 uppercut uppercut left hook bang out cold but how was I tonight she's 14 years old dude I'm I don't want to say what after 14 years old dude I have a full blown anyway Michael has an erection welcome to episode number 32 I'm a fat fucking cunt dude have you guys who can watch this at the moment notice the weight we've gained I'm a fat fucking cunt and more on that uh over to you Michael oh yeah can you comment below you can tell that we are we look fat now comment what you think our weight is it's send us send us something in the mail I play with the creases constantly it's hard to not be playing with the creases at the moment every time I sit down it's just like a fucking bakery there last Monday um we went camping with show me and his brothers and um Michael uh things got fucked we got fucked and sloshed like I got ruined sloppy sloshed and um Michael passed out and we got a pretty funny video out of it you can still see the effects of it right now some of the tan the fake but that's all we're giving away it's stays on page that's it that's all we're talking about for those who can't see because you're listening on Spotify when you get a chance head over to YouTube because we've got some Stephen Hawking masks that um Michael's girlfriend has got for us so we're gonna start wearing these indefinitely because we are him yeah just a lot of people often make that mistake anyway that would they think that we are Stephen Hawking I remember the day he died I yeah Stephen Hawking's because we became two so that's why there's an S on his last one now he's a plural but the day he died I could feel me becoming him like it wasn't Michael anymore I was Stephen Hawking's especially when we've had so much MDMA that we can't really walk around we basically are exactly like Stephen Hawking's I become exactly like it yeah my face it's fucking disgusting oh it's beautiful he did good shit it's like it's sort of weak yeah it's beautiful but to look at it's fucking disgusting disco dancing um also um what else has been happening man on the weekend I had a kids party and it was my first kids party and yes it was fun thank you for asking didn't you get married didn't you yeah yeah we had a couple of drinks I didn't piss the bed over the weekend wow and now i had a good time you did cocaine no I didn't yes you did on Friday night you did it I ordered it for you I got you cocaine and you paid for it remember I was leaving with Meneagan you just rocked up you had to go get cash out of the ATM because he was around in the area and you fucking came don't fucking you bought cocaine on Friday and you consumed most of it that night no comments oh my god I'm fucking coming right now all right and that's probably shit well anything else has been happening we've been trying to film a video lately hopefully we get it done this week it's a science experiment vid where we've been trying to catch every single club or every golf golf clubs we have to hit the ball as far as we can and the other one has to catch it and then we go on our full upper club size and we're nearly done our hands were so fucked we've been filming this fucking video for days it's so hard to do that Michael's like fucking 250 meters away and you can't even see the ball coming until like right the last second you have to try and catch it on the fly it's fucking horrible we're up to the wood and the driver because they're they go so far and it's more instead of like an up and down motion it just comes at you through the air straight through you and then it fucking hits your hand and you can't help but let go of the ball because it's so painful it's terrifying to stick your hand in it's trajectory like you have to just block that out and try and catch it it's no one's ever done it before it's nearly impossible but we are going to fucking finish that video this Thursday shut up yeah and once that's done just to tick off the bucket list and we can then say that we caught a driver we caught a driver who was drunk in the air rear we are neighborhood watch 3000 fucking disgusting Stephen Hawkins is a fucking mess don't talk about our fucking idol i think we've surpassed him now in many ways our research has educated millions his is forgotten about i'm in a chair shit holy shit dude oh oh okay i think that brings us to our next segment thumbs into my eyes we apologize for how shit the quality of sound was before the first seven minutes or whatever it was um we there was a little error with the mics from matt from wholesome has uh he's uh he's he's gone and done a mischief there but um so this might be why it sounds a little weird for the first seven minutes but fucking hell man it's fine now and it's for free so deal with it don't hmm our next segment has been renamed to i like the ending um pine is one of my favorite words okay this segment is where we ask questions get questions asked human fans human from instagram checking dm so let's fucking rock and roll and answer them bitch fucking bitch you are fucking cunt did you actually spit yeah all over your back there's another one have another i have a third you fucking dog god that sounds real all right this one's from balls billy big if you were to eat a person which part of the body would you start with i'd start with the breasts i'd start with the inner thigh that would be a tender cut him yeah you just then you could just rip it off or the cheeks i'm tempted in general like the cheeks on the face oh yeah yeah i can see that that'd be a tender little cut even the calf muscle yeah cheeks maybe like up if the ribs no you get cut the rib cage out saw the fucking straight down the stern flings up and put that in the oven bum cheek bum cheek or inner thigh for me oh probably yeah inner thigh because it's yeah inner thigh the foot muscles no foot muscles the who the shoulders the neck muscles you've got your uubulus your uubulus connects down to the upper dorsum as tracks and then that fires down into the coral coral k and then that just puts that there so a bit of anatomy for everyone yeah i'd love a bit of breast yeah breast breast arse or thigh yeah or the fucking the bloody middle of the back there yeah middle of the back on the sides there yeah well there there you go that's for you balls billy big i hope you liked it next question is from is talia's life what did you guys do in high school for fun got the hammered and fucking played sport and bloody bloody yeah just played played silly buggers and just socialized a lot we um did a lot of drinking wasted a lot of time yeah tennis a lot of wasted time playing no not wasted time just kept us away yeah kept us away it's kept we'd both be dead without it but yeah goon goon became a thing cheap wine for the kids out there that want to get fucked up at parties and make sure you spend the least amount possible get goon which is like cheap sacked wine for other countries but in Australia it's called goon and you've got what four litres i think it's about 15 one no who knows how expensive it is now it's probably like 20 15 20 but that'll last you two nights we used to bully autistic boys no no we didn't we did we bullied them hard they cried a lot we did a lot of that for fun and we also um pushed people in the back whiplash we pushed them hard into brick walls some and said and said dickhead there's a brick wall there and then run a laugh run a laugh and they'd be bleeding from the eyes we got in trouble for that a lot lose teeth next questions from vaporac is jonah what is your favorite way to knock out a dairy cow this is for marty i guess uh usually gaining its trust a bit of grass in my hands and then as soon as it's within range i i bend down pretend i'm picking more grass and then thrust up with my legs push off the ground as hard as i can while delivering a flush uppercut underneath that's fucking chin and watching its head bounce back that's next snaps back and it just drops like a sack of shit well you're one of the people like in morocco is it or mongolia so they have a little competition if you want to be a man you've got to knock out the cow with one here and marty if you lived in mongolia you'd be a proper man i'd be the king i'd be the king of the mongs yeah because that's apparently a real thing you went there matt from wholesome matt did it matt brown from wholesome knocked cows out to prove he was a man and i'll fucking do it to but yeah that would be my favorite most efficient way is the old bend down and explode up delivering the hardest fastest uppercut you can directly underneath its chin and shattering all its fucking teeth together and its head snaps back and then it's instantly unconscious eyes roll on the back of its head and it doesn't kill it it just chaos it so it's fine just stuns it see there you go that's your question answered all right next one's from reagan himself and he's asked what has been each of yours most embarrassing and or regretful moment to this day keep up the cow fucking much love most embarrassing thing that's ever happened um fuck i already spoke about i'm pretty sure at the time my mom found me covered in shit in the bathroom and i tried to blame it on you yeah yeah that was pretty good age yeah the key is confidence kids don't ever be embarrassed or regretful yeah i can't really i don't i honestly just can't think of a standout embarrassing moment i think that part of me is dead a part of my brain is dead just hangs there lifeless and a blood pump and turd it's just a dead bit of a brain yeah that's really embarrassed embarrassment nod you all is and it's dead yeah it fell off no it's just dead no blood fly to rubber rubber band and i'm cut off the second life dead nod you will nod you all of brian hanging there that was good holy shit so for marty nothing and for me when my mom found me with shit all over me in the bathroom we shit everywhere all right next questions from jarrod underscore kina kin why are michael's toes so nasty because he's a we probably answered this ages ago he's ripped him off he's ripped him off a few times the toenails off and he's too lazy to put shoes on so he walks everywhere so the bottom of his feet it's called earthing the bottom of his feet yeah he pretends it's for health reasons but yeah i'm really spiritual man full spiritual can be fucked putting shoes on and the bottom of his feet looks like a fucking bark from a tree it's disgusting and okay think about it would you rather worry rather worry about your face or your feet i'd rather worry about my face sometimes both is okay but like feet no one sees your feet unless you've got millions of views and you never wear shoes but what you step on you step on needles you step on bindies it's prickles and oh yeah bindies yeah yeah they do so glass and glass doesn't affect me rocks rocks no it doesn't affect i've hardened my feet that well and like made them adapt to their environment so well that nothing can faze me step when i step on it step on poisonous jellyfish yeah i don't go to the ocean could step on a spider yeah there's none around me snakes yeah they that's rare that's rare and i'm willing to take that risk hot ground in summer i just don't care about toes walk on the road hot hot ground yeah actually the tar does burn sometimes but i could last longer than you yeah it's because your feet are made of bark can't yeah okay there you go jared all right this one's from morio f margarit margarit margarit i was trying to be a bit spanish then you did it well all right question for the podcast what was the craziest drug experience one time we did like four servings four doses of lsd and that got pretty fucking awesome that was really cool but you hated my crate would be dmt or salvia and we did um we've done some really really uh long mdma bingers and they they get quite dangerous and um yeah we spoke about that already so go back to a previous podcast to hear the mdma story but yeah dmt is the most intense thing i reckon you can do in your life and it will forever change your perspective and view on living and having a thumb forced up your ass is probably a drug well it releases the same uh serotonin yeah the same chemicals in your brain i haven't had it done but i've heard that if you shove your own thumb up your ass it can be very similar to um very euphoric feeling you can come from hitting your prostate instead of jerking off and you can come so aggressively that you actually come out one of your testicles it's happened before in uh peru i believe that happened to a man he thumbed his ass so well that when he ejaculated he ejaculated a testicle one of his testicles came out with the cord still connected obviously put it back oh like that's you just had to pluck it off the cord and put it in the bin so don't thumb your ass you're saying yes all right well if you do don't do it too aggressively Stephen Hawking's all right there you go next one's from Nathan Il Denvin Nathaniel Davin and he's asked all you guys how's Stephen he's here he's fucking his corpse is rotting in a coffin somewhere that's how Stephen is but no may his memory live on and thank god for his genius because he's passed it on to us and now we are the new Stephen Hawking's yeah add the s to it all right next one's from Oli underscore ingolosaw ingolosaw ingolosaw and he's asked have you ever played a sport in a team yes i used to play soccer as a kid i used to up did one season of nrl i did not do well at that sport and then tennis grabbed me at 12 and then i wasted six years um yes i used to play afl rugby league rugby union in high school um what other team sports have we done um we played indoor for a bit together yeah yeah we played some indoor soccer so uh yeah that went quite well indoor cricket have you ever done that yeah i'll look uh you know i've dabbled every now and then like we just we're just with some friends not a proper competition or anything um volleyball volleyball yeah volleyball is great i've done that we've played a lot of sports basically probably all of them bowling no you know it's painted too yeah my knee did it it's beautiful only one hand yeah that's so left wing man so bad it's full altar that's full alternative that's full native with altar all right jt home 203 shit shit how long did it take you guys to get noticed what i'm like as in as as children yeah that was a fair while wasn't it until uncle yeah fucking uncle bill the uncle's notice it's pretty early thumb in the bum uh took like four years yeah we're making videos for a while we even were on tv for a little bit but you know community tv so it doesn't really count but we're on tv we farm bloody uh yeah just making videos not getting anywhere we used to do some really fucked up shit on live streams and like we've cut half of them up since and posted them so if you go on our facebook page you'll see them and youtube like hitting golf balls into each other we used to get like superglue tack like thumb tacks to tennis balls and smash soccer balls and tech soccer balls and like kick them into each other fuck that that video ended early because jesus that would have been a massacre and we used to do this for like under like a couple hundred views like everyone all of our friends and family thought we were insane and we're like what the fuck's wrong with you you have a mental illness but we just kept fighting it and just kept going on and then now a lot of other friends from the past that text and saying hey dude how's it going let's catch up for a beer i love your vids so yeah four years and we only started getting those really maybe a year ago halfway through last year this one's from riss underscore 84 riss r i double s oh how's bozzi going can he make a guest appearance bozzi bozzi standing at the door at the moment he thinks there's someone come here bozzi come here he's worried about like someone at the door normally the police come here quite often come here good good boy right good good boy come he's too scared it's a bad idea maybe he's gonna he's just gonna he's gonna fucking destroy everything he's gonna panic i can see in his eyes he's great like he's doing fine like it's too hard he's a dog he doesn't talk um yeah he's very shy and he doesn't really like the camera but um yeah he's he's doing very well he's six years old now he's a great medic he's lying down he's a medic he's just lied down everyone he's just just then he's lying now all right last question is from james underscore wall bank if you could wedge if you could wedgie any historical figure who would you pick or just any famous person wedgie i'd probably wedgie um hitler or steven yeah i'd wedgie steven hawking so hard he wouldn't feel it so it'd be like okay we wouldn't hurt anyone he can definitely still feel things he's not well he gets sucked off he's not numb i think yeah yeah but um who else is there maybe um fruze willis jesus yeah be pretty funny to say wedgie jesus yeah i wedgie god oh the bundy bear oh the bundy rum bear hey that'd be good hey i fucking love that shit hey denis yeah denis fergusson the pedophile it'd be fun to wedgie him all right that's the segment for q and denis fergusson is the answer to that last question we decided yeah and then it's like we're doing the world of good and we get to feel him like he feels he feels people without them wanting it and we're gonna give that back to him with a wedgie a wedgie so hard that it splits his testicles yeah it like gives him three r-scracks breaks his lower spine i got an itchy eye i'm scratching it oh we're both saying the same thing that was weird yeah it's really itchy um all right that is the end of that segment which brings us to our next segment and um it has been renamed to and basically this is a segment oh that one was hard on the voice yeah dude that was loud a segment where we just tell talk about an old story an old story that's happened to us and we'll let you guys know like how fucking crazy shit is a fucking insane some of the shit we've seen and this one's pretty fucked this is this is um ways we've cockblocked mates in the past so we're not gonna name friends names because you know we don't want to do that matt brown but yeah we're not gonna name names matt brown so the first time that springs to mind is um um we knew our mate was was bringing a girl home to his house because so we had like a house but how old were we like probably like 20 yeah we were much this is like 10 years ago so we knew he was coming home where it doesn't matter we don't need to go into details because then people will figure out who it was yeah true um anyway we positioned ourselves next to the entrance the front door we pulled our pants down we got on all fours and we stretched our arse cheeks to the side we opened our as far as we fucking could like so yeah so ripped so on our knees head on the ground arse in the air pulling our cheeks apart and that is where we waited for our friend to come home with a girl that had never met us before so she walks in the first thing she sees is two gaping arseholes winking at her that's sexual assault in a way yeah yeah so um we sexually assaulted her what yeah but she still stayed and fucked him yeah well it got so he helped well it did get worse so they went to they went to the room or whatever and um michael quickly ducked off to the toilet and and took a shit in his uh in his hand and then um he's he our friend and the girl had gone to the lounge room now so and i was just sitting there in silence and i'd found a hammer so i was just sitting in the corner of the room with a hammer on my lap which would be it's you know it's probably pretty intimidating and she probably already thought that we were unstable because we showed her our arseholes so michael comes out with his shit in his hand into the lounge room and sits in front of the tv and puts the shit on the ground and then pretends like he's starts warming his hands on the shit pretending like it's a fire and just holding his hand you know how people like hit their hands on it and marty comes down next to me and goes yes thank you michael and starts doing exactly the same thing but the girl like she laughed laughed nervously and then and then our friend just took her to the room and they mate it they greeted another time so we'll talk about three times three different occasions there's another time it's pretty short this one uh same house different friend had a girl in his room and we put porn on in the lounge room and mat to the max volume like really aggressive violent rough sex porn we just we just pumped the volume as loud as we could it's like maybe we were helping out because then it's like they have to compete with it it's a mood and it would have yeah it would have made their sex more intense and more passionate it's like mood lighting so we were good friends that day yeah and then there was another time a third occasion when um these are just off the top of our heads we've done this many many times cockblock mates but this occasion a friend bored a girl home and michael had a guitar and uh the bedroom led to the lounge room and we were sitting in the lounge room and michael started um playing a song a titled she's just a hole oh dude not proud of that but like i was trying to make you guys laugh and laugh we did we laughed and laughed at how worthless you made her feel oh she still stayed yeah yeah she's and liked it and laughed and thought it was funny yeah all of the girls has happened to none of them have ever gotten angry and upset they thought it's all they know it's all ingest and they know that we're all just running around but yeah we've never successfully cockblocked a friend though we just make it some really awkward situations which is funny to us so he gets to fuck her and we get to have a laugh so it's a win-win and michael used to bring shit out to heaps of people that came over to his house and he just pretend like he didn't know what to do with it yeah get confused so like shit on my hand and then bring it out at parties what do i do with this like put in the toilet you idiot i knew he'd be doing it because i'd hear him giggling to himself in the toilet so i knew that he was doing that he'd be cracking up and then i knew what was gonna happen i think you should bring that back though that was some of my favorite jokes when you walk out with a shit in your hand it was i was like he'd give me giggling i'd bring it out and i'd be like showing all everyone at the party like what do i do with this shit in my hand like it's confusing and then marty would just hit it out of my hand and it would just smack on the wall and like everyone would run and scream we'd just get chaos in the party yeah mogul had to clean his own sheets off his walls oh wow so those are the some of the times that we um cockblocked i wish there was a good thing of some others though there have been so many yeah like half of our stories it's hard to fucking remember because we're just so fucked up we've done too many alcohols segment has been renamed to um slap a bitch by the heart slap a bitch hard and fuck it to death and this segment is oh yeah a bitch can be anything yeah well matt brown matt brown from wholesome comes up with ease all right so this segment is just where you guys comment like topics you want to talk about on the youtube video so this is last week's video uh matt brown no go the one before because then we'll use the one for last week for the next one if you feel that dog you're being a fucking cunt i need a piss and this is happening again 36 comments and they give us topics like it's sort of like q and a but you give us topics to talk about oh thank you marty i'm going to get you help you need the help you need buddy hang in there weirdest sexual experience boys um that time we had a gang bang with a group of lamas and there was a man flying a kite next door did you do that yeah we both did that marty please keep us updated on your health and test results um i don't know if we sort of half ass mentioned it last week ad pneumonia ad pneumonia and the livers struggling to keep a piss doesn't marty eat steak yes you're not drinking michael what's wrong that was on the one where we were worried you were gonna die is michael actually gay what would michael do if he was stuck in a room with marvel fans and car addicts i would leave that room some great questions here um can we have a podcast of marty purely talking about his love of cows is we can cut cut one together you fucking can't he's just gone and pissed on me i don't even fucking know i shouldn't know you will fucking quiet a bin just pissing a little bin bucket of piss i'm gonna swap it over later i'm gonna kick it swap it over oh i'm shitting michael oh no michael is satanic he's a devil worshipper i saw him at the i love satan convention in despachito he was the one worshipping the devil oh wow yeah someone saw you all right so there's no topics uh it's just lots of praise and some cool little questions remember if you want us to have conversations about topics don't ask questions just give us topics of things you'd be interested in us hearing but comment questions as well we'll probably start replying to some comments too we've been a bit slack on that were you and but yeah just comment whatever whatever you really want to all right we're going to head into the final segment of the evening which of course has been renamed basketball so this segment is just called basketball and basically this is just where we do prank calls for this week's prank call i will be ordering pieces and i will be pretending to be allergic to fucking everything and seeing how frustrated i can have flustered i can make the employee i'm gonna be allergic to everything the allergic to everything pizza order prank call hey um would i be able to make a um pickup order please yeah right so i've just got a few allergies so just bear with me but um do you do you guys do the uh vejurama pizza yeah do you guys have a is that is there any uh capsicum on that yeah would i just be able to get the rid of the capsicum that actually makes me um quite quite allergic to that sort of makes my back spasm a fair bit can so can we just remove the uh capsicum and um it just in your tomato sauce is there any um any tomato like actual tomato or is it just the flavor yeah right so would i be able to remove the um just the tomato uh sauce base there because if it's i got actual tomatoes in it i actually sort of swell up a bit my chest cavity every and so um take off the tomatoes and the tomato yeah yeah so no no tomatoes no tomato sauce is uh what what else is on the um on the vejurama exactly yeah yeah can we the mushrooms yeah well can we just can we get rid of that too that actually makes my uh hair fall out if i have too much mushroom is it what else is there uh any any uh what else is on there sorry and what about cheese is there any cheese yeah would i be able to just change that to uh you guys wouldn't have any um um cheese made out of like breast milk or anything or is it just oh damn it yeah bamboo fiber yeah it's so annoying i literally can't bloody eat anything it's so annoying but yeah i can't have the because if it's made if it's a vegan cheese made from bamboo fiber i actually start like like i physically like i start like i shut them down like i shut down so yeah we'll we'll just let's just remove the cheese um and uh completely um yeah so you guys don't have any other type of cheese you don't have any cheese made from uh human breast milk that's sort of the only really cheese i can have weird question okay ah sweet well what about um yeah the spinach is that uh organic spinach or is that um do you know or is it is it is it just normal spinach yeah look better be safe than sorry let's remove the um spinach because most of them unfortunately got a pesticide on them that uh makes me sort of just speak Spanish for like four hours i can really really weird allergy that one so what what what what else what's what do we got left on the pizza now shitty onion yeah is that is that onion that's pulled from the soil or is it just onion flavoring yeah right yeah well let's look listen let's just better be safe than sorry let's remove the onion um so what do we got what do we got left now i can't i can't i can't have i can't have any herbs just because it makes me go um pretty like bright red but do you guys have any salt hey mate how are you good thanks yeah i've got a few allergies few allergies uh do you guys have so so what are we left with at the moment there sorry right is that do you guys have gluten-free bases yes yeah can i get uh a gluten-free base and can i add some salt you guys this is this is discrimination against people with allergies or some shit we don't have time like this to waste shut up shut up a base with salt i wanted you to go yeah i can have the oregano but can i remove the bread so they give you just a satchel of oregano that's the first one that's actually said this is a prank call yeah wow holy shit maybe we've called them before as well we're running out of stores hey all right guys uh that is the end of episode number 32 uh don't forget to fucking tell everyone you said them like i swear last week you said don't tell anyone and no one did and now we're fucked because no one watches it anymore we're the best we're the best we're the best we're the best we're the best we're the best i bst bst