 How To Give Effective Feedback Giving feedback is one of the biggest milestones for any team on their journey to team mastery. Because for me, a lot of the fundamentals of great teamwork stem from the team's ability to give honest feedback to one another. So, learning how to give feedback effectively is a great place to start. There's one basic human attribute that limits our ability to give effective feedback, and that is our desire to be liked. We can worry that giving feedback to people could lead to upsetting them, and then that could cause them to like us less. Don't get me wrong, it is nice to be liked, and people who are liked are more effective than those who aren't, but there's one thing that increases our effectiveness even more than being liked, and that is being respected. People respect those who tell them the truth, with kindness. Yes, sometimes giving feedback can be uncomfortable, but one thing helps with that, and that's doing it more often. Smaller batches of feedback are easier to accommodate, and they help establish it as normal, and not actually something to be worried about. Giving effective feedback to people is a gift, something that when done well is highly valued by those receiving it, so here are some tips to help you become more effective at giving feedback. The first is offer it. Don't go around inflicting your feedback on people. Perhaps try offering it, and give people the chance to say no thanks, or not yet. Even better, is try to create the conditions where people can pull your feedback when they want it. Let them know that you're happy to provide feedback on anything in particular, or some specific topics should they ever want it. By offering feedback, or having feedback pulled from you, this reduces any unconscious barrier that many people have of upsetting people, or creating a conflict, because they know that it's wanted. The second tip is frame it. Try and help people feel safe receiving your feedback by framing it. Ensure that your feedback, as well as being welcome, is seen as coming from a positive place. That it's not primarily for your benefit, but rather for the benefit of that person. Of course you'll probably benefit yourself in some way, but that certainly shouldn't be seen as the reason, because I'm less likely to change my behaviour for your needs than I am for me to achieve what I want. Now when we're working in a team, we've all got a common goal that we can look towards, and that can be helpful in framing the feedback. Let people know the boundaries. Will it be confidential for example? And make it specific and timely. Don't try and find every opportunity to make them a better person, and don't drag up old news, because they were a different person then, and our memories are notoriously inaccurate. Tip three is personalize it. Bland feedback is pretty much meaningless, and hence an indirection are a bad idea too. You know the kind of thing. A friend of mine is so annoying, in the hope that they pick up on it. The truth is they won't, or if they do, they'll probably feel patronized. Another trap is saying things like people have been saying. Don't fall into that. Own your feedback and tell it how you see it. And know your audience. Why would this be of use to them? How does what you've noticed help them become more of the person or teammate that they want to be? Find out how they would prefer to receive your feedback. Perhaps one to one face to face, or they might prefer it written in advance, so they can digest it on their own. Find out. Tip four is depersonalize it. Now I know I've just said personalize it, and personalizing your feedback is good, but it does have a downside. It's very easy for example to take people's feedback as judgment of us as a person. Feedback is most useful when it's focused on the behavior rather than the person themselves. For example, I might give my teenage daughter some feedback about the fact that she didn't tidy up her dishes after dinner yesterday, but I wouldn't give her feedback about being a lazy or an untidy person because that's about her personality rather than the behavior. Objectify your feedback. Remember your feedback is just an opinion from your perspective. It's not fact. And feedback is more likely to land well the less disagreement there is, and actions and behaviors are easier to agree on than intent and interpretation. Try and separate out what you actually observed, and try if you can to avoid judging those observations with your interpretations. For example, do you actually see them get angry? Or did you just notice them raise their voice and point their finger? If we can get agreement on the facts, then your opinion is more likely to be interpreted favorably. Tip 6 is separated. Don't be tempted to mix in a little bit of positive feedback to take the edge off your real feedback. It muddies the waters, and it actually reduces the impact of everything you're saying. So separate them out. Show your appreciations as a distinct activity, and offer your constructive observations as a discrete activity too. The whole feedback sandwich approach is awful, so avoid it. And my final tip for giving effective feedback is time it. I mentioned earlier to make your feedback timely to the action you wish to discuss, but don't expect people to accept things immediately. People often go through a typical processing loop when it comes to feedback, and it's known as SARA. The S stands for surprise, because that's the first response, especially if they weren't expecting your feedback. Now we can reduce this because we can offer it and we can frame it, so there's less surprise. Anger is often the next response, you know, how dare you? What right do you have to give me feedback here? Now again, we can reduce this by being neutral and offering our feedback from a positive intent for their benefit, not ours. And if our feedback is expected and even better being pulled, that helps reduce anger as well. Rationalization is the next step, and that's the process where they're evaluating its validity and its usefulness to them, whether it fits their world view and their view of self and whether they actually wish to incorporate it into an updated world view and a new view of themselves. Now that rationalization takes time and it can lead to two possible actions, either acceptance or rejection of the feedback. Often an initial response looks like rejection, but maybe after sleeping on it or further reflection, they might begin to accept your feedback. Even if they do, don't expect a big visible, you were right, I was wrong because that is a big challenge to ego and we don't need that. The aim of the feedback is to help that person and if they've taken that feedback for their own use and their own value, then we've got success. So in summary, remember that effective feedback is a gift. Offer it rather than inflict it. Frame it to increase safety and then personalize it to their objectives, but don't make it about their person, make it about the behavior. Remember it's an opinion and try to make it as objective as possible. Separate your observations out for greater impact and think about timing. Now after all of that, why not practice what you preach and go out and ask for some feedback from people on your ability to give effective feedback.