 Dating as an Asian man in America to put it simply is not fun. You guys agree with this statement? Welcome everybody to the hot-pot boys Filipino American actor Mike Cabellon has just written a viral article Detailing these struggles of him dating in the Midwest And a lot of people have a lot of responses about it might kind of dropped a banger Today calm usually they got like cake recipes on that site people are like looking for cake recipe. Oh my gosh I had no idea. This is what you guys were going through. I don't be an Asian guy It's a little bit of like an internal discussion that some Asian guys like having with each other not even all Asian guys And he kind of just put it out on USA today And it was really interesting because the internet it went viral and had a lot of couple different responses for different camps of Asian guys Micro mid macro thinkers and one was Asian masculinity on the micro side, right? And then there was the happier broad crowd in the middle And then there was like the Asian identity almost like narrative geopolitical one in the very macro so I don't know. It was really interesting Let's break them all down and at the end we'll give our own opinions on what Mike Cabellon said Yeah, and I know we want to break it down from the micro mid to macro because we feel like that This is an aspect that is missing in a lot of these discussions and trust me We've had this discussion about Asian male dating statistics a lot on our channel I think this discussion has been going on for like 25 years and maybe we've been talking about for like seven years All right, so shout out to Mike. He wrote the article sparked the discussion. Let's get into it guys the micro This is where most people spend the time Thinking about how to solve this problem right getting buff Changing your hairstyle changing your clothes all line abs Go approach a lot of women and be very confident. It's micro is based around yourself. What can you change you as a person? Make yourself better and this is where on the forums They were really digging into Mike Cabellon being like bro. Don't blame it on being Asian bro because you're like short Super baby-faced, you know geeky clothes, bro. You like a kind of a geek squad type dude Don't blame it on being Asia, bro. Take the responsibility for yourself. It's all about individualism be rugged and that is actually It's not wrong. I don't think it's a fully holistic perspective But basically they were saying Andrew that Mike Cabellon was not an attractive product to women So don't blame it on being Asian. You mean like just to all women. He wasn't as attractive. However his look Is more of just that kind of like comedic, writer-y look so it plays in a scene But we're gonna get to it. It wasn't the scene that he was in no no no It's very second-city upright citizen brigade kind of like a jake in a mere more rocker I guess like beta white guy cute look maybe that's like the equivalent lane he's going for but here's the truth Andrew you can't just look at something that worked for a white guy and then try to be the Asian version of that in any City in America and have it work. Yeah, it is hyper contextual guys and You know, I will say and I'm not saying that I'm defending all the alpha Chad bro Kevin win jawline types because I don't look like that. I got a baby face But I will say that that's more conventionally able to get women in any city Whereas the other ones it's more like industry specific. Do you have that hipster writer Williamsburg Silver Lake City? type town in the Midwest Probably not because the Midwest Simply maybe outside of like Northwestern University in Chicago doesn't have that world So if you're trying to play that world and not only that you're the B grade Asian version That's a pretty tough play. So that's on the micro level, right? That's why guys just say be this buff alpha Chad bro But here's the thing Andrew It is true that not everybody has the base to level genetics to do the Kevin win thing David You said you have a baby face, but it's got a lot of hair on it now, which is different. That's different It's a baby face with a beard. So now it's a baby beard kind of a combo Yeah, yeah, I'm going from baby face to more like the club in Shanghai baby face Crazy reference no one will understand it The last thing about the micro is also what you are looking for because there can be a crazy Misalignment if you're a guy that works in it, but you only want the girls who are popping on IG Yeah, I don't know man if you know like C++, but you only want the girls with the OF that is a difficult match I'm not saying it's impossible depends on how good of a you know software engineer. You are you getting money money But anyway, uh, it's just basically guys There's a lot of things even in the micro where some guys Andrew Professionally make a living whether it's on YouTube or personal camps on coaching guys in the micro So literally that's clothes hair body, etc. Anyway, moving into the mid This is probably the most overlooked aspect of changing your dating life as an Asian guy because you just move cities Or you move to a different part of the city or you move to a different country and everything can shift Dude, we have a friend who grew up in a Korean suburb and you know, he's mixed Latino and Korean and growing up He's not getting a lot of love from the more traditional Korean women because they don't really see him as Korean They're probably looking more for like Korean guys. You're not one of us. Yeah He's only half of them right and so but then he went to college just 15 miles south He went to a college campus, you know, everybody's young. They're more open-minded. It's a mixed more mixed Asians And he was like the k-pop star of his group Right He was not being Korean enough to being the Korean k-pop hunk that all the ladies were starved for Literally 15 miles south moved from high school to college, bro. That's the same city same state You know, um even within our city that we grew up in Andrew There was a school where people were like horses in the back like on some like Marlboro Wranglers type vibe, you know like wrestling horses and stuff and then you went over a little bit And people had like six headbands with the pinwheel and everybody looked like XXL source You know like it was so hip-hop and it was so street and like swagger pinoe over there It really depended which school were you about to be more successful with women out or just even socially man It depends on the narrative of that specific high school Yeah, I know people always ask us because they know that we lived in LA and New York and there was like dude What's like better for Asian guys man, LA or New York? They're both really big cities I'm like guys both cities are great But it depends on your personality and what you want and how you can handle the city and how do you fit into the City, how do you connect to the city if you fit in more with LA and you like to drive you want that chill Beachy vibe and all the different types of Asians and there's this like everybody spread out go to LA But if you can handle the intensity of New York, New York is cool So I just that it's as simple as that where it's just changing your context can change so much Yeah, yeah, yeah And it's like for some guys who don't want to think about either the micro or the macro And they just want to stay in the mid which is sort of like I don't got to think about how buff I am and how much am I fitting these like Western standards? You know what I mean and then on the macro It's like I don't want to think about like global geopolitics or narratives or whether people trust us or mistrust us or think We're evil or not. I could just move to Toronto Vancouver SGV Hawaii and not have to think about any of these things because these are of course Asia Where these are just hyper Asian context where it operates more like Singapore essentially than anything else dude I even know Asian guys on YouTube that are living a happy life over in like South America, right? It's very interesting It's just matters just like where you feel like you get a fresh start where you want to where you feel like you're Seen as an equal or if not Possibly an elevated product, you know, and there's not that many spaces So everybody's just gonna you know figure it out But but trust me the mid a lot of people don't talk about it moving changing your environment Or even just changing your industry, you know some guys It's like weird because finance guys they party more, right? But the finance world is also more I guess pro-white and that's pro-Asian, right? But then you could go into the medical field, which is not as lit and party filled But it's very pro Asian people aren't gonna be making the same jokes and comments that they're making in the finance world So now you have to make the reads based on like where you feel more comfortable Maybe you find a mix you go to fintech Which is like a hybrid between the two worlds basically guys You just got to understand the IQ here because I don't like to see the blanket statements that I see online They just seem like way too far this way or way too far that way There's no nuance, but the answer is usually in the middle anyway We're gonna move final to the last bird's-eye view under the macro. These are like people on AZN identity They're almost consumed with like the macro movement of Pangea breaking apart into different continents These are like geopolitical rankings global narratives is the yellow man evil is it back to the Genghis days But is it pro Genghis or is it anti Genghis or we're part of the Golden Horde or are we a part of the Nemoidians or how are people seeing our yellow golden skin or are you part of the how are you? K-pop wave guys This is where this comes in listen k-pop being such a big wave right now It can affect your daily life Especially if you're Korean or Korean passing and you want to go into that look and get that in that lane Yeah, we know a guy who wasn't like really doing much and then he really doubled down on the k-pop lane He's on tiktok right now. He's killing it guys. It's a different game. Also. It's kind of like let's say, you know China's becoming more of an economic power. So a lot more non Asians are taking Mandarin class Obviously, if you learn the language of a peep of a person you might be more open to meeting them or hanging out with them Obviously that increases options for that. I know a lot of guys look at Eastern European women They seem to be more open to Asians guys These are all macro trends that you can actually not impact yourself as an individual, but you can ride the wave Yeah, and I think it's really interesting because to be honest guys You need all three levels and I do think by the way Macro thinking like media representation is a lower form than like global narratives but I'll say this to sum it all up between the Micro which is like just focusing on yourself and what you're doing in the gym and on your like online hinge profile Looking the best possible to the mid which is like the 300 to 500 people around you that you see every day Maybe that you don't even talk to but that you just visually see and then obviously to the macro Which is like we're talking about the movement of like billions of people's here and and very powerful people enter Everybody online that is an Asian guy giving advice to another Asian guy tends to focus on just one of these three things But they actually all matter dude I want to tell a couple stories guys remember when Michael Jordan was the greatest basketball player ever and then he quit to play Baseball he changed the sport and he figured out. No, that wasn't my sport. I'm not that good at it He didn't make the major leagues So changing sports can be better or worse now I have a success story Yul Tron was an Asian guy rapper out of LA and he wasn't getting a lot of shows as a Rapper maybe wasn't the greatest rapper, but he had a cool style But really he just was not popping as a rapper He switched and did EDM music and he's a DJ now and he's rocking crowds of like 10,000 He didn't even have to swap out all his drum kits on his like production software the same He didn't change his look. He just changed the game. He changed his environment He changed his what he was doing and he changed his platform You see it all the time in music and you see it all the time in restaurants like sometimes a restaurant Is too fusion need to be in the authentic area, but dude, I'll just say this real quick This is don't hopefully this is go over people's heads Wagamama Andrew is a really hyper fusion Asian New York restaurant Every time it is opened up in a diverse neighborhood where there's a lot of minorities it always fails The other day I was there at Wagamama's in midtown. It was packed. You could not even get in There was so many white people trying to get a bowl of ramen next to Pad Thai Oh Restaurants music it's just about the packaging. It's so hyper contextual to the neighborhood you're in and the execution Guys think about I think and I don't want to people like not to think about it in like a weird like problematic way I'm just saying think of dating. It's like any other thing that you can study or figure out There are skills that you can develop in dating, you know Or there's like skills that you can develop or you can change the game You can tweak the game you can change the way you play the game you can change where you play the game Guys like there are so many solutions to attack this problem if you find it a problem Yeah I think the game is changing to the point of Mike Cabellon at the end of his article saying BTS is Helping change a lot of larger narratives and there's some trickle down and you know Obviously some people are closer to the blast zone than others I will say this I think that a lot of life and achieving difficult things for people who aren't meant to do certain things It's a lot like basketball Isaiah Thomas has to work a lot harder and have much higher basketball IQ than Javell McGee because Javell McGee just got built with a lot of In like born competitive advantages that Isaiah Thomas doesn't have he's got to make you know Isaiah's got to even think about center of gravity and where to bump people on their hip just to move them out of the way Just to create some barely some daylight to get his jumper off Javell doesn't have to think about any of that right But it doesn't mean that it can't be a better player than Javell But it meant that he had to put in that much more work into the gym and have that much more IQ coaches And what I see sometimes online when Asian guys give other people other guys IQ coaching on like social reads It's just very middle tier. Yeah, it's not holistic also when you're giving advice to on people online You don't know that much about them like sometimes they don't even know how you look people are just writing one thing And then asking for a bunch of advice so it's just strangers trying to analyze another stranger They don't know and give them advice specifically on Reddit Yeah, and I'm just saying sometimes like you just have to give them the overview guys These are the factors that are involved micro who you are how you look and what you want number two mid It's just your environment where are you around different environments provide different context for you It can literally change how you're perceived and then macro What are these larger waves and trends that are at play for you or against you figure it out? Just think about it this way. That's all I got to say guys. I gotta give props to Mike Cabellon for writing the article You know, I think that he just brought it to the forefront You know, I don't know fully what his motivations were but I think ultimately as embarrassing as it is I guess for like other people to see the internal Asian male struggles It's probably more better if it sparks more discourse because discourse leads to progress and you just got to get the ball rolling So that's my pretty much my final thoughts on it. All right, everybody. We're gonna close it up here Thank you so much for watching this video Please leave your comment down below what you think what you thought about the article if you read it Or what you think about just Asian the Asian male dating experience in general We all know it's getting better a year by year, but there's still a lot of struggles. We still feel overlooked Do you feel that way? Let me know hit that like button. We are the hot pop boys and until next time we're out Peace shout out to a potato go Bethany