 on a tape recording, and that's all we have to talk about. Bambine out. Buckback works, too. CBS now invites you to enjoy Life with Luigi. Life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Cy Howard, written and directed by Lou Derman, and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash, with Alan Reed as Pasquale. And now let's look in on that little antique shop in Chicago, where Luigi Basko is writing another letter, describing his adventures in America to his mama Basko in Italy. Mommy, excuse me, mommy, if I didn't write you this week, but you know, even if I don't write, I'm always thinking about you. Pasquale knows this, and he calls me mama's a boy. But I would rather be mama's a boy than a rose as a husband. Come on, mommy, you should have said Pasquale. For the last couple of weeks, he's a bother me terrible to marry his fat daughter, Rosa. It tells me he's a good for my income tax because then I could have put down one dependent. But the mama may act like a marry in the elephant to save money and the peanuts. But the mama may, this morning, I was a dust in off of my statues in my antique shop when suddenly my daughter's open up. Hi, Luigi. Hello, Mr. Post Office. Hey, you got a letter from me for, you got a letter from my mama, Mia? Would I dare show my face in here if I didn't? Oh, thanks, thank you so much. You know, Mr. Post Office, she only writes me a letter when she can find Uncle Pietro, and he only writes when he can find his eyeglass. Well, I guess all mothers are the same. That's it. What's wrong, Luigi? Not bad news, I hope. No, no, it's not too bad, but listen, my dear son, Luigi, how you feel? That's a good amaglada. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! It was only yesterday, me and Uncle Pietro, we were sitting around and remembering things about you. How you was only three and a half pounds when you was a born. So Uncle Pietro bought the goat, and she was giving you so much milk at the goat who thought that she was a Yuma. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! See, that's cute. That's nice, huh? And then she says, my dear son, then we started to look on your baby pictures. We got pictures of you from two years old, three years old, four years old. After four years old, there's no more pictures because that's the one at the goat, date up with the camera. That don't sound like a character. She was just like a member of the family. And here's some more. And so my son, Luigi, I think about you all the time. And I think how I'm getting older and maybe I'm never gonna see you no more because of the big ocean that's between us. Anyway, always I'm gonna pray for you, my son. Post office. Yeah, Luigi. How much it costs to go to Italy? Well, I don't know, 500 bucks maybe. In fact, Mama, yes. Why, you're thinking of going back for a visit? Well, if it's a cost to so much, there's only one way I could go back. Squeeze myself into some airmail envelope. But Luigi, 500 dollars is a fortune of money. Yes, I know, Schultz, but I don't like to lend money from a friend. What are you talking about? I couldn't lend you 500 dollars if I was your worst enemy. Now, why do you suddenly need 500 dollars, Luigi? Did you run out of coffee? No, no, no, no, Schultz. Why do you do that? Here's a letter I've got from my mama, Mia, today. She writes how she's getting older and she would like to see me once more. That's making me feel a little bit homesick. I know just how you feel, little Veena Schnitzel. You know, Luigi, my first couple of years in America, I got so lonesome for the old country and Mama, I lost 20 pounds. Oh, and then what do you did, Schultz? I got married. Oh, good, and then you gained the back of the 20 pounds, eh? No, I lost 10 more. Oh, small, Luigi. Maybe in a year or two, you will save up enough money to go home. How is the antique business? Is it picking up? No, Schultz is laying down. Yesterday, my cash register's opened up at Samarth only one time and with how much I'm gonna put in, I think it's gonna starve to death. But Schultz, where am I gonna get the money to? Luigi, into my head and eye tear, just pooped. I hate to talk about that old skin print, but, well, how about your landlord, Pasquale? No, no, no, Schultz, not him. I know how you feel about him, Luigi, but, well, Pasquale has got the money, eh, Indy? Pasquale, he's got as much money as a mattress to his or what, the more laying it down than a standing up thing. No, Schultz, I'm, I'm, I'm a talk about to Pasquale, but, but do you know him? The only way he would lend me money is if I was to marry his fat daughter, Rosa. No, no, no, don't chew to it, Luigi. After all, marriage is a sacred thing and should only be entered into with mutual love and understanding and tenderness and how much would Pasquale give you to marry Rosa? $2,000, eh? Oh, what a bitch! Luigi, my friend! Hello, Luigi, hello, hello. Hello, Pasquale, uh, Pasquale, how you feel today, huh? Oh, I feel fine a little banana nose. Why, you ask, eh? Well, uh, I think I remember you, you better sit down, Pasquale, huh? Well, for, I'm gonna sit down. Well, uh, sit down, Pasquale. All right, all right, what do you want to do? Play cards, a little canace? No, no cards, just, just, just to please sit down, huh, Pasquale? All right, all right, I'm sitting there. Now, so what? Well, Pasquale, there's something I'm gonna ask you, that you've been wanting, I should ask you. Ever since you brought to me here from Italy. No, Luigi, what are you gonna ask me? Is it got to do something with what I've got, that you've been fighting not to get, that I would've died to have you get got? Pasquale, that's right. Okay, I give up, what are we talking about? Well, Pasquale is a, is a common time in a man's life when, when it feels that he should, he should have stopped being a single, even if he's got a married girl who looks a doubly. Luigi, you're talking English, but the words are, they're coming out like a scrabble. Pasquale, I've been thinking, I'm, I'm gonna have to get any younger, and every day your roses should have gotten heavier. Is this why you ask me to sit down, just to tell me roses are fat? No, no, no, please, Pasquale, not, not the fat, Pasquale. But, oh roses, she's a, she's got a beautiful shepherd, beautiful, beautiful shepherd, for a girl who weighs 250 pounds. Yeah, and with a 250 pounds, basically. No, Pasquale, please, please, believe me, and I heard they look good, they're better than the movies, even. The movies, what do you mean? Well, the movies, they've got a three dimensions, and she's got a twelve. Luigi, I told you before. No, Pascalea, Pascalea, I, I, I want to marry her. Marry? Blue itchy. You, you want to be my son-in-law? That's right. Marry my Rosa? Yes. Take her for your lawful wedded wife? Yes. You can't have her. But Pascalea, oh no, you must be joking. You're always begging me to marry Rosa. Well, I change in my mind about you, Mr. Fowler, and for the money I'm giving away with a Rosa, I could get a domestic stuff. Mr. Pascalea, I don't understand you. That's to make a two of us. What makes you change your soul all over Horry? Why you suddenly decided to enter into matzimony with a Rosa? Well, I'm a decided because maybe it could be a, maybe it could be love of us, Glalie. Sure. Could be pickles too, but I don't think... Come on, Luigi, tell the truth to why you suddenly want a Rosa. Pascalea, you, you're still offering a reward for the fellow who takes a Rosa? So you're after a thousand dollar dowry as a reward, eh? Thousand a Pascalea, last week you offered two thousand. So this week she's a mark down to one thousand. What's the matter, Luigi? You need the money? You, eh, in some little trouble, maybe? No, no, no. There's no trouble, Pascalea. You see... Pascalea, maybe you mark her up a little bit, maybe fifteen hundred. No. Twelve or fifty? Absolutely not. Then OTT. All right, one thousand. Oh, you big dope, I would've settled her for eleven to hundred. Go ahead now. Well, one thousand is going to be all right, Pascalea. You're going to make it a five hundred dollar dowry payment now, and the rest you pay me out in a twelve easy payment. And what am I buying here? A son-in-law television or something? Pascalea, don't argue it. If you want to make it this deal, it's a five hundred dollar dowry. Now, see OTT? Well, look, if I give you the five hundred, you willing to sign a promissory note to Tamara Rosa on a site? Well, Pascalea, I promise to marry her in ninety days. It's just like cash. And there's no return on the merchandise. No, it's not a return on because of what I'm going to buy. I'm a keeper. All right, Luigi, I'll give you five hundred cash. My mattress was getting a little lumpy around the head anyway. We shake on the deal, are we? All right, then we shake a Pascalea. Oh, my God, I'm so happy. I got to kiss you. No, no, Pascalea, stop it. Please stop it, Pascalea. You kiss her like a fish head. I can't help it, Luigi. You know how it is. All you life, you dream of a fellow rushing up on a white horse to carry off your daughter. Suddenly you come along, you take away my horse. Rosa! Rosa, come here quick! By the ball, Rosa, guess what? Luigi's just a proposal to me and you say yes. Don't you hear me, baby? We got him. We got him. The fight is over. Rosa, ain't you going to say something? What do you think? I think I should have held out for two thousand. Oh, stop. Rosa, tell Luigi what a lucky fellow he's going to be. Oh, Papa, please. Well, you've got to say something, Rosa. All right. Thank you. You're welcome, Rosa. What else I'm going to do for you, my son? What, Pascalea? Every time Rosa has a baby, I give you five hundred dollars of voters. Five hundred dollars? For twins, I pay a thousand dollars. That's what they call a double indemnity. Hey, Luigi, now we're almost the blood relatives. Tell me, why you needed this money so quickly? I'm going to take it, Pascalea. Wonderful. You're going to take Rosa for the honeymoon? No, no, no, Pascalea. Pascalea, I've got to go all alone under the honeymoon. Alone? Luigi, I know my Rosa. She's not going to be happy if you get a selfie she'll go in the honeymoon without her. No, but listen, Pascalea. I don't like to eat. I don't want no long distance to Son-in-law's. Pascalea, I'm just going home for a couple of weeks to see my mamma Mia. Ah, and when you expect to trot down the bridal path to wither my Rosa? Pascalea, remember, remember our deal is in 90 days. I change you my mind. You've got to be all excited and now. And if you don't marry Rosa right away, is it no bolder money and you can kiss your antique shop and go buy it too? What? No, Pascalea. You mean if I don't marry Rosa, then... and I don't marry her right away, then you're going to kick me out of my store? If you did, then you're going to say Jackie Robinson. Well, you want to marry Rosa now? Go see your poor lonesome mamma or you want to sleep in the park with little buddies at the night. Pascalea, please, please, give me a little time, man. Okay, you've got two seconds. The time's up, but what's the answer? The answer is no. All right, Mr. Bachelor, you've got to start moving your stuff out right now. Tomorrow at the antique shop is going to be a barbershop. Mamma Mia! Friends, be with us tomorrow at this same time for more fun when Luigi becomes involved in selling vacuum cleaners to raise the money for his fare to Italy.