 The narcissist is about to do this, narcissists can be very unpredictable, they can change suddenly and without reason, which can leave you feeling unsafe because you never know what they're going to do next. But there is a way to develop some certainty around a narcissist, even after they have discarded you because at some point they're going to come back, they're going to hoover you and you need to be ready, you need to be prepared for it. The way in which you respond to the narcissist's hoover will determine how they're going to act in the future. Many of you choose to provide them with amusement and entertainment, you choose to give them attention and consideration, you respond to their texts, you answer their phone calls. When the narcissist is just checking to see if you're still interested in them, they check to see how you feel about them and there's really only one way they can do that, there's really only one way that they can know how you feel and that is by coming back to you so that they can judge your feelings and opinions before they take further action because their actions are based on your reaction to them. If you react, they know they've still got you in the palm of their hands, they know they have complete control over you, they know they're going to be able to make you do anything they want because if you get angry or upset, they're going to know exactly how you're feeling, they're going to know that they've got you, even if you tell them you don't want to speak to them again, it's still showing them that you're affected by what they've done to you so they see it as though they just need to give you more time and then you're going to calm down, then you're going to be more open to talking to them but if you don't react to the narcissist and you take the time to heal then you're not going to be so easily upset by them because many of you are angry, hurt and resentful due to your bad experiences and unjust treatment, it's changed you so if they come back and you get mad they will just see it as though they need to give you more time because your anger tells them that you're still emotionally invested in them, it tells them you still care but if they Hoover you and you ignore them, you don't give them a reaction, you don't get angry, you don't talk to them about anything they've done then they don't know how you feel about them, they might assume that you're distracted by something else or that you've moved on so then they will continue to Hoover you because they want to see what it is that has your attention because now you're ignoring them, you're not responding to them in the way that you did before so they're trying to figure out what is going on in your life because they realize that something has changed, they studied you, they learned you, they know how you typically act or respond, they know how you move, they know what distinguishes you as an individual so when they see you acting different it interrupts and confuses them so they have to try to get your attention to have a clear understanding of your feelings and opinions but if you don't respond to them they're not going to know anything about it so they're going to assume that you're done, they're going to assume that you've moved on which is why it's so important to stay no contact with the narcissist to show them that they're not important to you anymore by not responding to them because they will come back, they will make several attempts to contact you but eventually they're going to figure it out when they don't get a response from you, you can determine what the narcissist is going to do next, your response will determine what they're going to do if you make it difficult for them they're going to give up eventually they're not going to fight for you they're not going to fight for anything because they never really cared about you anyway they only cared about themselves if you show them that it's not going to be easy to sway or influence you they will back away their next move is determined by what you do it's determined by how you respond to them if you continue to respond to them it's not going to work they're going to think you're weak they're going to think they can come back which is why you should not react to them you need to stay in control of your emotions because if you're not in control of yourself they're going to be in control of you even if you're mad that still tells them they're relevant to you so don't show or express any strong feelings you have to act unconcerned because when they know that they can no longer affect you they know they're not relevant anymore there's no connection there's no reason for them to be talking to you so at that point they've lost all control and they're not going to engage in something where they have no control because they know they would be fated to fail in their efforts thank you for watching I hope this video resonates with you please like comment share and subscribe if you would like to donate my paypal link is in the video description coaching inquiries you can email me at coach.narcsurviver.uk thank you for watching and they'll talk to you soon