 Yeah, I mean I could I could relate to that. I could see why a lot of the mystics and saints would go off into Into caves or live in the woods or whatever because once you start to peel away some of the Distractions and you start to really start to face the emotions. They're very very intense and one of the emotions you face is rage really intense rage and Once again, I would say that it's not really It's truly not our rage It's the ego's rage the ego is raging at God and as long as we identify with the ego we experience its feelings So it's not like we're raging beings, you know We were created in love and we're very loving we're a loving spiritual being but when we Misidentify with the ego we go through its feelings. So I Mean I went through some experiences as I started to let that the rage and the anger and the hatred come up Some of you might have seen that movie John Travolta was was in it called phenomenon Where at one point? He's just getting it so in touch with his psychic abilities You know like psycho kinesis and different things where you can move a pen around and this and that But you might remember that one scene where he goes in to this kind of like a bar and He's got so much anger that it just cracks The mirror behind the bar and it scares everybody, you know, it's one thing to get angry But it's another thing to have your anger Like seeming cracking mirrors and stuff like that and I remember that that started I had different experiences like that happening to me like like Like a like a windshield cracking when I was really angry And things like that as well where it was pretty direct About the power of the mind and and all this anger and rage coming up So that's why I kind of went off into more of a I call hermitage experience To actually allow that rage and that anger to come up and to actually face it and Yeah, I went off to several different houses at different time periods just to let that come up you know a lot of times they'll say get it out like supposed to you know do primal scream or Get the old bataka sticks and Start to go beat on things and this and that I found that you know Initially that could have some kind of a value in a symbol of allowing yourself to express But but that I really had to let all that come up And I really felt for myself that I really didn't want to be around people While that was happening That that could be misinterpreted You know they might come with the with the white jackets Go he's lost it You know, I considered it was essential for my healing. You know, I thought this could be grossly misinterpreted As if I'm really angry at somebody when it was more just getting in touch with it and allowing it to come up And I would say that I I felt like I was in a lot of denial and repression Like when I was in high school and I would look Look at the yearbook when I would see the face of David I would kind of see these half half asleep eyes That you know, you can almost read the face. It was like I don't like this world If there's nothing appealing about this world. It's kind of depressing. I don't want to be anything when I grow up Nothing and it had that kind of a look on it and I just didn't know where to go with that But it but I finally realized that there was a lot of denial and repression that had to be kind of removed So that I could feel my feelings Like for example, when I go to South America and I've been there quite a few times You know, they have the stereotypes of the male the macho macho man Macho man, it doesn't really help you spiritually when you're not in touch with your emotions It's really you're you're not very Open at all and and so a lot of the women down in South America That was a problem for them because they were opening spiritually and their partners were too afraid so they were playing out the strong silent type or the Emotionally repressed type and they were like this isn't working. They had to go to course groups and Talk with other women to continue their journeys and I think for myself. It was the same way. So in answer to your question, I I did go on these hermitage experiences and I felt like the trees and The rocks and the soil could handle my anger better than people at That point and so that's why I think that's why I went that route Later on I you know, I would use relationships, but but with all that rage It just didn't feel the most helpful thing to to try to be around people when I was going through that phase