 Hello and welcome to our Social Emotional Learning Lab. I'm Jesse Walter and Sonya K. Simons and we're part of your ESU 8 school psych team. Today we're going to read a book called I Can't Believe You Said That by Julia Cook. My name is RJ. Sometimes I say things that get me into trouble and I don't know why because I'm just being honest. What did you just say? You better apologize. RJ is a loudmouth. Did those words actually come out of your mouth? Drink before you speak. RJ, what? I can't believe you said that. Last week my dad and I picked my grandma up at the airport. On the way back to our house I noticed how spotted my grandma's hands and arms were. So I asked her, Graham, how come your skin looks like a dalmatian? RJ, my dad said, I can't believe you just said that. That wasn't very nice. Apologize to Graham right now. But dad, look. RJ. I'm sorry, Graham. A few days later I was at the store with my mom. She was checking out and I was standing over by the gumball machines. RJ, come stand by me. No, I said. RJ, come over here by me now. I don't want to, I said. RJ, over here now. Mom, I don't want to stand by you. The lady next to you smells like she hasn't had a bath for a month. She stinks, mom. RJ, my mom said, I can't believe you just said that. That wasn't very nice. I think you owe this lady an apology. But mom. RJ. I'm sorry, ma'am. On the way home my mom told me that what I said was very rude. Then she told my dad about it and that night we had to have a talk in my room that lasted about 47 years. Yesterday at school Sam's mom came into the classroom to help out. When is that baby in your tummy going to be born? I asked. RJ, I don't have a baby in my tummy, she said. Well then why are you getting so fat? RJ, my teacher said, I can't believe you just said that. That wasn't very nice. Apologize to Sam's mom right now. But look, I said. RJ. I'm sorry. Then I had to stand from recess and write I will not be rude to others up on the board about a gazillion times. Tonight Blanche made her very first chocolate cake all by herself and she wanted our family to eat it for dessert. I think she left it in the oven way too long. I can tell you worked really hard on this Blanche, my dad said. Pretty good for your very first cake, said my mom. I think it's nasty, I said. It's burnt to a crisp. It tastes like charcoal pie. Blanche started to cry and I got in trouble. RJ, my dad said, I can't believe you just said that. That wasn't very nice. Apologize to Blanche right now then go to your room. But dad, look. RJ. I'm sorry Blanche. After dinner was over my parents came into my room to talk to me. RJ, my mom said, you've really been saying rude things to people lately. You told Graham that her skin looked like a Dalmatian. You told the lady at the store that she smelled bad. Your teacher called and told me that you made a rude comment to Sam's mom and tonight you made Blanche feel terrible. But I didn't lie, I said. I told the truth. Grandma's skin has a lot of spots. The lady at the store was stinky. Sam's mom is a lot fatter than she used to be and Blanche's cake was nasty. Besides, I was just giving them feedback. You always tell me that feedback is just information that helps you grow. So that's just what I'm doing. I'm helping people grow. Feedback is a good thing but you need to run your feedback words through your social filter before you let them come out of your mouth. My what? Your social filter. RJ, you have two bubbles full of words in your head. There's your thinking bubble and your talking bubble. These bubbles are connected by your social filter. When words form inside your head, they form inside your thinking bubble. The words in your thinking bubble are private and only for you. When words come out of your mouth, they come from your thinking bubble. The words that make it into your thinking bubble are for everyone to hear. Your social filter makes sure that some of the words in your thinking bubble don't make it into your talking bubble. It keeps you from saying words that cause hurt feelings and are disrespectful to others. It also keeps you from saying things that might embarrass you or those around you. RJ, I think sometimes you forget to turn your social filter on. You need to learn how to choose more appropriate words to say. When you have something that you want to say, look at the situation and the people around you. Make sure you understand the meaning of your words. Then think about who you will speak to. Use your social filter to stop the words that are mean, unkind, or not right. Then use the words that get through your filter and then you will be all right. Like tonight, when you made Blanche cry, inside your thinking bubble, you were thinking, Blanche made a cake all by herself, but the cake is really nasty because she burned it. I don't like the cake. It tastes like charcoal pie, but you should have filtered out the mean words and said something like, it's really cool Blanche that you made this cake all by yourself. And then RJ, my dad said, using your social filter can also keep you from saying things that will get you into trouble because it reminds you to analyze social situations. It reminds me to do what? Look at the people that are around and figure out what's going on. Think whatever you want to inside your thinking bubble, but make sure your filter is on. Think about what happens when you say the wrong thing, then filter through your thoughts. Let your talking bubble fill with respectful words and show all that you've been taught. RJ, if you can remember to keep your social filter turned on, your life will be so much easier. I thought about everything my mom and dad said and then I went to sleep. Today at school, I used my social filter. Bossy Bernice came to school with a brand new hairdo. She told everyone that her great aunt Betty had taken her to the hair stylist. My thinking bubble filled up with your hair really looks weird. Your great aunt Betty must be really nice if she wants to hang around you. I know I sure don't. It looks like the eagles have been nesting in your hair. I used my social filter and only let some of my words into my talking bubble and then I said, your great aunt must be nice, Bernice. Then later today, I saw Norma the booger picker sticking her finger all the way up her nose. My thinking bubble filled with no no Norma use a booger ghost and all the words that all of us always say, booger picker booger picker digging for a treat. Norma picks her boogers and then she eats. I used my social filter, grabbed a box of tissues, walked up to Norma and said, hey Norma, make a booger ghost and use it so you don't get teased. My teacher heard me talking to Norma smiled and said, RJ, I can't believe you just said that. Then a few minutes later, she handed me a free assignment pass. I really liked your choice of words when you talk to Norma. Way to use your social filter. When I got home from school, Blanche told me that tonight she gets to cook our whole entire dinner by herself. My thinking bubble filled up with I'm gonna starve. Blanche doesn't cook, she burns. She might set the house on fire. I'll have to eat what she makes and pretend that I like it or she will cry and I'll get in trouble. Blanche is cooking all by herself, wears the fire extinguisher. I used my social filter and then I said, that's cool Blanche, do you want me to be your assistant so you don't have to do it all by yourself? Sure, I can't believe I just said that, but it worked. In this story, RJ learned an important lesson about a thinking bubble and a talking bubble. We're allowed to think anything we want in our thinking bubble. Those are words that you keep to yourself. Before you talk, you want to use your social filter and think about the words you're going to use. Make sure that they won't be hurtful to anyone else or you or embarrassing or even that they could damage a friendship. Make sure the things that you speak are kind. Be sure to follow us on our social media pages. Here's our contact information. If you have any questions, comments or concerns, we would love to hear from you. Thanks for joining us and we'll see you next week.