First, to confess:
The absence of success hurts,
Holds me depressed, yes.
I do posess an ability to progress
And got less. My best not to regress
I was thinking infinite with too few words to write--
Some accurate description to the meaning of life--
To waste time, doubt'n reasons for existence,
To not wake up one morning havin' just missed it.
I'm in my mind on this mountain I climb.
I'm try'n to leave an equal sign,
And seekin' to find eternal sunshine.
So wrong, so tempting to walk on resenting
This lonely livin', the love I've given.
Death is imminent.
On a mission, I'm hidden.
One in a billion wishing well wishes.
Well, which is a bitch if noone listens.
But, this is my life in disturbance since.
I recognized impermanence.
Kinda why I burn this sense'
I scrambled my mind--dextromethorphan hydrobromide
When Highway 1's my home high to low-tide,
To represent the psych ward
And try to pry an empty box open.
I cry inside like Bach and Chopin, classic.
Southwest of Oakland's a itty bitty Russell City:
Gotta wicked hustle without any pity.
Testing time's patience as an occupation to solve equations
And escape the complication.
Question sanity through useless fantasies,
Superstition, missin' prayers laced with profanity
Where we exist in this longshot reality—
Gorillas in the Mist.
Got a pawn shop mentality.
So, an O.G. showed me to grow trees
To complete the clone seed
Live to see me sow, reap.
It's not Orange County,
But more county orange
With a no bail warrant
That's out moppin' floors
And minutes in the days to stop to watch the clock.
Hour a day limit out the cell, but not the box.
And my mind got depressed,
Real stressed with the burden,
And when you're locked in hell
Your regrets run concurrent.
But these days, to maintain the mainframe,
To explain, my soul complains.
I got this hole, this pain that eats my membrane
And leaves me insane.
I'm like Cypress Hill: I like life high to the hilt
Till the wave of the strain subsides with the guilt—
Product of a tough life that coulda' been harder.
And if you had it that way, I'd like to beg your pardon.
I did what I did with what I wasn't given.
And it is what it is, but even when it isn't.
So what does too deeply bruised mean to you?
Cuz to me it means don't believe the dream will come true.
Soul empty Eyes lie staring.
Sleep in a dream.
There ain't no wakin' me.
I've written timelines only fate can read.
Spent with latency.
I'm fixin' breaks in me.
A dream within a dream,
Dreamin' of a queen
Who's meanin' what she's seen,
When I woke up,
seemin fake i scheme n
Wake and bake
im Broke up.
Contemplate self hate
if I'm late for my date
with fate ill compensate.
Another day way.
Too smoked up
To know whats killing me.
really unfullfilling, see.
Seeming to not be part of a prophecy--
The opposite of cocky.
Probably, they mock me. I'm...
I'm a drowning human
Who doesn't wanna drown.
buzzin underground but wasnt rewound.
prayin im found
but what resounds down in my heart:
I found the art within myself
But not myself in the art.
And started once upon a time
When my mind finds psilocybin.
I was still a child then.
I turned into myself somehow—
Coming out a wise man.
And I've been exercisin' my talents
Sometimes to find some balance.
To take it and place it adjacent
facing being complacent
With years that I wasted.
Rhymes on the minds
eager to deface 'em
But my balance meager like even spacin'.
Even I don't know what I'm chasin'
Somethin' to be embracin'
or somethin' to believe in—
Another way to spend an evenin'
Not wastin' my reason,
Numb drunk and weeded, man.
It's self deceivin'
And, in turn, defeatin'.
You see internal bleeding:
I'm fucked up inside, but my demeanor decievin'
And feelin' like a universe stuffed in a star,
Just another mushroom cultivated by a jar,
Till the day I ate it tryin' to find another way to live
But became one with surrounding negatives.