 Today, I want to talk about the building blocks of how to create extraordinary relationships because people ask me all The time so what goes into building a great relationship? And I want to help you really understand what goes into that and how you can create Intrigue with other people for them want to follow up with you and to get to know you better So the first building block is how to build rapport rapport is absolutely essential because you have to build common ground between people And there's a couple ways you can do that one is you can do that through your body language And one really facet of that the Tony Robbins goes into a lot of detail on is NLP That's neural and glueistic processing and that's really how you can mirror other people's movements to get in congruence with them So your physical attributes your voice tone is the same you're talking at the same pace So you can really be congruent with them and move back and forth and that's something I think people can invest in and look on more today I'm not going to go in a lot of time and exactly all that is because there's a lot of complications And I think one of the challenges for people is when they tend to focus on that They don't really focus on the conversation itself and that can really take away from a lot of it I think that's more of an advanced technique And so the second part of rapport is really connecting with someone on an emotional level When you meet someone you've got to connect with their heart not their head You've got to really find that common ground We've all had that point where we've met someone and we felt like we've known them all our life Or we felt we've known them for a long time and we've only had a conversation with them for a couple minutes or maybe an hour And what you can do is consistently do that over time And you have to connect with them an emotional level and things that they care about right because when you think about building rapport Part of it is you have to understand this analogy is emotions driving the car in cognition and behavior in the back seat Emotions are how we connect with other people that we care about So what you have to do is you have to ask them questions really early on in the process that brings things out That they love to do that they're passionate about that they're really interested in and that's why most of the time when people get asked Questions, especially in a business setting people just completely tone the other person out because they'll ask them boring questions about Where are you from? What do you do for a living and they'll ask them a typical interview questions and people been asked those questions thousands of times in Really all about the same order and people just tune them out So you have to ask questions that people actually need to actively be present about and thinking about So one of there's two questions I love to ask and one is what are you passionate about right? What projects are you working on you're passionate about because that gets someone to talk about something that they love right? It may not be their job right a lot of people don't define Get out of their job what they really love to do some people do especially if they have their own businesses But a lot of people do not the second thing you can ask people is what are you excited about in your life today, right? What exciting things are happening today for you and either one can start to elicit things that they want to talk about Things that they really enjoy things that are going to get them in a happy state because they bring it back So the things that they love to do maybe it's writing playing music taking trips Maybe it's trying to create their own business it can be a lot of different things and so when you ask those questions what you can do from there is Start to follow up on questions right if they love to play music saying how long been playing that musical instrument If you played it before for live people and ask them several ones because people love to talk about themselves as well So you can really connect to that and really build that up And in the beginning one of the other things about asking all these questions is that you don't really need to say a lot People will like you if you're interested in them because most people are not asking those types of questions And typically the only people that do are people in their inner circle people they care about a lot Whether it's best friends a business partner a really close colleague someone is in family members So by doing those asking those questions What are you passionate about and what are you excited about in your life right now? You're really gonna listen some great responses from people that are really gonna help you build rapport with people very quickly And especially that common ground because otherwise what we do the alternatives that we're trying to fish We're trying to find things and that's why people sometimes they can ask the right questions And they'll connect and typically what will happen is you'll ask a question Where are you from and that person will be from in place that you're near from or you've lived in But that's taking chance into the equation start asking questions where you remove chance and you actually create great dialogue with people every single time And that puts you more in the control of the relationships that you want to follow up with the second pillar is Likeability and someone has to like you I mean if they don't like you they're not going to want to spend time with you And really one of the easiest ways to build likeability is actually to listen and it may sound simple But most people are not listening right you're talking to people at a business event At a networking event at a sales conference I don't care what it is even in the office and you're thinking about what are you gonna have for dinner? What's happening after work? What about this next big meeting and you're not actually present and what happens is 90 some communicate 90% of communication is actually non-verbal So you're signaling to them I don't care about what you're saying because what I'm thinking about in the back of my head is more important than you are And I'm just going through the motions and people can know that and they can tell I know people don't think that But that's the way that relationships work and it's been proven out So the key thing to do is realize in that present moment The only place you can be is asking that person a question, right? If you're at an event and there's a lot of people in the background you may want to meet Well, you cannot be in two places at the same time. It's not physically possible So focus on the other person be an active listener and partly how you can do that is to repeat back Information that they're saying to you or ask for clarification or ask You know questions about that and that really will help you in the process to build likeability And that's the one way I told people to focus on this just be present and Listen right the third pillar, right? We've talked about rapport and likeability a third pillar is trust and that's absolutely essential right trust is really the glue That keeps a side together and it's and it's the glue that keeps relationships together And in a part of trust that's really key is knowing that someone cares about you when you feel like someone is caring about you You will let go of a lot of other things and initially what you want to do to build trust with someone is to lead with giving Because when you lead with giving in a relationship The only people that typically do that are people in their inner circle meaning their best friends Colleagues maybe a partner in their life someone else like that So you want to do that too because basically by mimicking that behavior you put yourself Psychologically in that person's inner circle even though you're a distant acquaintance. So that way they'll want to prioritize your time So what you do during rapport is asking them questions about what are you excited about right now? Or what are you passionate about right now in your life or what projects? Are you working on what you want to do when you go through that is ask them the question? Do you need any help? Because then they'll actually tell you one way or another some people may not need help Some people may ask you for help and the question I get was well What if they ask me for help or contacts or I don't have any well just say that you're gonna follow up with them Exchange contact information and then you could send them a book perhaps that they don't have You could send them an article and or perhaps you can go through your LinkedIn or other contacts You have and actually send them it but even if you don't have any of those If you actually follow up with someone and say I've looked but I can't find it You know it sounds really interesting to me kind of what you're doing That's really going a long ways and in the process of doing that if you need help from them They're more likely to give it to you because when you lead with giving People who are influencers know that you get the giving cycle that you're willing to give them as much as you possibly Can and therefore they're willing to give it to you and that's really important to understand the cycle of giving And really how that works because you're teaching the people around you that you're you're interacting with all about that So again the key thing is is to really understand rapport like ability and trust and really work those in a Conversation and you can do all of those in less than 10 minutes I told people if you spend more than 10 minutes in a conversation when you're working a room around people You're really missing on what goes on you don't need to spend an exorbitant amount of time Because really all you're doing at that point is trying to create enough intrigue for someone to follow up with you Really for someone to get to know you better in different contexts and how do you follow up with someone at that point? Well, you can invite them which I think is a great way to another group event right you can tell them about some industry event That's going on you can also organize a brunch or dinner party where you get interesting people together And that costs you absolutely nothing all you do have to just contact people and set things like that up And so all of those things really can start a cycle where you're starting to create a lot of influence and a lot of people That you get to know and again when it comes to building Relationships a lot of this is a numbers game because you have to meet enough people to figure out the people that you want to be around And the people that actually jive with you and get in rapport with you and sync up with you So today I want to talk about those things to really lay the foundation and help you build better relationships