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WHY the G.O.P. LOST

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Published on Mar 21, 2012

Visit us on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Rickett... Ray and Brenda review Mitt "the shit" Romney and them others that was running. Fun for all and all for FUN!


RAY
Ricketts Reviews back at ya! What movies are we doing today, Brenda?
BRENDA
None. Ain't in the mood.
RAY
Why?
BRENDA
I'm all upset about Herman Cain.
RAY
Herman Cain??
BRENDA
Yes.
RAY
That's old news, honey. Why you upset about him?
BRENDA
He was my favorite. Now I don't have anyone to vote for.
RAY
What about Mitt Romney?
BRENDA
I'm not voting for anybody named after a baseball glove. It ain't presidential.
RAY
I think his real name is Willard.
BRENDA
Hell, that ain't leader-like. Less your leading a buncha rats.

RAY
Well, we already had a president with that name.
BRENDA
Who?
RAY
Willard Fillmore.
Beat. Brenda's heard the name, she's not impressed.
RAY
I don't know if he was Mormon or not.
BRENDA
Well, this Willard is. And I tell ya something... if Magic Underwear is his idea of national defence, we're in deep shit when we go up against the Russians.
RAY
You right about that. They got real long johns over there.
Brenda looks at him.
RAY
Ok, Mitt's off the list. How about Bachmann?
BRENDA
Michele Bachmann?
RAY
Yeah.
BRENDA
She can't pick a husband. How's she gonna pick a cabinet?
RAY
She's a woman.
BRENDA
So is Snooki. That don't mean I'm voting for her for president.
RAY
You're right. Snooki wouldn't be too good on the budget. What about Huntsman?
BRENDA
Never heard of him.
RAY
He's the other one.
BRENDA
The other what?
RAY
(whispering)
Mormon.
BRENDA
What are you whispering for?
RAY
I don't know. I thought maybe you didn't want me to say it out loud.
BRENDA
I don't give shit. Moving on.
RAY
Rick Perry?
BRENDA
Texan. We had eight years a that with bad results. Besides, Perry's got them beady eyes and I don't like a man with beady eyes.
RAY
Ron Paul?
BRENDA
Too old and crotchety. Don't believe in Social Security or Medicare. Hell, this is West Virginia. If he got in, the whole state'd be dead in six weeks!
RAY
(thinking)
That's pretty much it, except for the one his name sounds like a nut house.
BRENDA
Rick Santorum?
RAY
Yeah.
Brenda looks at him.
RAY
You know who else has got a funny name?
Brenda doesn't bite.
RAY
John Boehner.
BRENDA
Speaker a the house, what's funny about that?
RAY
Because when you say it, you say 'Bayner', but when you spell it out, it says 'Boner'. His name is Boner.
Brenda rolls her eyes.
RAY
Guy cries a lot. I guess if you were named after a dick, you might do that.
BRENDA
Moving on.
RAY
Hey, we forgot Newt. What about Newt? He's got the experience?
BRENDA
Not the kind I'm voting for. Two things I can't abide in a candidate: second wife and third wife.
RAY
I mean he's been there and done that... in Washington.
BRENDA
And in cars and parking lots, Ray.
I ain't voting for anybody shares a name with a lizard. Specially one can't keep it in his pants.
RAY
What about Herman Cain? Even if he's out of the race, you gotta cross him off, too.
BRENDA
What in hell for?
RAY
For doing to those women what they said he did.
BRENDA
Lying Harlots...
RAY
What I heard was he made offers.
BRENDA
Offers...
RAY
Yep. Offered up his plan.
BRENDA
What plan?
RAY
His 999 plan.
Brenda stares blankly.
RAY
He offered them 9 inches... for 9 minutes... at 9 o'clock in the morning.
Trying to process it...
BRENDA
Nine o'clock in the morning??
RAY
Oh, yeah. Any later than that, his flat plan would get too flat and you couldn't raise any Cain.
Brenda shakes her head in disgust.
BRENDA
I got my skillet, Ray. It's sitting here right by the chair. I hope you know that.
Ray looks over. It's there, alright.
RAY
Okay. That'll do it. The Republican Field. How many pigs do we give it?
They hold them up and drop them.
BOTH
Not a one!
BRENDA
You don't wanna watch this election.
RAY
It's gonna be painful!
(then)
Well, that's it for today.
BOTH
We're Ricketts Reviews...
And we'll see y'all at the Polls...
And on the You Tube!!
They wave goodbye.
RAY
And watch out for those "flying chads!"

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