 Kraft presents the Great Gilder Sleeve. Yeah! Kraft Cheese Company, makers of Parquet March, and a complete line of famous quality food products, presents Harold Perry as the Great Gilder Sleeve. Kraft brings you the Great Gilder Sleeve every week at this time, written by John Wheaton and Sam Moore, music by Claude Sweeten. Here from the Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. You know, it's a grand old custom of the Christmas season for women to bake big batches of delicious breads, muffins and rolls. And when guests drop in, a mighty cheerful way to serve your baking treats is to spread them with delicious Parquet Marjoram. Parquet's fresh, delicate flavor is sure to make a hit with holiday guests and sure to satisfy hungry family appetites, too. In addition to being so wonderfully good to eat, Parquet Marjoram is one of the best energy foods you can serve. What's more, Parquet Marjoram contains vitamin A. Kraft guarantees every single pound of Parquet to contain 9,000 units of important vitamin A. So, for a spread that's both delicious and nourishing, treat your family and guests to Parquet Marjoram. Don't just buy any Marjoram. Be sure to ask for Parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y, the quality Marjoram that's made by Kraft. Now, what about our old friend Gilder Sleeve? Well, Gilder Sleeve today is a very uneasy man. The last time we saw him, if you remember, he was rousing Judge Hooker in the middle of the night for a little quick legal advice, only to be told Judge's legal services had already been engaged. Haunted by dreams of subpoenas and breach of promise, he finds himself a little jumpy this morning. Mr. Gilder Sleeve, I wonder if you'd mind doing a little errand for me on your way home from the office? I'm sorry, Bertie. I'm not going to the office today. You're not going to the office at all? No. Well, if you should be going downtown for anything, there's no hurry long as I... I'm not going downtown, Bertie. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going out of the house. Is that clear? Yes, sir. What's the matter with him? And another thing, you two marge me. If anyone calls here, I'm not at home. No matter who? No matter who. Well, suppose somebody wants to give you a million dollars. That's most unlikely. More likely they'll want me to give them a million dollars. What's that? Hey, Roy, be careful with that hockey stick. You almost got the chandelier. Better luck next time. Well, so long, huh? So long, huh? Wait a minute. Where are you going? Down to the pond to play hockey. Wait. Come back here. Yeah? I don't know that I want you playing hockey today. Why not? Well, how do you know the ice is safe? Oh, don't worry. We always test it. Test it how? We make Jerome Bates walk out on it first. He's the heaviest. But what if he falls through? Well, then we know it's no good for skating. But what about Jerome? Ah, Jerome's a dope anyway. Leroy. Leroy, the boy might drown. Well, if he's dope enough to do everything we tell him. I think the boys are awful. All was hiding from Jerome and ganging up on him. And that's because he's nothing but a big fat slob. Leroy, I do not like that word. I didn't call you a big fat slob. I called you normal. We'll have no more talk like that, my boy. I don't like it. Yes, sir. He is low. Front door. Wait. Would you go miss Marjorie? I've got my hand full. Don't anybody go. Huh? Marjorie, don't open that door. I don't understand. Birdie, get away from that window. What's up? It's the mail truck that kills me. Don't open that door. Be quiet and keep out of sight. Maybe you'll go away. But if it's only the postman. We don't know who it is. Yeah, maybe it's Santa Claus. Hide everybody's will go away. Maybe I'm nuts. Now look all of you, I'm not joking. I've locked all the doors and I want them kept locked. Don't go out and don't let anybody come in. And above all, don't let anybody hand you any papers. Papers? Yes. You see, well, you're bound to hear about this sooner later. So I might as well tell you now. Seems your uncle has got himself into a little trouble. Mr. Gillesleaf, you ain't in trouble with the finance company. No, Birdie. I wish I were. I mean, I wish it only were that. I thought you seemed a little upset. Uncle, what kind of trouble is it? Well, perfectly innocent, you understand. Perfectly innocent. Just a little embarrassing, that's all. Very embarrassing. Mr. Gillesleaf, whatever you done, I know you didn't do it. Well, thank you, Birdie. Birdie's right. We'll stick by you, Uncle Morton, no matter what. Even if we have to move to another town and start life all over. Now, wait. You got an alibi, young? That's the main thing. Get an alibi and stick to it. I don't know what you've been reading, Leroy, but I assure you. The case of the missing ear. What? It's super. It's all about this guy. He falls for this dame. Her name is Laura. Mysterious type. She wears veils. So there's this firing. Well, anyway, the police bungle everything all the way through. The only one that knows anything is Farnsworth Flint. He's the detective. Where's Godinus and collects James? Look. Leroy, for goodness' sake, your uncle's in trouble. Well, I'm just trying to help him out. Why don't you let him explain first? Oh, sorry. Go ahead, Uncle. Well, it's a little difficult to explain to anyone your age, Leroy, because it involves a woman. I mean a lady. I knew it. There's one in every case. Leroy. Sorry. Go ahead, Uncle Morton. I'll tell us all about it. Well, perhaps I ought to explain to you first a little about women. Let's all sit down and get comfortable, shall we? I'll try to be brief. Well, I think you should know, children, there are two kinds of women. One is the kind of woman I hope Marjorie will grow up to be, the kind I hope you will marry one day, Leroy, a fine, capable woman that everyone admires, a homemaker. What's the other kind? Well, there are various ways of describing her. I won't say she's unattractive. On the contrary, she's often quite attractive. In a superficial way, of course. Pretty and all that. But she's selfish and unscrupulous. She's just out for what she can get. Aren't they all? Where did you ever get an idea like that? I'm telling you, you ought to read this book. I don't know that you ought to be reading it. Leroy, stop interrupting. Go on, Uncle Mort. What about Miss Del Ray? Well, I went over there last night. Who said anything about Miss Del Ray? It is Miss Del Ray, isn't it? Well, yes. I always said I didn't like that woman. Shut up, Lodge. Go on, Uncle Mort. You went to see Miss Del Ray, and what happened? Well, I won't go into everything that happened, but the long and short of it was that she somehow got the idea that I was proposing to her. Uh-oh. You're right, Bernie. I don't know how she could possibly have gotten such an idea. Nothing was further from my mind. I want you to know that. Well, it's true. Trying to tell her she ought to marry Judge Hooker. You must have stuttered a little, Uncle. I spoke with my usual clarity. The point is you can't be too careful with a woman like that. I hope this will be a lesson to you, Leroy. A lesson to me? Ever have anything to do with theatrical people? Stick to nice, homely girls. At least you know where you are with them. Tell me, Champanol. What if you did propose to her? Anybody can make a mistake, whatever. Did you ever hear of a breach of promise, my boy? He. You mean she's going to sue you? That's what I don't know. Mr. Gilles, maybe there ain't none of my business, but what you need is a lawyer. Aren't you right? I need one bad. I need one who's good. Why don't you call up Judge Hooker? Because Judge Hooker has already been retained by Miss Del Ray. And the old goat would like nothing better right now than to drag my name through the courts. Oh, there's nothing to do but wait. Wait here like a rat in a trap. Wait for him to slap a paper on me. How do they do that? Process server. Man comes to your door and hands your paper. Next thing you know, you're in court. Just like the finance company. That's why I don't want you to go to the door, Bernie. That's why I want everything locked. They'll sneak in your cellar window. They'll jump out at you from behind bushes. They hide in laundry trucks. They'll do anything. How awful. Well, I'm ready for them. Let them try. Uncle Mort, aren't you ever going to light? You've been pacing up and down all morning. I've got to think, my dear. I've got to think. I've got to think. Can't you sit down and think? No, I think better on my feet. I just knew a good lawyer. I just knew a good, reliable lawyer. Oh, please, Roy, get up off your stomach. I can read better this way. You're in the way. Besides, there are drafts down there. Lights bad. Go sit in a chair. That's what they're made for. Okay. If they just do something. They just make a move. If I just knew. Hey! Guess what happened? What? Farnsworth Flint just grabbed Laura by the hair. And guess what? It came off. It's a wig. She's a man, the leader of the Nazi spy ring. Holy smokes. I've got to read this. I've got to read this. Leroy, if you must read that kind of trash, read it yourself. Okay. Sayang, I was just thinking. You know that Miss Del Ray has something kind of suspicious about her? Miss Del Ray is not a man, Leroy. I'll vouch for that. If that's what you were thinking. Well, I wasn't thinking that exactly. But I bet she'd bear investigating. Why don't you have her shadow, Donk? Shadow? Don't be ridiculous. Hi, everybody. What for? Come on. Down behind the sofa. Leroy, quickly. What are we hiding for? Because if he looks in the front window, he can see us. Who can? Whoever's out there. Get down and keep that head of yours down. Who's that walking around? Birdie. She's going to the door. Birdie, don't forget what I told you. I ain't forget you. I ain't know you if you read it, because there ain't nobody home. Oh. Birdie. Who's that out there? It's George Hooper, Berman. Oh, it's you, Judge. Don't let him in, Birdie. I'm sorry, Judge. It's Mr. Gillespie after he ain't in. He went somewhere. Oh, he did. Yes, he went somewhere to her. It didn't leave no word. Birdie, it just happens that I saw Mr. Gillespie through the windows. I was coming up the wall. You might have seen somebody that looked like Mr. Gillespie, Judge. Can you name anybody who looks like Mr. Gildersleeve? Well, not all pan. Crater. What's more, Birdie? When you opened the door, I distinctly heard his voice. Might have been an echo. He hollered just before he left. I don't know what's behind these monkey-shined Birdie, but tell Mr. Gildersleeve when he returns that if he had had the simple courtesy to be at home this morning, he might have learned something to his advantage. Good day. Oh, Judge. Judge, wait a minute. I don't hear you, Gildersleeve. You're not at home. If I only had a lawyer. If I only had a lawyer. Uncle Mort, please, all day long. You'll wear yourself out. If I only had a lawyer. No, kid. No, you better relax. Yeah, if I only had a lawyer. If I only had a friend. If I only knew what they were plotting. I knew anything. It's thus uncertainty. This is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Poor Uncle Mort. All day here, trapped like a rat. Just waiting. Waiting for him to come and get me. I'm innocent, I tell you. I'm innocent. I never said a word to her. I was doing a favor for a friend. Oh, you don't believe me, eh? So this is what they call justice. Twelve good men and true. You sit there and let that old goat pull the wool over your eyes while a man's good name is dragged through the dust of Summerfield for shame. I'm not asking this for myself. I'm asking it for my little niece, God bless her. Look at her. There she sits with her whole life before her. What kind of a life is that going to be? I ask you. It's in your hands, gentlemen. And my little nephew, Leroy. Don't worry about me. You keep out of this. Uncle Mort, really, I'm worried about you. I think you ought to lie down or something. I'm all right. I'm all right. Leroy, come here a minute. I only had a lawyer. If I only knew, is she going to sue her, isn't she? She'd only make up her mind. They'd only do something. They're probably doing it right now. She's probably got a whole staff of lawyers. They're laying plans, ways to trip me. Maybe they have people watching the house. Out there just waiting, waiting. Oh, that's what I can't stand, the waiting. I don't care anything is better than this. I'm going out and get them. Oh, take it easy. Where you going? I'm going out and get them. Come on, darn it. Sue me. Pardon me, friend. Could I interest you in the little daisy can opener? I have a booklet here I'd like to give you. Booklet? Oh, no, you don't. See? The Gilder Slave will be with us again in just a few seconds. Good food adds extra cheer to the holiday season. And one of the fine foods that'll brighten many a meal next to holiday weekends is delicious parquet margarine. This quality spread for bread is made by craft, and that means that parquet is as fit for a feast as it is for a plain everyday meal. Parquet margarine radiates good cheer whenever it's served because parquet's flavor is so delicate, so satisfying to the appetite. Parquet is a splendid energy food, too. One of the very best you can serve. And remember, craft fortifies parquet so that every pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. So do as millions of homemakers do. Buy and serve delicious nourishing parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine. Craft makes this nutritious spread for America's bread. Yes, craft makes parquet. Now let's get back to the great Gilder Slave who's decided that a man can only stand so much. Determined to find out what Judge Hooker is up to, he's about to sell a fourth and face the world, but he's still cautious enough to make certain preparations. Leroy, I'm going out for a little while. Have you seen my sunglasses? Sunglasses? There hasn't been any sun for days. I know that, Leroy, but have you seen them? No. Marjorie, have you seen my sunglasses? No, I haven't, Uncle Mort. I could lend you a pair of mine. What? Those slanty green things? Mm-hmm. They'd make them look like a tropical fish. The last time I saw your glasses, they were in the glove compartment of the car. My George, I believe that's where they are. Go get them when you please, Leroy. Oh, for corn sake, if Marjorie remembered where they were, she'd be right away. I still don't understand why on earth you want sunglasses, Uncle. Never mind. Uh, let me see. Oh, yes. I ought to get a light put in this closet. Leroy's raincoat. Shoo! Croquet set. Christmas tree ornaments. Umbrella. Umbrella. Who's is that? Must be Judge Hooker. It's by the handle. I'm fine with that. I never can find what I'm looking for in this darn place. I have to put in a light. Well, where are my golf cap? What on earth are you looking for, Uncle Moore? Oh, you gonna play golf? No. I was looking for that derby hat I used to have in here. Oh, that's been gone for a long time. Gone? Leroy used it for his magic one night, remember? The night he broke an egg? Was that my derby? Of course. My George. Oh, you can't get mad about that. Now it happened a year ago. Besides, you always looked funny in a derby. No, Marjorie. That's all right. Everybody looks funny in a derby. Here they are. They were in the golf compartment right where you said. Leroy? I just went right there and opened it and there they were. Leroy, I've just discovered. I didn't waste a second, Uncle. They're just what you told me. Here are the glasses. You gonna play golf? Stop breaking eggs in my derby. Huh? What a character. These darn glasses that make everything look even gloomier than it is. You gonna play golf? No, my boy. I'm going out. I'm going out and I don't wish to be recognized. A disguise? Hey, if you'd turn up your coat color, that wouldn't be bad. Oh, like this? Yeah. Now, if you could pull in your stomach a little, even Farnsworth Flint wouldn't know you. Well, I don't expect to run into Farnsworth Flint, so I'm not pulling in what stomach. You look fine, Uncle. Where are you going? He's gonna shadow Mr. Leroy, I bet. I'm not going nearer. I'm just gonna try to find out what she's up to, children. But first I think I'll drop in at PB's drug store and test my disguise. Well, hello, Mr. Galvestly. Oh, nuts. PB, I'm supposed to be in disguise. Didn't you have any trouble recognizing me? Well, no, I can't say that I did, but if I'd known you were playing some game... This is no game. Has Judge Hooker been in here, PB? Did he say anything about a lawsuit? Are you being sued, Mr. Galvestly? Well, I'm not sure yet. That's what I'm trying to find out. Not wishing to intrude, Mr. Galvestly, but might I ask the nature of your legal difficulty? It's personal, PB. Oh, woman trouble. They're not the same. It just happens that in my case, you're right. Yeah, Miss Dalray? Well, yes. She'll probably have Judge Hooker represent her. My friend. I'm afraid I don't understand this. I thought you and the judge had quit squabbling over this meeting. She had, PB. Only I went over to see her to say goodbye. And somehow she got the wrong impression. I shouldn't have gone to see her. That's where I made my mistake. Well, I've been trying to noticing her, Mr. Galvestly, but I'd say you made a very natural mistake. Well, what do you mean? She's a lulu. Don't you be fooled by her appearance, PB. She's a dangerous woman. She is? You darn right she is. Well, she may be, but if I were single, I'd be so younger. Don't even look at her, PB. She'll cast a spell on you. You can't scare me, Mr. Galvestly. She comes in here, buys perfume and so on. She comes in here? She was in here today. No sale, just used your phone booth. Aha! Did you hear anything she said, PB? You know who she was calling? Mr. Galvestly. We pharmacists have our code of ethics, you know. Oh, code be blowed. This is life and death, PB. She's an adventurer. I've done my career. Grab all my money. Thank goodness I haven't got any. Well... Any chance remark she dropped might help. Anything. Well, let me see now. She said something was very important. That she couldn't wait until tomorrow. Said she'd meet the party at 8 o'clock tonight. That's all I remember. Oh, that's wonderful, PB. Who was she talking to? Man or woman? I couldn't say. You're the worst detective I ever saw. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. I was playing cops and robbers, not me. But if I was playing, I'll bet I could find out who she's going to meet tonight. Oh, how? Not followers. Heavens to Betsy, man. Even the movies have simpler problems than that. See, I saw a picture once. PB, you're a genius. Mr. Galvestly, where are you off to? I'm going to borrow a taxicab. Beep, beep. Oh, hello there, Mr. Galvestly. Come here a second, Floyd. What's the matter? Who's that you got in the chair? Niles Burke called her. I can take you in about five minutes. I'll come back, Floyd. What's the matter with Niles? He won't bite you. I'll be back. Oh, and Floyd? Yeah? Mum's the word. Well, uh... Coast clear, Floyd? Sure it's clear. Hey, what's going on anyway, Commissioner? Floyd, didn't your cousin Edwin drive a taxicab here before he went in the army? Ed? Sure, yeah, he drove a hack. Where is it now? Anybody driving it? No, it's sitting up in my garage. Strictly a post-war cab, Mr. Galvestly. Why? I want to borrow it for the evening, Floyd. Rent it. Will it run? I guess it will. That's how it got in my garage. Do I have it, Floyd? Sure. What is this, a gag? Far from it. It's very important. Ed had some kind of a cap he used to wear, too, didn't he? You want the cap, too? Well, it wouldn't be too much trouble. How about the badge? Great. You're doing me a big favor, Floyd. What time do you close up? Six. I'll come by for you. I'll walk home with you and pick up the cab and everything. Okay, Commissioner. Now, what's this all about? I'm sorry, Floyd, but it's a confidential matter. Oh, no, Mr. Galvestly. My lips are sealed, Floyd. Well, I wouldn't want people to start telling it around that you were taking a dame out someplace and you didn't want people to recognize your car. Huh? Wouldn't do you any good to have that kind of a story get around. Better they should know the truth. But the truth wouldn't do me any good, either. Now, if I knew the rights of it, I could prevent the wrong kind of story from spreading, Mr. Galvestly. A lot of people come in here, you know. All right, put away the clippers. The fact is, Floyd, I'm borrowing the cab to do a little detective work. Uh-huh. I'll pick up a certain party and find out where he's going. Well, well, well. What are you welling about? So the senoritas lowered the boom already. I didn't say that. No, you didn't. How much, Commissioner? If you're referring to Ms. Delray, she's taken no legal action against me. I doubt if she will. Uh-huh. You just want my cousin's taxi for a joy ride. Okay, Mr. Galvestly, have it your way. Never mind, Floyd. I'll pick you up at six o'clock. I got to be in front of a apartment by 7.30. Okay. Oh, by the way, uh, I'd let you have the cab for nothing if it was mine, you understand. But naturally, I got to look out for my cousin's interest. How much, Floyd? $10 for the works. Cab, cab, and badge. $10? Yeah, now, Commissioner, in a good night, you can make that much easy, not counting tips. Oh, please. Uh, cold. Getting dark, too. Isn't she ever coming out? Taxi, oh, taxi, I've got to get out of the union depot in a hurry. It can't take you. Uh, uh, it can't take you. Sorry. What do you mean you can't take me? Well, uh, I'm not a regular. I mean, I'm engaged. Oh, well, which way are you going? I don't know. Well, I wonder if I could go along. I mean, as far as the depot. There won't be any room, bud. I'm picking up a family here. Yeah, a family of 10, including three two-year-olds. Well, are you satisfied? Yes, I'm satisfied. I hope the two-year-olds ruin your upholstery. Brother, what a taxi driver has to put up with. But I fooled him. He, somebody coming out. Yeah, it's her. Well, here I go. Me, me, me. Taxi! Taxi, lady! Taxi, taxi! Uh, well, yes. Where to, lady? Oh, not far, just to 840 States Street, please. Yes, ma'am. I got it now. 840 States Street. Well, that's not Hooker's office, anyway. I wonder... Pretty cold tonight, ain't it, lady? Yes, it's quite chilly. Yes, sir. Going downtown on business? Well, you could call it business. Hmm. Who do you think I had for a passenger this afternoon? Oh, who? That fellow that's the water commissioner in this town. You know, a little on the stout side. What's his name? Mr. Gildersleeve. Yeah, Gildersleeve. Yeah, that's his name. Quite a fellow. Is he? Yeah, quite a fellow. Seems very kind-hearted and good-natured. Oh, I am sure he is. Yeah. Ever meet him? I've met him. I guess Mr. Gildersleeve's not much of a ladies' man, huh? Quiet sort of fellow. Got a mighty fine reputation around here. Has he? Yes, sir. Anybody try to make trouble for Gildersleeve in this town, they'd have a tough time. Oh, here's where I'm going. Oh, Yvette's beauty parlor. You know, somehow, lady, I had the idea that you were going... someplace else. Yeah? How much do I owe you? Oh, 50 cents. Here is a dollar. Oh, just a second. Oh, that's all right. Keep the change. By the way, do you think you could have your cab in front of my apartment tomorrow morning at 10? Oh, yeah, sure, lady, sure. Going someplace? To my lawyers. See you tomorrow, Mr. Gildersleeve. Thank you. Who left the front door unlocked? Oh, Leroy, I suppose. Did you find out anything today? Yes, my worst fears have been confirmed. Hang on for you this afternoon. A paper? Leroy, I told you not to let anybody in. Stop, Bobby! Leroy, sometimes I think you have the soul of a process server. Go to night. Go to bed. Good night. Hello. Now a wonderful help in Christmas time menu planning. Treat your guests to Pabstet, the delicious golden cheese food. The cheese food that's so rich in mellow cheddar cheese flavor, so useful in a hundred appetizing ways. Pabstet spreads with such ease and slices so neatly, you can whip up a tempting tray of cheese appetizers in a jiffy. And say, while your guests are admiring the Christmas tree, toast Pabstet cheese sandwiches in the broiler. Toasted Pabstet sandwiches will be greeted with oars and oars of delight too. And to keep the compliments coming thick and fast, serve Pabstet melted on apple pie. It's perfectly delicious served for dessert with coffee. So for downright happy eating at merry Christmas time gatherings, have a package or two of delicious nourishing Pabstet on hand. Buy the delicious golden cheese food of a hundred uses. Ask for Pabstet. This is the National Broadcasting Company.