 So today, we're going to talk about what every man wants from a relationship. And let me just say this, what every man wants from a woman who does these things and it's not sex, although we do want that as well, we're going to go into a deeper dive of what it really takes to make a relationship truly successful. Now before I get started on this, I want to be really clear about something. What I'm about to share is both mutual for men as well as women. For anyone who says later on the broadcast, I'm focused on women and not men or vice versa. This is equal to both genders. Now what most people will tell you that every man wants a woman who gives him respect and acceptance, respect and acceptance. And I think there's no doubt that feeling respected, wanted respect from another human being is rather important and certainly acceptance from another human being is rather important. But I don't really see how this leads to a deeper emotional connection with your partner. Let me say this, I just don't see how that creates a deeper emotional connection. And what I'm about to share right now is really getting to the heart of true emotional connection with another person. Now coming back to respect and acceptance, can you really fully respect another human being? I put this out there. Can you 100% accept another person? I'm sure people have done things, let me reframe that. I said respect or let me focus on respect first. Can you fully respect a person 100% okay? Now I think to some degree you can respect someone's accomplishments, you can respect someone's efforts and that sort of thing. I'm at the same time we're human, we're fallible, we've made mistakes. To some degree our own judgments may not cause us to fully respect someone. Some of our judgments may not cause us to be fully unconditional with another person. And so this is where it gets rather tricky. And I was thinking about acceptance for a moment, like every man wants to be accepted in their relationship, but what if their behavior is bad? What if their behavior is rather inconsiderate? What if they fart? What if they belch? I guess if you equally belch and fart, you might be able to accept that. But think about it, there are going to be times where there's going to be something about your partner that annoys you. At the same time, when you can really dive into acceptance with another person, when you can really accept them warts and all, that's certainly leaning towards unconditional love or a deeper sense of love. So there's no doubt that it's absolutely possible. At the same time, I think we humans make some compromises in our lives and compromise simply means a trade-off. You get something really good here and you're willing to accept something that's not so good here. You know, it's interesting, I was talking to a potential client the other day and she was saying she didn't respect the person she was with because he cheated on his taxes. And certainly, I can understand how she might think how that might relate to other facets in his life. And so she didn't respect this person for it. I don't even know how they got on the conversation of cheating on the taxes or something like that on a first, second or third date. I don't know how long they connected with one another. At the same time, I think having a healthy level of respect. And certainly, I accept respect and appreciate and accept people that follow the four agreements. And if you're not familiar with the book, the four agreements, I highly recommend checking them out. There's a link below to get a copy of this book. Four agreements are, you're impeccable with your word, you do your best to be impeccable with your word. You always do your best, okay? You recognize that other people's opinions of you are just their projection and don't make assumptions in your life. I, actually people that follow this, I think for the most part live rather healthier lives than those who don't. So I'm going to dive into the real answer for this topic. Every man wants a woman who does this. So it's interesting. Okay. I'm going to hold off. Give me one more second before I'm going to share. I've interviewed, by the way, I guess I smack my lips, okay? Now I'm just noticing it because it's shared with me. I think part of the problem is when you're communicating in this way, I need saliva and so I smack my lips. So for those that have brought that to my attention, I'm going to own it and you got to live with it now, okay? My copy mug says, I don't want to work anymore. I just want to be cherished, put up on a pedestal and taken care of. This was a gift from a friend. One of the things I've interviewed men who have gone through a divorce and the one common thread every man has shared with me that was a disappointment in their relationship was they were not appreciated for their efforts. They were not appreciated for their efforts. Now I suspect women also have experienced the exact same feeling. See I think appreciation today is one of the areas where most humans take each other for granted and I also believe they do a very poor job at expressing appreciation. So we're going to dive into this conversation because this is critically important for the success, the cohesion of a healthy happy relationship with another person is the feeling of being appreciated. So let me just give you an example. You've gone out with a date with a man. He's made effort. Let's say it's the second or third date. You went out to a nice restaurant. He spent $120 here in Los Angeles. That's like a cheap date, okay? But let's just say he spent $120. At the end of the date, you say thank you, okay? Two simple words, thank you. Now put that in a box for a second. Let's just say this man makes $40 an hour in his professional life, okay? That's roughly an $80,000 your job. Actually in Los Angeles he'd be broke. So let's give him a $50 an hour job, okay? And let's say after taxes he makes about $35 an hour. So he had to work close to three hours to cover that bill, okay? He had to work three hours just to pay that bill. Now half of that bill is his. So we guess he had to work one and a half hours to cover your part. Now you might simply say, well, I spent all this time getting dressed, okay? To make myself look like nice for this person. And let's say you spent an hour and a half. And let's say he spent a half hour getting ready. So now the differential between the two is one hour, okay? And half of that was for yourself, okay? Ladies, you won't go out in the world. Most of you won't without putting some effort in. So you invested a half hour. He invested three and a half hours to treat you on this day, okay? And just once you see an exchange of energy, okay? Now where I'm really going with this is a lot of you say, well, I made all this effort. It's equal to his effort. No, he actually made more effort in this particular case. He had to work three hours just to cover this expense. Or we said an hour and a half and you spent equivalent of a half hour. So there's a differential. Saying thank you is certainly a kind thing to do. But I want to go deeper. What if you say I really appreciated that you treated for dinner tonight? I really want you to know that I appreciate it. I'm very grateful for your generosity. These are powerful words, ladies. I really appreciated your efforts. I really appreciated you treated for dinner tonight. I'm very grateful that you did this. See, these are powerful words, appreciation, gratitude, and grateful. And I believe this is one of the fundamental problems in most relationships today, is men and women don't do a good enough job appreciating each other. You know, many of you know I had a relationship that ended recently and we lived together. Why did I make that face? What I was revisiting in a moment is we both made a point to express appreciation for one other. She typically made the bed in the morning because I got up first. And I always said to her, not always, most of the time I would say, I really appreciated you making the bed. I really appreciated that you cleaned up the other night. And she would equally do the same for me. When we go grocery shopping together, sometimes she'd pick up the tab. Sometimes I picked up the tab. We always made sure to express appreciation for one another. See, we, as human beings, we need to be validated for our efforts. And I believe in today's current dating environment, it's rather mediocre. The amount of effort each person puts in the other person. And then the acknowledgement of that effort. I know I went off on this whole thing about how much time a person works to contribute to pay for this. But I think it's really important to understand that our efforts, our efforts towards another human being, has a value associated with it. And to acknowledge it beyond the thank you. The thank you is, look at, you say thank you to the barista that gave you coffee. For someone who genuinely treated you or did, made some effort on your behalf, I believe the words appreciation, grateful and gratitude are far more powerful to connecting with a person's heart. Because isn't that really what you want? And by the way, ladies, I'm here to express that men need to be doing this too. So for those of you that think this is a one-sided conversation, I'm here to encourage men to honor, acknowledge a woman's effort. So if she spent all this time getting dressed and ready, it's good to acknowledge that person. You look really beautiful tonight. Thank you for getting all dressed up and also doing the same for him. Because we make effort too. I think today in the dating marketplace, it is so cavalier. It is so, I think we take each other for granted. And by the way, when I say we, I'm including myself in this occasion, I occasionally have been insensitive. I've been occasionally inconsiderate. And so I don't want to be accepted for my bad behavior, coming back to acceptance or respect it. I want to actually show up as my best self and be acknowledged for my best self, to be recognized for being my best self, and you want the same thing as well. So just to kind of put a bow on this, every human being wants to be appreciated for their efforts. It's, significance is one of the most important, well, of the, by the way, if you're not familiar with the six basic human needs, by the way, someone write this in the chat box and someone write this in the comment section, six basic human needs. And you can also put Tony Robbins in there too, because I heard this originally from Tony Robbins. One of the basic human needs is significance. And within significance, it's really one of the best way to demonstrate that somebody's significant to you is through the words appreciation, grateful, and gratitude. Appreciation, grateful, and gratitude. I'm really grateful that you're in my life. You bring so much joy into my life. I really appreciate the amount of time you spend listening to me when I'm rambling on and on. I really appreciate that you listened to me when I ramble on and on. I really appreciate that you took the time to drive over here. I appreciate when you walk on the outside of the street, I appreciate when you lift up the chair, open the, pull out the chair for me. Folks, I'm here to encourage. Now, I don't mean vomit appreciation. At the same time, we should be, maybe I'm over dramatizing this, but I really wonder how many relationships would be saved if you constantly identified and appreciated each other's efforts instead of taking it for granted. We are in a self-centric world here. We're in a self-centered world where most humans in the dating marketplace are very myopic. In other words, they only care about their own needs being met. And they do a terrible job, men and women, like acknowledging the other person. And no wonder it's a mess out there in the dating marketplace. It is a mess. And I think one of the fundamental reasons is because there's such a poor job of actually acknowledging another human being. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Someone made a comment, women don't really like sensitive men. You know, I don't, and by the way, men don't like sensitive women. If a human being is overly sensitive, okay, if a human being is overly sensitive, there's probably an anxiousness going on within that person that lacks a bit of, here, self-love. My book, What the Act of Self-Love at the Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work, there's a link below. To be appreciated for your efforts is not being sensitive, okay? It's just being a good human being when you acknowledge another person's efforts towards you. You know, I remember my mom and dad when my mom was alive, and even towards the end, my mom and dad continually expressed appreciation for one another. There was always an acknowledgement of the other person's efforts. There was never a lack of that. I know they got into their routine. My dad paid the bills. My mom cooked. But my mom always acted in a space of appreciation, and my dad always acted in a space of appreciation. And let me tell you, when relationships fail, it's because there's usually a significant lack of appreciation going on. And while the title says Every Man Wants a Woman Who Does This, it is both human, both genders that it's important to acknowledge each other's efforts. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. As always, if you found value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit the notification bell as well so you can be notified of new videos. And also check out all the links below to schedule a discovery call with me to follow me on Instagram and all that good stuff. All right, folks, you know my format. If you have a question, write the word question in the chat box and then post the question there after. Or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him there with his brother, Colin. He's my son who passed away over five years ago. And his honor, I donate to causes like the Hoffman Process and Insight Institute just to name a few. And I also give scholarships to people who see coaching. I'm feeling a little choked up because it's the holidays and I'm really missing my son right now. Okay, so our goal tonight is $50 or today our goal is $50. So let's hit that little chat box and ask questions. And if you want to be brave and join the hot seat, there's a link right there to join the hot seat as well. Perry Sky says appreciation is good if you're dealing with a healthy individual. You know, some people have a real hard time accepting appreciation. I think there's, you know, if I think about this for a second, if another person has a hard time appreciating or accepting your appreciation, ask yourself, do they probably also have a hard time accepting your love, accepting your generosity? I think people who have a difficult time accepting appreciation also equally have a very hard time accepting your generosity. Or let me resave it, not accepting. Think about receiving your generosity. This is a big issue. So anyway, I just want to acknowledge that and appreciate that. All right, let me keep going here. Beach lover says overly sensitive. Sensitive matters, like he says, be a good human being. Coming back to sensitivity, there are people known as HSPs. HSPs, HSP stands for highly sensitive person. Some people are sensitive to sound. Some people are sensitive to smell. By the way, I'm an HSP when it comes to perfume. I am literally repulsed by perfume. Perfume just messes me up for some reason. I'm highly sensitive to that. But we're talking about mostly on an emotional level, but there are people that are highly sensitive emotionally. Most likely they haven't worked on their childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas, and they get triggered rather easily. And it makes those people very difficult to be in relationship with them. Now, we have to recognize we're always going to get triggered in another relationship with another human being. That's a very natural experience to get triggered. It's the capacity to work through your stuff, both on an individual level and with your partner, that's going to override the sensitivity and lean into a deeper co-creative experience. If you want to read an interesting book, where is it? Read Gary Zukoff's book, Spiritual Partnership, A Journey to Authentic Power. I highly recommend that book, Spiritual Partnership. To recognize that in a spiritual partnership, you actually attract someone who's going to trigger you. If it's constant, that means you probably have to do more work on yourself. But when you get triggered, it's how are you going to work in a cohesive way to make the relationship work? All right. So Jameson has an interesting comment. If his advice is so good, why can't he keep a woman? You know, it's interesting. When I read comments like this, there's a lot of assumptions and judgments going on when that kind of comment. Because first off, I will never keep a woman. I don't believe in property. I don't believe in that type of narrative. I think every individual is on a journey. I think that journey starts with the journey itself. And in that, we have romantic relationships in there. And certainly I've been married and I've had some significant relationships. The reality is, is folks, when you get to midlife, very few people, I mean, I would say 80% of the women who I work with have had at least five relationships in their lives. You know, a marriage or two and a couple short-lived relationships that could have lasted any worse from five months to a couple years. So these days, you know what? Human pair bonding isn't the destination. It's the experience. So we can judge a person, like if many of you judge my choices in life and you're welcome to judge it. You're welcome to judge my choices. That's on you because if I follow the four agreements, wait, wait, wait. If I follow the four agreements, don't take this personally, but I don't give a shit of what you think about me. That's your choice. And just remember, in the four agreements, oftentimes we project onto another person because I don't recall any of you actually sitting in my home and spending time with me. God, I'm getting sensitive with this one. No, I'm just in an interesting mood. I don't recall anyone sitting at time and really getting to know me. See, here's the thing, especially in social media, we make projections and have perceptions and judgments of people we have never met. It's really a reflection of our own shit, just an invitation to have you, everyone to look at that. Okay. All right. Marina says women need a man who do not ever cheat, not even one time. I guess that's true for some. Oh, Paula says you and me both Jonathan related to perfume. I don't wear cologne and I try not to wear scented type of... I use rock face cream, R-O-C. Does anyone use that? Anyway. All right. If you have a question, Deborah's joining us live. Hey, giving you some props, Deborah. And Perry says, so do we have any questions or who wants to join the hot seat? Listen, it's the holiday times. You can ask me personal questions. We can have some fun. I'm here just because folks... Well, really quickly, I want to go down a rabbit hole that came up. Okay. Let me mark the time. So I want to go down a rabbit hole of something and I have permission to share this from a colleague. And I have permission to share this from a client of mine. So I have a client who's been in a relationship for 11 months. She deeply cares for this person. She deeply cares for this person. There's been some reservations. In other words, there's been some behaviors that she doesn't fully accept or like or respect. And this is where she's been dancing with. Does she want to go all in in this relationship? And he's a good man. He's a good man, but he's human just like anyone else. And I suspect she's not perfect either. It turns out that he's been sick for quite some time. And he wasn't really aware of it until recently going to the doctors. Oh, and by the way, she is 50 years old. He's 54. So he's still young. Okay. And he's got some medical conditions and it looks like it's going to be rather severe. At the same time, her mother is also very ill and she's got some stuff going on with her mom. She's got some stuff going on with her children, her adult children. And she's got a full business that she runs. So she's like up to here. And then all of a sudden now he has this severe medical condition. And she's scared. She's rather scared. She's rather scared that she's rather scared because she doesn't know if she can take this on. And she's having reservations about the relationship. She had reservations about the relationship before this came to light. And now she's in this very awkward situation. They're not all in. They're not fully in love with each other. What do you do in cases like this? I think some people stay out of guilt. You know, I don't want to hurt this person while they're down. And I think she's wrestling with that right now. She's wrestling with what do I do? I've been having reservations about the relationship prior to this coming to light. And now this puts me in an awkward situation where I have to abandon my own needs, wants and desires for another human being. What would you do in a case like this? What would you do if you found yourself in a dynamic where all of a sudden somebody you care for, but all of a sudden, and then you're in a physical intimate relationship, you spend time together. What do you do in this particular case? How would you operate? Would you be selfless and sacrifice yourself for another human being? A couple of people comment. Perry says I would slow it down. Jameson seems to say women aren't loyal. This ain't any news. I will tell you, Jameson, I know you're a troll on here. Let me refrag that. That's a judgment on my part. Some of the women think you're trolling here, but let me just say this. Men aren't as loyal either. I guarantee you a lot of men would bolt if this were the case, Mr. Jameson. I think this is where it's important to have a significant conversation with this person to express what's coming up. I think it's a very valid fear and a concern and to feel uncertainty. The reason why the wedding vows are death till we part is because you're all in. You're all in. The good, the bad, the ugly. Today's relationships are rather, they might be monogamous and exclusive, but are they really all in with another person? Can you really appreciate someone? All of a sudden, this woman is probably going to feel resentment. She's going to feel anger. She's going to feel guilt, which isn't fair to him. Then I know many of you say, well, I don't want to be a nurse or a purse. Okay, well, this is true for men and women alike. This is the scary thing that happens in midlife. Are we really, are we expected to go all in? Are we expected to go all in? Anyway, let's just see some of your thoughts. I lived with a man, got cancer, I stayed. It didn't turn out well. It was him turning on me. I wouldn't leave when he's sick. Do we have to be martyrs? Is that our responsibility? I'm asking this as questions. I'm not here to say, I'm not here to suggest that you be a martyr. I'm not here to suggest being a martyr. Anyway, okay, what other questions do we have? Okay, Perry said, I would go all in for someone who did the same for me. Yeah, but you're not sick. So how do you know that they would actually do it? I mean, I'm just here to say, this is a really tough one. This is a really tough one. Hey, who wants to join me in the hot seat and talk about this or talk about anything else you'd like to talk about? Come on, I want to have some fun. Click that link there, join the hot seat. I do want to shift the conversation outside of this, but I did want to bring this up. Okay, Jay Breezy says, how is dating going? Well, for those that are aware that my significant relationship with Marie ended five months ago. And in the past five months, I put myself out on the dating apps. For the record, I'm on match.com, hinge, Bumble, and millionaire match, okay? And at this point, I haven't met, I haven't seen a profile that really excites me, okay? I haven't either received a message or I haven't seen a profile that just really excites me. Now, and let me share with you why I say excites me. Sadly, both men and women do such a terrible job putting together dating profiles. I mean, they really do a piss poor job. And there's this belief how you do one thing is a reflection of how you do everything. And you know what's interesting is everybody thinks their profile is the exception. And I'm here to say, all your profiles are just as poor. Okay, Gigi, I'll get to you in a moment since I'm going down this rabbit hole, okay? So just knock it off. All right, so one is, I haven't seen a profile that's really made me go, wow, you know? And while, and partially is because my old pattern would just go on dates and under the guise of, you just never know, you just never know. I'm operating from a completely different vantage point. First is I felt that I put together a really good profile of photographs and an essay and I took a lot of time to create this. So I made a lot of effort, okay? And I'm seeking that person who's also put together the same type of effort that also matches my values, my lifestyle, and my perception of their emotional maturity. I can tell you, I read probably, particularly on match.com, I would say 80% of the profiles I read, most of the women and men too, most likely, are completely unaware of how wounded they are and it shows up on their profile. You know, I read one women's profile. Clearly the top line says, I don't want any cheaters or liars. Anybody who either writes something like that in their profile is most likely wounded. And I just want somebody who's, it isn't operating from a fear-based way of dating, operating from a love-based way of dating. So those are just giving me a lot of time so those are just giving you some quick updates and I'm open to sharing more as this broadcast goes on. We have Gigi in the house, so let's bring her on board. Hi, I am a hot mess today. Hi. You're a hot mess. Yeah. That's okay. I'm at my construction site. Okay. So what do you got for me? And just remember, I'm pretty hard on people. That's okay. Let's have some fun. I met a guy on Millionaire Match a week ago and we've been back and forth and we've talked on the phone. He's been very honest with me. He's in a situation ship and he doesn't want to be. And then he invited me to join him in New Orleans at an event that he's attending. Should I go? So he's currently in a situation ship with someone else. Okay, so now I would ask, does this person know they're in a situation ship or does the other person, in other words, if does the person know they're in a situation ship or is it just you? It's Gigi, you disappeared. Okay, there you are. My point is, first, to determine if he's in integrity, does the other person know they're in a situation ship? That would be something I would ask him. You're frozen, right? Oh, there you are. Okay. Number two, why are you interested in someone who's in a situation ship? Let me ask that question. So we were talking before he told me about the situation ship and just in conversations, he doesn't want to be in it. And I have a whole list of questions that I want to ask him when I finally meet him face to face. And one of them is, why are you in the situation ship? How long have you been in it? And does the other person know that she's in a situation ship? Yeah. And can he give her up? Because I've already told him, I don't want to be in a situation ship. I don't want to be friends with benefits. And if he's not willing to give that up, we're done. Yeah, so it's interesting because you asked me, you asked me originally, your original question, should I go meet him? But you've already said when I meet him, I'm going to ask him these things. So you're not really asking me my question, asking me whether or not you should meet him. Okay. Now, if you were genuinely asking me that, and I doubt you're going to listen to my advice, I would say run forest run. Okay. But I don't think you're going to listen to me. And let me tell you what I think is going to happen. You're going to meet in New Orleans. You're going to have a couple cocktails at some point. You're going to have physical intimacy. Then you're going to go your separate ways. And he'll have some excuse why he can't see you again. I say that with about an 80% certainty that that's most likely. And I know I'm, you might be thinking, well, Jonathan's using reverse psychology on me or I won't sleep with him. But trust me, if there's physical attraction, it is, I mean, let me put it to you this way. He will most likely try his hardest to sleep with you. Well, that drops to 50% because he didn't drink. He doesn't drink. Okay. So it would just, yeah. Alcohol just makes, you know, there's, what was that line in the movie? Alcohol drops their inhibitions. Oh, it was in, it was in a ghost of girlfriend's past. So anyway, all the advice on the bulletin board says, run, run, run. I'm giving you my advice, but I have a feeling it's deeper. I think this is a deeper question of why are you even interested in somebody who's unclean? There's no, he's not clean. He's got dirt, he's dirty right now. I don't mean that, I don't mean that his character. Okay. I'm just saying he's involved with someone else. So what in you is attracted to a person that isn't rather clean? And I, again, when I say clean, I don't mean, you know, I just mean he's tangled with somebody else. So it's a red flag. And I was interested in him before I knew that. So it's not like I got interested because of that. So I say it one more time. You, what, you, what? I said I was interested in most self-respecting women. And I don't mean to characterize you as not self-respecting. A true woman of her sovereignty, her self-worth, her self-esteem, her self-respect would say, you know what? Thank you for being so transparent with me. I really appreciate your honesty. That takes a lot of bravery because a lot of men won't be honest. I will tell you that that doesn't align with my value. One of the fundamental values I have when getting to know someone is I like to date one person at a time. So if a person is, is dating multiple people, I don't feel that's very clean. I think the self, the respectful thing to do is let this person know that you're going to exit out of this relationship. And then I might be interested in meeting you in the future. I might be interested in meeting the future, but right now I don't feel comfortable because that, that isn't alignment to who I am as a person. Well, that conversation will happen. And there will be no such. Well, you'll have to report back. I did a trip to New Orleans. What was that? Well, I understand, you know, the thing is, is right now, most people are significantly lonely. I'm not suggesting that about you. I'm generalizing here. And because of that, this is a nice vacation. It's an opportunity to step out of your zone. You're welcome to do whatever you want. Gigi, I'm here to say this. But it's also a reflection. If you're willing to accept a crumb, it's really a sign of more individual work you may want to consider for yourself. That's just an observation off the cuff. You know, you take that for what it's worth. But I'm only accepting a crumb if I let him into my life. You just, the minute you meet him, you've let him in your life. The fact, right now he's in your life. Don't misinterpret. He's already in your life. He's occupying space. You guys show me your text messages. I bet it's that, that, that, that, that, that, that. You know, so he's in your life. He's already in your life. He's occupying real estate. Harry Sky says, Gigi, I have higher standards. I mean, no disrespect. I've been where you are. Folks, I've been where she is. So I get it. It's human nature because you've got a white body. How many men are online and you start a communication with them and then you find out they're married. They're not divorced. They have a serious relationship. So how many people are truly clean online? And if you want someone truly clean, then don't get online. Well, first off, yeah, we all, okay. There's no doubt we all have a residue, you know, from our past. I would say, you know, it's, the question is how many, the question isn't how many people are truly clean. That's not the question because we live in an emotionally dysfunctional world, yourself and myself included. With that said, the minute somebody demonstrates a red flag, in this particular case, for me, that's a deal breaker. Okay, there's a difference. That's not a red flag. Red flag means ask more questions. For me and most everybody watching, they're going to say this is a deal breaker for them. So it's, and you might, I recognize, you might say, well, Jonathan, this is the pool I'm dealing with. But when you make a stand for your sovereignty, when you make a stand for your self-love, I might actually read, this is so ironic because I did a post today on Instagram. I have to read this to you because this totally illustrates this. The meme says, by the way, folks, I'm just going to switch screens here for a second. The meme says, you bring a lot to the table and it's okay to act like you own your work. That's what the meme says. And I want to read to everybody what I wrote, okay. And it says, in the dating marketplace, many humans settle for a warm body instead of the right person. Lack of self-love is often the culprit because most of us were never taught to embody healthy self-esteem. While there are many who have an exaggerated sense of self, which is attractive at first to those who are slightly lacking, the way to break free is to make a stand for your sovereignty. There is no accident I posted this. There's no accident you're on here and there's no accident you should have been listening to this. There is no accident. God, universe, spirit, as I called Gus, wanted me to share this with you and you're given an opportunity to make a stand for your sovereignty. And I'm here to say, if you meet him, what's the old expression? Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. You're already aware of this information and you're still going out to see him. That's fool me twice. But I know you'll argue against me. I know you'll argue against me. I'm not arguing against you. I'm taking it under advisement. Okay. Because I'm not the one settling. I'm not the one settling for the warm body. He is. He's settling for the warm body. So there's something wrong with his self-love and sovereignty, which is a point to consider. Bravo. Gigi, can I reach into the... All right. Thank you, Gigi. Give me you a big gigantic shot at the bear hug. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. All right. Oh, sorry there. Hey, we've got Deb in the house. We got some more fun. Hey, Deb. I'm delighted. Actually, get on. I'm going to get right to the question so that I don't get choked. Jonathan, I want to know if I'm moving too fast. Okay. I'm living in Zimbabwe. I met a man on OK Cupid two months ago. Okay. I had two chats on OK Cupid. And then we had two emails, followed your advice. And then we had 70 hours of video chat. Okay. Okay. I'm getting on a plane and I'm coming to meet you. So I was in a state of shock. Within a few days he arrived, 10,000 miles. He traveled to meet me. Where did he... By the way, where does he live again? He lives in Greenville, South Carolina. And you live in Zimbabwe. That's 10,000 miles, everybody. He came to meet me. So I took your advice and didn't go for the tall dark handsome. He is short. He's a little bit extra. Only he was married once. He married his... He's with one woman in his whole life. So they, boy, I went for either. So he came up. We went to Victoria Falls, which is one of the seven wonders of the world. I took him there. We had a fabulous time. He met all of my family and all of my friends. That was his mission. Went back to America. He's contacted my family in America and is spending Christmas with them. And I'm in a little bit of a state of shock. Because I've been single for 15 years. And I've been preparing now. I know all this time because I've been following you all that time and seeing all metamorphosis. And I know that I'm ready. And I'm excited. Well, I got a couple of questions for you, Deb. Yeah. First off, earlier when you said I followed your advice, I didn't go for the tall, dark and handsome person. Folks, that's not my advice, by the way, to not do something. I just want to be clear about that. And my advice is to go where your heart is and not your ego is. Okay. So I just want to clarify that. So why don't you tell me, how do you feel? Okay. Did you guys have sex? Yes. Okay. If I caused a fence by saying I didn't go for the tall. No, no, no. You didn't cause a fence. I just want everyone to be clear of what my advice is. So what told them? Well, let's go back to, you guys had sex. How was the sex? It was good. But I wanted you to know that I actually, he had very bad profile pictures and I couldn't tell which one he was on the profile picture on OKCupid. So I read his very, very long profile and I decided to reach out to him because of his profile. I didn't know what he looked like, but he sounded emotionally mature and he just ticked all my boxes. And I was not disappointed to find out that he was. Okay. So when did, when did he return home? He was only here for 10 days. And since he's been home, we had. Hey, by the way, I want to give you an example of what women do. I asked your question. You answered something completely different. I said, when did he go home? He went home three weeks ago. Three weeks ago. Okay. So just I want to give everyone an example of communication. Okay. I asked a specific question. You started to tell me a story. Okay. So he left three weeks ago in the past three weeks. How was your communication been? We checked for between one and three hours every evening. Okay. So what is the game plan for the two of you going forward? We are applying for my visa and I'm planning to go for my birthday in April. And he has already asked me to marry him. Okay. So, well, first off, Deb, I know you from my group called Midlife Love Mastery, everybody. If you want to, Deb is someone I know. This is new information to me because you haven't shared this in the group. So I don't have, to the extent, I don't have a lot of significant advice to share with you. I would invite you to watch a TV show called 90 Day Fiancé. 90 Day Fiancé the other way. 90 Day Fiancé. Why? Here's the thing. Relationships with people from other countries. Now, there's always exception to the rule is you don't really know a person until you actually spend a significant amount of time with them in each other's respective environments. Okay. Now, it sounds like you're considering moving to North Carolina. You said North Carolina, correct? I'm going for between six and 12 weeks to live with them at home. Okay. Yeah, I own my own business. So a lot of people in the 90 Day Fiancé show do that. Okay. They spend a significant time. Here's the challenge. When you move to another location. Okay. So let's just say you're there. A, you don't have your circle of friends with you, number one. You're not in your regular routine, especially if you go to the gym, if you go to a certain place to go for a walk, a certain, you know, all of the things in your current environment aren't going to be at this environment, number one. Okay. So what oftentimes happens, by the way, I'm not taking this from a pessimistic point of view, a realistic point of view. Okay. What oftentimes happens is it puts 100% of the risk. Is he retired? No. No. Okay. He's a software engineer. Okay. So he's going to work, and then you're going to be in his home by yourself for a significant amount of time throughout the day while he's doing his professional life. What often, huh? He works from home. Okay. Works from home. Okay. So, and that could be a benefit. Well, that could be a benefit or it could be a curse too, because then there's no autonomy for each one of you to have your own space. Okay. So the real question is doing, here's the thing, you can't really get to know a person until you've seen them in a multitude and a variety of circumstances or situations. This is how you get to know someone. All of that time on the telephone or video chatting is partially getting to know someone. You're partially, and quite frankly, you're getting to know someone in a cerebral perspective and not the physical perspective. I mean, I don't mean sex, okay? How a person operates. Do they put the toilet seat down? Do they treat you with courtesy? Are you showing appreciation for one another? All the little micro things that happen with your day to day. Okay. If you guys survive the 12 weeks that you're together, and I use the word survive almost as a defeatist point of view, certainly you can give it a go of it. You know, I mean, nothing ventured, nothing gained. The question is, so long as you don't give up your sovereignty because if it doesn't work out, what is your plan? Like I really, a lot of people don't go in with the plan of what to do when it doesn't work out. They're always focused on what does, you know, like the hope versus the real preparation. So, hey, you know, I've known you for months now. I mean, this is new news. Thank you for sharing this. You must share this with the group. So we all know. Bill Wind, it's all happened so very fast and that's why I'm saying to you, does this sound all too quick for you? You know, he's doing eight dates with me. We're doing that together. He's read your book. He's read the four agreements. He's in about 10 of your books. I mean, this guy. No, I want to address something. Let me interrupt. You said, are we going too fast? Yeah. You know, time, well, I mean, from a spiritual perspective, time is an illusion. But I don't subscribe to fast or slow. Okay. What I subscribe to is being in your own lane. Okay. Being in your own sovereignty, your own power. And look at many of you know, Marie and I moved in together rather quickly. It was five months after we met. Was that too fast? I don't know. All I know is I had an amazing experience. We weren't meant to go the distance and we left in a very conscious uncoupling. Like, you know, if I mean, and I don't regret every second we were together because we were in appreciation with one another. We showed each other respect, you know, and each person is on their own individual journey. I'm okay. And my point in bringing this up is, fast or slow, it's a personal thing. What my most concern is, is don't give your power away because of the fantasy. That's the real issue. Don't give your power away to the idealic, you know, the fantasy of what might happen and be really mindful if you're taking red flags and painting them green. Okay. Which I talk about incessantly. So, I have one single show ever. And one thing I do want to say is that you have just taught me not to hold out any attachment to the outcome. Yeah. And that helps hugely. You know, if it doesn't work out well, I'll be okay. I'll be fine. I love myself. And I know that I don't need man. And he doesn't need me. We're both financially stable. As I said, I have my own business. Yeah. And even though he's met my kids and they really like him and all my family and all of my friends, I really believe that we will be friends if he meets someone else or it doesn't work for some reason or the other. But I do have family in the States and he's with my family. Can I respond to that for a second? Yeah. So, I'm going to say this tongue in cheek, but I love how we rationalize things will be friends. Okay. Now, let me be tongue in cheek here for a second. Okay. To me, a friend drives me to the airport. To me, a friend is people I get to break bread with. To me, a friend is someone I'm going to share emotional things with. Okay. I think it's okay. But by the way, if you're saying, well, at least be a friend. The truth is, if you met the love of your life, the day after you broke up, are you really going to be friends with this person? Okay. Number one. Now, it's okay to say I'll be friendly to this person, but I don't believe it's healthy to share, to talk about your future dating experiences with a past lover. I think that's just an unhealthy thing to do to talk about your current dating situations with a past lover. I just think that it's fraught with, and by the way, it's not clean. Okay. That's just my perception. Take that for what it's worth. Okay. So, I think what's most important is, if you recognize that if the two of you don't work out that you do it consciously, a conscious uncoupling like what Catherine Woodward Thomas talks about in her book, Conscious Uncoupling. Okay. Of course, I made all of you. Yeah. So, I just, rather than creating a story to kind of justify it, just simply say, you know what, my goal is to go into this. Conscious. Passionate and open. And what I mean is open to the experience. Detached to the outcome. Now, here's the problem. We can still get rather attached to another human being. It's difficult not to get attached. And it's difficult not to get attached to the outcome. If you have a propensity in your past experience to be devastated, to be, you know, to feel heartbroken when something doesn't work out, then you probably are going too fast. Okay. If you haven't healed from something like that. Okay. You know, but listen, you know what, you're a grown woman. You know, we only live, well, in this lifetime, we only live once. So, do what feels right for you, but maintain your sovereignty. Absolutely. And I appreciate your advice. I really do. I mean, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be here at all. Well, you know what? Into the one time that we did have a perspective coaching call. I'm here to say I'm happy for you. I'm excited. I wish you all the best. Let me give you a prayer as I take on some more questions before we wrap up. Dear God, universe spirit, we invite in for Deb Locke a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship that starts with individual sovereignty and neither one of you giving your power away to the other person. And the communication and connection between the two of you is rather easy and the banter can go on for hours at a time. And if the two of you do experience a conflict, you're able to resolve the conflicts with ease and that your lifestyles are blendable with one another. And you share the same passions doing things together. And you also share the same values that builds the deep roots of trust because when two people trust one another, they have the makings for a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship. And I hope you guys have great sex together for many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many years to come because guess what? What's the point of being with someone if you don't get to fuck them on a regular basis? At least that's my opinion anyway. God, universe spirit, I invite that in for Deb right now. Amen. Thank you. I appreciate you. And I'm going to let you know how that goes. Okay. Big, gigantic shots and bear hugs. Thanks, Deb. Wow. That was an interesting share. So I will say this. There's always exception to the rule. And there are certainly people out there that have done the truly long distance dating where there's literally another continent away. I'm not a big proponent of spending a lot of time on video chat just in general, but I recognize when you have this kind of dynamic. But the thing is they didn't spend, you know, six, 10 months, years doing this. They did it for a few months. He came out to visit. They hit it off. And she's going to see where it goes. Look it. So long as you're not giving up who you are for another person, you know, you give it a try. You know, relationships aren't a guarantee. Folks, I want you to think about this. Tonight is a Saturday night. And I know it's the holidays, but let's just say a hundred thousand people go on a first date here in the United States. Okay. I'm just picking on a number. The likelihood of any of those turning into a significant relationship is a very small percentage. And of those people that actually decide to start dating one another, it's still a small percentage that works out. And then after that, of those people that actually move in together, get married, it's still a small percentage that works out. That's life. So understanding this, the most important principle here is to recognize to maintain your sovereignty and work on non-attachment to the outcome, non-attachment to the outcome. Easier said than done, but when you maintain your sovereignty, your self-work, your self-esteem, your self-confidence, you have a greater chance for relationship success. And we miss Deborah, a big chunk of love there, and she just posted, my profile should excite you. I got my basic house from you. Well, I'm honored to be of support to you. Jill says that's rather depressing. Well, Jill, that can be depressing or it can be an invitation. I get where you might see it that way. It might be depressing. It's an invitation to really make, just like the meme I wrote on Instagram, you bring a lot to the table and it's okay to own your worth. You see, when you are in your sovereignty, you become a magnetic attractor for what you want, just like Joy Kingsborough and Matt Kahn, who I interviewed the other day. So yes, by society standards, it is very depressing. But from an individual perspective, you have a choice to give in to the facts. You have a choice to give in to the facts. And if you give in to the facts, then you will be depressed or you can operate from a place. And as you just said, it's raining great men. It's raining great women. It's raining great men. It's raining great women. It's raining great men. It's raining great women. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. If you found value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well. And just one more thought on this sobering fact. It's that fact that should help you be detached to an outcome or not attached to an outcome because if we get too excited, we're going to be one of those statistics. That's what I'm leaning into. All right, folks, I want to give props to... I'm going to wrap up this video as I normally do, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. I'm going to reach in the camera. Excuse those pit stains. I'm sweating. I'm sweating. Excuse those pit stains. I'm sweating here. Give you a hug as well. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a Pat and Teddy Bear pillow. You have to enter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank Beach Lover and Snowstar and Perry and Jill and Sherry and Magic Entertainer and Sylvia and Rosie and Deborah. Thank you for that. And Gigi who was on earlier and Barbara and Jeanne and Rose. I think I might have said that. Rosie, Lisa, TX mom, everyone who was on tonight, big hugs wishing you a fab day. Be well. Bye now.