant to do the best for you that i could no i am not going to let you talk anymore you are to shut your eyes and not even think you and i will both remember that we belong to one who understands hearts but when she was alone again the stepmother went all over it in sorrowful indignation and began to realize as she had not before the irreparable mischief that false and foolish tongues had wrought for her you had stolen papa from us this in brief was the silly and false idea that she began to understand was talked before children about their second mothers until it was little wonder that they came to look upon the relation with blinded eyes as seraph had said and she who had rushed into it with such utter self-abnegation such determination to make home what it should be for these two daughters had ignored the world and its false tongues and held herself aloof from it and been so determined to win by the superiority of her own plans that it was no wonder she had failed i could have loved seraph she said the tears falling fast as she brushed them away i could have loved her and have won her to love me if i had held her from the false and fashionable world and held up christ before her with such power as to win her to him and the confidential relations so long in establishing themselves between these two grew a pace mama seraph began one day when they were alone for a moment there is something i want very much and i do not know whether i can have it did you ever tell papa about that young woman that estelle you know no said ruth quickly her face flushing it had been one of her anxieties in the earlier days of this sickness that she had not done so and that she could not determine whether she ought or not of late she had put it aside no i have never mentioned the matter to him in any way and do you think i mean i do not know that there is any need for doing so now is there there was a marked emphasis on the word now it was putting into plainer language than she had before even to ruth the thought that she was so nearly done with all these things that stories about them fraught with solemn import but a few months ago could be allowed to drop quietly into silence ruth turned toward her her eyes dim with tears and her voice tremulous but she answered no i do not think there is well mama i want to see her i want to have a little talk with her quite alone and not have anyone know it do you think i might ruth smiled now a loving in fact a thankful smile this was to her one of the indications of discipleship i'll manage it she said and that afternoon having sent the nurse home for a two hours vacation she said to susan i've no doubt you consider yourself authority here but it is a mistake you are under orders i'm in conspiracy with this little girl and she has a young friend coming to see her with whom she wants to talk quite alone we are both to be banished i shall stay in the next room within sound of the bell but you may go to the garden or to the music room or where you will so that you consider yourself banished until you receive a special summons hither very well susan said entering into the assumed gait of the moment with the quick wittedness of one who understood that she was expected not to understand i suspected mischief when you were so anxious to have the nurse take a holiday but i did not suppose it was so far reaching as this however i am all submission and serif as she caught ruth's eye smiled and said thank you in a low tone full of meaning for an hour the two of whom mr. sadderly had asked the same momentous question and received from each a solemn yes we're alone together but what the favored one who yet was going away to a country once they never returned to fulfill earthly vows said to the one who had been cast aside for her sake is known only to him to whom all hearts are open it was ruth who met the young girl at the door when she came in answer to her summons and showed her to serif's room and when an hour afterward serif's bell rang it was ruth again who showed her guest out noting only that her eyes were red with weeping no questions were asked by anyone kate who had met the girl in the hall below and attended her to the door volunteered the information in the kitchen that it was some young thing who was fond of miss serif a sewing girl she guessed and susan who knew better than most persons when silence was golden said nothing at all as for serif the only word she had to offer was given to ruth as she took the glass of water from the wasting hand serif's cheeks glowed perhaps a little more than usual but her eyes were bright and there was no hint of tears about her face she laid her fingers gently on ruth's hand and said mama thank you that was all mr. sadderley came and went as usual perhaps even oftener than before and his face still wore the same haggard look of pain and ruth watching them both and seeing this life tragedy drawing toward its clothes felt more sympathy and sorrow for the man than she had once imagined would be possible he had been heartless and yet it appeared that he had a heart and that he was being taught what it was to suffer not long after this there came to ruth another appeal for help mama i wish i could see minta and ruth her eyes flashing sudden resolution yet kept her voice quiet as she said i will see if i cannot bring that to pass without more delay she went very soon thereafter in search of her husband feeling angry with herself that she had endured so long the present state of things in order to understand it you will need to be reminded that judge bernum had always been a man of overweening pride and that he had allowed himself to be so swayed by this feeling as to be at times incapable of controlling it that his heart had been trampled upon and rudely stung by his daughter minta was true and that his pride had received such a blow that he could not rally from it was also true smarting under this you will remember how he had issued his stern mandate that his second daughter should never again enter his door that she was from this time forth no daughter of his and he would have the world know that he disowned her a proud man is also a very obstinate man and through all these weeks of suffering and fast-failing bodily powers on the part of his only other daughter he had held steadily to this resolution notwithstanding the fact that sarif had herself appealed to him to be allowed to see her sister anything else nothing that money could buy or time and care produce were to be withheld it seemed as the days went by as though he must have spent hours in studying as to what might tempt sarif's tastes he brought home delicacies which he was too ill to touch books and pictures that she could only smile on wearily flowers of so rare and heavy a perfume that they had to be banished from her rooms to give her air everything that a lavish expenditure and highly cultured tastes could furnish was at her command save this one wish of her heart to see and talk with the sister from whom she had never before been separated over this petition he shut his firm lips and shook his obstinate head mrs hamlin was no daughter of his and therefore of course could be no sister of sarif's anymore yet on this morning of which i write his wife went down to him in his private study with determination gleaming in her eyes end of chapter 21 recording by trisha g chapter 22 of judge bernum's daughters this liver box recording is in the public domain judge bernum's daughters by pansy chapter 22 days of privilege judge bernum she said beginning as was her habit without circumlocution of any sort i am going to send for minta today to come to her sister sarif mourns for her and ought to have her wish i will wait until you have gone to town for the day if such is your desire but even that i think is unwise however much she may have displeased you minta is still your daughter and this is her father's house he interrupted her hastily i have explained to you mrs bernum that she is from henceforth no daughter of mine his wife's voice was very steady having that determined quality in it which helps to calm some forms of excitement but that judge bernum is simply nonsense of course you and i know that the parental relation is not one which can be put on and off at will minta is a disobedient and ungrateful daughter if you will but she is still your daughter whether you will or not you can treat her as though she were nothing to you but that will not destroy the relationship it will be simply yielding to the desire to act an unnatural part still i do not ask you to send for her unless you think you ought i simply say that i am going to let her know today how ill her sister is and ask her to come and see for herself and what if i say that as this is my house and i am supposed to be its master i forbid any such proceeding that i declined to allow her to be invited here on any pretext whatever his wife came toward him and laid her hand on his arm with a little caressing movement peculiar to herself and not often indulged she was an undemonstrative woman even then she said very gently i should disobey you because i know your true self better than you do and i know how swiftly the days are coming when you would bitterly regret such words serif is very ill judge bernum she is failing rapidly it will do no good to blind your eyes to this fact she has never been separated from her sister before and she misses and mourns for her it is unnatural and cruel not to allow and even urgment to come to her under such circumstances no one will see this more plainly than you one of these days it is simply that you do not realize how short the time is his lips quivered almost beyond his control when he spoke again i have not meant to be cruel but i have been cruelly treated any father would admit that still as you say we do not want to deny serif anything though i cannot think she is so ill as you suppose she seemed to me quite bright this morning i will lay no commands on you of course i did not mean that but there are certain things that must not be expected of me if minta personally cared for my forgiveness she could at least ask it could say that she had done me grievous wrong and i do not think until she does so much that i am called upon to notice her in any way the invitation for her to call here must not come from me it must be distinctly understood that i do not endorse it i merely tolerate it for serif's sake and one command i will issue that man whom she calls her husband must not step his feet inside my doors his voice had grown stern again and as he had already made more of a concession than ruth had expected and as she could see no reason why any consideration should be shown the man who had deliberately carried out a plan to rob a home she made no reply to this other than a general one that of course she would carry out his wishes as well as she could and went away to write her note to minta then to tell serif what she had done and to regret for the next four or five hours that she did any such thing it became apparent that serif had missed her sister more than any of those about her had realized in the hope of seeing her coupled with the thought of the long waiting that there must still be unnerved her to such a degree that the doctor when he made his morning call was alarmed at the state of her pulse and scolded the nurse roundly for allowing her charge to be excited about anything all this added greatly to ruth's anxiety and dismay when the messenger who had been dispatched with her note returned bringing a written reply instead of the girl for whom she was now anxiously watching it was addressed to herself and was brief and to the point mrs. judge bernum madame i will not take time to thank you for the extreme courtesy of your remarkable invitation to my father's house nor to explain to you how fully i recognized your skillful hand in it all i will simply say that the invitation must come from my father and must include my husband or it will be paper wasted i will venture to send my love to serif and to hope that she will soon be well enough to ride into town and visit me when i will promise to give her a much more cordial greeting than i should evidently receive in my father's house yours in vivid remembrance minta bernum hamlin over the contents of this letter ruth stood appalled what was now to be done with the excited invulet judge bernum was away for the day she did not even know just where to reach him nor indeed if he were at home could much be expected from him immediately on the receipt of such an epistle as that while she was still in a state of wretched indecision as to how to manage susan came in search of her serif had asked for her and seemed restless over her prolonged absence so ruth went at once and was immediately questioned mama you have had some word from minta i can see it in your face won't you just let me read the letter for myself if she wrote i understand minta so well things that might sound strangely to you would be playing to me will you let me have it mama all this was so unlike the serif of ruth's acquaintance that she felt half bewildered and without more ado gave the letter into her hands then during its reading tormented herself as to whether this were not the very worst thing that could have been done there was a heightened color on the girl's cheeks when she gave it back but her voice was steady nevermind mama that was a pretty hard letter for you to read but there is more than minta involved in it he will not let her come i understand how it is he has a very great influence over her and he is selfish intensely selfish i used to tell her that before i knew that she cared for him so much she does care mama it isn't all naughtiness we will let it go for the present she does not understand you see she thinks i am going to get well and come and see her and she thinks if she holds out papa will receive him too in a few days perhaps we can make her understand how it is with me i would not send again mama for papa's sake it is very hard for him too and i am so sorry how very different things get to looking in a few weeks time we have both made it very hard indeed for you and papa and we did not dream it you must remember that mama we did not understand at all we were fools i wonder if minta will wait until she lies where i do before she realizes it that was one reason why i wanted to see her never mind said bruce in her turn do not think about it anymore now you are tired and i understand i understand much better than you suppose i do there are two sides to it i too was a fool in many ways and like you i did not mean it then she stopped and kissed the girl for the first time in years and her eyes were filled with tears and her throbbing heart said if we could only begin all over again from the beginning sarah was quieter after that the sense that minta had refused to come to her and had replied only with insulting words seemed to tone her impatience to see her she counseled waiting for a day or two i will write her a little note myself tomorrow perhaps she said if i am strong enough and then she will understand better and i do not blame papa for not wanting that man to come i never knew anything of his plans i did not think he would dare to do as he has papa understands that does he not and ruth assured her tenderly that papa had no words of blame for her but sarah thought much about it all this was evident from the words she frequently spoke to ruth never to anyone else mama people do not mean all the things they say you know that don't you i don't know but you do i have come to think so that time you said you were sorry for me do you remember when you told me about estelle i know now that you meant it but i didn't think so then and i said things many and many a time that i did not mean i did about her i pretended not to care and i said it was a little matter there was not any of that true i understand said ruth and her voice was very humble she had not understood she told herself she had not understood this girl at all she had called her simply heartless when perhaps her heart was breaking there was another who insisted on knowing just what had been done about the summons to minta and on seeing her reply and had tossed it down with a hottie that is just what i expected i hope you have sufficiently humiliated us before her and will be content to let her take the road she has chosen seraph says she cannot now do as she will interposed ruth meekly but her husband answered her only by a sharp nonsense and remembering minta's determined will in the past she said no more it is possible that these two would both have been wiser could they have heard the words that passed between the young husband and wife on the receipt of ruth's note she had worded it carefully trying not to give offense and at the same time to make plain to the girl that she must come alone and the husband had thrown it aside with much more of him than judge bernum used with the reply and had said in an angry voice insufferable woman if it were not for her you would be in your rightful place in your father's house the idea that she should dare to tell you that you may come home but you must come alone if you do not resent that with scorn you are more of a coward than i take you to be i wonder if seraph is really very sick faltered the wife do you hear nothing about it in town couldn't you ask someone sick of course she isn't it is simply a ruse to get you away from me and then proceed to crushing me that precious father of yours could do it and would like nothing better especially with your lovely stepmother to crowd on oh but herald you said yourself that papa withdrew proceedings against you and that that was the reason you could stay in town yes and why did he do it because i was sharp enough to get hold of you he would have crushed me as willingly as he would a worm but for that if it had not been for his impertinent interference in my affairs i would never have gotten into such an intolerable scrape he may thank himself for the publicity of the whole thing but his name is involved now in spite of himself and a man like him who is all but consumed with personal vanity will do a good deal for the sake of shielding one who belongs to him i tell you minta i understand all this perfectly he has a deep played scheme to separate us and to ruin me he has power enough to do it even though i am not to blame save in supposing that he had a heart i don't depend on that organ any longer i assure you but i do on his pride when he finds that you can be as firm as he thinks he is and will have all or nothing his consuming desire to appear well in the eyes of the community will get control and he will receive us both in the way he ought send back such an answer as this letter deserves and wait patiently i know the world and your precious father has a very large share of it grown into the place which he calls his heart i do not believe there is anything the matter with serif but a severe cold in fact i know there isn't she can come to us in a few days and that will do much to smooth the way it will not look well to have the daughter on familiar terms with us and the father not speaking to us but there is one thing to remember this last sentence was added with gathering sternness as he saw the look of doubt and anxiety on minta's face mark my words if you condescend to notice them in any way so long as they ignore me you choose between us and must take the consequences i say that distinctly knowing just what i mean and you know that i am a man of my word he a man of his word and moving at large among men simply because of the forbearance of those to whom he had been false his wife knew this or at least knew that he was in disgrace with business men he told her that he had been unfortunate and that it was her father's ill will that had forced evil upon him but she was painfully conscious of the fact that there were men whom her father's ill will could not injure and that there was something very wrong about it all yet with the strange and pitiful inconsistency of the human heart she felt for this man whom she yet could not quite respect a sentiment which in her ignorance she named love and it held her in submission now while she wrote under his guidance and partly at his dictation the letter over which Ruth had stood appalled yet she cried when her husband left her alone bitter tears and wished she could see serif just for a few minutes and judge for herself whether she were really ill and all together was miserable enough to have moved the pity of a harder hearted man than Judge Burnham for several days following these experiences an apparent change for the better seemed to be taking place in the sick room serif appeared stronger than she had for some weeks and her appetite that had almost entirely failed returned and her father each time he saw her remarked upon some token which was to him evidence of returning health as for Mr. Satterley he began to talk hopefully of the marvelous effects that a prolonged stay in California or in the far south frequently had on invalids and to hint that in a few weeks serif might be strong enough to take the journey by easy stages and only the doctor and the professional nurse fully realized that they were simply passing through one of those deceptive lulls so common to the disease in question meantime susan received an earnest summons back to her post and serif agreed to her departure with a quiet smile we shall miss you very much she said cheerfully but i do not need you in the terrible sense that i did before you came a few weeks make such a difference in things everything is different mama and i can manage nicely together if you ought to go so susan kissed her long clinging kisses and whispered goodbyes and went away and ruth spent long hours to be always remembered afterwards in that sick room there was often about the room now an atmosphere which odd her it was growing so increasingly apparent that a presence unseen yet potent in his influences had taken possession and was steadily transforming this life there were moments when ruth would stand looking at her charge almost reverently absorbed in the thought of the coming changes she is going away she said to herself in a few days she will see the lord and talk with him face to face and be with him forever and ever a few weeks ago she did not know him at all and now she has gotten so far ahead of me that sometimes it seems as though she already had speech with him such as i cannot understand it is all very wonderful and these are my days of privilege and i may also make an exception of mrs. bernum for she knew as well as did the doctor and the nurse that in a very little while sarah fernum was going away end of chapter 22 recording by trisha g chapter 23 of judge bernum's daughters this liver box recording is in the public domain judge bernum's daughters by pansy chapter 23 oh mama goodbye there came a day and it came suddenly at the last as those days nearly always do when mrs hamlin sitting alone and discontented in her third story room in a rundown boarding house received this imperative message brought by a special messenger boy if you want to see sarah once more you must come immediately there is not an hour to lose ruth bernum yet even then she was not prepared for the facts her husband had heard reports of the marked improvement in sarah's case and had not failed to repeat them to his wife without at any time letting her know the serious nature of the disease though he himself was well aware of it and built some hope on the fact that judge bernum would before very long have but one daughter left to him he had carried his wife out of town with him for a few days the better to keep her in ignorance of what might be going on in her home and also to prevent the possibility of her being urged there without him they had returned but the night before and he had been gone from the house but a few moments when the startling summons came she did not believe it but it filled her with alarm what if sarah were really very ill and wanted to see her could she ever forgive herself for staying away besides she longed so for a sight of her and she believed in her heart that her husband was not only cruel but foolish in keeping them apart what possible harm could come to him through her going to see her sister once in a while had she not shown him how little influence her family had over her as compared with him when she left them at his bidding while she was thinking these thoughts she made swift changes in her dress having taken a resolution to go home at once and learn for herself just how much she had to fear she was beginning to learn even thus early in her married life that her husband could be both cruel and false it was possible that he was being false to her in this she would see for herself so without more delay than was necessary she stepped from the train at the old familiar station which it seemed to her she had not seen before in years entered her father's carriage which was in waiting and was driven swiftly to her former home no one met her at the door no one was waiting to receive her in the hall she ran rapidly upstairs frightened and yet unbelieving Kate met her in the hall above grave-faced low voiced you can go right in she murmured and inclined her head toward the large cheerful room at the south end and minta pushed open the door noiselessly and entered she had thought that she would rush it once to her sister and wrap her arms about her whatever the faults of those two may have been they had loved each other but she did not do as she had planned instead she stopped frightened in the doorway her breath coming in great heavy throbs which seemed to make her faint her father stood at one side of the great french bedstead which had been drawn forward almost in front of the open window where the soft spring sunlight was coming in near the foot of the bed stood the doctor watch in hand but doing nothing saying nothing impressing one by the very attitude in which he stood with the thought that all doing was done so far as his profession was concerned and that he was now waiting for what a strange woman was at the other side of the bed looking intently as were all the others at the face lying quiet on the pillow and bending over very near to her was mrs. Burnham all these things minta in the doorway felt rather than saw felt also the deathly pallor of that face on the pillow with closed eyes so still she lay that she might even now be dead for all indication she gave of life there was one other in the room at first minta did not see him he was kneeling close to the form on the bed somewhat shielded from view by mrs. Burnham he had one quiet hand clasped in both his own but his face was buried in the same pillow on which the moobless had rested and only the long drawn shuttering breath which he occasionally drew gave token that he was more conscious of what was passing than was the lovely body over which they were keeping their solemn watch no one spoke to minta judge Burnham gave one swift glance toward her then turned his eyes instantly back to that quiet face his own growing perhaps a shade paler than it had been before at that moment mrs. Burnham noticed her and moving slightly to make room signed to her to approach it was just then that the head on the pillow stirred once more the lips parted in a smile which even minta all ignorant as she was felt was not of earth her eyes opened wide looked upward for a moment as if reaching beyond the confines of the room of the earth indeed then returning rested for a moment on her stepmother's face the smile grew more radiant still and her voice always sweet was filled now with an unearthly sweetness but all she said was oh mama goodbye and serif was gone even in that supreme moment minta's first impulse was to turn a look of unutterable astonishment upon her stepmother what miracle was this that the last ineffable smile and the last tender word of this passing soul should be given to her something like the same thought came to Ruth herself and brought with it such a sense of personal loss as a few weeks before she would not have supposed it possible she could feel in such a connection you probably know all about the experiences of the next few days without words from me it was a sorrowful fact that the scenes associated with the house of mourning are two common personal experiences to need description it was a grand and solemn funeral i use the two words thoughtfully the grandeur being of that subdued kind which marks the home not only of wealth but of culture judge bernum was not the man to spare expense on any occasion certainly not now so the beautiful clay from which the soul had departed was adorned by every art known to skilled management and was almost literally empowered in flowers it was of course a time of painful excitement and unrest the very grief of one of the mourners having so much about it that was unnatural as to where heavily on the nerves of the others the poor sister you will remember was utterly unprepared for such scenes as these ruth had made several efforts during the passing days to send her positive knowledge of seraph state but owing to her absence from home and her husband's wish that she should not know the truth she had been successfully kept in ignorance the bitterness of her sorrow and remorse were now pitiful to see although more terrible were they because no one seemed able to offer her a word of consolation ruth of course dare not speak at all judge bernum made no attempt to do so acted indeed as though he did not know this other daughter of his was in the house yet that he was aware of it was apparent when he roused himself once to this stern statement remember ruth if that man dares to come to my door with inquiries he is not to step inside on any pretext whatever i look to you to see that my commands in this matter are obeyed to the letter and remember that in this thing i will not be trifled with then indeed she ventured one protest but judge bernum she is his wife made so by the laws of god and man since this thing is done and she is to live with him would it not be wise at such a time as this to allow him to come and speak to her if he will then she was glared upon with a fierceness that startled her you do not know what you are talking about he said at last no it would not be better to do any such thing he has no right to be her husband he is a perjured villain and he knows it he has deceived her as well as me but she chose her own lot and must abide by it so will i abide by my determination and i will repeat it under no pretext whatever shall that man step inside my door if she wants him yet she must go to him i have no power to control her but i have power to hold myself aloof from him and from her since she has chosen between us and i shall do so and ruth i would be grateful to you if you would not mention this thing to me again and then ruth knew more fully than she had before that this fierce nature was entirely unsubdued it was not the time to say it nor indeed was there any use in ever saying it but it was not in her nature not to recall once more the fact that he had allowed this man over whose very name his face now darkened to lounge in his parlors evening after evening in friendly relations with the daughter who had finally yielded to his influence and had not only made no sign of disapproval but had sneered at the warnings that came to him what right had he to be surprised or dismayed at the result but he was destined to hear more on this hateful subject his daughter under the spell of a written communication from her husband made successful effort to waylay her father while seraphs still lay in unearthly beauty in that back parlor and with tears and sobs and pitiful appeals which were sufficiently honest to carry much weight with them besought him to forgive her to reinstate her once more in the home she had missed and see how dutiful and loving and comforting she could be to him very humble she was and penitent and he with all the father stirred within him with the memory of the fact that she was now the only daughter left him yet resisted the touch of her caressing arms and held aloof from her and walked the floor his face still stern but his chin quivered and his eyes were dimmed with a film of tears at last he spoke i have not meant to be severe i have believed myself to be a very indulgent father too indulgent i have had reason to think during these later months of my bitter experience had i been less so you would never have been drawn into the toils of the man who stole you from me you chose between us however after you were duly warned and by me and i had meant that you should abide by your choice but there are other arguments than those you bring tonight that have been influencing me of late some of them might surprise you if i gave them i will not go into details now i will merely say that i have resolved to do what i thought i should never do offer you your home again it is a desolated and disgraced home disgraced by your own act and the bernum name never were a stain before but despite it all if you choose to come back to the home and the name and pledge yourself never to hold another conversation with the man who has wronged us all i will receive you again as my daughter even in the face of a gaping world also i will take measures that will forever prevent your being annoyed by the man who would like to claim you for the sake of the money that he thinks will be yours the idea of the villain supposing that one cent of my money will ever pass through his hands even at such a time judge bernum could not keep the subdued tones of voice that became the house but let them rise into anger with the last sentence i am inclined to think he misunderstood his daughter as entirely as it is possible for a man to misunderstand a woman she too lost herself control and gave free reign to her passionate tongue she had not been for weeks in the constant society of a bad man without having been influenced thereby and many of the bitter things that she poured out in her wrath she believed to be true she told her father that he was under the spell of a woman who hated her and who had hated the daughter lying dead in the next room and who had made both their lives bitter for them all these years that it was she who had so prejudiced him against her husband that he would allow himself to be neither reasonable nor even respectable in the eyes of the world and then she assured him that she knew how things looked to this terrible ogre the world of which he was so afraid and that he might be entirely certain the world should hear just how a father led round by a second wife could be made not only to so embitter the life of one of them that she welcomed the grave as a release but could actually bring himself to all but forcing the other to give up her husband and her married name in return for being received again into a home which she hated and then she assured him that she had chosen and was glad to remember that she had and that nothing ever not even the honor of being recognized before the world as belonging to the burnum race should make her desert her husband even for a day that she would go back to him that very night and that she wanted nothing from this house or from the people to whom it belonged from this time forth he listened to this outburst of mingled passion and pain at first in a kind of bewilderment then as she made some accusations which in the light of his recent experiences he knew were absolutely false his anger rose almost to white heat but as her passionate torrent of words went on gathering force as they were poured out he reached the point where his well-trained self-control began to assert its power and deceiving her by the very calm with which he listened he waited before her in absolute silence until she paused for breath are you quite through he asked at last when she had been silent for a moment because if you are not i would advise you to continue it might not be wise to go from here with any pent up torrent of anger such as you have exhibited and outburst in other places might be more dangerous than it will be here i am glad you have told me all this it makes plain much that i have of late suspected it reveals some things to me much more clearly than i could have hoped to understand them from any source but if you have really nothing further to say i will add just a few plain words very easy to understand you may since you are in the house if you choose remain during the funeral services of my daughter as soon after that hour as you can conveniently do so i shall have to ask you to leave my house and i wish you distinctly to understand that you are not to return to it at any time nor under any pretext i understand you to say that you had chosen between us very well you had the opportunity and can blame no one but yourself for having made use of it what i require is that you shall abide by your decision from this time forth i will not trouble you to call me by the name which has sheltered you all these years and you need not even burden your conscience by thinking of me as your father you have my full permission to disown me entirely and to say to the world whatever you and your precious husband please the probability is you will learn in time that my reputation will be equal to the shock of even the withdrawal of his favor now as it is getting late i will not detain you further but will bid you good night mrs hamlin he opened his library door and ceremoniously bowed his daughter out and the other daughter lay but a few steps from them her face still glorified by that gleam from heaven which had rested on it empowered in flowers end of chapter 23 recording by trisha g chapter 24 of judge bernam's daughters this libra vox recording is in the public domain judge bernam's daughters by pansy chapter 24 next most among the flowers that were strewn in profusion all about the casket where sarah rested was a simple spray of two roses lying somewhat by itself and as close as possible to the face of that beautiful sleeper it filled the room with that rare fragrance that belongs only to the two bros mr saddily who had been in the room alone for nearly an hour taking that long last look which almost runs the human heart in sundar taking it with the consciousness that dust and darkness and decay are now to claim this treasure for its own had turned away at last and then turned back and lifting the spray of roses had taken a single perfect bloom from its stem and placed it within the velvet folds of a tiny case that held seraph's pictured face then returned it to his breast pocket and replaced the spray so that it almost touched the fair marble cheek ruth who had been about to enter the room drawing suddenly back when she saw its occupant had been a witness to this last act a pitiful smile hovered about her mouth for a moment the spray of two broses had a history which mr saddily did not know did she whose unconscious clay lay before him know the story in the world to which she had gone did they know of all these little tender pitiful things that are constantly happening here barely two hours before had mrs bernum herself opened the piazza door in answer to the timid knock of a trembling hand and had come face to face with a stale holster the girl's eyes were swollen with recent weeping and there were heavy dark rings under them which told of long night vigils and tears may i look at her she had asked eagerly and may i lay the spray of flowers beside her i know she loved two broses i have seen her wear them often oh mrs bernum i am so sorry for you all and so sorry for for him and ruth for the moment unable to speak knowing no words indeed which would fit the pitiful strangeness of the moment inclined her head in silence toward the closed door with its significant badge of crepe and left the two alone together and this was the spray of flowers from which mr saddily had picked one bloom to wear close to his heart they had planned very carefully for the funeral hour mr saddily had been reminded that minta would be dependent on him for care but nothing took place as it was planned minta after that last stormy scene with her father refused to stay another hour in the house refused to be present at the funeral services next day but went in haste and in anger to the husband for whose sake she had left them all and judge bernum was held all the dreadful morning in the grasp of a relentless pain a peculiar form of nervous headache of which he was sometimes a victim and against which he had struggled all the previous night increased upon him to such an alarming degree that when the hour for the public service arrived he was under the influence of a powerful opiate and therefore mercifully unconscious alike of body and mental pain so it came to pass that the stepmother attended by mr saddily were the only recognized mourners who followed sarah bernum out from her father's house it seemed a strange house to ruth to live in after that she wandered through the deserted silent rooms throwing them open to light and air caring for the many dainty and delicate things left behind with pains taking fingers that almost quivered with a sense of dread how was it that she who had for years felt no responsibility and but little interest in this part of the house had come to be the sole caretaker here how swift and terrible had been the changes which had left her free and lonely in her own house no danger now of being disturbed day or night by inopportune outbursts of merriment or the sound of gay young feet the house was still very still its mistress folded and wrapped and marked and laid away package after package of pretty trifles that had belonged exclusively to sarah and while she worked there fell many a tear born of that most sorrowful of all sorrowful memories what might have been she had been so very late in finding out what she and sarah might have enjoyed together she had so utterly failed in regard to minta and although she reminded herself that the two were and always had been very unlike yet in the light of her recent revelations she could not but feel that possibly had she managed all things differently all results might have been different those were lonely days the ones which followed she could not settle to anything indeed she could not find anything satisfactory on which to settle society did not claim her of course there were endless proprieties connected with it to be observed but it released her from personal inflections in many ways still she did not find it by any means so pleasant to be alone as she had once supposed it would be she was very much alone judge bernum absorbed himself in business even more than was usual and when at home was gloomy to an almost alarming extent indeed if I should call him or rose it would perhaps be the more fitting word that he was a rebel against all the recent family trials was only too apparent minta he did not mention at all whether he knew anything about her or her circumstances ruth could not determine for it did not seem to her wise to break the ominous silence in which he chose to wrap himself his mention of seraph was always in the way of bitter regret had she been sent from home at once when she first began to cough all might have been well had there been somebody besides a deceiving idiot for a doctor they might have known in time what was feared and prevented it had seraph been properly guarded from exposure she need never have taken such an alarming cold he did not know of course how could men be expected to keep guard over these things it was the woman's place girls were careless of course they always were it was mothers who watched if and it was about at such a point that he usually had the grace to stop ruth often wondered whether had he continued he would have said if the girls had only had a mother but she was very pitiful toward him she had some realization of what it must be for a father to lose the suddenly and thus painfully the hold which he thought he had on to who were his own as often as she looked at earth skin she shuttered over the possibilities which the future might hold in shadow waiting for her then to she realized that the bright side to these heavy clouds her husband did not see at all it seemed an infinite pity that he could not at least at times absorb himself as she could in the wonder of the thought that seraph burnham was today singing among the angels she had been gone only a few weeks yet how much she must already know about those things of which her father was totally ignorant and concerning which ruth herself could only vaguely conjecture yet the conjecturing screw daily more interesting to her and in the leisure which had come upon her she found herself reading and studying much about the possibilities of that other world which because of the experiences in seraph's room had come near to her she collated in logical order all the words which the bible has to offer in regard to it and was as many other christian has been delighted to find that the grand old book told so much and amazed to think that she had not long ago learned all it could tell on such an absorbing subject as the weeks past and she still remained in uncertainty as to how to use her leisure this method of exhaustive bible study grew into a fixed habit day after day she was occupied in familiarizing herself with proof texts in regard to this or that doctrine or duty and in so arranging and illuminating them with incident or story that urskine would be interested in helped if he had but known it these were growing days for urskine he delighted in being with his mother in her having once more abundant leisure for his needs and it mattered very little to him how she planned to have the leisure occupied so long as he could share it with her so the golden head and the mature one were often and often bent over the large and elegantly illustrated family bible and the two drank in wisdom together urskine will never be puzzled as to the right or wrong of many questions which have disturbed me ruth said to herself with infinite satisfaction he will have a clearly defined thus sayeth the lord to settle them for him meantime the ladies of the temperance union were watching mrs. bernum with no little anxiety the brilliant career which they had marked out for her and which had been so signally commenced had been arrested you will remember almost immediately thereafter the ladies thought that her public work had been held in check only by the series of providential circumstances which had followed each other in her home but ruth knew even as you and i do that had not these startling experiences come into her life her career so far at least as regarded the public meetings would doubtless have suddenly closed it was one of the questions which perplexed her now how far she was justified in letting her husband's prejudices hold her back from work which she knew she would enjoy and in which the lord had given her a signal token of his approval she held the ladies at bay and held her own decision in the background while she tried to study with unprejudiced mind the entire subject the ladies were very hard to answer they were important it my dear mrs. bernum why will you not come next sunday and help us you cannot think how we have missed you there are so very few of us you know to bear burdens of this sort there are plenty who are willing to give money and time to carry around petitions to distribute literature and to serve on social committees but when it comes to speaking a few words to the poor fellows about their souls or even to leading in prayer the only answer we can be sure of is i pray thee have me excused i don't understand why it is would mrs. steward bacon conclude with a weary sigh and then after a moment return to the charge and dear mrs. bernum since that first Sabbath when you helped us so grandly we have been depending on you of course we did not expect you while family cares and afflictions were resting so heavily on you but now that the lord has taken those duties out of your hands it was very hard for mrs. bernum in the face of such appeals to make answer to the effect that urskine needed her or that judge bernum who was nearly always at home on Sabbath after noon's would be lonely if she should leave him for an hour she knew such words must sound painfully trivial to women at work among souls who were in immediate and desperate need the very fact that she was giving reasons which were not after all the real ones made this truthful woman wince and stammer and feel and appear ill at ease and the ladies went away pained and puzzled and the weeks went on and the summer waned and another autumn was nearly upon them without there having been any definite settlement in this christian woman's mind as to what work she would do for her king not that she was idle it had been to her a summer of study certainly she was furnishing her brain for some encounter with error and because of her connection with and interest in the woman's christian temperance union her studies had almost without plan on her part developed in that direction she had gone into the hall on that Sabbath afternoon with no very clear idea as to what she thought in regard to the political or indeed any other working aspect of the temperance question had she been asked that day what she thought of high license or of no license at all or whether she believed prohibition would prohibit or whether she thought constitutional prohibition was feasible she would only have replied in vague general ways that she never wanted her boy to touch or taste or handle alcohol in any form and that if we were really to love our neighbors as ourselves she was in duty bound to make that same stand for other boys thus much she knew even in her ignorance but on that September afternoon as she sat with the evening paper in her hand and her fine face aglow with a feeling very like contempt for the astute member of congress who had written a remarkable article on the folly of the proposed temperance movement she said aloud speaking urskine thought to him since he was the only other occupant of the room what utter illogical nauseating nonsense i'd like to reply to that man what has he said mama why some false and silly things against the temperance movement and against the temperance workers urskine they are so silly that they could be very easily answered by one who was thoroughly posted as defacts and yet they have such assemblance of truth that they will help to lead astray many who have not studied facts she was not trying to make the little boy understand she was simply thinking aloud as she so often did during these months of comparative solitude but the boy being so constantly with his mother and sharing in a degree all her studies and all her interests had come to understand much better than even this mother knew what suggested to his wise little heart the next remark mama how do you know but god wants you to stand up in a big church or somewhere and explain all about it to people who have not studied facts the rich blood glowed over the mother's face in an instant was the thought somewhat like a revelation to her heart did god want her to do anything like this but what would judge bernum say to work of such a character even in its meekest developments don't you think he may want you to do it mama do you think ladies ought to do such work urskine she did not know why she said it she laughed at herself for her folly even while she spoke what should the baby know about such questions why not mama if god wanted them to wouldn't a true lady do anything for god certainly this was high ground could she with all her added years and wisdom hope to reach higher nay was she really prepared to reach so high she went back instantly to the old painful query what would her husband say i'll tell you what god wants she said speaking with sudden fervor he wants and i want more than anything else in this world to have papa give himself to christ if we could only have that urskine why yes said urskine speaking with slow gravity apparently surprised at her sudden fervor i know that and i speak to god about it all the time and he knows we want it most but then he wants us to think about the next most too doesn't he and from that hour ruth tried with a new energy to come to a decision as to what her next most ought to be end of chapter 24 recording by trisha g