 Are you being judged for how you work your 12 step program by others in the program? Well in this video we're going to discuss that subject so make sure that you stay tuned. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and today this video is a subscriber question. So I've done these in the past and just so you all know I love love love. What makes my day is when you ask me questions. I love being able to help and answer very specific questions because you're all different you're all dealing with different things and I love answering them. So if you have questions make sure you leave them down in the comments or shoot me a message on Instagram or Twitter or email me and I might make it into a video if I feel that it's something that a lot of people struggle with but in any case like I always reply. I don't know if you guys have realized that I've helped me yet but I reply to every single comment every single direct message so make sure you're getting in touch with me. I love being able to help people. Why do you think I made this channel? Alright but anyways I got hit with a question today and it was so real and I'm so glad I'm so glad that somebody asked this because I need to talk about it. We all need to talk about it. Okay so without further ado this question was submitted by a subscriber her name is Carly and for anonymity purposes you're not going to know her last name so back up. But anyways here is the question that I got from Carly. So something I've been dealing with in my recovery is shame. I got six months yesterday congratulations and every time I relapsed what kept me out was the shame of the program. If you drink you start from square one. If you take a pain pill you're back to square one. I've been in the process of finding a new home meeting. Got shame for that from my former home group. I work at a place. I got crap for that. I'm editing some of this. My boyfriend drinks. I got crap for that. I'll go to the bar with my normie friends and don't drink. I get crap for that. At work I have to taste the products otherwise I can't be my very best of my job. But one of the people I thought was one of my best friends told me I'm not sober because of my lifestyle choices. I'm at peace with myself and I am strong enough in my sobriety to not let crap like that get to me or affect my recovery or serenity. But I definitely think it's something that's not addressed. This path is supposed to be roomy and all-inclusive and that's not what I've gotten through my relapses. And from a lot of the groups here in Austin, it's constant judging. I'm moving soon thankfully and being so young, 22, it's probably just my age group with these attitudes. But still we should be building each other up, not tearing each other down. One sip shouldn't determine whether or not you're sober, right? So thank you so much for asking this question. So the very first thing I want to clear the air with is, okay, so I edited out where she works. But anyways, where she works is at a restaurant and she's a serverer, I think, but she has to taste drinks. Now, this is something I'm like, please don't run with this in the wrong way. But for example, for example, there are some people who work in the restaurant industry or they're cooked and they got to cook with things and they got to taste stuff. And like, is that a relapse? In my opinion, no, it's not. Okay. Now, I am not telling you, and I always got to make this so clear, even when I do groups, right, at my rehab, like I'm not saying like go around and just start taking all these little sips and things like that. Like what I told her, because me and her had a pretty long conversation after she asked me this. Like if that were to trigger an obsession, if like she was going home and just obsessing about this and how it tasted and all these other things, I'd be like, girl, you need to get another job. Okay, but I will tell you this full disclosure, my sponsor bartender. Okay, like my one of my best friends, two and a half years sober bartender, you know what I mean? Like, I am not here to say what's right or wrong and things like that, but I will tell you my opinions on these things. And no, I don't think something like that's a relapse, but a big part of this program is being honest with yourself. So if you're doing these things intentionally, and to get a little buzz or anything like that, like if you're running around sipping every single drink that's being delivered, then yeah, you are relapsing over and over and over again. All right. So I just want to make that clear because I maybe I'll do another video on this, because sometimes there's food that's made with this stuff and things like that. And people are like, Oh my God, did I relapse? And like the one thing I told my clients is you're not stupid, you know what a relapse is, you know what I mean? So I will make more videos on that, but I just want to clear the air, make sure I answer that. So I let her know like if this is happening, then you need to change something. Okay. So let's answer the question for anybody out there like I am always going to be 1000% honest with you 1000% honest with you. The thing that is that that kills anything that kills anything is when you get two different sides and they're both BSing you. Okay. For example, for example, if somebody were to sell you on the idea that everybody in a 12 step program is all lovey-dovey and it's like kumbaya and stuff like that, they would be lying to you. There are jerks inside of 12 step programs, but other people who say like, Oh, 12 step programs are a cult. They are lying to you. You see what I mean? So both of those sides are incorrect. I try to be as honest with you as possible. So I will say that 12 step programs saved my life. But if I were to be here and tell you that everybody in there is like the nicest, most caring and gentle person ever, like I'd be lying to you. So like I've even made a video about me too stories from 12 step meetings, like these things happen. So like, yeah, there are going to be jerks and they're going to be judgmental people inside of these meetings, not all of them, but some of them. Okay. The first thing I want to talk about is like, on the back of every coin inside of these meetings, it says to thine own self be true. Okay. So like, this is on you. This is up to you. What do you feel? What are your thoughts? Like, do you feel guilt? Do you feel shame, you know, from your own conscience? Okay, like that, that's who you got to, that's who you got to live with. That's how you go to sleep at night. You know what I'm saying? But there, there are people within the programs who what we call it is taking somebody else's inventory. And this happens constantly. I will let you know right now. This is what I tell everybody. There are so many people who judged my recovery and some still do, but there are so many people who judge my recovery, who have since relapsed and they're still out there drinking and using. Okay. Like what I find is, is that there are certain people where they're so focused on everybody else's recovery that they're not taking care of themselves. You know what I mean? So keep that in mind. All right. I also have other people like I have five and a half years sober. I have some people who still judge my recovery. And like I've mentioned this in videos before. I can't remember which one it was, but if I figure it out, I'll link it in the info card up here. But I talked about like, look at the source. Like look at the source. Like I've had people who are absolutely miserable, miserable in their lives, right? Like they are constantly in a bad mood. They're constantly anxious. They're constantly depressed. They just have all this stuff and they are not living a great life, right? But then they're trying to tell me how to work my sobriety. And I got to look at that and say, okay, like, do I really want to do what you're suggesting? Like you seem pretty miserable. Why would I want to do that? Like I hope that makes sense. So one thing that I talked with Carly about was I was like, did you talk to your sponsor? What's your sponsor thing? And her sponsor gave her very valid advice. Like there's two people you got to get right with in these 12 step programs. Your higher power, whatever that is for some people, it's like a right for other people. It's like a higher version of yourself or whatever. So like higher power and then your sponsor. Okay. Like if this, if this young woman told me that her sponsor was completely against it, I'd be like, you know, like maybe you should listen to your sponsor. Like I, I let sponsors like overwrite everything that I say, just so you all know. And one of the reasons I let sponsors overwrite everything that I say is because chances are they know you a lot better than I do. So like the fact that she said, you know, there's what my sponsors said, I was like, okay, cool. Then don't worry about what these other people have to say. As with everything, you're constantly going to have people judging you. And, and it bumps me out too, because kind of like she said in there is that, you know, what does she say? This path is supposed to be roomy and all inclusive. Like, yeah, like, if any of you are watching this, and I hope you share this video, I hope you share this video with other people who are in recovery. Like I'm letting you know right now, when I was brand new to the rooms of 12 step programs, I was waiting for any excuse for me to run away and never come back. You know what I mean? And I don't think enough people think about that, you know, they, they get this holier than thou attitude, and they talk down to people, they judge people, and this person is just waiting for a reason to leave and never come back. You know what I'm saying? Like, remember, these programs are programs of suggestions. Like, let's talk about the cult aspect real quick. I just had some guy the other day on a different video arguing with me, he's like, it is a cult, right? Like, if, if these programs don't want to be looked at as a cult, quit telling people what to do. This program, and it states it very clear in the literature, these are meant to be suggestions only. So when you start coming in there and acting like you have the word of God, that's when it starts coming off like kind of cult like, you know what I'm saying? So in order for the reputation to be upheld, we need to quit doing that. Now, the other thing that I will say is that these, these people, I would say, hopefully, I'm very optimistic and empathetic. I would say that they're, they're concerned about you. So in order to deal with anger or resentment or anything like that, I would say just try to remember that they're concerned. They're concerned about your sobriety, because I'm going to tell you this right now. Based on what I said at the beginning of this video, I've seen many people who started out like this and they've gone downhill real quick, you know? But this young woman, like she said, she has six months over, things are getting better for her. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm of the belief that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. But I hope that you figure out a way to switch gears before it's completely broken, because for a lot of us, once we relapse, we never know if or when we're coming back. You know what I'm saying? But I wanted to answer this question because I know a lot of you out there are getting judged for, you know, what you're doing and things like that. Like I'll always be 100% honest with you. And I think that you do need to turn to people with more clean time. And any of you who are in recovery, like if you need to ask me questions, like reach out and ask me, like I will give you my honest suggestions. Like, what I mean by that is, is like, yeah, like if you're sitting around in the rooms and you have like six months, 12 months over, whatever, and you never got a sponsor, yeah, I'm going to be like, listen, like you're not really doing anything. I'm going to be honest with you. But this young woman, she has a sponsor, she's working the steps, she's doing all these things. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'll be honest with you, but it's not from a place of judgment. It's a place from suggestions and concerns based on my experience, based on my countless relapses, based on the thousands of other people I've seen relapse. That's where I try to come from. So there's a, there's a few sides to this and not all of it is very black and white. But again, I just want to say is like, focus on your recovery and stop judging other people. Like, I realized that I was very judgmental and I don't like when people judge me. So why am I going to keep judging everybody else? You know what I'm saying? So again, don't take other people's inventory. But yeah, if you are in a 12 step program, you know, other people in recovery, feel free to share it. I would love to know people's thoughts on this. Like, so down in the comments below, do me a favor, like leave your thoughts on this video from any aspect that you want. Do you have any advice for the subscriber? Do you have any advice for her? But also, like, what do you think about judgments or what's your experience with being judged in a 12 step programs? But like I said, please, don't, don't anybody run with this thing and say, oh, see 12 step programs are crazy. Don't pull that crap on me. Nothing's perfect. There's always going to be jerks no matter where you go. So don't, don't, don't even get started with me. Okay. But anyways, anyways, thank you so much for watching. If you have questions, please send them to me, email me, DM me. I will put my Instagram right here again, add me on there, follow me, shoot me a DM. And maybe I'll answer this question because every question that you have a million other people have that question too. So please lay it on me. All right. But if you are new here, make sure you click that little round subscribe button. I'm always making videos to help you out with your recovery about your mental health, your emotional wellbeing, all that stuff. If you like, if you're bored, check out one of those other thumbnails, check out some other videos on the channel. All right. But anyways, thanks again for watching. Quit judging people and I'll see you next time.