 So how do you know you're in the right relationship? And when I say no, I mean, how do you really know you're in the right relationship? And how does a man know they're in the right relationship? And these are really good questions to explore because the reality is these days, dating is very complicated, relationships are complicated. There's things like situationships, there's casual relationships. The whole variety of terminology that comes out can be rather confusing. So we're going to explore how to know that you're really in the right relationship. And quite frankly, this is correspondingly true for men who are in the right relationship. I think it's important to recognize though that most people in relationships today find themselves in what's known as situationships. And what I mean is the situation ship is a relationship that is undefined. There's no labels. There's no calling each other's boyfriend. There's no real direction. There's lack of intentionality. Think about that for a moment, a lack of intentionality. What does intentionality mean? It means, you know, having a goal in mind and then doing the action steps to achieve that goal, that's being intentional in one's life. And yet many people today dating are, let's just live in the moment. I just want to live in the moment. You know, let's not put a label on it. And let's not talk about the future. But when you think about relationships, that's a really significant aspect of an individual's life. It's like saying, I want to get a job at a company, but they can fire me whenever they want. Well, yeah, that's true. A company can, you know, do at will employment. But when two people enter into a professional capacity, isn't it an intent to do long-term? Or is it short-term? Now, a lot of, there are certainly jobs out there that are entry-level jobs. And today's dating is much the same. It's entry-level. It's just like, yeah, I want to just go work as a, you know, at a Starbucks so I can get my feet wet. And certainly younger people do that. And yet today's relationships are the same thing. And yet when a company invests in employee, don't they want to get some return on their investment? Well, it's the same thing. If you enter into a relationship with someone, you want to get a sense of a return on your investment. Now, what I mean to say is, is this something where it's a short-lived or is it long-term? So it really behooves everyone to decide now, do they have a short-term mating strategy or a long-term mating strategy? Because a long-term mating strategy requires a different way to approach the dating, the getting to know you process. Folks, many women have a broken man picker. You choose men who are not right for you. And in that, you find yourself in these short-lived experiences. It's like those temporary jobs or those starter jobs we've talked about. If you are intent on actually getting a significant relationship in your life, then look at schedule a discovery call with me. It's right here. There's also a link below. Schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. My area of expertise is all centered around helping you make better choices through what I call radical honesty, laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement. What is radical honesty? It's being vulnerable. It's being authentic. It's being transparent. And transparent means if it's material to the relationship, then these things should be discussed. That's radical honesty. Laying your cards on the table, that's unpacking someone's past relationship experience. It's important to do that, just like an employer would want to investigate your past work experience because that gives an indicator of how someone's gonna operate in the future. And the rules of engagement are what I call the standards you're looking for in a relationship. And yet, sadly, many of you have not established your standards. So you're more than welcome to borrow the standard I use. And that is, I think a healthy standard for two people in the early stages of dating. When I say early stage of dating, when two people have decided they wanna explore a relationship together, exploring a relationship together, then here's a really good standard. You spend two, three, four days, nights and weeks together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and your professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together, getting married or maybe living together apart. That's something you might wanna explore as well. Okay, why is this so critically important? Because as I said just a few moments ago, people are dating ambivalent. There's uncertainty, they're living in the moment. And without that goal in mind, how can you actually know you're in the right relationship? I know what you're gonna say, but Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship, but Jonathan, I have a busy life, but Jonathan, he has a busy life. Lookie, really, I wanna encourage everyone to really ask themselves, do you want a life partner? Because if you want a life partner, then you must have a long-term mating strategy, not a short-term mating strategy. And a long-term mating strategy means evaluating this person to see if they can fit into your life. When two people live in far distances, or quite frankly, even an hour drive is a long distance relationship, can the two of you actually blend lives together? And more importantly, will you spend the requisite amount of time to get to know one another? Folks, I'm here to say, I want you to think about this for a moment. The best way to get to know someone is to live with them. That's the best way to get to know who this person really is, is when you live with them, okay? Second best way to get to know someone is to go on a long extended vacation with them. You get a sense of how they operate when you're in close quarters, quarters on a regular basis. Our current dating process is a very long drawn-out process where two people have their own respective lives, they come together, they share some companionship, they share some connection, and they share some sex, and they go back to their respective homes. And yet, quite frankly, you can't really get to know someone to know if they're the one unless you spend a concentrated amount of time together in a relatively short period of time. That's right, concentrated amount of time together. And if it's not conducive with this person that you've become attached to, it's going to be more likely to be problematic because today, human beings are experiencing what's known as artificial, artificial intimacy. What that means is they're highly dependent upon their devices for connectivity, but it's artificial, it's cyber intimacy. Because if I'm, how to know a man's, how a man knows he's with the one, it's when he's with her and he feels good. He feels good when he's with them, with this person, and you feel good when you're with this person. So I've laid out six things to know that you're with the one and he's with the one, and I wanna dive into this right now. And ask yourself, are you experiencing this in the relationship that you're in right now, or more importantly, really, I wanna actually, for those who are single and looking for a significant relationship, please write these down because this is all, this is your barometer for establishing or for assessing, excuse me, is this the right relationship for you? And I guarantee you, if these things are being met, it's the right relationship for him as well. So let's dive into this. First and most importantly, you feel calm when you're with them. You're not chasing him, nor are you chasing the relationship. That's really important to recognize calm. Think about how many times you've been in the dating process where you've been anxious, you've been uncertain, you've been doubting, you're afraid to speak your truth, okay? You're on Google, you're searching, you know, why do men ghost? Why do men disappear? How to get an emotionally constipated man to open up? I call it emotionally constipated. I believe there's no such thing as being emotionally unavailable. I just think there's blockage for someone to be capable to emote their feelings. And we all need a little bit of help with that. And yet when you're in the right relationship, it should feel calm. You're not chasing him, nor are you chasing the relationship. Two people are mutually making effort with one another to connect with one another. Is that sinking in? I hope it is. Number two, when you're together, you want to be your best. Does anyone remember the movie as good as a get with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt? In that movie, Jack Nicholson has got some, I forget, is he OCD? And he's got some other quirks as well. And he goes on to say, he goes on to take medication because he really likes Helen Hunt. And he says to her, you make me want to be a better man. When you're in the right relationship, you actually want to be a better person. You've tried harder to be a better person. You try harder to be a little bit more affectionate. You try a little bit harder to be mindful, to pay attention to things. You know, one thing I do for my sweetheart every morning and is that I put out her coffee mug and I put out her sugar and I put out her cream because I tend to get up a little bit before her. I want her to feel special. Being with her makes me put down the toilet seat more often than I not. Being with her means I'm gonna clean up a little bit more. I want to be a better version of myself because being with this person brings me so much joy. You want to be the best version of yourself. And sure, we can be lazy at times and consider it sometimes dismissive, but it's such a minor compared to the effort. And when you're with the right person, you should be feeling this. You want to be the best version of yourself and you're feeling calm while you're doing it. Number three, you feel comfortable sharing your feelings. You both feel comfortable sharing your feelings. You know, folks, this is where I see a lot of women compromise so much. And it's not that they're compromising. It's that their own individual fear of bringing up your feelings causes one to believe that this person will break up with you. And I'm here to say it's quite the opposite. When you're with the right person, you can be vulnerable. You could be authentic. You can be transparent when you're with the right person. And by the way, if this man is a little bit emotionally constipated by leading by example, by being the expressive one, it will naturally draw out his. If he's really the one, the wrong person will get scared. The wrong person will run away from emotions and feelings. That's right. The wrong person does. But let me ask you something. Is a mediocre relationship where you can't be expressed your truth? Be the relationship that you want to hold hope for? Are you hoping for magic fairy dust to change this person? Many of you are. Many of you find yourself in situationships and casual relationships are worse. You're actually in a friends with benefits relationship that you don't really know about it. You know, being able to express your feelings is a critically important part of a healthy relationship. In fact, it should be a prerequisite. One of the things my sweetheart and I do, there's Marie right there. We have every morning our coffee. Every seven a.m. every morning, we sit and we have a cup of coffee for an hour and we share our thoughts and feelings about the previous day of what's coming up for us. We talk about our emotions. You know, we carve out quality time. Quality time is critically important for a healthy, happy relationship. And in that, it's being able to express your feelings. And if you need some support with that, check out my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work, there's a link below. Okay, there's three more things I wanna share. When a man knows he's found the one and when you found the one. Number four, while you might not like things about the person, you don't feel a strong need to change them. You know, there's an old saying, men marry women hoping they don't change and women marry men hoping they do change. Here's the thing. There might be things you don't like about your partner. There might be things that you wished were different. You know, the reality is, is that when you're with the right person, you don't feel a strong need to change it. It's learning to accept your differences. And yes, human beings are gonna have differences and being able to lean into those differences and saying, it's kind of like the movie Harry Met Sally. Does anyone remember the movie Harry Met Sally? Sally had some particular quirks about how she ordered food. And I'm sure Billy Crystal or Harry, excuse me, was like, oh my God, she's neurotic. She's high maintenance. At the end of the day, he recognized that that's just part of her personality and it was okay for her to be a bit neurotic. He didn't try to change her. He learned to accept it. My sweetheart goes on and on about stories. Oh my God, she has more file cabinets than anyone on this planet. And she can reach into a file cabinet and tell you a whole story. And she's Colombian, so she has so many cousins in her life, so many stories, sometimes it's exhausting. But at the same time, I don't feel need to change that because it's part of who she is. And when we can actually love those things about a person that might drive us slightly nuts, like maybe occasionally I forget to put the toilet seat down. She doesn't try to change me. She doesn't shame me. She doesn't belittle me because we're not perfect human beings. Number five, you both manage conflict well. Folks, this is probably the most critically important aspect of any relationship is the ability to resolve conflicts. And by the way, this requires being a good listener and listening means, and first off, being a good listener. Listener means listen to what someone says, acknowledge what they say, meaning you might need to repeat it back to them and recognize that that person's feelings might be true for them, even if you have a different opinion. Look at healthy relationships require two people that want to work together instead of being right, you wanna be happy. And conflict resolution skills is an imperative aspect. So when two people can resolve conflicts with relative ease, you're feeling a sense of safety with this person and allows you to go deeper. So when there is a real conflict, you know that you can actually overcome it instead of it being the deal breaker in your relationship. And the sixth most important piece is that you trust and understand each other. And trust isn't simply about fidelity. Trust is, does this person have my best interest at heart? Does this person genuinely care about my feelings as much as my own? And do we understand this person? You know, trust and commitment. Commitment plays a big role in this as well because ultimately when you've achieved these six things, it leans into the invitation for a more serious commitment, whatever that looks like for you. Again, if you have a short-term mating strategy, just live in the moment. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. But a long-term mating strategy is all about feeling safe with this person. Do I feel calm? Do I feel like I wanna be my best with this person? Do you feel comfortable to share your feelings? Do I feel not a strong need to change this person? Do we know how to resolve conflicts well and most importantly, do I trust this person because these are the building blocks for a healthy, happy relationship. And when you build the deep roots of trust with one another, it's the kind of relationship that you wanna go the distance with them. And yet sadly, as I said in the beginning of this broadcast, many of you are experiencing casual relationships, situationships or long-drawn out friends with benefits. And I'm here to say, if that's not your desire, then stop it and refocus your energy from a short-term mating strategy to a long-term strategy. Is this sinking and is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, like to hear your thoughts on this video. Please post a comment below. If it had value for you, please hit that like button. Please share this video with friends. Please subscribe to my channel. And again, there's a link in the description below. You can schedule a discovery call with me. You can join my membership group. You can follow me on Instagram. You can get my dating vows and get the free gift I offer as well. All right, I think we've covered a lot today. I hope you did find value in this. And if you did, please let me know. Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet, Teddy Barrett Pillow. Give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.