 At this point, your girl's been a mom for around two months, so here's three things that I didn't know about motherhood. I would say three things that no one told me, but it's likely someone did, and you know me, I just, I don't be listening. There's me, there's Ryu, and closer to Ryu than I think I could possibly be is my breasts. My breasts and the baby have this crazy connection to where, if she cries, my boobs ache. And I have this rule, okay, so if you come over, I will do my absolute best not to swoop in and take the baby from you, but there are times if she's crying for a long period of time, please understand that I'm taking her because my breasts have a magnetic pull and it is excruciating for me just to stand there. Another interesting like weird thing that happens is I kid you not at night, my breasts wake me up seven minutes before the baby wakes up. Fun boob fact though, they're incredible. I know that like having a baby is supposed to make your boobs worse and down the line maybe it will do that, but every step of the way these mugs keep getting better and better. As somebody who has spent their entire life in the bee cup community, during pregnancy I entered the seas and now postpartum, I am a D, but not just a D, I am a standing ovation D. The last video that I put on YouTube, people kept asking me what the bra was. That was a Jesus take the wheel bra, they just stand up because they're so firm and so full with milk and again I know this time could come to an end so I'm thoroughly enjoying my breasts just like I think Raiu thoroughly enjoys my breasts during this time. The second thing that surprised me about motherhood is at least once a day I have a someone should take this baby away from me moment, like I probably don't qualify for motherhood. So for example, yesterday I was cooking and I cut this bag of meat open and then afterwards I was washing the baby's bottle like a special brush that's just for the baby's bottles and stuff, but then I thought to myself it's a shame this brush is so soapy I should probably wash something else with it and then my brain was like oh I know why don't you wash the scissors that you use to cut the raw meat with. Like I didn't have that full conversation but I did see myself washing the scissors and then think how stupid can you be and in those moments you have to laugh at yourself and then wash the brush and sterilize the brush and then forgive yourself. Ultimately it's not a perfect job I'm not the perfect candidate but I'm doing my absolute best at it and there's going to be tons of moments where you feel just like that but maybe just more moments than I expected. Funnily enough I actually had a dream that I went to a class that was teaching you how to say sorry to your baby because the instructor in my dream was saying that a lot of people think because your baby can't talk or comprehend that you don't owe them apologies but you do and I do and I give apologies I swear to you like 40 times a day and I think that's an important practice to keep up as she gets older and does understand because I'm learning at the same time that you're learning you're learning how to do life I'm learning how to be your mom let's be cute at it together and we'll get through it one stupid ass mistake at a time. And the final thing that I learned about motherhood that has caught me by surprise is that it doesn't suck as much as people said that it would. A lot of people have a very particular experience of motherhood and because their experience was so strong they pass things on to others like absolute truths like you're not going to feel this you will feel this you won't be doing this you will be doing this and because you hear these stories repetitively you start to adopt them as inevitable truths for yourself but I've found that a lot of things that people said I wouldn't like I actually do think people said that I would like I actually don't one key thing I have to say sleeping has been incredible I sleep way better now that I have a baby than I ever did at any point during pregnancy she wakes up a couple times a night and just wants to eat and go back to sleep before I'd wake up 40 times a night to pee to change positions to try to shake my leg awake but there are some other things you know that for me maybe are a lot not so great and for somebody else we're super awesome my baby cries a lot but even in that I actually don't mind it really doesn't suck that much for me it is a process of me figuring out what she likes what positions what movements work best for her and I think that's really important with motherhood is to remain curious about your own experiences and getting to know your own baby and also having a sense of humor about this ship because it is bonkers and look because billions of people have successfully done this motherhood thing before they might feel like they've got the right to give you very particular strong advice based on their experiences but you have to also remember that no one else has given birth and raised your kid no one else has been you before giving birth and raising a kid you're going to have a unique experience and so remaining apologetic curious and light about all of it I think can make a massive difference and those are the three things I'm trying to keep with me as I move forward on a journey that I have no idea what's going to happen next and that's a pretty exciting thing to say