 Hey, Psych2Goers. A taboo topic in our society is speaking ill of our parents. When we bring up our own traumatic events regarding our parents, we're shushed and shunned with phrases like they did the best they could, they did everything for you, or the usual you're ungrateful. While our parents might have met well, it's undeniable that some are highly toxic. The consequence of this lifetime of toxic parenting is an adult who continues to suffer from an unhealthy perspective of love and relationships and a lack of understanding of their own emotional and mental needs. So, with that said, here are 10 characteristics of highly toxic parents and how they affect you. 1. They're hypercritical. Criticism from parents is normal. Well-adjusted criticism can help you see the flaws in a plan and make better choices for yourself. However, if your parents are overly critical of you on a regular basis, this is a toxic trait. This constant criticism and sometimes comparison can make a child feel like they aren't good enough or at fault for their parents' constant attacks on them. This result is an adult who has a harsh inner critic as a constant companion. This inner critic can actually sound like your parents' voice, telling you detrimental things all the time. 2. They don't allow you to express your true feelings. Healthy parents are aware that their children have emotions and opinions too. They welcome the expression and discussion from their children. Highly toxic parents don't have this awareness. Highly toxic parents take a child expressing their confusing and difficult emotions as attacks on their character. There are no individual feelings, just a few collective emotions. This being dismissive of their children's emotions can result in depression, according to the American Psychological Association, because their true self is being suppressed. This results in a child who can't express or identify their own needs as an adult who suffers the same and aims to please everyone because that's what they know. Are you having trouble staying productive? Is stress and anxiety stopping you from getting a good night's sleep? We'd like to thank Endel, our sponsor for this video. Making you sleep, relax, and focus is what Endel does best. With their personalized soundscapes, they can create feelings of comfort and safety, boost your productivity, and even soothe you into a deep sleep with their gentle sounds. With their AI-powered core technology, Endel adapts in real-time to personal inputs such as location, weather, and time of day in order to create the most effective music possible. With their extensive backing in neuroscience and innovative technology, un-productivity and sleepless nights are a thing of the past. Right now they have a great deal. The first 100 people to download Endel will get a free week of audio experience. Check out the description below for this limited and exclusive offer. Number three, they compete with you. Being competitive is a good thing that can help you become more resilient and confident about making your dreams a reality. Having parents that inspire you to exceed in what you want to do is a blessing. Toxic parents seem to view their children as competitors. They might derail your success or goals by using sabotage and belittling your dreams and accomplishments. You end up not feeling confident in reaching your own goals. Some highly toxic parents are quite jealous of their children and the opportunities that they have. So they might overtake you in your goals or force you to live their own long gone dreams. Number four, they don't see their children as individuals. Highly toxic parents or HTPs see their children as extensions of themselves only. They want their kids to follow in their footsteps or live out the dreams they never got to accomplish. Because they see their kids as small versions of themselves, they fear the kids being autonomous and leaving them so they prevent them from being themselves and functioning as an individual. Any undesirable behavior that can make them look bad is ridiculed, both publicly and privately. The child becomes an adult who doesn't have a separate identity, nor do they know who they are. Number five, they control their children using guilt and money. Healthy parents can give gifts, affirmation and physical affection without expecting anything in return because they know it's not a business deal that requires reciprocity to make it work. They do it because they want to and love to. HTPs will give a child all these things and demand something in return. If the child doesn't, they're reminded of the sacrifices that the parent made and everything they've done. Children become afraid to ask for help and for things that they do need because they'll be asked to give something back that they don't want. They may turn into suspicious, distrustful adults who question kindness and doubt people's intentions. Number six, they always put their feelings first. Putting your feelings first isn't bad, but if you do it often and at the expense of others, that is a toxic trait. Parents who do this in a family environment don't create positive relationships with their children. By not considering the family's feelings and opinions about family matters, these parents force their kids to hide their true feelings, to please and soothe the parent. This can result in an adult who lies and hides who they are and downplays their own needs and feelings. Number seven, they demand your attention and praise. Toxic parents can't live without attention and praise. It has to be positive, of course, and you must give it often. Well-adjusted parents know that their kid needs to be their own person, away from them to grow. HTPs constantly demand your attention and interaction. This forced bonding is tiring and time-consuming for children. They may turn into adults that struggle to say no and suffer through things they really don't want to do because of leftover guilt. Number eight, they withhold love as a form of punishment. Being punished by your parents is necessary to learn that consequences exist for actions. However, healthy punishment options exist. HTPs will often use the silent treatment on their child to discipline them instead of expressing their displeasure in a productive way. This passive aggressiveness makes the child feel pressured into solving a problem that they didn't even cause. They may tell their kids that they don't love or like them, give them short, rude answers and dirty looks and refuse physical touch. This manifests in children who hide the truth from their parents or engage in worse behavior if they believe that their parents don't care about them. Number nine, they give no apologies and take no blame. Well-rounded parents aren't perfect people and they're aware of this. They know that their actions can and do have unpleasant consequences and they communicate this with their children when they hurt them unintentionally or intentionally. HTPs are not in that group. They are not self-aware or focused on self-improvement. They always see themselves as the victim. They're too preoccupied with judging people and blaming everyone else, even their own kids. They refuse to give an apology because they believe that children aren't worthy of them. This makes the child feel like the wrongs done to them don't matter or need correction. So they become adults who don't voice any grievances and suffer in silence. And number 10, they ignore healthy boundaries. Well-rounded parents know that having boundaries is good for themselves and their children because it teaches them self-respect. They will knock on the door first, allow you privacy and encourage general communication within the family. HTPs don't know what boundaries are. At least not in regard to their kids. They give little to no privacy. They trample all over boundaries and force an enmeshed dynamic in the family where you can't tell where you start and the rest of the family ends. Parents who display this toxic trait make it difficult for children to recognize, set, understand, and maintain boundaries. This child becomes an adult with little understanding of healthy boundaries and respect for others. So do you relate to any of the things we've mentioned here? If you come from a home where you didn't receive unconditional love, affirmation, security, practicing independence and individuality can help you break this cycle and be a better, more adjusted, secure person. It takes a long time and a lot of work, but it's rewarding in the long run. While it may not be simple or possible for some people to leave their toxic parents and guardians, action does need to be taken to start healing. If you are a victim of toxic parenting, therapy is extremely important and helpful long term. If you're a parent who sees these characteristics in yourself, help from a mental health professional can help you break these negative patterns. Did you find this video valuable? Tell us in the comments below. Please like and share it with friends that might find use in this video too. Make sure to subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification bell for more content. All the references used are added in the description box below. As always, thanks for watching and we'll see you next time.