 82. He persuades Cadwallader to assume the character of a magician, in which he acquires a great share of reputation by his responses to three females of distinction, who severally consult the researches of his art. His heart, being thus, as it were, suspended between two objects that lessened the force of each other's attraction. He took this opportunity of enjoying some respite, and for the present detached his sentiments from both, resolving to indulge himself in the exercise of that practical satire, which was so agreeable and peculiar to his disposition. In this laudable determination he was confirmed by the repeated suggestions of his friend Cadwallader, who taxed him with letting his talents rust in indolence, and stimulated his natural vivacity with a succession of fresh discoveries in the world of scandal. Peregrine was now seized with a strange whim, and when he communicated the conceit to Cadwallader, it in a moment acquired his approbation. This notion he imparted in a proposal to subject the town to their ridicule by giving responses in the character of a professed conjurer, to be personated by the old misanthrope, whose aspect was extremely well calculated for the purpose. The plan was immediately adjusted in all its parts. An apartment hired in an house accommodated with a public stair, so that people might have free ingress and egress without being exposed to observation. And this tenement being furnished with the apparatus of a magician, such as globes, telescopes, a magic lantern, a skeleton, a dried monkey, together with the skins of an alligator, otter, and snake, the conjurer himself took possession of his castle, after having distributed printed advertisements containing the particulars of his undertaking. These bills soon operated according to the wish of the projectors. As the price of the oracle was fixed at half a guinea, the public naturally concluded that the author was no common fortune teller, and the very next day Peregrine found some ladies of his quality acquaintance, infected with the desire of making an experiment upon the skill of this new conjurer, who pretended to be just arrived from the mogul's empire, where he had learned the art from a Brahman philosopher. Our young gentleman affected to talk of the pretensions of this sage with ridicule and contempt, and with seeming reluctance undertook to attend them to his apartment, observing that it would be a very easy matter to detect the fellow's ignorance, and no more than common justice to chastise him for his presumption. Though he could easily perceive a great fund of credulity in the company, they affected to espouse his opinion, and under the notion of a frolic agreed that one particular lady should endeavour to baffle his art by appearing before him in the dress of her woman, who should at the same time personate her mistress, and be treated as such by our adventurer, who promised to squire them to the place. These measures being concerted, and the appointment fixed for the next audience day, Peregrine furnished his friend with the necessary information, and when the hour of assignation arrived, he made his charge to this oraculous seer. They were admitted by our hero's valet de chambre, whose visage, being naturally meager and swarthy, was adorned with artificial whiskers, so that he became the Persian dress which he wore, and seemed a very proper master of the ceremonies to an oriental necromancer. Having crossed his arms upon his breast, with an inclination of the head, he stalked in solemn silence before them into the penitralia of the temple, where they found the conjurer sitting at a table provided with pen, ink, and paper, diver's books, and mathematical instruments, and a long white wand lying across the hole. He was habited in a black gown and fur cap. His countenance over and above a double proportion of philosophic gravity, which he had assumed for the occasion, was improved by a thick beard, white as snow, that reached to his middle, and upon each shoulder sat a prodigious large black cat, which had been tutored for the purpose. Such a figure, which would have startled Peregrine himself had he not been concerned in the mystery, could not fail to make an impression upon those whom he accompanied. The fictitious chambermaid, in spite of all her natural pertness and vivacity, changed colour when she entered the room, while the pretended lady, whose intellects were not quite so enlightened, began to tremble in every joint, and ejaculate petitions to heaven for her safety. Their conductor advancing to the table presented his offering, and, pointing to the maid, told him that lady desired to know what would be her destiny in point of marriage. The philosopher, without lifting up his eyes to view the person in whose behalf he was consulted, turned his ear to one of the sable familiars that purred upon his shoulder, and, taking up the pen, wrote upon a detached slip of paper these words, which Peregrine, at the desire of the ladies, repeated aloud. Her destiny will, in great measure, depend upon what happened to her about nine o'clock in the morning on the third day of last December. This sentence was no sooner pronounced than the count of its lady screamed, and ran out into the ante-chamber, exclaiming, Christ, have mercy upon us, sure he is the devil incarnate. Her mistress, who followed her with great consternation, insisted upon knowing the transaction to which the response alluded, and mistress Abigail, after some recollection, gave her to understand that she had an admirer, who on the very hour and day mentioned by the cunning man had addressed himself to her in a serious proposal of marriage. This explanation, however, was more ingenious than candid, for the admirer was no other than the identical Mr. Pickle himself, who was a mere dragon among the chambermaids, and in his previous information communicated to his associate had given an account of this assignation, with which he had been favoured by the damsel in question. Our hero, seeing his company very much affected with this circumstance of the wizard's art, which had almost frighted both mistress and maid into hysteric fits, pretended to laugh them out of their fears, by observing that there was nothing extraordinary in this instance of his knowledge, which might have been acquired by some of those secret emissaries, whom such imposters are obliged to employ for intelligence, or imparted by the lover himself, who had perhaps come to consult him about the success of his amour. Encouraged by this observation, or rather prompted by an insatiable curiosity, which was proof against all sorts of apprehension, the disguised lady returned to the magician's own apartment, and assuming the air of a pert chambermaid, Mr. Conjurer said she, now you have satisfied my mistress, will you be so good as to tell me if ever I shall be married? The sage, without the least hesitation, favoured her with an answer in the following words. You cannot be married before you are a widow, and whether or not that will ever be the case is a question which my art cannot resolve, because my foreknowledge exceeds not the term of thirty years. This reply, which at once cut her off from the pleasing prospect of seeing herself independent in the enjoyment of youth and fortune, in a moment clouded her aspect. All her good humour was overcast, and she went away without further inquiry, muttering in the rancour of her chagrin, that he was a silly, impertinent fellow, and a mere quack in his profession. Notwithstanding the prejudice of this resentment, her conviction soon recurred, and when the report of his answers was made to those confederates by whom she had been deputed to make trial of his skill, they were universally persuaded that his art was altogether supernatural, though each affected to treat it with contempt, resolving in her own breast to have recourse to him in private. In the meantime, the maid, though laid under the most peremptory injunctions of secrecy, was so full of the circumstance which related to her own conduct that she extolled his prescience in whispers to all her acquaintance, assuring them that he had told her all the particulars of her life, so that his fame was almost instantaneously conveyed through a thousand different channels to all parts of the town, and the very next time he assumed the chair, his doors were besieged by curious people of all sects and denominations. Being an old practitioner in this art, Cadwallet knew it would be impossible for him to support his reputation in the promiscuous exercise of fortune-telling, because every person that should come to consult him would expect a sample of his skill relating to things past, and it could not be supposed that he was acquainted with the private concerns of every individual who might apply to him for that purpose. He therefore ordered his minister, whom he distinguished by the name of Hadji Hork, to signify to all those who demanded entrance that his price was half a guinea, and that all such as were not disposed to gratify him with that consideration would do well to leave the passage free for the rest. This declaration succeeded to his wish, for this congregation consisted chiefly of footmen, chambermaids, prentices, and the lower class of tradesmen, who could not afford to purchase prescience at such a price, so that after fruitless offers of shillings and half-crowns, they dropped off one by one, and left the field open for customers of an higher rank. The first person of this species who appeared was dressed like the wife of a substantial tradesman, but this disguise could not screen her from the penetration of the conjurer, who at first sight knew her to be one of the ladies of whose coming he had been apprised by Peregrine, on the supposition that their curiosity was rather inflamed than elayed by the intelligence they had received from his first client. This lady approached the philosopher with that intrepidity of countenance so conspicuous in matrons of her dignified sphere, and in a soft voice asked with a simper of what complexion her next child would be. The necromancer, who was perfectly well acquainted with her private history, forthwith delivered his response in the following question, written in the usual form. How long has Pompey the Black been dismissed from your ladyship's savers? Endued as she was with a great share of that fortitude, which is distinguished by the appellation of effrontery, her face exhibited some signs of shame and confusion at the receipt of this oracular interrogation, by which she was convinced of his extraordinary intelligence, and accosting him in a very serious tone. Doctor, said she, I perceive you are a person of great abilities in the art you profess, and therefore without pretending to disassemble, I will own you have touched the true string of my apprehensions. I am persuaded I need not be more particular in my inquiries. Here is a purse of money. Take it and deliver me from a most alarming and uneasy suspense. So saying, she deposited her offering upon the table and waited for his answer with a face of fearful expectation, while he was employed in writing this sentence for her perusal. Though I see into the room of time, the prospect is not perfectly distinct. The seeds of future events lie mingled and confused so that I am under the necessity of assisting my divination in some cases by analogy and human intelligence and cannot possibly satisfy your present doubts, unless you will condescend to make me privier to all those occurrences which you think might have interfered with the cause of your apprehension. The lady having read the declaration affected a small emotion of shyness and repugnance, and seating herself upon a settee after having cautiously informed herself of the privacy of the apartment gave such a detail of the succession of her lovers as amazed while it entertained the necromancer, as well as his friend Pickle, who from a closet in which he had concealed himself overheard every syllable of her confession. Cat Walleter listened to her story with a look of infinite importance and sagacity, and after a short pause told her that he would not pretend to give a categorical answer until he should have deliberated maturely upon the various circumstances of the affair. But if she would take the trouble of honouring him with another visit on his next public day, he hoped he should be able to give her full satisfaction. Conscious of the importance of her doubts, she could not help commending his caution, and took her leave with a promise of returning at the appointed time. Then the conjurer being joined by his associate, they gave a loose to their mirth, which having indulged, they began to concert measures for inflicting some disgraceful punishment on the shameless and insatiate ptarmagant, who had so impudently avowed her own prostitution. They were interrupted, however, in their conference by the arrival of a new guest, who being announced by Haji, our hero retreated to his lurking place, and Cat Walleter resumed his mysterious appearance. This new client, though she hid her face in a mask, could not conceal herself from the knowledge of the conjurer, who by her voice recognized her to be an unmarried lady of his own acquaintance. She had, within a small compass of time, made herself remarkable for two adventures which had not at all succeeded to her expectation. Being very much addicted to play, she had at a certain route indulged that passion to such excess as not only got the better of her justice, but also of her circumspection, so that she was unfortunately detected in her endeavors to appropriate to herself what was not lawfully her due. This small slip was attended with another in discretion, which had likewise an unlucky effect upon her reputation. She had been favoured with the addresses of one of those hopeful heirs who swarm and swagger about town under the denomination of a box, and in the confidence of his honour consented to be one of a parti that made an excursion as far as Windsor, thinking herself secured from scandal by the company of another young lady who had also condescended to trust her person to the protection of her admirer. The two gallants in the course of this expedition were said to use the most perfidious means to intoxicate the passions of their mistresses by mixing drugs with their wine, which inflamed their constitutions to such a degree that they fell an easy sacrifice to the appetites of their conductors, who upon their return to town were so basant inhuman as to boast among their companions of the exploit they had achieved. Thus the story was circulated with a thousand additional circumstances to the prejudice of the sufferers, one of whom had thought proper to withdraw into the country until the scandal raised at her expense should subside, while the other, who was not so easily put out of countenance, resolved to outface the report as a treacherous aspersion invented by her lover as an excuse for his own inconstancy, and actually appeared in public as usual till she found herself neglected by the greater part of her acquaintance. In consequence of this disgrace, which she knew not whether to impute to the card affair or to the last faux pas she had committed, she now came to consult a conjurer, and signified her errand by asking whether the cause of her present disquiet was of the town or of the country. Cadwalleta, at once perceiving her allusion, answered her question in these terms. This honest world will forgive a young game star for indiscretion at play, but a favour granted to a babbling coxcomb is an unpardonable offence. This response she received with equal astonishment and chagrin, and fully convinced of the necromancers omniscience, implored his advice touching the retrieval of her reputation, upon which he counseled her to wed with the first opportunity. She seemed so well pleased with his admonition that she gratified him with a double fee, and dropping a low curtsy, retired. Our undertakers now thought it high time to silence the oracle for the day, and Hudgey was accordingly ordered to exclude all comers, while Peregrine and his friend renewed the deliberations which had been interrupted, and settled a plan of operations for the next occasion. Meanwhile, it was resolved that Hudgey should not only exercise his own talents, but also employ inferior agents in procuring general intelligence for the support of their scheme. That the expense of this ministry should be defrayed from the profits of their profession, and the remainder be distributed to poor families in distress. End of chapter 82. Part 1 of chapter 83 of The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, volume 2 by Tobias Smonit. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Martin Geeson. Chapter 83. Part 1. Peregrine and his friend Cadwalader proceed in the exercise of the mystery of fortune-telling, in the course of which they achieve various adventures. These preliminaries being adjusted, our hero forthwith repaired to a card assembly which was frequented by some of the most notable gossips in town, and having artfully turned the conversation upon the subject of the fortune-teller, whose talents he pretended to ridicule, incensed their itch of knowing secrets to such a degree of impatience that their curiosity became flakrant, and he took it for granted that all or some of them would visit Album Mazar on his very first visiting day. While Peregrine was thus engaged, his associate made his appearance in another convocation of fashionable people, where he soon had the pleasure of hearing the conjurer brought upon the carpet by an elderly gentlewoman remarkable for her inquisitive disposition, who, addressing herself to Cadwalader, asked by the help of the finger alphabet if he knew anything of the magician that made such a noise in town. The misanthrope answered as usual in a surly tone. By your question, you must either take me for a pimp or an idiot. What in the name of nonsense should I know of such a rascal, unless I would have caught his acquaintance with a view to feast my own spleen in seeing him fool the whole nation out of their money? Though I suppose his chief profit arise from his practice in quality of panda, all fortune tellers are boards, and for that reason are so much followed by people of fashion. This fellow, I warrant, has got sundry convenient apartments for the benefit of procreation, for it is not to be supposed that those who visit him on the pretence of consulting his supernatural art can be such fools, such drivelers as to believe that he can actually prognosticate future events. The company, according to his expectation, imputed his remarks to the ranker of his disposition, which could not bear to think that any person upon earth was wiser than himself, and his ears were regaled with a thousand instances of the conjurer's wonderful prescience, for which he was altogether indebted to fiction, some of these specimens being communicated to him by way of appeal to his opinion. They are, said he, mere phantoms of ignorance and credulity, swelled up in the repetition, like those unsubstantial bubbles which the boys blow up in soap-suds with a tobacco pipe, and this will ever be the case in the propagation of all extraordinary intelligence. The imagination naturally magnifies every object that falls under its cognizance, especially those that concern the passions of fear and admiration. And when the occurrence comes to be rehearsed, the vanity of the relator exaggerates every circumstance in order to enhance the importance of the communication. Thus, an incident which is but barely uncommon often gains such accession in its progress through the fanciers and mouths of those who represent it, that the original fact cannot possibly be distinguished. This observation might be proved and illustrated by a thousand undeniable examples, out of which I shall only select one instance for the entertainment and edification of the company. A very honest gentleman, remarkable for the gravity of his deportment, was one day in a certain coffee-house accosted by one of his particular friends, who, taking him by the hand, expressed uncommon satisfaction in seeing him abroad and in good health, after the dangerous and portentous malady he had undergone. Surprised at this salutation, the gentleman replied, it was true he had been a little out of order overnight, but there was nothing at all extraordinary in his indisposition. Jesus, not extraordinary, cried the other, when you vomited three black crows. This strange exclamation, the grave gentleman at first mistook for railery, though his friend was no joker, but perceiving in him all the marks of sincerity and astonishment, he suddenly changed his opinion, and after a short reverie, taking him aside, expressed himself in these words. Sir, it is not unknown to you that I am at present engaged in a treaty of marriage, which would have been settled long ago had it not been retarded by the repeated machinations of a certain person who professed himself my arrival. Now, I am fully persuaded that this affair of the three crows is a story of his invention, calculated to prejudice me in the opinion of the lady who, to be sure, would not choose to marry a man who has a rookery in his bowels. And therefore I must insist upon knowing your author of this scandalous report that I may be able to vindicate my character from the malicious aspersion. His friend, who thought the demand was very reasonable, told him without hesitation, that he was made acquainted with the circumstance of his distemper by Mr. Such-a-One, their common acquaintance, upon which the person who conceived himself injured went immediately in quest of his supposed defamar, and having found him, pray, sir, said he with a peremptory tone, who told you that I vomited three black crows? Three, answered the gentleman, I mentioned two only. Zorn, sir, cried the other, incensed at his indifference, you will find the two too many if you refuse to discover the villainous source of such calamity. The gentleman, surprised at his heat, said he was sorry to find he had been the accidental instrument of giving him offence, but translated the blame, if any there was, from himself to a third person, to whose information he owed his knowledge of the report. The plaintiff, according to the direction he received, repaired to the house of the accused, and his indignation being inflamed at finding the story and already circulated among his acquaintance. He told him with evident marks of displeasure that he was come to pluck that same brace of crows, which he said he had disgorged. The defendant, seeing him very much irritated, positively denied that he had mentioned a brace. One indeed, said he, I own I took notice of, upon the authority of your own physician, who gave me an account of it this morning. By the Lord, cried the sufferer, in a rage which he could no longer contain, that rascal has been suborned by my rival to slander my character in this manner. But I'll be revenged if there be either law or equity in England. He had scarce pronounced these words, and the doctor happened to enter the room. When his exasperated patient lifting up his cane, Sarah said he, if I live, I'll make that black crow the blackest circumstance of my whole life and conversation. The physician, confounded at this address, assured him that he was utterly ignorant of his meaning. And when the other gentleman explained it, absolutely denied the charge, affirming he had said no more than that he had vomited a quantity of something as black as a crow. The landlord of the house acknowledged that he might have been mistaken, and thus the whole mystery was explained. The company seemed to relish the story of the three black crows, which they considered as an impromptu of Cadwallad's own invention. But granting it to be true, they unanimously declared that it could have no weight in invalidating the testimony of diverse persons of honor who had been witnesses of the magician's supernatural skill. On the next day of consultation, the necromancer being in the chair and his friend behind the curtain, the outward door was scarce opened when a female visitant flounced in and discovered to the magician the features of one of those inquisitive ladies whose curiosity he knew his confederate had aroused in the manner above described. She addressed herself to him with a familiar air, observing that she had heard much of his great knowledge and was come to be a witness of his art, which she desired him to display in declaring what he knew to be her ruling passion. Cadwallad, who was no stranger to her disposition, assumed the pen without hesitation and furnished her with an answer, importing that the love of money predominated and scandal possessed the next place in her heart. Far from being offended at his freedom, she commended his frankness with a smile and satisfied of his uncommon talents, expressed a desire of being better acquainted with his person. Nay, she began to cataclyse him upon the private history of diverse great families in which he happened to be well versed. And he, in a mysterious manner, dropped such artful hints of his knowledge that she was amazed at his capacity and actually asked if his art was communicable. The conjurer replied in the affirmative, but at the same time gave her to understand that it was attainable by those only who were pure and undefiled in point of chastity and honour, or such as by a long course of penitence, and weaned themselves from all attachments to the flesh. She not only disapproved, but seemed to doubt the truth of this assertion, telling him with a look of disdain that his art was not worth having if one could not use it for the benefit of one's pleasure. She had even penetration enough to take notice of an inconsistency in what he had advanced, and asked why he himself exercised his knowledge for hire, if he was so much detached from all worldly concerns. Come, come, doctor, added she, you are in the right to be cautious against impertinent curiosity, but perhaps I may make it worse your while to be communicative. These overtures were interrupted by a wrap at the door, signifying the approach of another client, upon which the lady inquired for his private passage, through which she might retire without the risk of being seen. When she understood that he was deficient in that convenience, she withdrew into an empty room, adjoining to the audience chamber, in order to conceal herself from the observation of the newcomer. This was no other than the innamorata, who came by appointment to receive the solution of her doubts. And the misanthrope, glad of an opportunity to expose her to the censure of such an indefatigable minister of fame, as the person who he knew would listen from the next department, laid her under the necessity of refreshing his remembrance, with a recapitulation of her former confession, which was almost finished when she was alarmed by a noise at the door, occasioned by two gentlemen who attempted to enter by force. Terrified at this uproar, which disconcerted the magician himself, she ran for shelter into the place which was preoccupied by the other lady, who, hearing this disturbance, had closed the window shutters that she might have a better chance of remaining unknown. Here they ensconced themselves in the utmost consternation, while the necromancer, after some recollection, ordered Haji to open the door and admit the rioters, who he hoped would be overawed by the authority of his appearance. The janitor had no sooner obeyed his instructions than in rushed a young Libertine, who had been for some time upon the town, together with his tutor, who was a worn-out, deep or cheap, well known to the magician. They were both in that degree of intoxication necessary to prepare such dispositions for what they commonly call frolics, and the sober part of mankind feel to be extravagant outrages against the laws of their country and the peace of their fellow subjects. Having staggered up to the table, the senior, who undertook to be spokesman, saluted Kadwalida with, how dust-do-old Capricorn, thou seems to be a most venerable pimp, and I doubt not has an abundance of discretion. Here is this young har master, a true chip-off the old venereal block his father, and myself, come for comfortable cast of thy function. I don't mean that stale pretense of conjuring, damn a futurity. Let us live for the present, old Hailey. Conjure me up a couple of hail wenches, and I warrant we shall get into the magic circle, you know, twinkling. What says Galileo? What says the Reverend Brahe? Here is a purse, you pimp. Hark how it chinks! This is sweeter than the music of the spheres. Our necromancer, perplexed at this encounter, made no reply. But taking up his wand, waved it around his head in a very mysterious motion, with a view of intimidating these forehead-visitants, who far from being awed by this sort of evolution, became more and more obstreperous, and even threatened to pull him by the beard if he would not immediately comply with their desire. Had he called his associate, or even Haji, to his aid, he knew he could have soon calmed their turbulence. But being unwilling to run the risk of a discovery, or even of a riot, he bethought himself of chastising their insolence in another manner that would be less hazardous, and rather more effectual. In consequence of this suggestion, he pointed his wand towards the door of the apartment in which the ladies had taken sanctuary, and the two rakes, understanding the hint, rushed in without hesitation. The females, finding their place of retreat taken by assault, ran about the room in great consternation, and were immediately taken prisoners by the assailants, who pulling them towards the windows, opened the shutters at the same instant of time, when, strange to tell, one of the heroes discovered in the prize he had made, the very wife of his bosom, and his companion perceived that he had stumbled in the dark upon his own mother. Their mutual astonishment was unspeakable at this éclaircissement, which produced an universal silence for the space of several minutes. During this pause the ladies having recollected themselves, an expostulation was begun by the elder of the two, who roundly took her son to task for his disorderly life, which laid her under the disagreeable necessity of watching his motions, and detecting him in such an infamous place. While the careful mother thus exercised her talent for reprehension, the hopeful young gentleman, with an hand in each fob, stored whistling an opera tune, without seeming to pay the most profound regard to his parents' reproof, and the other lady, in imitation of such a consummate pattern, began to open upon her husband, whom she bitterly reproached with his looseness and intemperance, demanding to know what he had to allege in alleviation of his present misconduct. The surprise occasioned by such an unexpected meeting had already in a great measure destroyed the effects of the wine he had so plentifully drank, and the first use he made of his recovered sobriety was to revolve within himself the motives that could possibly induce his wife to give him the rendezvous in this manner. As he had good reason to believe she was utterly void of jealousy, he naturally placed this rencontre to the account of another passion, and his chagrin was not at all impaired by the inventory with which she now presumed to reprimand him. He listened to her, therefore, with a grave or rather grim aspect, and to the question with which she concluded her rebuke, answered with great composure. All that I have to allege, madame, is that the board has committed a mistake, in consequence of which we are both disappointed, and so, ladies, your humble servant. So saying, he retired with manifest confusion in his looks, and as he passed through the audience chamber, eyeing the conjurer a scance, pronounced the epithet of precious rascal with great emphasis. Meanwhile, the junior, like a dutiful child, handed his mamar to her chair, and the other client, after having reviled the necromancer, because he could not foresee this event, went away in a state of mortification. End of Part 1 of Chapter 83 Part 2 of Chapter 83 of The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 2 by Tobias Smollett. This Librivox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Martin Geeson. Chapter 83 Part 2 The coast being clear, Peregrine came forth from his den, and congratulated his friend upon the peaceful issue of the adventure which he had overheard. But that he might not be exposed to such inconvenience for the future, they resolved that a great should be fixed in the middle of the outward door, through which the conjurer himself might reconnoitre all the visitants before their admission, so that to those whose appearance he might not like, hudgy, short without opening, give notice that his master was engaged. By this expedient, too, they provided against those difficulties which Cadwalleda must have encountered in giving satisfaction to strangers whom he did not know. For the original intention of the founders was to confine the practice of their art to people of fashion only, most of whom were personally known to the count of its magician and his co-adjectors. Indeed, these associates, Cadwalleda in particular, notwithstanding his boasted insight into the characters of life, never imagined that his pretended skill would be consulted by any but the weaker-minded of the female sex, incited by that spirit of curiosity which he knew was implanted in their nature. But in the course of his practice he found himself cultivated in his preternatural capacity by people of all sexes, complexions, and degrees of reputation, and had occasion to observe that when the passions are concerned, however cool, cautious, and deliberate the disposition may otherwise be, there is nothing so idle, frivolous, or absurd to which they will not apply for encouragement and gratification. The last occurrence, according to the hopes and expectation of the confederates, was whispered about by the ladies concerned in such a manner that the whole affair was in a few days the universal topic of discourse in which it was retailed with numberless embellishments invented by the parties themselves who had long indulged a peek at each other and took this opportunity of enjoying their revenge. These incidents while they regaled the spleen at the same time augmented the renown of the conjurer who was described on both sides as a very extraordinary person in his way, and the alteration in his door was no sooner performed than he had occasion to avail himself of it against the intrusion of a great many with whom he would have found it very difficult to support the fame he had acquired. Among those who appeared at his great he perceived a certain clergyman whom he had long known and humble attendant on the great, and with some the reputed minister of their pleasures. This Levite had disguised himself in a great coat, boots, and dress, quite foreign to the habit worn by those of his function, and being admitted attempted to impose himself as a country squire upon the conjurer who calling him by his name desired him to sit down. This reception corresponding with the report he had heard touching our magician's art the doctor said he would lay aside all dissimulation. After having professed an implicit belief that his supernatural knowledge did not proceed from any communication with evil spirits, but was the immediate gift of heaven, he declared the intention of his coming was to inquire into the health of a good friend and brother of his who possessed a certain living in the country which he named, and as he was old and in firm to know what space of time was allotted to him in this frail state of mortality, that he might have the melancholy satisfaction of attending him in his last moments and assisting him in his preparations for eternity. The conjurer who at once perceived the purpose of this question after a solemn pause during which he seemed absorbed in contemplation delivered this response to his consultant. Though I foresee some occurrences, I do not pretend to be onniscient. I know not to what age that clergyman's life will extend, but so far I can penetrate into the womb of time as to discern that the incumbent will survive his intended successor. This dreadful sentence in a moment banished the blood from the face of the appalled consultant, who hearing his own doom pronounced began to tremble in every joint. He lifted up his eyes in the agony of fear and saying, the will of God be done, withdrew in silent despondence, his teeth chattering with terror and dismay. This client was succeeded by an old man about the age of 75, who being resolved to purchase a lease, desired to be determined in the term of years by the necromancer's advice, observing that as he had no children of his own body and had no regard for his heirs at law, the purchase would be made with a view to his own convenience only, and therefore considering his age, he himself hesitated in the period of the lease between thirty and three score years. The conjurer upon due deliberation advised him to double the last specified term, because he distinguished in his features something portending extreme old age and second childhood, and he ought to provide for that stage of incapacity, which otherwise would be attended with infinite misery and affliction. The superannuated wretch, thunderstruck with this prediction, held up his hands and in the first transport of his apprehension, exclaimed, Lord, have mercy upon me. I have not wherewithal to purchase such a long lease, and I have long outlived all my friends. What then must become of me, sinner that I am, one hundred and twenty years hence? Cadwallader, who enjoyed his terror, under pretense of alleviating his concern, told him that what he had prognosticated did not deprive him of the means which he and every person had in their power to curtail a life of misfortune, and the old gentleman went away, seemingly comforted with the assurance that it would always be in his power to employ an halter for his own deliverance. Soon after the retreat of this elder, the magician was visited by one of those worthies known among the Romans by the appellation of Heredipetes, who had amassed a large fortune by a close attention to the immediate wants and weakness of raw, unexperienced heirs. This honorable usurer had sold an annuity upon the life of a young spendthrift, being there too induced by the affirmation of his physician, who had assured him his patient's constitution was so rotten that he could not live one year to an end. He had nevertheless made shift to weather eighteen months, and now seemed more vigorous and healthy than he had ever been known, for he was supposed to have nourished an irredatory pox from his cradle. Alarmed at this alteration, the fellow came to consult Cadwallader not only about the life of the annuitant, but also concerning the state of his health, at the time of his purchasing the annuity, purposing to sue the physician for false intelligence, should the conjurer declare that the young man was sound when the doctor pronounced him diseased. But this was a piece of satisfaction he did not obtain from the misanthrope, who in order to punish his sordid disposition gave him to understand that the physician had told him the truth, and nothing but the truth, and that the young gentleman was in a fair way of attaining a comfortable old age. Baddest to say cried the client in the impatience of his mortification at this answer, mating accidents. For thank God the annuitant does not lead the most regular life. Besides, I am credibly informed he is colouric and rash, so that he may be concerned in a duel. Then there are such things as riots in the street, in which a rake's skull may be casually cracked. He may be overturned in a coach, over set in the river, thrown from a vicious horse, who were taken with a cold, endangered by a saffet. But what I place my chief confidence in is an hearty pox, at its temper which has been fatal to his whole family. Not but that the issue of all these things is uncertain, and expedience might be found, which would more effectively answer the purpose. I know they have arts in India, by which a man can secure his own interest in the salutation of a friendly shake by the hand, and I don't doubt that you who have lived in that country are master of the secret. To be sure, if you was inclined to communicate such a nostrum, there are abundance of people who would purchase it at a very high price. Cadwalleda understood this insinuation, and was tempted to amuse him in such a manner as would tend to his disgrace and confusion. But considering that the case was of too criminal a nature to be tampered with, he withstood his desire of punishing this rapacious cormorant. Any other way than by telling him, he would not impart the secret for his whole fortune ten times doubled, so that the usurer retired, very much dissatisfied with the issue of his consultation. The next person who presented himself at this altar of intelligence was an author who recommended himself to a gratis advice by observing that a prophet and poet were known by the same appellation among the ancients, and that at this day both the one and the other spoke by inspiration. The conjurer refused to own this affinity, which he said, farmily subsisted, because both species of the vates were the children of fiction. But as he himself did not fall under that predicament, he begged leave to disown all connection with the family of the poets. And the poor author would have been dismissed without his errand, though he offered to leave an ode as security for the magician's fee, to be paid from the prophets of his first third night. Had not Cadwalleda's curiosity prompted him to know the subject of this gentleman's inquiry, he therefore told him that in consideration of his genius he would for once satisfy him without a fee, and desired him to specify the doubts in which he wished to be resolved. The son of Parnassus, glad of this condescension for which he thanked the necromancer, gave him to understand that he had some time before presented a play in manuscript to a certain great man at the head of taste, who had not only read and approved the performance, but also undertaken to introduce and support it on the stage, that he, the author, was assured by this patron that the play was already in consequence of his recommendation, accepted by one of the managers who had faithfully promised to bring it to light, but that when he waited on this same manager to know when he intended to put his production in rehearsal, the man declared he had never seen or heard of the piece. Now, Mr. Conjurer said he, I wanted to know whether or not my play has been presented, and if I have any sort of chance of seeing it acted this winter. Cadwalleda, who had in his younger days sported among the theatrical muses, began to lose his temper at this question, which recalled the remembrance of his own disappointments, and dispatched the author with an abrupt answer, importing that the affairs of the stage were altogether without the sphere of his divination, being entirely regulated by the diamonds of dissimulation, ignorance, and caprice. It would be an endless task to recount every individual response which our magician delivered in the course of his conjuration. He was consulted in all cases of law, physics, and trade, over and above the ordinary subjects of marriage and fornication. His advice and assistance were solicited by sharpers who desired to possess an infallible method of cheating unperceived, by fortune-hunters who wanted to make prize of widows and heiresses, by dib or cheese who were disposed to lie with other men's wives, by coxcomes who longed for the death of their fathers, by wenches with child who wished themselves rid of their bathons, by merchants who had insured above value and thirsted after the news of a wreck, by underwriters who prayed for the gift of prescience that they might venture money upon such ships only as should perform the voyage in safety, by Jews who wanted to foresee the fluctuations of stock, by usurers who advanced money upon undecided causes, by clients who were dubious of the honesty of their counsel. In short, all matters of uncertain issue were appealed to this tribunal and, in point of calculation, de Moivre was utterly neglected. End of Chapter 83 Chapter 84 of The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 2 by Tobias Smollett This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Martin Geeson Chapter 84 The conjurer and his associate execute a plan of vengeance against certain infidels who pretend to despise their art, and Peregrine achieves an adventure with a young nobleman. By these means the whole variety of character undisguised passed as it were in review before the Confederates, who by divers ingenious contrivances punished the most flagrant offenders with as much severity as the nature of their plan would allow. At length they projected a scheme for chastising a number of their own acquaintance, who had all along professed the utmost contempt for the talent of this conjurer, which they endeavored to ridicule in all companies where his surprising art was the subject of discourse. Not that they had sense and discernment enough to perceive the absurdity of his pretensions, but affected a singularity of opinion, with a view of insulting the inferior understandings of those who were deceived by such an idle imposter. Peregrine indeed, for obvious reasons, had always espoused their judgment in this case, and joined them in reviling the public character of his friend. But he knew how far the capacities of those virtuosi extended, and had frequently caught them in the fact of recounting their exploits against the conjurer, which were the productions of their own invention only. On these considerations his wrath was kindled against them, and he accordingly concerted measures with his co-adjector, for overwhelming them with confusion and dismay. In the first place a report was spread by his emissaries that the magician had undertaken to entertain their view with the appearance of any person whom his customers should desire to see, whether dead or at the distance of a thousand leagues. This extraordinary proposal, chanting to be the subject of conversation, in a place where most of these infidels are where assembled, they talked of it in the usual style, and some of them swore the fellow ought to be pilloried for his presumption. Our hero seizing this favourable opportunity acquiesced in their remarks, and observed with great vehemence that it would be a meritorious action to put the rascal to the proof, and then toss him in a blanket for non-performance. They were wonderfully pleased with this suggestion, and forthwith determined to try the experiment. Though as they understood the apparition would be produced to one only at a time, they could not immediately agree in the choice of the person who should stand the first brunt of the magician's skill. While each of them severally excused himself from this preference, on various pretenses, Peregrine readily undertook the post, expressing great confidence of the conjurer's incapacity to give him the least cause of apprehension. This point being settled, they detached one of their number to crabtree, in order to bespeak and adjust the hour and terms of the operation, which he insisted on performing at his own apartment, where everything was prepared for the occasion. At the appointed time they went thither in a body to the number of seven, in full expectation of detecting the imposter, and were received with such gloomy formality as seemed to have an effect upon the countenances of some among them, though they were encouraged by the vivacity of Pickle, who affected a double share of petulance for the more effectual accomplishment of his purpose. Cadwallader made no reply to the interrogations they uttered in the levity of their insolence, at the first entrance, but ordered Hodgey to conduct them through the next room, but they might see there was no previous apparatus to affright their deputy with objects foreign to his undertaking. They found nothing but a couple of wax tapers burning on a table that stood with a chair by it in the middle of the apartment, and returned to the audience chamber, leaving Peregrine by himself to encounter the phantom of that person whom they should, without his knowledge, desire the magician to conjure up to his view. All the doors being shut and the company seated, a profound silence ensued, together with a face of dreadful expectation, encouraged by the blue flame of the candles, which were tipped with sulphur for that purpose, and heightened by the dismal sound of a large bell which Hodgey told in the antechamber. Cadwallader, having thus practiced upon their ignorance and fear, desired them to name the person to be produced. After whispers among themselves, one of them took the pen, and writing the name of Commodore Trunnion upon a slip of paper, put it into the hands of the magician, who rose from his seat and opening the door of his closet, displayed to their view a skull with thigh bones crossed upon a table covered with black cloth. This melancholy spectacle made a remarkable impression upon the imaginations of the company, already pre-possessed by the previous ceremony, and they began to survey one another with looks of consternation, while Cadwallader, shutting himself in the closet that was contiguous to the chamber in which his friend Peregrine was stationed, thrust the label with his uncle's name through a small chink in the partition, according to agreement, muttering all the time a sort of gibberish that increased the panic of his audience. Then returning to his chair, the knell was gnolled again, and Pickle called aloud, damn your mummery, why don't you dispatch! This was a signal to Crabtree, who thus certified of his having received the paper, stood up and waved his wand in the figure of an airs. The motion being thrice performed, their ears were all of a sudden invaded by a terrible noise in the next room, accompanied with the voice of Peregrine, who exclaimed in a tone of horror and amazement, God me, heaven, me uncle Tronion! This ejaculation had such an effect upon the hearers that two of them swooned with fear, a third fell upon his knees and prayed aloud, while the other three, in a transport of dismay and distraction, burst open the door and rushed into the haunted chamber, where they found the table and chair overturned, and Peregrine extended in all appearance without sense or motion upon the floor. They immediately began to chafe his temples, and the first symptom of his recovery, which they perceived was an hollow groan, after which he pronounced these words, merciful powers, if I live I saw the Commodore with his black patch in the very clothes he wore at my sister's wedding. This declaration completed their astonishment and terror. They observed a wildness in his looks, which he seemed to bend on something concealed from their view, and were infected by his appearance to such a pitch of superstition that it would have been an easy matter to persuade them that the chair and table were apparitions of their forefathers. However, they conducted Peregrine into the council chamber, where the conjurer and Hodgey were employed in ministering to those who had fainted. The patients, having retrieved the use of their faculties, had Walleter assuming a double portion of severity in his aspect, asked if they were not ashamed of their former incredulity, declaring that he was ready to give them more convincing proofs of his art upon the spot, and would immediately recall three generations of their progenitors from the dead if they were disposed to relish such company. Then, turning to one of them, whose great grandfather had been hanged, are you, said he, ambitious of seeing the first remarkable personage of your family, say the word, and he shall appear. This youth, who had been the most insolent and obstreperous of the whole society, and was now depressed with the same proportion of fear, alarmed at the proposal, assured the magician he had no curiosity of that sort remaining, and that what he had already seen would, he hoped, have a good effect upon his future life and compensation. Every one of these heroes made an acknowledgement and profession of the same kind, some of which were attended with tears, and Hodgey, having provided chairs for the whole company, they departed exceedingly crestfallen. Two of the number actually sickened with the agitation they had undergone, while our hero and his associate made themselves merry with the success of their enterprise. But this scheme of fortune-telling did not engross his whole attention. He still continued to maintain his appearance in the Beaumont, and as his expense far exceeded his income, strove to contract intimacies with people of interest and power. He showed himself regularly at court, paid his respect to them in all places of public diversion, and frequently entered into their parties either of pleasure or cards. In the course of this cultivation he happened one evening, at a certain chocolate house, to overlook a match at Piquet, in which he perceived a couple of sharpers making prey of a young nobleman, who had neither temper nor skill sufficient to cope with such antagonists. Our hero, being a professed enemy to all knights of industry, could not bear to see them cheat in public with such insolent audacity. Under pretense of communicating some business of importance, he begged the favour of speaking to the young gentleman in another corner of the room, and in a friendly manner cautioned him against the arts of his opponents. This hot-headed representative, far from sinking or owning himself obliged to pickle for his good counsel, looked upon the advice of an insult upon his understanding, and replied with an air of ferocious displeasure, that he knew how to take care of his own concerns, and would not suffer either him or them to bubble him out of one shilling. Peregrine offended at the association, as well as at the ingratitude and folly of this conceited coxcomb, expressed his resentment by telling him that he expected at least an acknowledgement for his candid intention, but he found his intellect too much warped by his vanity to perceive his own want of capacity and experience. Inflamed by this reproof, the young nobleman challenged him to play for five hundred pounds, with many appropriates or at least contemptuous terms of defiance, which provoked our hero to accept the proposal. After the other had disengaged himself from the old rooks, who were extremely mortified at the interruption, the two young champions sat down, and fortune acting with uncommon impartiality, pickle by the superiority of his talents, in two hours, one to the amount of as many thousand pounds, for which he was obliged to take his antagonist's note, the sharpers having previously secured his ready money. Frantic with his loss, the rash young man would have continued the game, and doubled stakes every time, so that Peregrine might have increased his acquisition to ten times the sum he had gained, but he thought he had already sufficiently chastised the presumption of the challenger, and was unwilling to empower fortune to ravish from him the fruits of his success. He therefore declined Millard's proposal, unless he would play for ready money, and his ludge-ship having in vain tried his credit among the company, our adventurer withdrew, leaving him in an ecstasy of rage and disappointment. As the insolence of his behavior had increased with his ill luck, and he had given vent to diver's expressions which Peregrine took amiss, our young gentleman resolved to augment his punishment by teasing him with demands which could not, he knew, be immediately satisfied, and next day sent pipes to his father's house with the note which was drawn payable upon demand. The debtor who had gone to bed half distracted with his misfortune, finding himself waked with such a disagreeable done, lost all patience, cursed Pickle, threatened his messenger, blasphemed with horrible execrations, and made such a noise as reached the ears of his father, who, ordering his son to be called into his presence, examined him about the cause of that uproar which had disturbed the whole family. The young gentleman, after having essayed to amuse him with sundry equivocations, which served only to increase his suspicion and desire of knowing the truth, acknowledged that he had lost some money overnight at cards, to a game-ster who had been so impertinent as to send a message demanding it that morning, though he had told the fellow that it would not suit him to pay it immediately. The father, who was a man of honor, reproached him with great severity for his profligate behavior in general, and this scandalous debt in particular, which he believed to be some trifle, then giving him a bank note for five hundred pounds, commanded him to go and discharge it without loss of time. This well-principled heir took the money, but instead of waiting upon his creditor, he forthwith repaired to the gaming-house in hopes of retrieving his loss, and before he rose from the table, saw his note mortgaged for seven-eighths of its value. Meanwhile, Pickle incensed at the treatment which his servant had received, and informed of his lodgship's second loss, which aggravated his resentment, determined to preserve no medium, and, taking out a writ the same day, put it immediately in execution upon the body of his debtor, just as he stepped into his chair at the door of White's chocolate house. The prisoner, being naturally fierce and haughty, attempted to draw upon the bailiffs, who disarmed him in a twinkling, and this effort served only to heighten his disgrace, which was witnessed by a thousand people, most of whom laughed very heartily at the adventure of a lords being arrested. Such a public transaction could not long escape the knowledge of his father, who that very day had the satisfaction to hear that his son was in a sponging house. In consequence of this information, he sent his steward to learn the particulars of the arrest, and was equally offended, surprised and concerned, when he understood the nature of the debt which he imagined his son had already discharged, unwilling to pay such a considerable sum for a spent thrift whom he had but too much indulged, and who in less than one week might involve himself in such another difficulty. The old gentleman wrote a letter to Peregrine, representing what a hardship it would be upon him to forfeit such sums by the indiscretion of a son whose engagements he was not bound to fulfil, and desiring some mitigation in his demand, as it was not a debt contracted for value received, but incurred without subjecting him to the least damage or inconvenience. Our adventurer no sooner received this letter, and he went in person to wait upon the author, to whom he, in a candid manner, related the particular circumstances of the match, together with the ingratitude and audacity of his son, which he owned had stimulated him to such measures as he otherwise would have scorned to take. The nobleman acknowledged that the revenge was hardly adequate to the provocation, and condemned the conduct of his son with such justice and integrity as disarmed Peregrine of his resentment, and disposed him to give an undoubted proof of his own disinterestedness, which he immediately exhibited by producing the note and tearing it to pieces, after having assured his lordship that the writ should be withdrawn, and the prisoner discharged before night. The Earl, who perfectly well understood the value of money, and was no stranger to the characters of mankind, stood amazed at this sacrifice which Pickle protested, was offered by his esteem for his lordship, and after having complimented him upon his generosity, in a very uncommon strain of encomium, begged the favour of his acquaintance, and insisted upon his dining with him next day. The youth, proud of having met with such an opportunity to distinguish himself, in less than an hour performed every article of his promise, and in the morning was visited by the debtor, who came by the express order of his father to thank him for the obligation under which he was laid, and to ask pardon for the offence he had given. This condescension was very glorious for our hero, who graciously received his submission, and accompanied him to dinner, where he was caressed by the old Earl with marks of particular affection and esteem, nor was his gratitude confined to exterior civility. He offered him the youth of his interest at court, which was very powerful, and repeated his desire of serving him so pressingly, that Peregrine thought he could not dispense with the opportunity of assisting his absent friend, Godfrey, in whose behalf he begged the influence of his lordship. The Earl pleased with this request, which was another proof of the young gentleman's benevolence, said he would not fail to pay the utmost regard to his recommendation, and in six weeks a captain's commission was actually signed for the brother of Emilia, who was very agreeably surprised at the intimation he received from the War-Office, though he was utterly ignorant of the canal through which he obtained that promotion. Peregrine is celebrated as a wit and patron, and proceeds to entertain himself at the expense of whom it did concern. In the meantime, Peregrine flourished in the gay scenes of life, and, as I have already observed, had divers opportunities of profiting in the way of marriage, had not his ambition been a little too inordinate, and his heart still biased by a passion which all the levity of youth could not balance, nor all the pride of vanity overcome. Nor was our hero unmarked in the world of letters and taste. He had signalized himself in several poetic productions, by which he had acquired a good share of reputation, not that the pieces were such as ought to have done much honour to his genius, but any tolerable performance from a person of his figure and supposed fortune will always be considered by the bulk of readers as an instance of astonishing capacity. Though the very same production ushered into the world with the name of an author in less affluent circumstances, would be justly disregarded and despised. So much is the opinion of most people influenced and overrored by ridiculous considerations. Be this as it will, our young gentleman was no sooner distinguished as an author than he was marked out as a patron by all the starving retainers to poetry. He was solemnized in odes, celebrated in epigrams, and fared with the milk of soft dedication. His vanity even relished this incense, and though his reason could not help despising those that offered it, not one of them was sent away, unowned by his munificence. He began to think himself, in good earnest, that superior genius which their flattery had described. He cultivated acquaintance with the wits of fashion, and even composed in secret a number of bon mots, which he uttered in company as the impromptus of his imagination. In this practice, indeed, he imitated some of the most renowned geniuses of the age, who, if the truth were known, have labored in secret with the sweat of their brows, for many a repartee which they have vended as the immediate production of fantasy and expression. He was so successful in this exercise of his talent, that his fame actually came in competition with that great man, who had long sat at the helm of wit, and in a dialogue that once happened between them, on the subject of a corkscrew, wherein the altercation was discharged according to base, slap for slap, dash for dash. Our hero was judged to have the better of his ludship, by some of the minor satellites that commonly surround and reflect the rays of such mighty luminaries. In a word, he dipped himself so far in these literary amusements, that he took the management of the pit into his direction, putting himself at the head of those critics who called themselves the town. And in that capacity chastised several players who had been rendered insolent and refractory by unmerited success. As for the new productions of the stage, though generally uninspired and insipid, they always enjoyed the benefit of his influence and protection, because he never disliked the performance so much as he sympathised with the poor author, who stood behind the scenes in the most dreadful suspense, trembling as it were on the very brink of damnation. Near to though he extended his generosity and compassion to the humble and needy. He never let slip one opportunity of mortifying villainy and arrogance. Had the executive power of the legislature been vested in him, he would have doubtless devised strange species of punishment for all offenders against humanity and decorum. But restricted as he was, he employed his invention in subjecting them to the ridicule and contempt of their fellow subjects. It was with this view he set on foot the scheme of conjuration, which was still happily carried on, and made use of the intelligence of his friend, Cadwallader. Though he sometimes converted this advantage to the purposes of gallantry, being, as the reader may have perceived, of a very amorous complexion, he not only acted the reformer, or rather the castigator, in the fashionable world, but also exercised his talents among the inferior class of people who chanced to incur his displeasure. One mischievous plan that entered our hero's imagination was suggested by two advertisements published in the same paper by persons who wanted to borrow certain sums of money, for which they promised to give undeniable security. Peregrine, from the style and manner of both, concluded they were written by attorneys, a species of people for whom he entertained his uncles of version. In order to amuse himself and some of his friends with their disappointment, he wrote a letter signed A-B to each advertiser, according to the address specified in the newspaper, importing that if he would come with his writings to a certain coffee-house near the temple, precisely at six o'clock in the evening, he would find a person sitting in the right-hand box next to the window who would be glad to treat with him about the subject of his advertisement, and should his security be liked, would accommodate him with the sum which he wanted to raise. Before the hour of this double appointment, Pickle, with his friend Cadwalader, and a few more gentlemen to whom he had sought proper to communicate the plan, went to the coffee-house, and seated themselves near the place that was destined for their meeting. The hope of getting money had such an evident effect upon their punctuality that one of them arrived a considerable time before the hour, and having reconnoitred the room, took his station according to the direction he had received, fixing his eye upon a clock that stood before him, and asking of the barkeeper if it was not too slow. He had not remained in this posture many minutes, when he was joined by a strange figure that waddled into the room with a bundle of papers in his bosom, and the sweat running over his nose. Seeing a man in the box to which he had been directed, he took it for granted he was the lender, and as soon as he could recover his breath, which was almost exhausted by the dispatch he had made, sa said he, I presume you are the gentleman I was to meet about that loan. Here he was interrupted by the other, who eagerly replied, A. B., sir, I suppose. The same cried the last comeer. I was afraid I should be too late, for I was detained beyond my expectation by a nobleman in the other end of the town, that once to mortgage a small trifle of his estate, about a thousand a year, and my watch happens to be in the hands of the maker, having met with an accident a few nights ago, which set him to sleep. But, how some ever, there's no time lost, and I hope this affair will be transacted to the satisfaction of us both. For my own part I love to do good offices myself, and therefore I expect nothing but what is fair and honest of other people. His new friend was exceedingly comforted by this declaration, which he considered as a happy omen of his success, and the hope of fingering the cash operated visibly in his countenance, while he expressed his satisfaction at meeting with the person of such candour and humanity. The pleasure, said he, of dealing with an easy, conscientious man, is in my opinion superior to that of touching all the money upon earth, for what joy can be compared with what a generous mind feels in befriending its fellow creatures. I was never so happy in my life as at one time in lending five hundred pounds to a worthy gentleman in distress, without insisting upon rigid security. Sir, one may easily distinguish an upright man by his countenance. For example now, I think I could take your word for ten thousand pounds. The other, with great joy, protested that he was right in his conjecture, and returned the compliment a thousand-fold, by which means the expectation of both was wound up to a very interesting pitch, and both at the same instant began to produce their papers, in the untieing of which their hands shook with transports of eagerness and impatience, while their eyes were so intent upon their work that they did not perceive the occupation of each other. At length one of them, having got the start of the other, and unrolled several skins of musty parchment, directed his view to the employment of his friend, and seeing him fumbling at his bundle, asked if that was a blank bond and conveyance which he had brought along with him. The other, without lifting up his eyes, or desisting from his endeavours to loose the knot, which by this time he had applied to his teeth, answered this question in the negative, observing that the papers in his hand were the security which he proposed to give for the money. This reply converted the looks of the inquirer into a stare of infinite solidity, accompanied with the word vana, which he pronounced in a tone of fear and astonishment. The other, alarmed at this note, cast his eyes towards the supposed lender, and was in a moment infected by his aspect, all the exultation of hope that sparkled in their eyes was now succeeded by disappointment and dismay. And while they gazed ruefully at each other, their features were gradually elongated, like the transient curls of a middle-row periwig. This emphatic silence was, however, broke by the last comma, who, in a faltering accent, desired the other to recollect the contents of his letter. Of your letter, cried the first, putting into his hand the advertisement he had received from Pickle, which he had no sooner perused, and he produced his own for the satisfaction of the other party, so that another gloomy pause ensued, at the end of which each uttered a profound sigh, or rather groan, and rising up, sneaked off without further communication. He who seemed to be the most afflicted of the two, taking his departure with an exclamation of humbugged ecad. Such were the amusements of our hero, though they did not engross his whole time, some part of which was dedicated to nocturnal riots and revels among a set of young noblemen, who had denounced war against temperance, economy, and common sense, and were indeed the devoted sons of tumult, waste, and prodigality. Not that Peregrine relished those scenes which were a succession of absurd extravagance, devoid of all true spirit, taste, or enjoyment, but his vanity prompted him to mingle with those who were entitled the choice spirits of the age, and his disposition was so pliable as to adapt itself easily to the measures of his company, where he had not influenced enough to act in the capacity of director. Their rendezvous was at a certain tavern, which might be properly styled the Temple of Excess, where they left the choice of their fare to the discretion of the landlord, that they might save themselves the pains of exercising their own reason. And in order to avoid the trouble of adjusting the bill, ordered the waiter to declare how much every individual must pay without specifying the articles of the charge. This proportion generally amounted to guineas per head for each dinner and supper, and frequently exceeded that sum, of which the landlord durst not abate without running the risk of having his nose slit for his moderation. But this was a puny expense, compared with that which they often incurred by the damage done to the furniture and servants in the madness of their intoxication, as well as the loss they sustained at hazard, an amusement to which all of them had recourse in the progress of their debauchies. This elegant diversion was introduced, encouraged and promoted by a crew of rapacious sharpers, who had made themselves necessary companions to this hopeful generation, by the talents of pimping and buffoonery. Though they were universally known, even by those they prayed upon to have no other means of earning their livelihood than the most infamous and fraudulent practices, they were caressed and courted by these infatuated dupes. When a man of honour who would not join in their excesses would have been treated with the utmost indignity and contempt. Though Peregrine, in his heart, detested those abandoned courses, and was a professed enemy to the whole society of game-masters, whom he considered and always treated as the foes of humankind, he was insensibly accustomed to licentious riot, and even led imperceptibly into play by those cormorants, who are no less dangerous in the art of cheating than by their consummate skill in working upon the passions of unwary youth. They are, for the most part, naturally cool, phlegmatic and crafty, and by a long habit of dissimulation have gained an absolute dominion over the hasty passions of the heart, so that they engage with manifest advantage over the impatience and impetuosity of a warm, undesigning temper, like that of our young gentleman, who, when he was heated with wine, misled by example, invited on one hand and defied on the other, forgot all his maxims of caution and sobriety, and plunging into the reigning folly of the place, had frequent occasions to moralise in the morning upon the loss of the preceding night. These penitential reflections were attended with many laudable resolutions of profiting by the experience which he had so dearly purchased, but he was one of those philosophers who always put off till another day the commencement of their reformation. End of chapter 85