 One of the most popular titles in the YouTube universe with respects to relationship happens to be how to get a man to miss you, how to make a man miss you. So I thought this would be an interesting conversation to have because today I am quite bit missing my beloved, my girlfriend, my partner I should say and I say this because she's been away on a trip for the last few days visiting her children and I genuinely miss her right now. She didn't have to make anything, she didn't have to do anything to make me miss her because she's physically back in Chicago with her family visiting her grandchildren so naturally I miss her and actually two weeks prior to that I was on a boys trip with some of my dearest friends celebrating a big birthday. We did a fishing trip in St. Thomas St. John's Virgin Islands and we were also apart and I missed her as well. Now that's not what I'm going to talk about today that kind of missing someone because that's genuinely being physically apart from them and I guess I guess the whole point of missing someone is you are physically apart however you can actually be in relationship physically together and actually be missing someone because they're literally gone from the relationship and that's not what I'm going to talk about as well. So I think this is an interesting conversation because I don't first off let me just say this I don't like the idea of making someone do anything. Okay let me repeat I don't like the idea of making someone miss you. What I want to lean into is something deeper in this conversation and yet when I started this broadcast I talked about how the YouTube universe has all these videos designed to give the appearance of creating an emotion within your partner that makes them miss you and want to come towards you to make them basically it's not even missing you it's making them want to come towards you and I think that's very unhealthy advice if you follow this because it's playing games playing games and I want to give you some example of these games before I lean into the more important conversation because it's not about making a man miss you more importantly it's about making the man or woman genuinely appreciate you that's right genuinely appreciate you because what I'm experiencing right now with my girlfriend my partner my beloved being gone right now is I really appreciate our relationship I really appreciate our relationship I'm so grateful that we are we are forging a partnership together that we're creating a relationship together and repeat that that we're co-creating a relationship together now we're living together and within that context of living together we're doing things as a team and I want to share with you towards the end of this broadcast of how we got there because ultimately it's not about making a man miss you it's about experiencing a relationship of mutual appreciation and mutual gratitude is this sinking in is this resonating with you please let me know if it is hit that like button please share this video or subscribe to my channel because ladies we are in a sea of dysfunctionality right now in particularly in the relationship realm and I think part of the problem with that is because these days we're meeting total strangers meeting total strangers once you think about this for a moment look kind of think back you know everyone loves the idea of I want a traditional relationship well if you go back to traditional times let's go back to the 1950s or prior to the 1950s here in the United States most of the time when two people met they met in the same town they lived in they knew each other's families they knew each other's friends there was a sense of community a sense of tribe and because of that most likely you also shared the same values with that person your lifestyles were blendable with one another and that is a huge head start in relationship when you when you have this I was about to say grand familiarity but this strong familiarity for this person because you shared the same friends you should your family members knew each other and in that tribe if you will there was tribe accountability and what I mean to say is you know I jokingly say I'm your big brother if I could be there on a first date for you I'd be out there with the shotgun pointed at the guy's face saying what's your intentions with my sister well there's a level of accountability when when the big brother knows the kid is about to date his sister and like the little kid who's dating the sister is going oh wait a minute if I do something stupid he might shoot a gun at me or he might beat me up well there's no accountability today in the dating process because as I said before we're meeting total strangers in addition the barrier to end the end barrier the barrier to entry for sex is incredibly low you know it used to be a man had to make the ultimate commitment to a woman to get sex it used to be if you want to get laid you have to get married and now all a man has to do is take you out to a few dinners and then he can do what's called relationship talk he can claim he wants a relationship and many women will just naturally will just vault I don't I want to be mindful of my words here they'll acquiesce to sex to someone that they barely know and once you think about this it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time to build the first layer of trust that's right it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time sadly many of you are spending most your time on the these devices connecting with someone oh I just got a good morning text from my beloved while she's out while she's away that's so sweet of her I'm going to respond to her as soon as we finish this video by the way ladies you can initiate text messages I will tell you my sweetheart is usually the first one to initiate the good morning texts when we're apart from one another and I really appreciate them so coming back to decide this this conversation about acquiescing to sex what I mean to say is your idea of relationship might be this and his idea of relationship might be this but you're hearing the word he wants a relationship he wants something committed he wants to get married but what does that look like for him if he hasn't contemplated what does a relationship look like for him it might be you might be mismatched and then you're traveling around you're traveling in this way and he's traveling this way you're traveling this way and then you're so far apart that the relationship ends and then you're going to play these manipulative games that you're taught from many of these youtubers out there which I'm about to share with you that goes nowhere because short-term manipulation to make a man miss you might temporarily work and yet it won't work for the long run so you know and this is the game playing you know things like let him take the initiative I just shared with you my girlfriend just texted me she took the initiative in the conversation but let him take the initiative folks a healthy relationship is two people traveling down the road at the same speed making mutual investment you he text you you text him you text him he text you that is a healthier way to approach a relationship number two don't let him think he has you too soon okay I understand that but in a healthy relationship that there's it's not who falls in love first per se whether it's the man or woman what's more important is not being excessive when when there's a mismatch the member I talked about the two lane street it's about investment you're making an investment in effort he's making an investment in effort it should it shouldn't look like you're making all the investment I agree with that but don't do it out of out of some sort of manipulation do it out of a place of of self-restraint and more importantly self-control in the sense is you know a relationship is both logical and emotional and yet sadly for many women they hyper focus on the emotional side and men tend to hyper focus on the logical side it's one of the reasons why you know men women tend to be emotional emotional women tend men tend to be logical women tend to be emotional and that space in between do you know what that's called drama and it's oftentimes the women initiating the drama because they're wanting the man to come over to the emotional side and the man wants you to become more in the logical so so again mutual investment number three don't say yes to him every time look at I understand the logic behind this advice but you know with my girlfriend I I said look do you want to go to the movies yes you want to go to a restaurant yes do you want to go do this yes now we happen to be in each other's orbit at that moment and it just naturally said yes I don't believe playing hard to get works from a long-term perspective it might work from a short-term perspective okay make him feel like he can't live without you how the hell do you do that I mean is it do you pay all his bills and then he can't live without you is that the way to make him you know I again a healthy relationship you know one things I'm going to preface right now if you haven't read the book how to make love all the time by Barbara DeAngelis I highly recommend this book because if you really want to create that kind of relationship where you can't live without each other then use the tools and the advice in this book to create the type of relationship where he's going to genuinely appreciate you just like I appreciate appreciate my sweetheart there's a picture of her right there that's actually a picture from our first date and I'll lean into that a little bit more in a second make time make the time spending together amazing so he wants to be around you well I believe both people should be doing that both men and women equally should be creating an environment where it's so much fun to be with each other that you genuinely feel this level as I say not loneliness when you're apart genuine appreciation when you're apart and it goes on to say one more thing make him miss you by not contacting him okay again gameplay look folks I know many of you are trapped I use the word trapped in a emotional cycle with somebody who's long distance for example okay by the way my coffee mug says I make the world go around what do you do I love these that's all mugs you're trapped in emotional relationships especially long distance or even possibly trauma bonds with relationships folks if you haven't initiated the inner work if you haven't initiated that inner work so you can show up with strong relationship skills oftentimes you gravitate to other dysfunctional people and when two dysfunctional people are operating in relationship it's a constant struggle it's a constant drama within the relationship because you haven't done the inner work to heal one another this is why by the way all the books I recommend below one of the books I recommend is the Hoffman process this is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas so you can actually avoid getting trapped in these both trauma or emotional relationships with people who are incapable of being in relationship folks if you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart roughly and this is not a fact it's merely opinion I believe roughly 20 of the population has clinical emotional or or or weak relationship skills I mean we're talking about dysfunctionality here for severe dysfunctionality and while I say 20 of the population is relatively healthy most everyone is in the dysfunctional range and wait there's an 80 chance you're going to meet someone who has terrible relationship skills and it's quite possible and I know you all every single woman thinks every human being believes their own delusion that they're good at this stuff I can tell you people who are even good at it like myself still find themselves feeling very dysfunctional so that many are so blind men and women alike that they enter into dysfunctional relationships because they haven't healed within themselves and my invitation for you is to heal this is why I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work so you can actually and by the way all the teachings in the back of the book I highly recommend that check out that list these are great resources to come at it from a healthy emotional strong relationship skills way because what's going to make a man miss you or more importantly what's going to create a relationship where you genuinely appreciate each other folks were you genuinely care I want to say this is missing or it's missing like this true appreciation comes from emotional intimacy that's right emotional intimacy when I talked about the Barbara DeAngelis book I'm talking about it because it's a vehicle to create emotional intimacy and if you need some greater understanding of emotional intimacy I highly recommend checking out Robert Masters book emotional intimacy now this is a thick book it was a lot of cut oh there's a picture in here haha or there's a card in here one of the chapters I was I was reading the chapter on guilt a stalemate parent child bind understanding emotions helps prepare you to be in a relationship where there is strong emotional intimacy because through strong emotional intimacy can two people actually generate that kind of loving feeling for one another where they genuinely appreciate each other and feel gratitude because ultimately this isn't about the the longing for someone this is about creating a relationship where you're truly feeling that sense of of connection of belonging of appreciation and gratitude not the emotional vacuum that happens when you miss someone and thankfully even though my girlfriend and I are plugged right now I don't feel a disconnect because I know we have this strong emotional connection with each other now one of the things we do in our relationship is we do couples workshops but we do she and I do once a month an individual workshop of actually practicing our communication skills and if you haven't read this book I hear you by Michael Sorenson the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships I love this book because it gives you the skills the tools to communicate in a way that actually lands on one another for a healthy happy relationship folks I know you know I'm a dating relationship coach and I I'm not here to sell you on some big gigantic program I'm here to help you choose better partners in fact that's my whole coaching program if you need help with that check out the link below to a free discovery call in the comments and in the description I teach you which questions to ask someone to determine if they're genuinely a good fit for you and why I'm bringing this up is learning effective communication skills one of the skills I teach in my private coaching is radical honesty pre-qualifying your prospect and also if you're in relationship with someone how to shift the narrative from where it is at today to something much stronger and I can help you with that and these books I recommend can help you with that as well and lastly what I want to lean into the last few moments is the book the five love languages when you can actually speak to each other if you haven't read this book by Gary Chapman I highly recommend it get the link below if you want to create that emotional bond with each other that gets your relationship to a surface relation this would be the surface and this would be deeper if you want to get to that deeper level then I highly recommend checking out all these books because ultimately surface level relationships you can play the games listed here you can play these games listed here or you can and all the game playing the world will will only work temporarily ultimately a strong bond with another human being comes through emotional intimacy and through emotional intimacy can you find being with a partner who genuinely genuinely appreciate you and feels gratitude in fact I want to say this one last thing before I wrap up I want you to use this going forward instead of saying thank you going forward use the words I appreciate that in fact if you appreciate this video say Jonathan I appreciate that and add the word gratitude or grateful I'm very grateful for this video for example I'm very I feel a sense of gratitude that you're in my life substitute the words thank you for appreciation gratitude and grateful because they're very powerful words that help create intimacy with one another and that's my invitation for you today is this sinking in is this resonating please let me know please post a comment below please hit that like button please share this video please subscribe to my channel please hit the bell look at the description below for all that I recommend including private coaching or my group what's called midlife of mastery where you get direct access to me on a regular basis for merely $20 a month check out the links below yeah I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic shot the bar of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pen a teddy bear a pillow and give either them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives and lastly missing you bye