 Good morning to you. Thank you so much for me part of this morning conversation. This is power talk. My name is Ram Magukum. It's a pleasure being with you today on this five-thousand day morning. And of course we value your feedback. Talk to us today. We have a very interesting and important conversation that we are about to have. It's all about dealing with heartbreaks. How can you deal with the heartbreak as a man? And they say, man, don't cry. Come with me. Should you cry? Is it a way of dealing with the heartbreak? And under some people, revenge. When they are heartbroken, they plan revenge. What do you do? How can you deal with the heartbreak? While other people, they go, they start taking ice cream. You know them. You see them. And they shut down. Others, you know, go MIA. You don't know where they are. They're just missing in action. People react differently from heartbreaks. So today let's find out how best can you deal with the heartbreak? When somebody has offended you and you are married to them, how do you deal with that? When somebody has offended you and you're planning to get married to them, how do you deal with that? Your boyfriend, girlfriend, it could be your spouse, your fiancée or your husband or wife. Today let's talk about this particular issue to my far right. I am with Reverend Evans Kucho. He is a pastor, a counselor, and of course an expert when it comes to him, but he is not a pastor because he knows how to deal with the heartbreak. He knows how to deal with the heartbreak. He knows how to deal with the heartbreak. Pleasure. You've seen people who know how to deal with the heartbreak. Oh really? That's my pleasure. And there is a comment I saw on Facebook. I will read that comment. I think someone was addressing you. Thank you so much for coming. You are well. And of course I am with Emma Jerry. We were with her last week in regards to this particular conversation and we said, you know what, let's do this again. Emma Karibusana. Thank you so much. She is a media personality and actress. Thank you so much. I did that again. You almost, almost. Almost. Thank you so much for coming. And of course the value of feedback, the hashtag is Fawa Tokshu on Twitter at Ram Aguiko and at Y254 Channel. That's why you can be good to find us. Remember we are coming to you live from the broadcasting house here in Nairobi, Kenya. We are also streaming live through our website and that's at www.kabc.co.ke 4 slash Y254. Power Talk starts now. Start engaging with us. Let us know where you're watching us from. And of course I shall sample your feedback a bit later on. Head over to our Facebook page. We've made a post on our page. That's on Y254. Like the page. Follow the page and drop your comment there on that particular question. And of course ask any question that you would like to ask. Let me start with you Rev. Evans. And of course you are not there before. Emma had already given her stand in regards to some particular areas. We shall review those things. Let's address this first. I want to start from a very different angle today. As a man. When a man is heartbroken. Is there a way that a man ought to deal with heartbreak? Well, there are so many angles to look at this topic for this issue of heartbreak. And if we talk from the angle of relationship where a man and a woman are in a relationship. And the man is heartbroken. Yes, there are several ways to deal with it. Because to me as a counselor heartbreak is part of life. It's like being on a thing as a highway and you don't expect an accident. It happens. Biga percentage of people have gone through it, dealt with it. And also some percentage have also gone through it. Unfortunately became victims. So there are several ways of dealing with this thing called heartbreak. It happens. But one thing you need to know and understand and accept. It is part of life. It is part of life. Yeah, it happens. So how should a man handle it? Many say that man should man up. And there is a way they expect you to react when you are heartbroken. One, it is very wrong for you to try to be strong when you know you are very broken. Be yourself. One of the biggest avenue that breaks people so much and leads people to a lot of things even to death. It is trying to be strong while you are not. You need to be yourself. It happens. Number one, accept it happens. Number two, you need to get yourself in a better environment for your healing. Heartbreaking meaning something has happened to the heart. Something has interfered with the condition of the heart. The position of the heart, the peace, the comfort of the heart. So when you are sick, you need to be in a place of treatment. You need to shift environment. You don't need to keep quiet. Keeping quiet is another way of postponing a problem. You can never overcome a problem by postponing it. You don't need to keep quiet. You know they say that a man should not cry. But here we see a man who is at a point of weakness. A man should cry. The world can tell you so many things. But check everywhere, even in the Bible. Great man in the Bible. Jesus himself cried, wept. When you are heartbroken, one of the fastest way of easing yourself and removing pressure out of you, cry if you can. Cry if you can. Find yourself in an environment you can't release yourself. Crying actually is a way of releasing yourself. There are people that when they are offended with the heartbroken if you deny them that chance to cry, my friend they will explode. So this issue of a man can't cry even if you are before a woman. Cry. Let me come to you, Jerry, on what he has said even if you are before a woman, cry. But a lady will see a man cry. I think there is no place that is written that a man should not cry. And I think we have become so judgmental when it comes to men. We treat them as if they are superpowers, as if they are not human. But truth be told we are all human, we all have feelings, we all have emotions. The same way can be hurt, the same way a man can be hurt. So we do not need to separate between women and men. We do not have to use this term of like man up. You are telling them to man up and yet they are broken. As he has given an example, even great men in the Bible cried. In Kenya it is always a breaking news when a man cries. But that's the way we think as human beings. But also we need to understand the same feelings we have as women. Women I know we have been, even the Bible calls us weak vessels. But doesn't mean that a man also cannot be weak. Because if you hurt me today, if crying is my way of letting it go, I'll cry. The same way even a man, maybe that is their own way. It will not break you seeing a man cry. It will not break you as a woman. Because women say that men are their pillars. So if your pillar is the one that you see it to be broken, it wouldn't affect you as a woman. But even if they are pillars, it doesn't mean that a pillar cannot be shaken sometimes. All of us we have emotions. But I think it's just our mentality and how we judge, we become to judgement of what it comes to men. For me if a person comes to me they are broken, they need to cry, please just cry. I'll just give you a shoulder to lean on. Just cry. That is your way of letting it out. Because Ram, there are so many men who have been judged so harshly by the society that you're not supposed to cry. You're supposed to man up, you're supposed to be like this and that. And that's why you see many men, they are going through staves, they are not talking to anyone. Because that is the way the society expects them to be. And other people are also breaking news. A man committed suicide, killed the wife, killed the children. Because the society is expecting them to be who they are not. And also forcing them to be people who they are not supposed to be. So I think it's okay. I always say it is okay not to be okay. And I always say the first step of healing, it is accepting that you are sick. And you accept that I am sick and I need to be treated and I need to heal. So that healing process can come in so many ways. Either by speaking it out, either by crying. For me, I think it's okay. If you are a man out there, if you need to cry, liya too. Now, as you continue, Timothy, there are those questions that people ask last time. And I would like us to tackle them even as you continue. So if you get them, just let me know and then we can bring them up. Sorry, the earlier ones and if the new ones also you can bring them up. Today we can sample the map as we continue with this conversation about heartbreak. Because many men last week were really, really not okay. They were not okay. That's why I started from that point. But now let's finish with the men. Let's touch on the women. How is a woman expected to deal with the heartbreak here? Because now we have a man who sees this woman as nagging, as weak. And sometimes they say, they see you as a child. Because you are always crying, you are always sad. How is a woman expected to deal with the heartbreak? Let me start with you. I think the issues of the heart, the way I can deal with the heartbreak, it's not the same way he will deal with it, it's not the same way he will deal with it. It's like, for example, today we can eat the same meal, but it reacts differently on our stomachs. We eat the same thing, but the reactions are different. So the same way, it doesn't mean because someone else dealt with the heartbreak in this way, I should follow their own way. Everybody has their own way of dealing with the issue. For example, I myself am very emotional. Something small has just started crying. My husband knows that. Something small has just started crying. When I'm happy, I will cry. When I'm angry, I will cry. When I'm sad, I will cry. So sometimes you cannot even tell why I'm crying. But that is my way of doing it. So crying doesn't mean sadness. We all have our way of letting go. There are people who punch things. There are people who will just go and start punching the wall. There are people who will throw things. There are people who will just sit and keep. There are people who will shout. There are people who will scream. So people react differently to these issues. So you cannot say that this is the way you should deal with it. But if you know yourself, again, in the midst of that heartbreak, you also need to have self-control. Because that's now where people do things that they had not meant to do. So here we are talking about women specifically. We are saying women should have self-control. I think all of us, but sometimes we are not okay. Okay, sometimes we get overboard. Yeah, sometimes women get overboard. Because many women don't actually have that. Women can be dramatic sometimes. Yeah, self-control. Yeah, sometimes I think in the midst of everything. And as I always say, when you are in that situation, sometimes it's also good not to react at that particular time. Give yourself some time. Because if I am hurt, definitely I'll hurt the other person. Everybody who comes on my way, I will hurt them. Ni kiki kwa matatu makanga niti te pesa na mwambia bina na traka. Ni kiki na taumbu na ni kanyange. I'll just... Because it's like you're carrying... Ni kama... Ni kaka... It's like when it is raining. As long as you are outside na kunanvua uta kwa wet. So when you are under a person who is heartbroken, you are bound to also to be heartbroken and also to hurt others. So it's also good to have some self-control also in that situation. Self-control. Of which women are always expected to be drama queens. Let me come to you and talk about women. Expected. Because is it always going to be... Is it going to be the opposite of that? As a man. What is your take in regards to that? Because now you see a woman overreacting and sometimes they cry. They say, I don't love me anymore. Why are you doing these things? How do you react to such a woman? One as a man, I am encouraging the Bible to understand that women are weaker vessels. And the Bible also encourage me to live with them with understanding. So having that principle in the Bible, one will understand that this is a woman. She is heartbroken. And I agree totally with what Emma said that at times women can be so dramatic and they can be so reactive when it comes to heartbreak. But I would say that reacting negatively to heartbreak is not actually a good way to healing. It will cause more problems, it will cause more issues, it will cause more drama and much more sicknesses that were not supposed to be there. So as you said that it is okay not to be okay. I think one of the steps of handling this thing is one, as I said earlier, understand this is part of life. And number two, what are the root cause of this heartbreak? I would tell you that most of these heartbreaks you will find that at some level both parties contributed. Yes. So that makes me understand that we should treat heartbreak positively. It can be a syllabus of growth that you come back to yourself, reflect, have a personal audit, ask yourself a question. How might I contribute to this? Did I also do something that would have led my partner or my friend to do this to break my heart? At the moment we begin looking things that way, it is very easy to heal quickly, at the same time it is very easy to overcome that heartbreak, at the same time it is very easy one day to help somebody who is going through the same. But when we only want to look at mistakes from the other side, we will continue having this story and this story again and again. I know when somebody is at broken is bleeding and the moment you are bleeding and you are not handling it well on yourself, you will continue bleeding on other people. You will get to this relationship, you bleed into it, you break that one or that one breaks, you get another one, you are still bleeding. So you will continue bleeding on your friends, bleeding on your family of people, you bleeding on your people very close to you. So it is very good or necessary to identify the cause, identify what did I contribute to this issue. Did I do something that would have led my partner to go to this direction? And if I did, do I owe them apology? And even if you are not going to be together again, am I strong enough to face the reality and say, my friend, I think I wronged you and that led you to this. Sorry for wronging you. Many people always find it hard to do that. Yes, and again that is to do with I think ego issues. We must overcome that to accept that we are human beings and we can make mistakes. Even in relationship between a husband and a wife, we must come to that level of realizing that I am a human being, I can make mistakes. I can cause my husband or my wife to do this and therefore I need to do a personal audit and count those things I did that contributed to her or to him reacting that way. Now we've made a post on our Facebook page and let me just get that and let me read one comment here. This is Scott OG and I say, mami, I plead I cannot let her go just like that without trying to get her back. And this is the point that I would like to ask you. When somebody is at broken, they always try to find a way to bring them those people back after Omia Chana. Is it okay to bring them back to try and find ways of getting them back in your life after they broke your heart? It is okay because that tells your human. You cannot hurt break somebody then you just forget them the next day and you want to continue. You need to try to make them understand you. You need to try to make them forgive you. You need to try to bring them together. I mean bring yourself together again and try in life there is always another chance. There is always a second chance. We need a human to reach out to your partner. When you know she is at broken, he is at broken, it is human to do that. Come on over Emma. Trying to get them back after they broke your heart. Is that a no-go zone or that's okay? I think there is a saying we say in my language and we say when you go back to something that is what will eat you. I think it makes more sense in Kekuyu because if someone is able to hurt you once they can hurt you again and again and again. It is not a guarantee that when you go back things will be smooth and there is nothing as bad as you have gone through something with somebody and then you sit down and talk about it and then you go back and then you go through the same thing. The second time it might be even worse than the first time. Number two, it may affect even the issue of trust because if you had heart broken at first even if I come back I will not trust you 100%. As we were saying last time, one leg will be inside, the other one will be outside. I will be on my marks in case anything happens. I am ready to go. The third thing, someone can also come back with the mindset of revenge. You did this to me. I am coming back but this time round I want to show you who I am. It is also good as human you can also sit and talk about it but also be careful to what you are going back to. I think we have seen stories even in news where people had separated and then they come back together and the next thing someone killed someone. You also need to check yourself are you ready for it? Even the other person the one who maybe had heart the other person are they really changed or they are just acting for that particular moment just to get you back because there are people who really I pretend like all is well I am good, I have healed calm let's do this again but I think it is also always good to be careful what you are going back to because personally I will not go back because I believe if you can hurt me once nothing will stop you from hurting me the second time or leaving at that time and maybe this one might even be worse so personally I will not go back Let me sample a few of the questions that were there in the previous session and then we tackled them because we did not manage to handle them all let's tackle them all and give people solutions to what is happening Even as you do that well we have several ways of looking at this thing when it happens now you are had broken with what what was the issue because some of these things the problem itself yeah what is the problem maybe it is rejection maybe it is infidelity maybe it is this sense of insecurity you feel that you are not given adequate love you are not given adequate attention and this thing is heart breaking you so there are several things that could cause this and that's why I say that before even you move on before you take any action could you try to look at what happened was it a premeditated mistake or premeditated issue or it was just a natural accident that could happen to any person I agree with Emma that anytime you are intending to go back you must also look at the things around look at the things involved matters involved what are these things I am re-involving myself into is this his or her nature is this his or her life what are the background issues surrounding this thing those things can lead to you not accepting to go back but forgiving or sitting down squaring it out agreeing and giving yourself time to heal and time to bring back the trust because anytime heart break happens it also breaks the trust it breaks love it breaks affection so you give yourself time to heal and get yourself back as one alright you have something to add on that I think what he is saying is right but the moment you are sick and you have not given yourself time to heal there is no day you will ever be okay so you need first of all to work on yourself even before we look at the other person because mostly as I was saying last time we are so busy looking at the other person you are not doing this you are not treating me like this but what am I doing but you know I am looking at this particular individual who is asking themselves where did I go wrong what did I do wrong to offend you to make you break my heart like that and they have no response they have no answer to such kind of a question and they blame themselves every single day they don't know where they went wrong I think when you look into yourself and you are sure that you know sometimes especially women we are the ones who ask mostly why why are you doing this what have I done wrong but I am telling you Ram if I am the one and I have looked into my heart and I know I have not done anything wrong then I am going to face with the reality you need to check yourself as I was saying last time the foundation means a lot do you know there are people who have grown up knowing that hitting a woman is the right thing because of the environment they were exposed to that's what they saw their dads do that's what they saw their parents do there is someone who will treat you the same way they have seen their mother treat their father so sometimes it's not even their mistake sometimes it's something that because the moment you have a small child and the first thing that child is seeing the mother and the mother is still there and then again our african society we have been taught to ume olewa vumiliya kwa ndoa ndoa ni kufumiliya I am sorry mimi says the vumiliya ndoa it's not supposed to be a kufumiliya issue a relation it's not supposed to be kufumiliya we are supposed to enjoy it but most people wanna vumiliya because we have this thing of what would the society say what would the society say where will I go back to sometimes we fail to know who we are and also we fail to know our worth because most of the people who are in even this toxic relationships is because they are afraid of moving out ngolewa what will your age meet say what other kuita when you divorce but I always say God hates divorce but he loves the divorce we do not have to die there in the name of keeping a marriage I am telling you the truth Ram right now I know better things that I didn't know before let me ask you this question if you are talking about heartbreak and we are saying it's better muachani move on there are people who after heartbreak they tend to move on quickly as some may assume wala chana but I think they moved on too fast there is nothing like moving on too fast you know these things Ram it is you to make a decision because it's either way either you move on or you die to kujama zishi it is either way so you need to make a deliberate decision but the more you hang on it the more it hurts you sometimes you just need to let go there is nothing like moving on or giving a term time even if you move on within a week but moving on again doesn't mean that you get into another relationship you can move on by saying like one year two years also that is also moving on but people expect to catch on and I will stand in any kufu no I can even move on within a day after this break I will come to you and then you will respond to one statement that she said God doesn't hate the divorce but he hates divorce God hates divorce we will talk about that after this break I want to take a short break we will be back in a bit because we shall sample those questions that you had asked previously and of course we are talking about heartbreak dealing with heartbreaks if I already have a question in regards to this particular issue here head over to our Facebook page on one two five four Facebook page and of course like the page follow the page and we shall sample your feedback a bit later on as you continue with this I mean after this break rather keep it wide why two five four this is power talk four imagine welcome back this is power talk my name is Ram Magukwu it's all about dealing with heartbreak today in this particular conversation and of course before we went on that break we were talking about the issues concerning moving on how long should you give yourself for you to handle heartbreak in this specific duration you said moving on is moving on but now there is something on heartbreak that we needed to clarify even further but before we touch on that Emma I want you to address Evans about the issue concerning divorce if somebody breaks your heart are you allowed to divorce them and does God hate divorce but loves the divorcee basically she was trying to say that God hates sin but loves a sinner in the Bible there is only at one level where God allows us to talk about divorce when there is issues of infidelity the Bible allows you to divorce and there are issues when such kind of issues come up and you are able to face them and the reality comes out very clear that you cannot continue anymore you are allowed to divorce you are not allowed to die in a relationship in the name of kubumili I agree with her you know one of the biggest problem the other day I was watching a citizen was it last month and there are statistics that revealed a number of men who are involved in suicide and death issues are so many than women why? because number one is what Emma said we are judged to be very strong every time we are judged to be right even when we are wrong and we also want to be afraid of what people will say what will I tell people what I honor nini kwangu what I honor am weak they will say that he is weak he could not handle this one of the biggest problem is that when you try to make what people think about you becomes the determining factor in your life then you are headed for a big failure and a big fall you should be concerned about what God says about you because God knows that I was to go through that challenge through that problem and therefore there is a parameter there is a principle God had said before even before that problem when this thing happens this is how I need to deal with it so we should not be afraid of what people are going to think about us what people are going to say about us we need to face the reality that it has happened and this is what I have to do now what she said about moving on maybe you are referring to getting into another relationship after that exactly I think it would be good for you to give yourself time to heal as I said earlier heartbreak should be a catalyst of growth it should expose you it should reveal your mistakes your flaws and see these are the mistakes I have done these are my weaknesses now I need to work on myself so that when I get to the next relationship I am not going to experience the same thing I am not going to bleed into that relationship again so there is a time that I need to give myself to evaluate myself to do a personal audit work on myself peace and happiness now this time that you are supposed to give yourself to work on yourself does it have any is it stipulated well she said that if you are sick and you know you are sick you definitely know that you need a doctor so it is not stipulated that it has to be a month it has to be a year it has to be one week it depends on how fast you heal and recover from what you are going through and one of the ways of healing quickly is number one accept that it happened because sometimes we are heartbroken with the people we never expected that from accept it happened number two find yourself in an environment that would heal you if I am sick I get to the hospital you will be admitted there you will be given some word you are there you are attended by a doctor get out of toxic things and toxic people that would hurt you more so you are saying another way of helping you deal with heartbreak is acceptance it has happened and it happened to me and I need to embrace that it did happen do you know why these people would eventually find themselves HIV positive die they are not to accept and some of them will even use the name of Jesus Christ I reject Jesus please accept it has happened you don't need to use the name of Jesus anyhow accept it has happened and in fact the name of Jesus Christ will work for you when you really accept that yes I did a mistake I have found myself in a problem I am HIV positive I have cancer and I have to face it now what are the ways of facing it what are in the Lord or in the name of God the name of the Lord is a strong tower we can run there but you don't need just to reject I reject I reject you reject yes but you need to know that the moment you begin to accept your problem that is number one avenue towards your help when you have accepted give yourself an environment maybe you have a friend you can trust with that issue now let's talk about that particular aspect of that environment of healing and I am coming to this issue of dealing with the pain there are people who have a problem when it comes to handling pain so they find destructors is that a way of dealing with heartbreak and can it help something that can help you to avoid the pain I think it depends which kind of destruction you are looking for there are people who will run to like to cancel us there are people who will run to their parents there are people who will run to their friends but the question should be what are they offering you in return there are people who will run to alcohol people will go to drugs people will go to different things but you should also ask yourself for example if I am heartbroken I decide to go and drink alcohol I will be drunk for a few hours then I will be sober the question is is my problem solved? no it is not solved so as much as you want to run somewhere or to something where you are running to there are also friends you will run to thinking that they are your friends but inwardly they are clapping to do what are chana premium tears there is someone who will run to their parents and the first thing they will ask you mimi nmisha kwa babaia kumia kata kushenu niki toka you know there are parents who will tell their kids that you know there is someone who will run to their pastors and I am sorry to say this but sometimes the church has made people lose their way in terms of mimi nmisha kwa babaia kumia people cannot know about this you need to work things out with your partner you will go to different people and they will give you different things but I think the most safest place where you can run to is to God himself because he is the only person who is neutral who will not tell you like your mother who will not treat you like your friends who will not treat you like and as much as you are taking yourself to God also now start looking not tell God directly to the right people because in the midst of everything they are also right people they are also people who will help you in the right way I have been there before I think I have shared my story here and I tried to run to people and some of the people I ran to they were like I ran to them I ran to them and we moved on but the people whom I ran to who held my hand they talked to me some even accommodated me come on you cannot stay alone come I will stay with you I will take care of you and when you are back on your feet you can take your way so I think it is also good to be careful to who you are running to and of course let me also get this perspective as a church leader do you agree that the church has also broken a few homes I agree because up to some extent the church have made people to live for the church not for God and themselves it is very wrong to try to encourage any member of the church if any pastor is listening to me it is very wrong to encourage any of your member to live for the church or to live for a department that you think he or she is going to bring shame to this person is an individual he is a soul he is not a robot he is not a microphone microphone will break in church and we buy a new one it is always right to take these people to God it is the reality one of the debate that flogged the media a few is it a month ago about this great singer may household rest in peace it is about rumors I am not sure about those things that she was encouraged to live for the church please make sure nobody knows about this thing you know just try to be strong just stay put it is very wrong I believe the Bible says that God is close to broken hearted people when we are broke the issues of heart are not things to play about you cannot gamble the Bible does say that he is close to the broken heart yes yes the Bible says so you cannot gamble with your heart heart is not your leg heart is not your finger that somebody inserted a ring you cannot gamble with it when there is a sickness in your heart face the reality go to God run to God God can give you some friends some friends reach out to her in a good way carefully and lead her the right path but I also agree that some friends today you might not really know who true friends are we walk at a time when friendship is so casualized somebody is hugging you like hugging you like killing you but right in his or her heart is not your true friend you say all your story and after that is clapping the next thing is speaking a phone call and tell somebody else oh na so and so was here I told you nili wambia hiya rusa ita enambali so it is also right to do an audit within your circles who are these true friends some people could be only be close to you to kill you not to help you so I agree that the moment you realize that you are heart broken there is answer in the Lord there is comfort in God there is a question that was asked last time we will bring in the comments of today by Miriam Wanjira and we tried to tackle this but we did not finish this issue this is Miriam my question is nikona husband and we are married but every time to kikosana he insults me until you think you are in hell does that signal there will be a break up one day to add to that he doesn't listen to me when you are there when you are there correcting him and on gaze of volumia tv na wambia unambigia kelele anasi kia anasi kia kwaeweni mwenda wazimu there is already a break up they are married remember they are married yes but those people are separate you cannot ignore your partner while you know very well you are in a relationship one of the things that we can contribute to something here there are people who think that when you are heart broken look for something that will take away your mind or destruct you from it you are ignoring the pain my friend if you are having stomach ache you won't ignore it forever by watching tv or watching after cinema continue shortly you will be there after few minutes after those minutes you face the reality nobody has ever won a battle by ignoring it face the reality battles are won when they are fought battles are won when you face them you don't run away from the battle you declare yourself a victor you face the battle fight it now in this case of our sister it is heart breaking and to live with such kind of a person is not willing to listen to you what should she do? should she stay? I think number one the first avenue is to seek a way of handling this issue maybe with the first of all they are best couples find a forum with this friends who husband can listen to this is what my friend or my husband is doing explain himself now before me and yourself what is the why this? because I believe that in a relationship people talk people should agree people should understand each other now let him explain himself and if he is not willing even at that point when you sit down in your pastor he is not willing to talk I can tell you recently I was dealing some issues somewhere I found a partner that was not willing even to stop even when a pastor like myself excuse me aski that one you don't need any prophetic word to understand that you cannot be in that relationship you need to get yourself out give him time to understand if that will expose him to the reality does it allow you to take a break if you are married to such a person I don't talk about church most of the time we say about church until we begin to think that we are living according to the rules and constitution of the church we live according to the word of God remember the Bible said that everything absolutely everything above and below visible and visible all were created for God by God and for God and they find purpose in God first of all make the Bible to be a determining factor in every decision that we are making because at times some doctrines in some churches have misled people and some of them are even misled to death Emma, your reaction to that I agree with what pastor is saying we have many of us are living for the church not for ourselves and we have created Christianity to be a place of perfection we have no issues we don't get hurt broken we don't get emotional we don't feel hungry if you are broken pray about it pray about it God is going to do it for you hallelujah sister there is also the reality of life how many hours do we spend in church very few hours but the other hours you are with your partner you are with this person that you call your partner that you call your husband and I think going back to the issue of Miriam I think I have been thinking about her since we left here last time and I feel if you want to know what a person thinks about you wait until they are angry that is when they are going to tell you all the things in their hearts and what they think about you secondly if this man cannot even give you his attention then he doesn't deserve you he doesn't deserve you if he can open his mouth to say that this is supposed to be your friend this is supposed to be your best friend this is supposed to be your safe space but this is the same person who is calling you all kinds of names and if a person calls you a name today the bible says that from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh so you can only tell me what is in your heart so whatever this man has been telling this lady that is what is in his heart so she also needs to ask herself is she ready to live with it because if he can do that to you today he will still do it tomorrow and the day after tomorrow as Pasa has said you cannot pretend for so long you cannot hide these things for so long sometimes the reality will hit you and it might be too late let's check what people are saying on Facebook Timothy bring them up and then we tackle them you can give in your thoughts in regards to these issues in regards to their comments so what do you do when your heart broken when someone leaves you are they coming up let me read this this is Ruth Dena nalia nalia and then I feel released alafu nalisha watu block alright is it okay to block people by the way you can block them on your phone but have you blocked them from your heart you say I am not blocking you but you are not blocking me you see if I want to block someone alright let's go kiasi Daniel bring it up to Timothy I move on na you chew me na you chew me I have no pain alafu nalisha watu if they are fine without you then be fine without them too interesting next one thank you what about wale watu it's over I think they have a problem with themselves because you cannot just wake up in the morning and tell someone it is over because you have to give reasons why but as I said last time because you have a problem you know it's better you tell someone you don't know how to take a shower you don't know how to brush your teeth so I cannot stay with you rather than someone just going like mute they are not telling you what you did okay maybe when you were kids I don't know why this has ever happened to you I don't know why this has ever happened to you I don't know why this has ever happened to you I don't know why this has ever happened to you it really becomes a problem all right Catherine Jagger I tried to convince myself that all will be well soon and that person was not worth it I may mute that fool junior junior I talked to my friends and keep a diary of how you feel but I didn't let it dominate my life and make rash decisions which man askiza muziki all right let's talk about the issue of writing diaries is it a good recipe of healing? diaries like what keeping like M offended me such a such a date such a such a date I need to see this happened yes yes wow it's not a good way of dealing with matters heart breaks you know when you keep these mistakes and you write them down it simply means that there's a reason why you are keeping them the reason why you are keeping them maybe there's a day you would want to have evidence and to prove him or her wrong I think you're also doing yourself a lot of harm because you should always be constantly reminded of the things you've gone through in fact it is not very far from going for alcohol so that you forget then after some time you get back to it again this is nani huyo jutufu this is gatungim jutufu gatungim kwa chika tu ju ju ju chamuhim okay asante bokilo bokilo kwa nama jina facebook una shika kamzinga upigeshe rehe yutume sama isa hibis isa dear by the way if you don't manage well your heartbreak it might give birth to more problems that you never you didn't have in your life and it might lead you to addictions that will take you centuries to overcome kupiga kupika nini kupika shere only for a few minutes and my friend by the time you are done you will realize that problem is still there with you so the pain will still be there so you will continue living the life of shere lavender agutu na sama just minding my own happiness heart king simon klasik na sama una bainyama una pika una kula na supu okay let me add something that Emma said why am I forgetting this thing say something about okay i will remember it it's so unfortunate to see how people are taking this thing lightly and you know that the society we are living in today we don't take things seriously tunadu kwa chana is the order of the day but I'm telling you it is not it is not normal actually we have a very big problem especially in our generation for example I was giving an example in the post-tube tunadu na tunadu the first comment that is the society we are living in today but I'm telling you it's a very dangerous society and it's a society where we like talking about who left who and then actually we are happy talking about it and imagine we are we are getting it wrong and I'm sorry to see people commenting funny things this thing is really serious people are even dying because of it it's serious there are some who end up becoming foodias for lack of a better term foodias they eat a lot is it also a way of stress there are people who stress it there are people who don't eat I think as we were saying there are people who deal with this thing different ways let's just read a few just three more and then let's just read a few comments on Facebook jenlin mora and I'm watching the show from Kisi who watch your man up and move on wow it's not that easy Samson you must delete that past to archive your target you must delete the past to archive your target so I'm telling you you must delete the past to archive your target yes let me check do we have this is snow child that's what you're saying snow child shazi diana tuning in from tika mimi huwa na mua kuskiliza gospel music and then moods inarudi visuri is there love with no attachments I think that's a question that is not love taji buyo is there love with no attachments when I was talking I was saying kuna kula kua na nnechawok then una jirembesha visuri una dafta pesa mingi kuli ko yake ala futafuta friend na kuna pesa uwe mki pita mbele yake rabi shile taka taka elia ametupa kwa mingi nne nyama wow wow that's hard stone kaka stone kaka accept the reality and narudi drawing board ruta diana na naliyangatu then na feel released alafu na lisha watu block you I think really some of you let's react to those comments first let me start with you Amma I think some people are just funny uyo kwa tata pesa mingi kumuli ko what will you achieve out of it at the end of the day, yes you will get the money but money will never buy you love no matter how much money you have how many millions you have it will never give you happiness so sometimes it's just good to let go for example if you have a node ka you have a car you go and buy another car and then come and put it on the new car in front of the old car kusha ewa saweju rea ribika now I have a new one you don't you just move on and let go that is reality that is happening today most people in our generation when they are heart broken they always want to prove their former partners wrong and by doing that we develop what we call this sense of insecurity how do you call it this another term here whereby you lack your true image you are living for somebody else to prove that you are better than them but how long are you going to prove to somebody that you are better than them and what will you gain by proving that you are better than them you are going to gain nothing and another thing the other day my wife posted a photo on facebook and I love the comments and what Emma said is very true there are people who have casualized relationships today to think that you can only be there for a week and it is done but it is not done it is not done so you find that today we are living most of people are living with a lot of ideas that are coming from the current cultures and issues that are happening around and we don't know that life is basically a divine idea from God that we need to live this life according to the will of God we don't need to see things because when I chana the next minute the moment you see them together we always need to see things from the positive perspective let me positive and of course today we are talking about dealing with heartbreak because of the interest of time we have to wrap it up at that point and of course thank you so much Emma I want us to wrap it up with a quote of the day bring it up tell us if you agree with this be strong enough to let go be strong enough to wait for what you deserve do you agree with that or not I agree I agree with that I agree and maybe this the final one let us run to God the Bible says that God is close to people who are broken hearted he is waiting to hear from you and he live thank you so much thank you so much for coming Emma and Evan and of course a big thanks to everybody in particular conversation thanks to our producers and on behalf of everybody that ensured this show was a success may God bless you may God bless the work of your hands and may God heal your hearts it was all about dealing with heartbreak my name is Ram Aguko I repeat of this show as again tonight at 10pm this is Power Talk