 Disney released a myriad of character posters for the upcoming live-action Little Mermaid. They're done in sort of a Vogue-esque cover shoot style. I want to quickly go over them. And looking at the first poster, we have Ariel. And you know what? Before I say anything, let me go ahead and Google Halle Bailey age. She's over 20. Okay. This poster kind of turns me on. I'm not going to lie. She looks very excited. Like she found a who's it or what's it that's giving her a good time. A thingamabob, if you must. Beautiful actress, I guess, is what I'm saying. I do wish the artist or the photographer, whatever these are anymore, would have increased the saturation about 50% on the red hair. It's kind of muted. It's hard to see. Is it brown? I'm not really sure, but Ariel's known over anything else for that flowing, red, luscious hair. And right here, it's not coming through at all. Also, there's some really heavy Gaussian blur going on in the background of her hair. It almost looks like it's departing from her, detached. Some other creature in the background, really jarring stuff. Otherwise, you know, it's a very lovely photo. Very nice render. Here we have Ursula, played by Melissa McCarthy. It doesn't look threatening. In fact, I feel like I could have a good night on the town with her. Just a couple of gals. Shopping at Hot Topic, going back to her place, putting on the first season of Wednesday, sharing a bucket of ice cream and just sharing our feelings. The eels look like a good combination of dumb and drunk. In fact, the one on the left looks like he's in the middle of a good old fashioned coffee and fit. Not a bad poster. It's very polished, but McCarthy not threatening looking as a villain. She looks more like an influencer you'd see on Instagram who caked on a bunch of makeup and threw the whole thing in a visco filter. Let's move on. Next we have King Trident, played by Javier Bardem. He looks like the end result you'd get if you combine Dwayne Johnson with Jason Momoa. This is the baby. This is the love child. This is a really pretty looking photo though. I like how the ocean is very reflective. You got the Trident mirrored inside the waves. It's a cool vantage point too. You got a nice hard horizontal line. I mean, there's not much bad to say here. Also props for the crustacean armor, the shoulder pads, the crown. It's working for him. This is honestly a pretty nice poster and looks way better than anything I've seen in the trailer itself. Here's Prince Eric. Good looking guy. Good for him. Let's move on. What in all of creation did they do to my boy Sebastian? Why does he look like an old man? Ready to tell you the longest, most boring story ever? His eyes are hauntingly sad. I have a hard time believing this is the same dude that's gonna fire up a mariachi band full of octopus, fish, and other aquatic life. This Sebastian looks like he would get angry ordering soup. And why do his eyes look so out of place here? Like the render was almost completed, but the dude working on it had to go home for the day so the intern had to finish it up. I feel sad for him. I feel sad for everyone who has to even look at this. Every day I'm scuttlin'. Oh my god, why? Why, why, why, why, why? This isn't Scuttle. This isn't even a bird. It's a nightmare. Look at his fucking face. He wants to kill everyone. Oh and look, Disney gave him a weapon. That doesn't look like the fork I remember from the cartoon. That looks like something conjured up using black magic in a dark arts class. It's closer to a scythe than a fork. Scuttle's now the grim reaper. And tonight he feasts on our souls. To make matters worse, she's voiced by Aquafina. But of course, I have a wackadoo idea. Let's give the voice of the scariest thing beyond all belief. The voice of a woman who sounds like 100 banshees being run over simultaneously by semi-trucks. That won't send the kids into fever dream country. And let's be real frank here. The only reason she's in this is because she shares the name of a bottle of water. Oh! Oh! What have they done to my little prince? My poor, fat, yellow bastard has been live-actioned to death. Of course they got Jacob Trambly to voice this depressing excuse for a fish. He acted in one of the most depressing movies I've ever seen. Room. So naturally, since Flounder looks like he wants to kill himself at every waking moment, they get a kid who reminds me of that terrible film. Not terrible because it's bad. It's actually really good, but terrible because it's super depressing. At least after he takes his own life, he doesn't have to look for a place to dispose the body. Congratulations, Disney. You ruined my childhood. Again. Sometimes less is more. All the detail, all the high res imagery, isn't helping these characters come to life. Quite the contrary. Now Flounder, instead of looking like Ariel's chippery best friend, looks like the fish equivalent of Butters from South Park. And no one wants to hang out with him. He's an idiot. All right, well there are my thoughts on the Little Mermaid live-action posters. I'd love to hear yours below. Are you higher on them than I am? I thought the first few, you know, we're good and it just kept getting worse. It just kept getting worse. Let me know in the comments. Please like the video if you had a laugh or two. Please subscribe if you had a laugh or three. I would really appreciate that because I post movie content each and every week. I want to have more people sticking around to watch. It's all I've ever wanted. All right, thanks for watching. Hopefully I'll see you next time.