 Let me tell you how this is gonna work. You're gonna be gonna tell me shit. Listen, suck my shut up. Listen to me Fuck my you fuck man. Listen, suck my you will be here in the court on Monday here suck in my listen to me now Fuck yourself. As you can see from the archival footage. We have bent the tree's body, but we still haven't broken its will Why won't you scream? You're all so immature. I can't believe you're messing with me at a time like this. Oh God It's head actually looks like a ball sack I'm never gonna unsee that now. Good evening father fungus, which is what I hear. You're called wait. We're didn't oh Hello, yes, I'm dr. Sherman. I'm here to issue a formal apology. It was rude of my staff to call you ballsack head Oh, god. Seriously? Cat ears I go through the trouble to get transmogrified I use my connections in the cat person to mention to get you some anomalous tech and you're grumpy it as cat ears That's just I'm grateful. It's been a tough match, but it looks like siren heads gonna take the belt Oh, I'm low blow from cartoon cat and look who's under the ring is long horse with the gravel and he's out of there Good afternoon agents today's briefing is on the person of interest known as dado or dado however you pronounce it dado is what we call a para pharmacologist meaning he makes anomalous medicine a self-proclaimed Fine capitalist dado will sell his wares to anyone who can get in contact with him Hell he'll give you free shipping if you have Amazon Prime pause to read this sample of dado speech You may have noticed dado's Unique speech patterns these idiosyncrasies almost universally lead to misunderstandings between dado and the client and usually the client gets Something that they did not intend it is unknown whether these are innocent misunderstandings on dado's part Or if he's sending you a monkey paw-esque consequence for your actions Some dado anomalies we having in team and include the pill that turns you elderly and Randy as well as the uber of pooping Got a whole dado playlist on the site 42 YouTube It's slapped by a giant mushroom and wake up in a trypophobia nightmare Do do you guys know the way out of here? My precious little bitch How did the dancing piano get out of its containment chamber What do you mean it had a key Always while I'm working hey sandworm cut that out Seriously though, where the fuck is he? We got a breach people. Oh three five is out and about now move move move. Yeah, that's me You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation Sherm see 1653 you'll never get away with this you can't possibly silence 2987 You know as well as I do that I cannot stop my work until it is finished Only then will Raymond be avenged the Met Gala outfits have dropped I will be giving my opinions and Kardashian has been redacted Desmond tell me you didn't redact a whole ass person a Kardashian at the Met Gala. I don't care if you consider it a public service Sometimes I worry that the foundation redacts too many things too many black boxes too many data sponge Then I see this and realize I am no longer conflicted. I found this corn maze. It says there's a mission But I mean there's no one here watching it 15 days after the posting of this video The poster was found within the corn maze dead all of his teeth had been removed Likely as a repayment for the unpaid entrance fee I shouldn't have to warn you about this has foundation agents, but just in case don't fuck with the Fay folk What that video showed you was true the first time 682 interacted with 999 the reaction was a big ol stop the squish But that doesn't cover what happened after of the two of them technically 999 won that altercation 999's abilities affected 682 so much that the giant lizard actually passed out from laughing and being too happy Of course after 999 was removed from the situation 682 woke up and released a laughter wave that made every person in its radius Double-over and laughter completely incapacitated which is when it breached and killed most of them 999 Even still wants to hang out with 682. I'm not saying we're gonna do it anytime soon But it's on the table cuz 999 won that fight Hey Brian, I've got a total lunar detonation to clean up So I'm gonna need you to activate the on we protocol. I know we're only allowed to do global amnestics eight times a year This is number five. We're fine. Okay, and we're gonna need a new moon to cover this all up So why don't we go to Termina? They have time loop so they have infinite moons. We can just take one of theirs I know Termina's moon has a face. Just put it on the dark side where the earth can't see it Do I have to do your whole job for you? Thanks Brian deliver in 30 minutes or less You're not getting your bonus this year. Bye. Bye now All right, that's number seven of the giraffe cat entity Similar to cartoon cat Is is that an eighth? Oh Back up Nobody is as excited for the big celebration as I am You have a dinner date for seven what time do you arrive? Seven a.m. Case the restaurant run background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? Not I gotta kill him dispose of the body replace him with my own guy no later than 430 You're ready really? No, everything you just said was insane Here's 999 and you want to know more about the game follow the link in my bio and Okay, 999 you're an anime waifu now. Let's go into hiding before the neckbeard show up send in the next one Picked up outside of Dayton, Ohio. What is your anomaly? Oh? What you gonna do about it? I don't guards Are you talking to me? Yeah, you can I help you get over here? Oh You want to be contained? I'll deploy the task force immediately to be honest The SCP Foundation has been investigating the cognitive hazardous nature of this little lad who loves berries and cream and has taken over tiktok But you didn't ask the SCP You asked the SPC and so now I've got to call up our liaison at the shark punching Center That's right. Dr. Sherman. If you want a haymaker a hammerhead you call the shark punching Center I don't care if this shark is a little lad. I'm gonna box it like baby shark and Huh? Oh It's it's a person. It's not a shark Well, that's just fine with me. I've heard that song way too many times I'm ready to give that little lad a salation sucker punch name a time and place you berries and cream bitch. I Hope this is a lesson to you all on the merits of proper spelling Breach containment. They said go outside. They said Go touch grass. They said Go check out the corn while you're out there Last time I listened to 1846 Where the fuck am I? This appeared as a moral dilemma cuz at first it was weird though I swore to eliminate the worst of the plague that devoured humanity It's true. I was vague on the house. So how can it be that you have shown me the light? It's a brand new day That's right my friends we need the few the proud The ooo we are forming a new mobile task force which the staff is affectionately nicknamed the mobile task furries To make a long story short. There's a new memetic agent out in the wild SCP 3 3 1 2 turns non furries into furries these Memetically cause furries go downhill from spending all of their life savings on fur suits to eventually going feral and needing to be Unalived however people who are already members of the furry fandom are immune to its effects That's why the foundation needs a few good furries Thank you're up for the job Submitted application video in your tactical fursuit will pass it on to recruitment secure contain protect With all the disparate universes and cannons the SCP foundation deals with the end of the world is basically a Tuesday to us But there is one end of the world that I think is particularly special SCP-J is the procrastination rock like it says on the tin. It's a rock that makes you procrastinate How could that of all things end the world? The documentation was never finished. So the rock was eventually accidentally thrown away Some person or organization outside of the foundation found the rock and found a way to duplicate it Multitudes of the procrastination stone were ground down into dust and then distributed worldwide using water supplies and crop dusting Oh, no, I think I hear the chemtrail conspiracies coming Eventually all of humanity just laid down and died because why do something now if we can put it off till later? You know staff, I gotta be honest. There's something about this presentation that I'm just not feeling I'm gonna come back to this later. I was walking along the lake one morning and I saw something floating on the surface You do not recognize the bodies in the water Hey there site 42 fam. It's come to my attention that not a lot of people know that we have a site 42 SCP merch store. We've commissioned art from multiple artists to make SCP related merch and we've got stickers for the site 42 channel And so if you want some scp merch as well as helping support the site 42 channel Teespring.com slash stores slash site 42. Thank you in advance and cheers