 We delay the Jack Benny program a minute for an important Washington bulletin. The OPA announces its point value ratings upon canned and processed foods under the new ration system effective March 1st. The schedule is more severe than anticipated. These point ration values will cut canned food consumption to at least one half less than last year's level. Each person gets 48 ration points a month. This ration allows, as one example, purchase of one medium-sized can of peas, a medium can of tomatoes, a large can of peaches, three cans per month. A pound and a quarter can of peas is valued at 16 points. Fruits and fruit juices cost more heavily in ration points. Canned soups the least. Canned baby foods are rated low at one point and some at two points. The Grape Nuts Flakes program coming to you from Chicago, Illinois and starring Jack Benny. With Mary Livingston, Dennis Day, Rochester, yours truly, Don Wilson, and our guest conductor, Bob Crosby and his orchestra. Good evening, friends. Do you hear what I just called you? Yes, I said friends. But suppose you say friends, eh? How can I be friends with that guy? We haven't even met. Well, one definition of a friend is that someone is on the same side with you. Yes, sir, just look at it, look it up in the best dictionaries and say, you try one dish of toasted brown, malty-rich Grape Nuts Flakes and you'll be on my side of the fence. Well, that's what Grape Nuts Flakes does every time. Makes you a friend after one luscious bowlful. In fact, the sweetest and nut flavor of Grape Nuts Flakes is a friend from way back because it's the wide-awake, malty-rich flavor of Grape Nuts in exciting toasted flake form. So make friends with Grape Nuts Flakes tomorrow morning, will you? Just ask for America's fastest-growing breakfast cereal, Grape Nuts Flakes, in the 12-ounce economy-size package. Ladies and gentlemen, from Chicago, Illinois, where we are broadcasting for the A-A-F-T-T-C-C-S. Ah, that stands for the way that I get this straight. That stands for the Army Air Forces Technical Training Command, Chicago Schools. We bring you our master of ceremonies, J-E-R-K Benny. Thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is J-E-R-K talking. That stands for Jack Entertains Rather Comically. Isn't that what you had in mind, Don? Well, not exactly, Jack. You see, comically, it doesn't begin with a K. It does tonight, brother. And, incidentally, Don, the next time you introduce me as a jerk, you'll be sitting on a bench in the park looking for work. If you get what I'm worth. Me. Me. For heaven's sakes, Jack, you're always ribbing me. You keep telling everybody I have five chins, and I'm very sensitive about that. Well, then grow a beard or wear a horse collar or something. Anyway, I never said you had five chins. I merely said that your Adam's apple only comes out on Groundhog Day. Anyway, Don, here we are in Chicago and broadcasting for all these boys who are studying to be Army Air Force Technicians. I understand they teach soldiers here to become airplane mechanics, panel instrument mechanics, and meteor... meteorologists. Meteorologists? What does that mean, Jack? And a great majority of the boys are learning to be radio operators on two and four engine bombers. Well, they must know plenty about radios. They do, Don. They do. And I wish one of them would look at my radio set. It's in terrible shape. So what's the matter with it? Well, every time I tune in to Fred Allen's program, the aerial coils up and strikes at me like a rattlesnake. With this cold I've got, I sound a little like Allen, you know? Heaven forbid. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Mary, you got... you got more applause than I did. Why not? I'm the only girl on the program. That isn't it, Mary. Let me tell you something. These fellas here are too busy with their training and their... and their drilling and their studying to think about girls. Well, he's back to J-E-R-K again. I mean it. All day long, these boys attend classes and take notes on military science and principles of electronics. And in the evening, if they happen to have any time off, they settle down with a good book. Stop laughing, fellas. He's too old to remember. I know what I'm talking about. Anyway, Mary, here we are back in the USA after a whirlwind trip through Canada. By the way, Mary, where are you staying here in Chicago? Oh, I've got a lovely suite at the Ambassador East. The Ambassador East? Very swing, very swing. Where are you, Don? I'm at the Blackstone Hotel and I have a beautiful room overlooking Lake Michigan. The Blackstone? Well, very nice, very nice. Are you stopping, Jack? Me? I'm at the Stockyard Plaza. I have a lovely room overlooking armor and company. On a... on a clear day, you can see me. What happened to you yesterday afternoon? Oh, it was nothing. Oh, is it, Mary? Well, Jack was leaning over a fence at the Stockyard looking at a great, big, fast steer. And a man from the ration board came along and said, hey, let's stop drooling or I'll tear a coupon out of your book. I fooled him, though. I went up to my room, peeked through the curtains and drooled my head off. Well, hello, Dennis. Say, Mr. Benny, I'm boiling med and I'm gonna quit. I said, hello, Dennis. Hello. What do you mean, Dennis? You're gonna quit. What are you so mad about? You hired Bing Crosby tonight and this program isn't big enough for the both of us. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Dennis. We haven't got Bing Crosby on the program tonight. We have Bob Crosby, his brother. Brother, he says. Well, he is. I've given you the best years of my life and you throw me away like an old shoe. Who throws away shoes nowadays? I'm gonna have my shoes fixed up. Where are you going to get buttons for him? Button Rouge, Louisiana. I can go along with a gag. Now, calm down, Dennis. This is really Bob Crosby, Bing's brother. Here, I'll have you meet him. Hello, Bob Crosby. Hi, man. We're certainly glad to have you with us. It's a real pleasure. Well, same here, Mr. Benny. Oh, let's not be formal. You can call me Jack. Well, thanks. And you can call me Bing. I mean Bob. Oh-ho! Dennis, believe me, this isn't Bing Crosby. Look, this fellow here is wearing a necktie and he doesn't smell from horses. As I was saying, Bob, I'm glad to have you here. It was darn nice of you to come all the way from California just to be with us. Oh, don't mention it, Jack. You're my idea of a great comedian, a real performer, and a grand guy. And working with you makes this the happiest moment of my life. Well... Wow, listen to Crosby pour syrup on that old wheat cake. Mary, I'm not a wheat cake. Yeah, who ever saw a wheat cake with big blue eyes? Oh, shut up. You'll have to excuse her, Bob. Mary's always making remarks like that, huh? Well, I think Mary is one of the cleverest and most brilliant performers in radio. And working with her makes this the happiest moment of my life. Hmm. He's 100% baloney, but I'm human. He's a very fine gentleman. Well, let's have your song, Dennis. Let Crosby sing first, then I'll show him up. Dennis, this isn't... Look, this isn't Bing Crosby. Look, that's a plain blue shirt he's got on. No palm trees or anything. Now, believe me, he's not going to compete with you. Of course not, Dennis. Well, you're the finest young tenor in the country. And working with you makes this the happiest moment of my life. Very cool. All right, Dennis, let's have your song. That Crosby is really a sweet guy. That was very, very good. Thank you. Oh, say, Mr. Benny. Yes, kid. Well, I'll probably get slugged for this, but do you mind if I move out of the stockyard's plaza? What for? What for, Dennis? We have a lovely room there. Yeah, but between the cows mooing and your snoring, I can't get a wink of sleep. Well, Dennis, if I snore, all you got to do is reach over and give me a nudge. I tried that last night, and you kissed me. We smoked. You see, kid, I dreamt I was dancing with Hedy Lamar. I kissed her, and she slapped my face. So did I. I don't care about myself, but you owe Miss Lamar an apology. All right, I'll send her a note. Oh, speaking of dreams, Jack, I had an amazing one last night. You did, Don, said Benny, with the brains of a wheat cake. What, uh, was your dream, Don? Well, last night I dreamed that I, Don Wilson, was a toasty brown, sweet-as-a-nut, grape nuts flake. You, a flake? Yes. I was a grape nuts flake. Well, an old fella came along and poured me into a big 12-ounce economy-sized package. Gee, this is thrilling. Wilson in a 12-ounce package. That's a hot one. This is a dream like when I kissed you, remember? Continue, Don. Well, Jack, a little later, a charming American housewife stole and bought the package I was in. Dennis, take your hand out of there. This is a dream. Go ahead, Don. And you should have seen the look of delight on her husband's face the next morning when he saw a whole bowlful of us grape nuts flakes on the table in front of him. Yes, yes, and then what happened? He poured sugar and cream on me and I woke up. Certainly a wonderful dream. It certainly was, Mr. Wilson, and being associated with a man who can dreamy with a grape nut flake makes this the happiest moment of my life. I like this crossbeast so sincere. Now, fellas, going from dreams to our schedule for next week, here it is. Tomorrow we'll be playing a show with boys at Fort Sheridan, and Tuesday we're going out to Great Lakes Naval Training Station. Good old Great Lakes. Oh, say, Jack, that's where you were stationed during the last war, wasn't it? Was it the last war? I thought you were with Dewey. It was the last war. I was with Dewey Schwartz, a friend of mine. And look, and fellas, incidentally, when I get there, I'm wearing my old sailor suit when I go there Tuesday. He issued me in 1917. But, Mr. Benny, how can you wear the same suit? You must have gained a lot of weight since then. I have. Now it fits me. Speaking of my sailor suit, I had the strangest experience this morning, almost unbelievable. What was it, Jack? Well, I put my uniform on, and as I was adjusting the necktie, a moth stuck his head out of the breast pocket and said, they got you again, eh, bud? It was the precious moth I've ever met. Mr. Benny, somehow I can't picture you as a sailor. Well, I was, Dennis. I had great lakes. They used to call me Benny the Skipper. Man, you still walk that way. They called me Skipper because I was a real old saw. I got a gag for that, too. Well, keep it. I was a darn good sailor. Tell me, Jack, were you in any battles during the war? Battles? Well, yes. I was in the college in in Chicago one night with four or five of my buddies. When a couple of Marines walked in and... He means naval battles. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Well, as a matter of fact, Don, I did get a medal for distinguished service. And now, Bob, I think it's about time for... What medal? And now, Bob, I think it's about time... What distinguished service? Hmm. And now, Bob... Either put up or shut up. That's my motto. You'll keep out of this. Now, Bob, I think it's about time for a band number. You all set? I sure am. Saved by the way, Jack, Great Lakes is near Waukegan, your hometown, isn't it? Yes, just a few miles. Well, man, I'd certainly appreciate it if you'd kind of take me over to Waukegan and show me around. Oh, you'd like to see the place, eh? Yeah, especially that log cabin where you were born. Well, it wasn't exactly a log cabin, Bob. As a matter of fact, the house I was born in was torn down not long ago. They're just a vacant lot there now. You mean to say that they didn't even put up a monument in your honor? No, no, nothing at all. Well, that's a crime. There should be a monument there, and I'm going to take up a collection to see that it's erected. Oh, no, no, Bob, I... I don't want... Really, I don't want anything like that. You deserve it. Now, who'll be the first to contribute ten dollars? Who'll contribute ten dollars for a monument to Jack Benny? I will. Here you are, Bob. Here's ten dollars for the Benny Monument Fund. We caked with ham. What a combination. Mr. Crosby made this suggestion, not me. Well, Bob, let's have your number. Later this evening, I want to get together with you and we'll talk about it. Hold it a minute. Come in. Yes? Well, well, well, well. Hiya, Jack, old boy. I haven't seen you in 15 years. What? I read The Walkie and New Sun as you were broadcasting here. So, since the little woman, let's run down Chicago and see my old pal, Jack. Oh. Oh, well, thanks. Uh, who is this fella, Jack? I don't know. I can't seem to place him. Well, how are things with you, pal? How's everything in The Walkie again? Oh, swells, swells. The old gags at the regards. Sid Block, Stubb, Wilbur, Julius Sinekin. Oh, yes, Julius Sinekin. Stinky we used to call him, huh? Stinky was you. Oh, yes. I knew it was one of the gang. Well, well, I gotta be leaving now. Say, Jack, when you get to The Walkie, you can drop by the house. I will, I will. Uh, who is this guy, Jack? Wait a minute. I'll find out. Say, pal, where are you living now? Say, old place. So long, Jack. I wonder if it's Ollie Imerman. No, no, I don't. I was being his archer and, Bob, that was wonderful. Thanks, Jack. Say, Bob, I was thinking of that idea of yours about erecting something on the site where I was born. Do you think it ought to be a monument or a statue? Well, it would be pretty hard to get a statue for ten bucks. Oh, that ten dollars I contributed was only the beginning of the fun. There'll be many more donations. Hey, Mary. Hey, Don. Hmm. Get to me before I scream. Dennis, give Mr. Crosby ten dollars voluntarily. Now, how about you, Don? Oh, I'd love to contribute, Jack, but honestly, I left my money in my other pants. Mary? Me, too. Now, wait a minute, fellas. Are you in on this thing or not? Don't worry, Jack. As chairman of the finance committee, I'll collect all the donations. Good. Jesus, sweet fella. I hope he doesn't take it on the lamb with all the money. What's that, Jack? I said you're a lamb to be collecting all this money. Well, so much for the financial end of it. Now, fellas, come in. Oh, it's you. Hey, Jack, old fella, I hate to bother you again, but I had to bring the wife in to see you. Your wife? Yeah. Say hello to Maggie. Oh, hello, Maggie. Hello, Sinky. Well, well, glad to see you again, Maggie. Uh, who is she, Jack? That's the fella's wife. But who is he? I don't know. I'm trying to find out. Hey, pal, when I get to walk in, I'd like to give you folks a ring. What's your number? It's right in the phone book. So long, Jack. Your face was so familiar, and yet I can't place him. His wife knew me, too. She called me stinky. Oh, well, it'll come to me. Now, getting back to my monument, fellas, now, who can that be? Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Rochester. Listen, Rochester, I'm glad you've finally got in touch with me. I've been looking for you all week. Boss knowing that you've been singing to me makes this the happiest moment of my life. Never mind that. Now, where have you been since we got in town Tuesday? Well, boss, as you know, Chicago offers great educational advantages. Uh-huh. So, Wednesday, I spent the whole day at the Field Museum of Natural History. Uh-huh. And Thursday, I had a very interesting afternoon at the Adler Planetarium. I see. And what happened Friday? Friday, I met a gal and culture went out the window. Another girl, you're always finding a new girl. Well, this is the real thing. You're in love. How do you know? I can't eat. I can't sleep and I look the chin. With scorn? Not super scorn, just scorn. I know what you mean. Now, Rochester, you don't want to just rush into marriage until you know something about this girl. Has she got money? I think so. I can't find my wallet. I hate him. I just thought of something else. What are you going to tell your girl in Los Angeles? She'll never find out. Suppose she does. Then they'll have to put up a monument for me, too. That's what I mean. You better watch out. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. Now what? I sent your trunk ahead to St. Joe, Missouri. We're not going to St. Joe for two weeks. Next Sunday, we broadcast from Camp Custer, Michigan. And I'll need a clean shirt at the camp. Just raise your right hand. They'll give you a whole uniform. Rochester can't get anything straight. I wonder if he's really in love. I wonder who that couple from Walt Keegan were. I wonder if Crosby will run away with that money. Oh, well, tune in next week, folks, and find out. Someone has suggested that in addition to meatless meals, what we need are some let's not talk about meat meals. Well, it's going to make sense, doesn't it? Well, it's certainly our job to face any necessary food restrictions cheerfully and as well as intelligently. Well, one way to do both is simple. Plan your meals so as to include the food values you need every day by buying more of those plentiful foods that contain much of the nutriment of meat itself. Foods like whole grain cereals, cereals such as delicious toasty brown grape nut flakes. They're plentiful, they're thrifty, and they supply many of the food essentials found in meat. Yes, in every bowl full of malty, rich grape nut flakes and milk, you get proteans, iron, calcium, phosphorus, and two of the important B vitamins, niacin and B1. So grape nut flakes can help you to make up for other food shortages. And they taste so delicious with that sweet-as-a-nut flavor, that toasty crisp texture, you'll decide that grape nut flakes are the cheerfulest breakfast dish you ever enjoyed. Better make it grape nut flakes for tomorrow. Last number of the 21st program of the new grape nut flakes series, and we'll be with you next Sunday night broadcasting from Tamp Custer, Michigan. Well, I got to run along now and be a judge on the Quiz Kids show. Good night, folks. We're presenting Lily Marr. This program is presented for Army personalities who have not constituted an endorsement of this product by the War Department. Ladies, next time you go shopping for grape nut flakes, ask your grocer for a package of grape nut's wheat meal, luscious hot cereal member of the popular grape nut family. Your folks will clamor for hot grape nut's wheat meal. They'll shout out the praise of that roasted wheat flavor. They'll go for that glorious full-bodied texture. Hot grape nut's wheat meal boasts whole grain food values, and, p.s., it cooks in three minutes. This program came to you from Chicago. This is the National Broadcasting Company.