 Hey there friends, how's it going? My name is Kevin and today we're playing Minecraft Dungeons. I know literally nothing about this game. I am very interested though. I have to kind of try it out. Like, I played Minecraft back when I was alpha, super early days. So if there's a new Minecraft thing, I kind of have to check it out. But all he found was hatred. I already relate to the main character. The orb of dominance. Huh. I would have called it the cube of dominance, but you do you, that's fine. Corrupted by evil, driven by vengeance. The arch illager made all bow before him. I like this illager guy. I hope he's the main character, because he's really relatable. Yeah, get those stupid villagers! Go on, burn them down! Burn them! Oh god damn it, I have to fight them. How am I supposed to fight such a relatable and nice villain? Hey, none of that social distancing please. Thank you. Okay, that's my character. Oh, it's DLC. Are you kidding me? I just want to be old. All right, that one will do. I want to be old, but I also don't want to pay to be old. My guy just looks like a librarian who's kind of lost. I was going for the more, I'm too old for this shit kind of old guy, but no, I'm just going with the quiet in the library. Old man, traveling to Squid Coast. Okay, I don't travel often and it's not really an option these days. But if I could, I wouldn't go to a place called Squid Coast. Go to the village. My guy looks naked. He's a new town streaker. Perfect. Shouldn't you be burning up its daytime? This game is already very cute. Maybe, you know, it's just the flames and the pillaging and stuff, but I like it a lot already. Oh God, oh, they're running at me with axes. Okay, just picture them making a little bit too much noise in the library. Feck off, feck off. God, he slaughtered him and brought out his inner rage. That's his special. Oh, for Feck's sake. God damn it. Who's putting redstone down here? It's the hero of the story. Oh, and he's already left. For Feck's sake. Now I'm spawn killing his cronies. I want to speak to the higher ups, okay? I want to speak to the manager. I'm not dealing with you. Call me Karen. Oh my God. Okay, I've got a power up. It's called homemade explosives. This librarian's got a lot of secrets going on. And how the hell do I get over there? I want treasure. What? Okay, that's not the way. Oh, the little villager angel. I thought it would be a little devil. These guys just follow me along, but I'm refusing to interact with them. Like just for example, you were getting mugged and you just go to the mugger. No, thank you. And you just keep walking away. Chances are you're probably going to get away with it. Oh, victory, yes. Okay, I didn't save any villagers, but oh well. Hopefully I'll still be in the history books. It's not about the saving. It's about the glory. Oh, loot boxes. Please let me pay and get something shit. Please. I need the nostalgia. Oh, fishing rod. Great. I don't know how I would use that in this game, but great. Creeper woods. I hope you're talking about Minecraft Creeper and not that there's going to be a load of, you know, pervs in there or anything. Just comes dangling down from the trees. Oh, what succulent skin you have. Do you mind if I take a selfie with you? Somewhere in these woods, a caravan is transporting villager prisoners to labor in far-off lands. God, this is getting very dark, like really dark. All right, friends. It's me, Jim Pickens, the librarian. This is another alternate universe. I don't know why I chose to go into this forest at night. The one time you guys swarm all over the place, but that's okay because you know what? I'm refusing to engage because this is your homeland. And if I were to start attacking you guys, I would be the bad guy. And then I'm just as bad as them. There you go, you're free. Good luck. That poor dude is so fucked. The only thing I kill is the fucking cow. You know, for a place called Creeper Woods, there's not a lot of creepers. I'm thinking there actually will be perverts out here. Ah, pervert! Okay, maybe I should keep my distance, use my firework arrows. Can't let those perverts get close. I'm not even getting resources out of them. I'm just murdering for the sake of murder. I don't know if that was even a bad guy. I'm just kind of attacking. I'm just going with the whole scorched earth campaign. You know, just speaking about the alpha earlier, just got me thinking. I want to go back to alpha where there's no monsters. It's just me. Ah, TNT, nice. What the hell am I doing with this? Is this safe? Having it on my head like this? Uh-oh. Okay, that's fine. Bombing the forest. I really might be the bad guy here. Where the hell am I even going? I'm just wandering through this forest for fun. I just love murdering. Hello. Oh God. What is it? No librarians? Why do so many houses have this policy? All you have to do was follow to spiders. If you want to die, God damn it, Hagrid. If Hagrid ever gets out of Azkaban, I'll kill him. Oh, there's more villages to free here. You know, I'm relating to these bad guys more and more. Like every time I've played Minecraft that passed like five worlds, I've created a prison for the villagers. Honestly, I have a lot to learn from these guys. Like this guy has a fucking eye patch. Who knows what he's been up to? He could be a fucking pirate. He's awaiting fair trial and I'm just freeing him. What the hell is this? Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big body. Sorry, I don't mean to body shame you. It's a reference to a little meme song I like. If you know a lot about the deep call me Kevin Lohr, you'd understand. Die. Die. The villager must be fecking terrified. Like I'm slaughtering everything. What the hell am I now? Oh, a pervert village, of course. Oh, sweet Jesus. They're fecking everywhere. Look, we get it. You have an old man fetish just back off, all right? No, feck off of that wizard shit now. Come on. All right, get me out of here. Get me out of here. No, dude, you don't understand. You don't want to fight me. There's so many perverts in here. Look at that. He blew up at the mere sight of me. I'm out of here. Oh, thank God, the police station. These villagers are free from the clasp of the illiches. I don't think they actually are. I just kind of let them out and ran away. If anything, I've sentenced them to death. Oh, my chest. What is it? Please let me pay for nothing. God damn it. Did I just get boots of swiftness? Because that sounds amazing. I've spent a lot of time running. Here we go. Oh yeah, that's what I need. Oh, who are you? You come home with me? Are you one of the perverts from the woods? You found a chest of 50 emeralds. No, I don't want to find them. I want to pay for them. Where's my sense of pride and accomplishment if I'm not buying microtransactions? Oh, I get to pick where I want to go now. So I've done creeper woods. We got redstone mines, soggy swamp. I am tempted to go over the trek. Cacti canyon. But look at pumpkin pastures. Look how glorious that looks. The illigerates have roasted this once lush land to ruin. Oh no, no laughing at that bad. Sorry, I thought it was funny. I'd be the worst person in one of those live studio audiences for a sitcom. I'm here to slaughter you all. Good, bad or indifferent, you're gonna die. Now, feck off with that magic shite. I don't understand it. And they're like reading his book. Like what are all these weird symbols? That's just English, dude. Stop intelligent shaming me. Oh my God, what the hell is that? Oh, it's Aoi. That's what it is. Sorry guys, get my new boots on. Nothing you can do about it. Just running right by them. I may not be able to read, but goddamn, can I run quick? A shame it can't get me a well-paying job, but oh well. Sometimes when I run in the park, people go, look at that guy, he's fast and that kind of makes up for it. Uh-oh. I've pissed off everyone. And now I've led them to this dead end. There we go. I love those exploding arrows. They save me so much. Lower the drawbridge. Oh my God, look how many there are. My swift boots can't save me now. All right, explode the arrow away. Yes. What's this? Okay, I pressed it. I don't know what it did. Swift boots on. Oh, that was just to lower the bridge, but I don't want any survivors. At the very least, I want most of them dead and a few in critical condition, but ideally all dead would be perfect. I was trying to be conservative with my arrows and then I realized I had 259 of them, so I think I'm okay. Oh, can I eat this? I'll probably die immediately, but I'm curious. Curiosity kills the Kevin a lot. I get out of here with your fucking flying shit. What even are you? Are you a priest or something? Oh, you're an invoker. Well, you're a voking fucking anger out of me anyway. So you're good at what you do. No, no, no. I don't want to hear about the word of your Lord. I have my own Lord and his name is Jim Pickens. Ooh, is that a new bow? Red snake. It's like what a 12-year-old would name their bow. Put flames down the side. Oh my god, that chest was on the back of a pig. Okay, I thought the chest was just squeaking at me. Oh my god, what the hell? These guys are insane. They've got so many cool powers. Maybe learning to read would have been a good idea, but it's too late now. All right, that chicken who's teamed up with that zombie just proves it. Wildlife deserves to die. What's that iconic line from Pokemon? There are no good Pokemon. Kill them all or something like that, right? Coffee. There's no such thing as a good Pokemon. Level up enchantment points. I want to enchant my glasses. What? Ow, ow. Okay, I'm being attacked. I thought that would pause everything. It's an online game, mom. You can't pause it. Get the fuck out of my room. Wait a second, fishing rod. How do I use that? There we go. It's an artifact, apparently. I'm trying to actually fish. I don't think I can do that. I want to just like build a house and shit. I want to have the finest dirt block house in town. Honestly, this place is so filled with monsters. I'm like, it's kind of the villager's own fault for getting into trouble for building here in the first place. Or maybe it's just Australia. What are the other? Because there's spiders fecking everywhere and everything wants to kill me. I rang the bell. I don't know what that does. Is it just a warning bell? Oh, it's the cool guy from earlier. Hello. Ah, why is he playing so hard to get? Oh my Jesus Christ. There's so many of them. Quick, use fishing rod. All right, I just fishing rotted a tree. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, oh my God. He fixed me up so bad. Oh my God, that play by them was amazing. All right, no more Mr. Nice Guy, implying I was ever a nice guy. Jesus, this guy's a dick. Okay, I think my strategy of just poking away at him periodically is not working. I just need to go nuts and kill him because goddamn, he is doing a lot of damage to me. Garnian Angel, feck off. You did nothing for me. I don't know if that thing was evil or good. All I know is he's dead. Enter the town hall, thankfully. I can get a standing ovation from the whole village. Now, I deserve it. And the villagers of the pumpkin pastures go on to fight another day. I don't think they've ever fought a day in their lives. They don't defend themselves. They just wait for the librarian to show up. If we make enough noise, he'll get pissed off enough to come over here. A wandering trader. So you've set up camp at me, have you? Random artifact and the blacksmith random gear. Ah, that's interesting. So I can keep buying stuff with my emeralds. If only I could buy them using real money, then I'd be happy. I just realized I have a way better weapon on my person as well that I was not using. God, my base is fucking cool. Like, I want to build this in Minecraft. It's awesome. It's putting my hardcore world save to shame. Really trying to find a place that I can just run off, but it's not letting me. It refuses to allow me to be that stupid. I want treasure. Okay. You found a chest with 50 emeralds. I think I may have just forgotten that it was there because, like, it's a few feet from my house. Pretty sure they must have been my emeralds to begin with. What am I building here? Could be, like, some sort of church for the cult or something like that. That would be nice. But for now, I think that is a good place to end. Like, I'm just walking into the table. The blacksmith's going to be like, uh, I think there's something wrong with him. You know, like, more than we thought there was wrong with him. We're just saying something. But yeah, we're going to end it there. I hope you enjoyed this look at Minecraft Dungeons. I really like this, unexpectedly, because this is not really my type of game. The whole top-down slashing and all that and the linear missions is not really my thing, usually. But it seems really fun. I enjoyed this. Um, I hope you did too. Either way, even if you fucking hated it and you hate me now, I appreciate you watching through the whole thing, okay? It's a love-hate relationship. I love you. You hate me. But yeah, I appreciate you watching. I really hope you enjoyed. Um, if you want more of me, I post every single day, but I also stream over on Twitch and the link to that is in the description. But other than that, that's about it for now. I hope to see you next time, folks. Bye for now.