 The following is a clip from my popular YouTube livestreams answering your questions. If you're brand new to my channel, don't forget to hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time this video resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love, and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions. By no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. All right, take it away, Jonathan. You know, it's interesting. I've been thinking about something a lot today, and I'm wondering if you're experiencing this, if you're a woman experiencing this. And that is men who tend to come on strong. They seem to promise the world very early on in the dating process. I mean, and a lot of this is done on the telephone to begin the process, and then when you physically meet one another. And there's just this intense connection between the two of you. And a man might, like I said, promise the world, make so many promises of seeing you in your future, telling you that you're unlike anyone else in their life. And after a little while, you might begin to believe this. And if this happens enough time, or let me, well, let me come back to this particular situation. And then all of a sudden, you two are physically intimate with one another. And then when he's, you know, you could have spent a weekend together because it's a long distance dynamic, or it could have been something even close by. And then you notice that he starts to pull back. He starts to pull away. And I'm noticing this, I'm noticing this a lot from the women who are reaching out to me for advice, for my private coaching and whatnot. And I, and they've been told that the advice that women have been told by other women is to do the no contact rule by not contacting him when he pulls away to create some tension so he misses you. And I understand why that might be the case, you know, this idea of no contact. But I want you to think about something. He's just done no contact to you. How does that feel? How does that feel when you, someone that you thought you could potentially share a life with someone you thought that you were actually getting to know one another? You really thought this was building something together. And then all of a sudden, their contact begins to diminish. And what you're being told is to do the exact same thing. And I can understand why you're being told to do that. Now part of the problem with that narrative of being told to do that is that this idea that he's going to all of a sudden magically miss you. He's like, he's just going to magically miss you. And what you have to recognize is that the reason why this happened and why this doesn't actually work in the long run, I'm going to share with you in a second. The reason why he came on strong. And I know you've been told over and over again, this is love bombing. And it's part of a narcissistic plan to hook you. OK? And yet the average guy can do the exact same thing. Because what's happening to men is that when we feel extreme infatuation for someone, that's actually known as limerence, limerence. In other words, it's extreme infatuation. And this happens when the chemical cocktail of chemistry, physical attraction mixes together. And a lot of chemicals get released from the brain into the body that says, get this girl, get this girl, or excuse me, get this woman, get this woman, get this woman. I mean, literally, that's what's happening. And then the minute there's any sexual tension involved, that actually turns the limerence to lust, which means that we have to physically conquer you. This is why I know when you've heard this narrative over and over that men are the hunters and they're supposed to chase you. Do you think men are actually thinking like this? I'm chasing a relationship. I'm hunting a relationship. Do you think men actually think along those lines? No. It's because what's being hunted or chased in that moment is that physical conquest. And what happens is when that physical conquest happens, all of a sudden the chemicals literally get flushed out of our body like we just took a shit in the bathroom. I know that sounded graphic. I know that sounded gross. And yet that's literally what happens is literally there's an excavation. I'm trying to think of the word when you flush something. Someone tell me what that is. But literally all those chemicals are released. And what's left is the deer in the headlight because all of a sudden he's going, oh my god, I made subconsciously. This is happening on the inside. Oh my god, I made all these promises to this woman. Now I have to retreat. So the pendulum went all the way this way. And what he's doing is he's got to bring the pendulum over here just so he can get back to center. And you're being told to do the exact same thing. And by the way, you're also being told just go live your fabulous life because if you're living your fabulous life, he's going to want to claim you again. Do you know why this narrative doesn't work in the long run? And that's why the book The Rules is a piece of crap that suggests to women to use game playing techniques like playing hard to get. All that does is get the emotionally unhealthy person to come back. And what causes a man to vomit all of this in the beginning is an emotionally unhealthy person is chasing what he's not even sure what he's chasing. He's just feeling that chemical reaction because he doesn't actually have a real sense of how his emotions operate. So this whole no contact rule isn't going to work. And I want to invite you to look at this from a different perspective because this is what's going to make a relationship work in the long run. That's what I'm about to share. And that is actually when there's two people that are at least marginally attractive to one another. And I say marginally. In other words, it's more than 50%, but it's not like through the roof attracted to one another. OK, I said marginally, fairly attracted to one another. This is the time to build the friendship along with the physical connection. And what I mean by physical connection is holding hands and kissing one another and being affectionate with one another. It's touching one another, but not going down the sexual path. Because what's going to make him really hooked into you, so you never have to worry about using this no contact rule because it doesn't work anyway, is to actually build the friendship with each other, to build the friendship with each other. And how is that going to happen? It's going to happen through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends. And then when you've gotten to know each other pretty well, then you go on a trip together to see how you might handle some of the conflicts that can happen in a trip. But Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship, and I can't do that. Yeah, it's really hard to build that friendship over the phone because all it is is a chemical reaction happening over the phone and not an actual bonding action. So for a relationship to actually build some deep roots of trust, first off, right off the bat, you're going to need about 100 hours of face to face time together just to build that first layer of trust. And I don't mean a 24 hours, three days in a row, 24 hours, that doesn't count. I'm talking about in bits and pieces at the max, 10 hours in any given day, but probably somewhere between two and six. And do this over a period of time. Even Steve Harvey, who wrote the book, act like a lady, thinks like a man, suggests to women waiting 90 days to be physically intimate with one another. I'm saying put in at least eight hour, or excuse me, 100 hours of face to face time, or what you can do is read the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman before that penis ever gets to go inside that vagina because that's going to determine if the guy is really genuinely serious about something or he's in it for the short run. Because ultimately, if you want to build that kind of relationship where you don't have to worry about no contact or anything, then you're going to have to build it from the roots. And folks, men aren't thinking about this. They're not. Men of the gas, you are the brakes. You are the emotional container of the relationship. And by setting your standards right from the get go, and I have to tell you, I have so many women now using this. They're using this book before they have sex and it's working wonders. I'm getting email after email after email. Not to mention all the clients I've been calling me lately. I mean, I've had one marriage, two engagements and four, five now, just in the last three weeks of clients who told me they're in a fully committed relationship. By the way, there's a link below that's a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. So if you want to change the narrative, then recognize that building trust through friendship and trust means I care about your feelings as, excuse me, he cares about your feelings as much as you care about your feelings and he has your back. That's what's going to take the relationship to the next level when you build that level of trust. And if you haven't built trust before sex, you have a good chance of having it implode.