 may find yourself denying the possibility that you're autistic just because you don't want to face it, you might find yourself quite angry at yourself for not picking up, your parents for not picking up, the school for not picking up, the people in your life for treating you badly when you're different. It could be a lot of anger there, it could be bargaining, be thinking okay well maybe I'm just a different person, I'm not autistic and you could be thinking about all the different ways that you could try and explain your behaviour which isn't autism. You can go through depression, you can feel sad about things, like your world has collapsed and the things that you've experienced in life had been pretty grand injustices done upon yourself. That can fill you with a lot of depression and make you feel really sad about the state of the medical system that they just didn't pick up on you, that they didn't catch you and get you at a point in your life where you could have integrated this part of yourself into your identity.