 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, 50%, 50% of men pull away for this subconscious reason, for this subconscious reason. About half of men pull away for this reason. Really quickly, if you're new to my content or you're new to my channel, please hit the subscribe button and click the bell so you can be notified a new content. I shoot about four or five or three or four videos per week. Actually it's three or four videos per week. Okay, 50% of men pull away for this subconscious reason. So here's the thing. You know, why men pull away and why men disappear and why do men ghost and why are men commitment phobic? Are some of the top search terms for women. And there's a variety of people giving reasons and it's usually, look, if he pulls away, just lean back and do your own stuff and let him allow him to come back. Just allow him to come back. Just lean back and allow him to come back. But wouldn't you want to know why men pull away? Don't you really want to know why men pull away? Well, I'm here to tell you why. Is that most likely there is some wound within sight of him. About 50% of men when they pull away. Okay, let me just say this. 50% of men pull away because of you. You're just not the right one for them. Maybe you've done something to irritate them. Maybe you're just a pain in the butt. Okay, maybe you're just not a healthy person to be in relationship with. That's a very valid reason to pull away. Now that's not 50%, but that's a significant amount of time. It's you. But most of the time it's him and what's going on inside of him. And most likely there's some sort of shame going inside of him. I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not likable. That's a predominant reason why we pull away. Now we don't know this. We don't know this on a cognitive level. This is a subconscious thing. And I can say to you that I, okay, let me share something very personal to illustrate this point. When I was in third grade, I remember I was taking a test. I've shared this before in a video, but I was taking a math test. And I studied really hard. And I studied really hard. And I studied really hard. And I had these notes that I took to help me for the math test. And I put it my desk and took the test. And I was the only student in third grade that aced the test. I aced the test. I was so proud of myself. The teacher was like, wow, she's sharing it to everyone in the classroom. But most of the people Baylor got 60%, right? And I got 100% right. And she immediately reacted. And she rushed over to me, rushed over to my desk, rummaged through my desk and found my notes to help me study. And she immediately screamed to the classroom, you're a cheater, you cheated. And here I am a third grade boy. And this, I mean, this pummeled me. I'm being yelled at by a teacher that I'm bad, that I cheated and I did something wrong, especially when I worked so hard to study for it. And when I told my father he stood up for me, but it was too late, I've already was wounded. And this wound has been a significant part of my life, either as an adult right now, because she literally saying I was stupid in front of the class. And at some point, I began believing it, that I was stupid. And I carried so much shame within myself. Now, this doesn't relate so much to relationships. But I want you to think about this. This is a wound that I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not smart enough. And so anytime I was in relationship with someone, and there was something that related to intelligence, and maybe I said something came out of my mouth wrong, maybe I misspelled a word, maybe I did something that didn't show much intelligence, I immediately would pull away. I pull away from my entire life, I pull away from everyone, because I didn't feel good enough about myself, because I was feeling a deep sense of shame. I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough. And maybe some of you can relate to this feeling, because on some level, we're all carrying this. So what causes people to pull away is fear that we're not going to be loved, because we're not good enough. And it's not because of you. Yes, there are good reasons why it might be you, if you're a woman watching this, if you're a guy watching this, maybe you're relating to this. Okay. If you've ever experienced shame, please post a comment below. If you've ever experienced I'm not good enough, please post a comment below. Please share your experience, because the more we get it out, just like I just shared it with you, the greater chance we can heal from this, because oftentimes, and this is a subconscious thing going on, it's not like we're saying, Oh, I'm a bad person, I better pull away. But most of the time when we pull away is because we're afraid of being found out that we're not good enough, that we're not lovable and we're not likable. In fact, I'm sure you do it as well in just different formats we pull away. Sometimes actually women will lean in more when we're feeling shame because we want the other person to reassure us. And for men, we pull away instead of seeking reassurance. And what's most important relationships is that we talk to one another that we discuss these things with one another. I'm a huge proponent of this. And I'm a big proponent of self love, self love. Yes. And I talk about this frequently. My book What the Heck is Self Love Anyway, by Jonathan Asley. There's a link in the description to get the book, but I highly recommend learning because this is how I had to heal my shame. You can buy this for guy friends. Do me a favor. If you've got a guy friend, buy this book for him. He might think it's a little woo-woo, but I'm telling you we're all suffering from I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and not likable. And that's what causes us oftentimes to just pull away from relationships because we're afraid we're not going to be loved. There's nothing wrong with that. And you can't help someone who can't help themselves. So you can certainly invite them to work on their shame, but it's not your job to heal them. It's not your job to be a doormat. It's not your job to enable another person. That I definitely don't recommend. Have you ever experienced shame? Have you ever noticed a man who's experienced shame? Please post a comment. If you've been in relationship with a guy, feel free to share it. I want to hear your stories because this is how we heal is by talking about this and getting it out. Okay. All right. Thank you so much. All right. If you found value in this, please check out the links below. I've got a VIP group. I've got my book. I've got a free discovering call. If you'd like to get on the phone with me and talk about seeing if working with a coach is right for you, check out the links below. And if you have a comment, please post as well. Okay. I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic hug of self love. See, that's how I eliminate the shame. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. If that's okay, I'm going to ask you to turn to somebody and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you a fabulous day. Bye-bye now.