 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Stabilized mumbling soul-o-mil-gun. Let your own taste and throat be the judge for smoothness and mildness. There's never a rough puff in a Lucky Strike. For smoothness and mildness. There's never a rough puff in a Lucky Strike. Yes, let your own taste and throat be the judge. For smoothness and mildness, there's never a rough puff in a Lucky Strike. And that's because L.S. M.F.T. L.S. M.F.T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, fine light naturally mild tobacco that gives you smoothness and mildness and no wonder for years Lucky Strike has maintained America's largest and most complete cigarette research laboratory. Prior to the auctions the buyers for Lucky Strike send sample tobacco leaves from all tobacco growing areas to this great laboratory for scientific analysis to help determine which tobaccos are really fine and this is only one phase of the constant research that helps guarantee smoothness and mildness in every single Lucky Strike you smoke so smoke a lucky let your own taste and throat be the judge for smoothness and mildness there's never a rough puff in a Lucky Strike so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw make your next carton Lucky Strike the Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Rochester Dennis Day and yours truly Don Wilson and now ladies and gentlemen once again it is my pleasure to introduce the star of our show and since today is March the fifth how do you do ladies and gentlemen this is Phil Harris the one and only Phil Phil that introduction was for me oh I'm sorry dad but when Donzie said fifth I just naturally open my mouth well cork it up again and sit down continue down yes ladies and gentlemen this is the month of March and as you all know March comes in like a lion and goes out like a ham and here he is Jack Benny thank you thank you thank you this is Jack Benny talking and Don Donsey boy for your information the word is lamb not ham I know Jack I was only trying to be cute well now when I want something your size to be cute I'll get an elephant that toe dances so the next time Jack let's not start off the program with an argument Mary please I'm admonishing Don for being overly facetious that new writer I've got is working out swell anyway Don there are more interesting things to talk about in the month of March oh you're right Jack I guess I could have talked about March 21st yes that's the first day of spring or March 17 that's St. Patrick's Day or March 15 that's Mary don't make me nervous hey Jackson what's so exciting about March of 15 well since you don't seem to know Phil I'll tell you March 15 is the day you pay your income tax income tax what's that bill income tax is a portion of a man's salary that is sent to the government to help the financial support of the country gee this is interesting the matter of fact when a man receives a salary check it already has a basic deduction of 20% 20% that's one fifth how do you do ladies and gentlemen sorry dad it slipped out subconsciously well go sit down anyway if I'm going to discuss income tax I should talk to Alice not to one of her dependents Jack why do you keep insulting Phil like that you treat him like he's a nobody and he's got a lot of talent tell him Libby lay it on him he has a great personality and a lot of charm loaded with it he even writes his own songs and leads a band keep talking about me you ain't scratch the surface he also sings and makes record how about you come with me to Alabama me let's go see my dear old mammy and not only that he he he what's the matter just talking about I made me sick I know what you mean now look kids look kids hey you had a lot of do today to look kids let's not let's not waste any more time I want to see that everything is right before our guest star rise as you know we're going to be honored today by the present of the presence of one of England's most famous daughters Miss Sarah Churchill oh she's the daughter of Winston Churchill isn't she yes down when she gets here I want everybody on their good behavior in fact I made a few notes on that subject Mary did I give you the paper with the notes on it yes Jack here it is good read it will you okay to the boys in the orchestra if the musical arrangement calls for the trombone section to be muted please hold a derby in front of the horn instead of stuffing your socks into it that's right that's right very very good and to those who have tax no tuxedos keep your coats button so the bibs to your overalls don't show and another thing kids when Miss Churchill arrives I want everybody to stand up now come on let's rehearse it once everybody including the orchestra stand up very good very good now sit down now Mary you're the only girl in the cast so I think it's up to you oh that must be Miss Churchill now come on everybody up up up that's a good good coming coming hello mr. Benny come on kid why is everybody standing up last to show respect well it's about time I've got two shows you know sit down boys Dennis for your information we were expecting Miss Sarah Churchill who she who she Miss Churchill is not only a great actress but she also happens to be the daughter of Winston Churchill who's he Dennis Dennis think back to the years of the war okay now who was it who went from London to Casablanca then the next thing you heard he was in Paris Tehran Yalta and Potsdam now who was it Bob Hope and Jerry Kelowna was in the House of Lords anyway since Bob Hope's daughter Sarah Churchill hasn't arrived yet let's have your song okay in the spring under blossoming trees a song of romance seemed to dance on the breeze and who saw him kiss her and whisper of all the blossoms pretty blossoms on the her a tree is on her lips to remember him by who said forget him blossoms pretty blossoms on the bow oh some time gone by it's spring time again she waits all alone and she sounds her story the blossom Dennis day and Dennis that was wonderful absolutely wonderful and you want to know something kid what I don't mind praising you and giving you compliments because you haven't got a head for it to go to thank you and now oh kids I almost forgot when Miss Churchill gets here I'm gonna invite her over to my house for dinner this evening I want you all to come well it's about time Jackson I haven't had dinner at your house since September the 10th now wait a minute Phil hasn't been that long since you've had dinner at my house it was September the 10th and I got the cancel check to prove how time flies anyway kids don't forget to be at my oh that must be Miss Churchill now all right everybody up up up come well hello Miss Churchill hello mr. Bennet come in Miss Churchill come in mr. Bennet why is the orchestra standing up well I thought it was a kind of a nice thing to do you know I see thank you that chap in the Shakespearean costume is is rather cute the Shakespearean costume yeah that fellow at the drums he's wearing tights oh my goodness Sammy forgot his pants well miss miss Churchill it's really swell seeing you again the last time I saw you was during my visit to London that's right you were appearing at the Palladium Theatre yes and you know I never did get a chance to thank you it was nice of you to come backstage to see me it was nice of you to ask me and it was nice of you to attend my opening it was nice of you to sell me a ticket yes yes but gee I was thrilled in London all those historical sites there Buckingham Palace Westminster Abbey Piccadilly Circus the Leaning Tower of Pisa the changing of the mr. Bennet the huh the Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy oh well doesn't it lean over into London just a little maybe a teensy weensy I'm afraid not well live and learn I always say oh miss Churchill I like you to meet the members of my cast you remember Mary you met her in London hello miss Churchill hello Mary oh please everybody call me Sarah well thank you and Sarah this is my orchestra leader Phil Harris I'm sure you remember him he also appeared with us at the Palladium oh yeah old Hamhawks and turnip green that's me he's proud of it yet now Sarah this is my announcer Don Wilson nice meeting you mr. Wilson I'm thrilled miss Churchill and I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you that I've always been a great admirer of your father well thank you in fact we all admire your father that's right Mary what does he do tell I didn't say nothing wrong what does he do he's a painter very good Sarah but on him it was lost oh yes there's just one more member of the cast I'd like you to meet this is our singing star Dennis Day hello Dennis how do you do miss Churchill juicably jolly of you to guest on our little wireless jamboree today york's bubble and squeak in a penny a pitch now Dennis Dennis be sensible or I'll have to admonish you for being facetious what does that mean I'm gonna crush your head like an egg so watch it kid by the way Sarah are you enjoying your stay in America very much there are certain things that still puzzle me puzzle you what are they well your movies for instance last night I went to see a very funny picture called Francis it's an amazing story about a talking mule a talking mule yeah that is amazing yeah such grammar grammar I know exactly what you mean sir I've seen Francis and once when that mule was talking instead of the past perfect tense to use the past and dig it even wound up with a dangling participant well now that's very interesting mr. Harris are you a student of grammar yes ma'am they nothing I don't know about English well Sarah now that you paid us the compliment of being with us today is there anything we can do to entertain you is there anything you'd like to see one of our sketches or well anything well Jack I've always listened to your program and and years ago you used to do Western sketches in which you played the part of Buck Benny uh-huh well I always enjoyed those so much would it be possible for you to do one today you mean Buck Benny rides again why certainly gosh we haven't done that for so long it'll be fun for us too but do you do you think you could find a part in it for me you in a Western I've been playing the part of a cowgirl well Jack I think I could do it so well you wouldn't even have to admonish me admonish you yes you've been using that word as though it was something new well it is to me you see I have a new writer but there is a part in the sketch of a school marm that I think you would enjoy doing I'm sure I will Sarah I've been mean to ask you for being a guest on Jack's program is he paying you in dollars or pounds well to be frank Mary when I brought up the subject of money Jack said we could settle that off to the show oh brother why what's wrong now you're gonna find out what your father meant by blood sweat and tears Mary stop that now if we're gonna do our sketch let's get started now come on Don you set the scene and then mr. Benny if you got a part from me in it huh oh Mel blank now let's see yes Mel I may have a part for you but it won't be very important you know I don't care I'll do anything really mr. Benny I don't care well fine Mel fine now Don set the scene so oh excuse me hello hello mr. Benny the Rochester what is it Rochester just thought I'd tell you I'm preparing the dinner you're giving for Mr. Churchill good good how's the roast beef coming along pretty good boss but I've never seen a piece of meat with so much fat on it what are you talking about that roast wasn't so fast it wasn't when it melted down I oiled everything in the house filled the car and sold the rest Glenn McCarthy he's laying a pipeline tomorrow Rochester stop being so silly and don't forget when you're making out the place cards I want Miss Churchill to sit at my right yes and by the way Rochester did you make that phone call yes I call Washington like you told me to uh-huh but they said that even though you're giving the dinner for someone from Europe you'll have to pay for it yourself it has nothing to do with the Marshall well forget it it was just a thought see you later Rochester goodbye oh say boss yes what time you're gonna bring your guest for dinner right after the program oh then I better go lock the door to the back porch why you don't want people coming in to use the bandits while you've got company well I don't mind them using the machine but hanging the clothes in the living room is murder last night I had some friends in we had to watch television through Ronald Coleman's underwear anyway I'm glad you thought of that Rochester goodbye let's see where where were we you were getting ready to start the sketch buck Benny rides again oh yes now Sarah the action of our play takes place way out west where men are men and women are women well you can't ask for a better arrangement than that no man all right down set the scene but Benny rides again ladies and gentlemen our play tonight opens at the ranch of that fearless hard-riding cowboy buck Benny curtain music I'm an old cow hand from the Rio Grande I learned to ride for a learned to stand but I can't sing with this lousy band yippie-yay-yay well I better mosey down to the corral see how my foreman Cassidy is doing oh here he comes now morning buck morning drag along they drag what you're blushing about well just a few minutes ago I did something silly what was that I was sitting on the horse thing and empty saddles I see what you mean you're the only man I know who rides side saddle on both sides I'm going into town I want to see what's going on at the Golden Nugget so long drag along so long buck easy getting up on that horse don't worry about me steady boy steady steady there buck you're supposed to get up on the other side oh mel don't care steady boy steady there we are giddy up citation giddy up ah here's the Golden Nugget whoa boy gone just once I'd like to come in through the door there's my girlfriend Calamity Livingston hiya Calamity hi Buick Buick that's buck I'm sorry those holes in your head fool me fools everybody well Calamity how about having a drink with me don't mind if I do good bartender bourbon and water watch for the lady the water stand aside Calamity I want to hear some music I'm gonna play that jukebox at the other end of the room you got a nickel who needs a nickel see that coin slot yep them ballads always get I guess because I'm the sentimental buck buck I've been looking for you what's wrong Greg along cattle rustlers just rated the new school bombs place cattle rustlers dog gone they've been terrorizing this area for nine under 20 years come on let's rush over there see you later Calamity there's a school mom's house over yonder here we are whoa boy he really threw me that time am I ever gonna get out of China you're not in China those are my house boys oh who are you ma'am I'm the new school mom Sarah Jones whose father has just bought the old Z bar ranch but the rustlers are trying to steal our cattle to force us to sell the land cheap because they know that the old abandoned mine under it really has a rich vein of gold which we do not know about at all I reckon well that takes care of the plot can you talk a little more western I sure can partner huh I reckon good good now what's this I hear about cattle rustlers they've been a bothering you yep they took all my cows except that oh look look what's wrong as an Indian coming towards us oh yeah but he don't look dangerous I'll talk to him how me friend me tired make long journey come all way from Hudson River Hudson River why they call River Hudson you have to step down to get into it oh well what do you want nothing me just come to do joke goodbye just came to do the joke okay watch this Sarah you shot their poor Indian right through the head oh mel don't care now tell me missy ma'am about those rustlers you see any of them yep I saw the leader he's a medium built that are kind of cute looking he's a Mexican a Mexican yep here he comes now what the money whoa whoa hello senorita you too gringo stick up your hands for I am the Mexican bandits in your deniso McNulty so you're the bandit a season your gotta be ashamed of yourself I'm Ray Robin poor women I kind of help being a bandit senior what do you mean you can't help it I won the giant jackpot on the radio quiz program and I'm doing this to pay the taxes oh what you do before you became a bandit oh senorita I was a bullfighter I was the most dashing the ball as they fight in his the most reckless the bravest the most fearless bullfighter in all Mexico what did you quit I'm a little yellow hmm senior McNulty why don't you reform and get to be an honest citizen like Buck Benny like him oh I am laughing why what's wrong with me you are supposed to be the great cowboy can you roll a cigarette with one hand not on these program now Denise oh because we're a little late I'll rest you in the name of the law I have to arrest me you must catch me first give you up tomorrow give you quick you went that away let's grab our pintoes and we can head that embryo for the past partner that was my line Sarah but your reddit swell come on let's get our horses and chase him we're again and on yep why do we keep passing the same scenery they expected in westerns now where's my gun we're close enough for me to take a shot at him I gotta take care of lame now I gotta beat on them there oh but what happened I shot my own horse look my poor horse is dead well that's all right now don't care I guess now come on Sarah let's go to the golden nugget and play the jukebox Jack will be back in just a moment but first let your own taste and throat be the judge for smoothness and mildness there's never a rough puff in a lucky strike let your own taste and throat be the judge for smoothness and mildness there's never a rough puff in a lucky strike and that's because LS MFT LS MFT lucky strike means fine tobacco fine light naturally mild tobacco that gives you smoothness and mildness with never a rough puff listen to what mr. Lenwood L. Sturdevant an independent tobacco warehouseman from Lewisburg North Carolina recently said I've seen plenty of tobacco bought and sold about 150 million pounds and year after year I've seen lucky strike by fine light leaf that makes extra enjoyable smoking I've smoked luckies for 11 years millions of smokers including the famous movie and television star Robert Montgomery take a tip from the experts and smoke lucky strike just recently mr. Montgomery said luckies are really smooth that's why I smoke them regularly and for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment light up a lucky let your own taste and throat be the judge for smoothness and mildness there's never a rough puff in a lucky strike get a carton today thank you very much mr. Churchill good night everybody be sure to hear Dennis day and a day in the life of Dennis day stay tuned for the Amazon Andy show which follows immediately this is CBS the Columbia broadcasting system