 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as they have Jonathan as they come in I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic wife feminine energy wife feminine leaning back Backfires on men or something like that. Maybe it turns man off or whatever All right So really quickly before we get started if you're in a relationship and you're pulling your hair out trying to figure out the guy You're with and you want some male perspective Check out the link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach might or benefit you And also if you're single and looking for love and you want some help click the link below to schedule Call to see if working with the coach will change your love life. All right, let's talk about how feminine leaning back back backfires on men So I'm gonna be very blunt here I've been watching some videos of other coaches that talk about leaning back and feminine energy and how When you shift your feminine energy, this allows the masculine energy to come towards you And so I want to talk about this whole concept of masculine feminine energy from the male Perspective not from the female perspective of what you ladies want to hear because I know you love the idea of men Who are chivalrous and they come on their white night and they do everything and they're demonstrative because that's what the masculine does the masculine Is a doing and the feminine is receiving and you're told to allow the masculine to do But now let's get into let's get into reality of stuff here because what's what we've observed Is a lot of times you're watching these videos about leaning back because the man has leaned back to himself And what has happened to you is it's triggered you it's triggered anxiety. It's triggered abandonment issues. It's triggered trust issues So think about that. He's most likely got hot or cold or he's pulled back And what has happened inside of you? It's triggered stuff So now you're you're learning advice on how not to be triggered by leaning back Leaning back doesn't work. That's what I'm here to say Leaning back doesn't work. What actually is more effective is when we lean into relationship when we lean into relationship But let me be clear here. It's not about leaning in this concept of See, this is where a lot of this advice is really screwed up because this whole masculine and doing and feminine receiving Makes it for an lopsided relationship I just want you to think about this for a second if you're the one always doing And he's the one receiving isn't it lopsided? Isn't it lopsided? You're doing he's receiving So now what you're being told is he's supposed to be doing and you're just supposed to be sitting back leaning back and receiving And that's going to make the relationship work and that's crock because I'm here to say a relationship is a two lane street It's a two lane street where you're both giving Mutually and you're receiving mutually because here's the more important message A man who's unable to receive love Is not going to be a good partner because a man's job isn't always about the doing and let's get real here Men are practically pretty bad at the doing anyway. I know you've been conditioned the whole provider protector and men are doers But we're dealing with human complexities. We're dealing with emotional complexities So let's lean into what's happening. Why is he going hot and cold? Why is he acting wishy-washy? Why does he have doubts about this relationship is because most men In particular have not been educated on the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship We repeat that most men have not been educated on the the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship And you've heard me talk about the book eight dates by dr. John Gottman I highly recommend you check out that book so you can learn the mechanics of relationship But what's really happening with most men when they choose partners and most women that chooses partners that If you have a pattern of choosing the same type of person over and over again Maybe it's emotionally unavailable people. Maybe it's people that have Issues in their life if you have a pattern of choosing the same type of person Then you may want to check out the book. Where is my book? Getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks This explains what's called the amago where we actually choose partners that are similar to one of our parents or both of our parents Because we experience some trauma in childhood that needs some healing And so using this masculine and feminine techniques or energy. I not even techniques. They're ideas They're just ideas floating up in the air because it's all rhetoric Because if you don't get into the human heart of what's going on inside of someone All of these techniques are right again ideas aren't going to work now Let me just say whether you use the term masculine feminine being empowered Is a much better way to approach a relationship and leaning into relationship And what I mean by leaning in is you lean in at the 50 yard line and he leans in at the 50 yard line And you're there at the 50 yard line. You're leaned into each other. You're not leaning back But empowerment is important Empowerment but the minute you add the word feminine to the empowerment you're you're basically You're pigeoning you're pigeonholing men against women because the reality is when we think of feminine We think of women and we think of masculine. We think of men So let's take away the pigeonholing and let's get really to what's most important And that is your own self empowerment your own self love your own sovereignty And if you're not familiar with my book, where is my book? Oh, I didn't pull it out right here. What the heck is self love anyway? This is the empowered approach To when you want to be in relationship first It's not that you need to love yourself fully to be in relationship But the more you love on yourself the more you're solid in your self worth your self esteem your self Confidence your self discipline You can lean into a relationship because the truth is if you want a high quality guy He wants a woman that leans in not that's using feminine lean back techniques The only time you need to lean back is when you've given too much in the relationship So there's that 50 yard line and you're always over here And and he's over here. Okay. You're always coming to him. Yes lean back to the 50 yard line And if he doesn't show up on the 50 yard line, bye-bye Because a relationship is about mutual effort, but let me tell you why a lot of men cannot lean into the 50 yard line They've got issues at work. They've got issues with the next spouse. They've got health issues Maybe they have a past relationship that they're still I intertwined with maybe they have children they have issues in there with their lives Okay, all that stuff weighs heavily And cause us not to be fully demonstrative and effusive into a relationship And we often when there's a lot of weight going on we often choose women based on this This patterning and not because they are actually the right partner for us Whoa We choose women based on our patterning and not necessarily because they were the right partner for us Because if we have chaos going on in our lives, how can we choose a partner unless we're doing it based on biology? And just remember men are pursuers men are hunters But what are we pursuing and hunting in the beginning? It's one thing We're pursuing sex. We're pursuing your vagina. That's what we're pursuing in the beginning Not a fully. I want to be in a relationship Now High quality guy who's done the personal development work the self-help work and the spiritual work He's loves on himself. He's choosing a partner based on He seeks a woman who leans into the relationship She doesn't need to play the feminine leaning back In fact, she doesn't even have to say the word feminine She's just an empowered woman because he's an empowered man And isn't that what you really want anyway as someone who's empowered? If you're watching these videos trying to figure out men, let me just say this Most men are good guys Most men are good guys Most men are bad daters There is the select few By the way, never do this in front of a man But there is a select few men who really got their shit together and they got their game on But trust me if you're you're not dating that guy because you wouldn't be watching this video And that guy who's got his shit together and game on he seeks a woman who's going to meet him at the 50 r line It's not Allowing the masculine to do all the work because that guy He's gone if you make no effort whatsoever or if you're allowing him to give the effort Stop buying into that rhetoric. This is what's driving men and women crazy with one another And just remember now, there are definitely a lot of men who are in their masculine in control behavior because they want to control you And that's really really sexy at first. But trust me It's oftentimes coming from a controlling place A high quality guy wants to be met at the 50 yard line Those guys that want to be fully in charge It's because they want to be in control and the beauty of being in control Is you can say bye-bye whenever you want because you've been in charge and you've been in control A healthy happy relationship is two people coming together In fact, when I think of my mom and dad who's pictured there My mom was equally in charge of the relationship just like my father and trust me It was a 50 yard line relationship and that's why it worked out for six almost 66 years All right, you got to just to where i'm going I've rambled quite a bit about this, but I definitely have a heart on for the whole masculine feminine leaning back all that kind of bullshit Let's just be human beings with one another. Let's just be kind to one another Let's just work from our heart and from a compassionate place and not this divide a masculine and feminine rhetoric Because it's not going to work in the long run You've got to get to human behavior if you want to be in a healthy happy relationship And i'm going to recommend one other book that will help you from a spiritual perspective And that's if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated Okay, this is a great book This is a great book to understand the spiritual effects of relationship and it totally throws out the garbage Of masculine and feminine Rhetoric because it's about getting to the heart and that's what matters most getting to the heart And that's what I want you to do is get to your heart because that's where the juicy relationship lies Did you get it? I hope you did All right, I'm gonna sign up If you have some questions you want to ask of me Good go link below also listen write a comment. You might be You might totally disagree with me write it down. I want to hear about it And if you have a question, uh, if you post it, I read almost I do my best to read all the questions And I try to respond to many All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do giving myself first a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm gonna give you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of love I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great Source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful day Bye. Bye now