 Your entertainment and pleasure here is Our Miss Brooks starring Eve Arden Another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks under the direction of Al Lewis Well the flames of anger that scorched the soul of a spurned woman Just don't seem to flicker so violently in the male animal as a cracker barrel poet once put it quote Men don't see red like jilted ladies until they drop dead and visit Hades Our Miss Brooks who teaches English at Madison High School Expresses the same thought but on a much higher literary plane quote nothing to me is so Disappointing as to get stood up by mr. Boynton New paragraph last Wednesday night mr. Boynton called off a date We had but the next day he made me forget all about it by calling off the date. We had for Thursday night And Friday morning my landlady greeted me at the breakfast table with another pleasant surprise I thought you might be sick of scrambled eggs Connie, so I fixed you something different for breakfast today Oh, what is it? Mrs. Davis chicken chow mein? Chicken chow mein instead of scrambled eggs. Oh, don't let that bother you Connie. We can have the scrambled eggs for dinner Drink your fruit juice cocktail dear. I mixed it for you myself What's in it? I'm afraid Just the usual healthy combination Orange juice a bottle of real lemon juice some grapefruit juice and just a smidgen of yogurt You don't mind I'll have just a smidgen of bicarbonate Toast and coffee will be plenty for me this morning. Mrs. Davis. Well, I guess I could save your chow mein until dinner time Oh, thanks, but I won't be home this evening. You see when mr. Boynton cancelled our date last night He promised he'd make it up to me tonight. He said we'd have dinner out. Oh, that's nice Where is he taking you dear? Harrigan's hamburger heaven Just a little open air stand in the park. Well, that's one thing about mr. Boynton when he says we're reading out weed out If he weren't such a handsome devil. Oh, that reminds me Before you came in I was reading an item in the school paper that might interest you in the monitor What is it? Mrs. Davis? Well, I've got it right here. It's in Walter Denton's new gossip column here read it Let's see campus dirt shoveled by Walter Denton My first exclusive What female English teacher is that way about what certain handsome biology teacher? Your reporter has purposely omitted any name so as to cause no embarrassment to either mr. Boynton or miss bro Expected this invasion of privacy ever since Walter took over that gossip column He's had his ear to more keyholes than a house detective. If you think that's bad read the next item It says my second exclusive What other lady English teacher is also that way about the same biology instructor? Incidentally her birthday falls on March 16th and some of her intimate friends are giving this anonymous lady teacher a birthday party Many happy returns to you miss Daisy and right Then right's having a birthday. Hmm on March 16th. Why that's tonight Connie. Oh, so it is I wish I'd known that when we were in the cafeteria yesterday. I could have given her something like what Connie? Oh, I don't know. Maybe I could have slipped something into her coffee You shouldn't feel such animosity toward miss and right Connie she speaks very highly of you Why she paid you a lovely compliment when I met her in the grocers the other day What did she say? She said you have the most interesting figure of any woman. She knows miss and right said that Absolutely, then she said that you always look like you're wearing a girdle even when you are Oh, I'll have to get her a birthday present. The trouble is I'm torn between two gifts. What are they Connie? I don't know whether to buy her a pound of liver or a nice tender canary Oh Incidentally Connie before I blend it with the top soil in the backyard. Are you sure you don't want to taste this charming? I've never been so dead certain of anything in my life besides I've got to rush down to school I'd like to get there early so mr. Boynton and I can discuss the plans for our super special date tonight What's so special about tonight Connie? Well tomorrow Saturday, Mrs. Davis and there's no school So we don't have to get up early in the morning Consequently Friday is the one night mr. Boynton really lets his hair down He pulls out all the stops and doesn't give a hoot about getting home to sleep until 10 p.m Good morning, miss Brooks. Why mr. Boynton? What a surprise to see you here surprise. This is my biology lab, miss Brooks What do you know about that and I thought I was stepping into a phone booth Well, anyway now that I'm here what's new well, I had a very interesting chat a few minutes ago with miss Enright I'll rephrase the question. What's old besides miss Enright? It's her birthday and we were reminiscing about the party she threw on her last birthday I was her escort on that occasion if you recall vividly that was the night. I went to see a reissue of this gun for hire All right, certainly was a great party. We had an eight course dinner and then everybody got Noisemakers and favors and well long about nine o'clock. I got the feeling real gay I remember I put one of the lampshades on my head and made believe it was a woman's hat Do a more pleasant subject mr. Boynton about our date for tonight miss Enright reminded me about something else this morning It's very funny how it happened. I just know you'll scream when you hear it Well When I was at miss Enright's party last year, she had so much fun She asked me to promise I'd escort her again next year But it completely skipped my mind until she reminded me of it this morning And that's why I can't take you out tonight. So yeah, I told you Excuse me miss Brooks. I've got to go into the back room for a minute I've given my frogs and guinea pigs some breakfast not so fast mr. Boynton There's something we've got to discuss. Oh, but the frogs and guinea pigs must be finished by now I've got to clean up their dishes. Well, let the frogs wash and the pigs dry I'm sorry miss Brooks, but I've got to get things straightened out before my first class if you want to wait for me I'll be back in a few minutes. Don't worry. I'll be here. You'll recognize me by my white lips Make it snappy Fine kettle of frogs. This is only unmitigated nerve. Oh, well. Good morning miss Enright. Oh, I miss Brooks I'm glad you spoke up darling. I was about to hang my coat on you Dear then I'll hang one on you for mr. Boynton. He's been feeding the livestock It means interrupt your breakfast you on this of all days, you know, congratulations are in order I'm 24 years old today 24 for being a trifle more bitter than you are normally after all mr. Boynton did have to break a date with you So he could escort me to the party tonight But remember darling, this is a special occasion after all I don't have a birthday every day. Oh, I know you just looked that way You're such a doll Well, what I had to say to mr. Boynton can wait until later. I've got to get back to my classroom now Just tell him I'll see him after a bit miss Brooks. I'll tell him you'll see him later On second thought I may not wait to tell him anything if he thinks I'm gonna jump at him every time he calls my name He's got another thing coming Oh, here. I am mr. Boynton right here. I can't tell you how miserable I am about having to call off our appointment for tonight Oh, let's not discuss it mr. Boynton as you always say we'll make up for it tomorrow night Well, no, I don't know about that miss Brooks. You see Another funny thing happened My mother's visiting some friends in Ferndale as you know, that's only a hundred miles from here as the crow flies That got to do with tomorrow night Well In the letter I got from mom yesterday She said she's gonna drop over to see me in a couple of days Which probably means tomorrow although she'll wire me about the exact time and when she comes to town I'll have to call off all dates and spend every night with her Well, I seem to have hit the jackpot this morning. I might as well get to my classroom Goodbye miss Brooks. Bye. I heard absolutely nothing miss Brooks Walter Denton was your ear to that keyhole Absolutely not cross my heart and hope to die and I think it's a dirty shame for mr. Boynton to dust you off for miss Enright Now that you know the story of my life you also know that there's nothing I can do about it Well, that's where you're wrong while I was listening I was thinking and I've got a plan that's absolutely foolproof all it needs is a cooperation of an old pal of mine named Mel Norman Mel Norman. Yeah, you remember him. He graduated from Madison last year But before he got out he used to shovel the dirt for the gossip column. I've got now oh now I remember he's the slimy little boy who got the black sheepskin at commencement What's your plan Walter? Listen miss Brooks first of all Mel now lives in Ferndale where mr. Boynton's mother is visiting friends Secondly, mr. B made it clear that he'll call off all dates when his mother gets to town So so all I have to do is make a little phone call to Mel Tell him to send a wire to mr. Boynton from Ferndale assigned mother and saying that she'll arrive in town tonight Upon receipt of said wire mr. Boynton will immediately cancel his date with miss Enright and sit home to await mama go on Mr. Boynton will not wait alone because you'll be sitting there with him Ostensibly to keep him company until the arrival of the dear little lady who just isn't going to show up In conclusion all I ask is that you give me one measly buck to cover the cost of the phone and telegram from Mel Well, miss Brooks, what do you think of the scheme? Walter Denzen that is without a doubt the sneakiest foulest and most deplorable scheme I ever heard of here's the buck the influence of NATO World War two the nations of the west took action to prevent World War three They formed a common defensive shield called the North Atlantic Treaty Organization And in the intervening two decades NATO did what it was designed to do It has succeeded enabling the nations to learn from each other to earn from each other to live together In years to come NATO scope may widen It may stand not only as a defensive shield, but also as an influence against the threat to our environment Yes on the important ecological non military problems of our industrial civilization The influence of NATO may continue to help us to live together Shortly before first class Walter Denzen slithered into a phone booth Called his henchmen in ferndale and got him to send the wire telling mr. Boynton his mother would arrive that evening By noon I was anxious to find out if mr. Boynton had received the wire So I headed for the cafeteria at a rather rapid rate as I jogged past the principal's office However, mr. Conklin opened the door and in the warm and friendly voice he reserves for his favorites on the faculty He addressed me It was just on my way to the Don't have to tell me mr. Brooks Every day as I sit in my office during the noon hour Some secret sense tells me the exact moment that you are passing by on your way to see mr. Boynton I don't understand Well, it's relatively simple first there comes the sound of a violent rush of air after that my windows rattle The shades fly up My desk quivers and I topple off my swivel chair And now really mr. Conklin you're mad how I wish we could use you on our track team But permit me to explain my reason for flagging you down A telegram came to my office a few moments ago, and I thought you might enjoy delivering it. It's for mr. Boynton Yes, I'll just hand it over sir. I'll deliver it immediately. Don't worry about a thing I'll get it to mr. Boynton in no time at all. Just leave the whole thing to me and I'll get it Down girl down Now mr. Conklin here you are mr. Brooks. Thank you. I'll just Oh, that's funny the back flap of the envelope seems to be quite wrinkled and damp as if it had been steamed open Steamed open. Well, um, it must have been lying too close to the radiator. Yes, sir Can I get you a better bandage for that hand mr. Conklin? I closed the door on it at home Miss Brooks, I resent your inference that I would open anyone else's message A man of my integrity does not pry into the affairs of others naturally not sir. What did you say? It says I'm arriving tonight at sir. How do I know? Take that thing to mr. Boynton and miss Brooks I'm going to be tied up in my office for a while So please stop at the steam table and get me a hot turkey sandwich and bring it back immediately immediately, sir And mr. Conklin. Yes, won't it be nice to have mr. Boynton's mother in town for a while? Go ahead and open your telegram mr. Boynton. Thanks I don't get many telegrams. I wonder who Oh miss Brooks, guess who this is from. Well, if it's from your mother, it's certainly news to me It is from my mother miss Brooks. Now listen to this. I am arriving tonight at union station not necessary. You pick me up just That's strange. These words seem sort of blurred and damp. It was delivered by a very hot-handed messenger boy The rest of the sentence probably reads just wait for me at home. Now, let's see. Yes. That's what it says How did you know miss Brooks? What more logical place could one wait for one's mother, but in one's own apartment? My goodness, this means I'll have to break my date with miss anright gosh, and you have my You have my promise it isn't going to be easy for me to tell her she'll have to go to her party without me I'm sure you appreciate the spot. I'm in miss Brooks appreciated. I'm crazy about it I mean, it's positively sickening I haven't felt so miserable since I got a $40 tax rebate from the government You shouldn't make light of the situation miss Brooks. After all it is miss anright's birthday She might not be able to comprehend my apparent desertion at a time like this Believe me, mr. Barndon. It won't be a new experience for her. Miss anright has been deserted by more men than a leaky battleship Now just think of your mother and cheer up you'll be overjoyed to see her tonight. I'm sure and so will I You naturally if I weren't on hand to welcome your dear mother. I'd never forgive myself I had no idea you were so fond of mom miss Brooks fond of her mr. Boynton. I wouldn't know what to do without her Especially tonight Remember her last visit remember how she loved playing checkers with me I'll be over about seven and we'll wait for her together Well, the wire doesn't say what time she'll arrive. Well, we may have quite a long wait. I'm a rugged sort mr. Boynton I'll stick it out with you if it takes all month All right, that is a nice gesture on your part to keep me company miss Brooks You know when you come right down to it, you're a pretty good scout Thanks. I'll bring my bowie knife Maybe we can whittle some notches on your sofa Well now that everything's settled. I've I've got to get mr. Compton See you tonight, mr. Boynton. All right, miss Brooks. I've been wanting to show you my new apartment I think you'll like it. Oh, I'm sure we will. Goodbye, mr. Boynton. It's apartment 208, miss Brooks. I'm a second floor I'll find it. Just leave miss enright burning in the window for me I was just about to get a sandwich for your dad. Oh, yes. He told me I just left his office Incidentally miss Brooks as I was walking down the hall. I bumped into miss enright. It's hard not to What did the elsa maxwell of madison have to say? Well, she told me that mr. Boynton is taking her to a birthday party tonight I had no idea she was so young She says she's only 24 years old Why doubt her no matter how old she says she is now in a few minutes. She'll be eligible for social security I'd explain that harriott, but I'd better pick up your dad's lunch. Okay, miss Brooks. I've got an errand to do myself See you later, miss Brooks. Goodbye harriott message for you, mr. Boynton Oh, what is it harriott daddy stepped out of his office a little while ago And while I was minding it a long distance call came from perndale for you from perndale Yes, it was your mother. She said to be sure and tell you she's arriving in town tonight But I just received a wire saying Oh, that's mom for you. I guess she wanted to make doubly certain. I'd stay home tonight Lovely apartment. This is mr. Boynton. I'm glad you like it miss Brooks Those french doors next to the fireplace. Where did they lead the fire escape? It'll be a great fun great for sunbathing My only regret is that I don't have an extra bedroom when mom arrives. I'll have to sleep right here on this couch Well, don't rehearse now It's a very comfy couch, mr. Boynton It's rather wide. Why don't you edge over a bit closer to me? Oh, please miss Brooks. We're already sitting so close together. I I could almost reach over and touch you Don't knock it till you've tried it See what's on the coffee table. I've made some punch just enough for the two of us For the two of us. Yes a gallon and a half When you want more just holler I think you like it mr. Boynton. There's nothing in it but fresh fruit juices Well, in that case, I will have a snort Say you've put a lot of fruit in the bowl too, haven't you peaches pears Boy, this ought to hit the right spot. I need something to cool me off. Yes, sir You're just a ball of fire tonight Swiftie Mr. Boynton drink up Here goes Wow, what what did you put in this punch besides fruit, mr. Brooks? I cannot tell a lie. I spiked it with a smidgen of yogurt I hope it isn't too much for you, mr. Boynton. Come in Mr. Boynton. Miss Ann-Rye. Good evening, miss Ann-Rye Well, I knew you were expecting your mother, mr. Boynton, but you didn't say anything about your grandmother, come on Yes, it is miss Ann-Rye And now that you're here. Why don't you let me hang your coat in you in the closet? Well, I can't stay but a moment. Goodbye Miss Brooks, I told miss Ann-Rye how you volunteered to sit with me until mom showed up Yes, he certainly did darling and only minutes ago I was struck with such a brilliant thought that I simply had to drop over and pelt you with it You see miss Brooks, mr. Boynton also told me how famously you and mrs. Boynton get along So when she arrives, I thought it'd be nice if mr. Boynton were to join me at my birthday party Leaving you here to cut up old touches There are some new ones. I've got to attend to first Well, of course if you mind staying with mr. Boynton's mother Mind, miss Brooks loves my mother and mom says there's no one she'd rather play checkers with right miss Brooks Right as rain, mr. B Miss Ann-Rye, if I mean when his mother arrives, mr. Boynton will join you at your party In the meantime, it isn't polite to keep your other guests waiting. You're right at last darling Au revoir mon chef See you later miss Ann-Rye Don't hold your breath dear miss Ann-Rye Kind of nice to get out to a party tonight after all When I think of the laughs you and mom are going to have oh say I better get out the old checkerboard for you Don't waste your energy. Mr. Boynton. Oh, it's no trouble. I'll set it right up by the punch bowl I hope mom gets here soon. The night is practically over. I know it's 10 minutes past eight Look mr. Boynton There is a possibility that miss Ann-Rye's party may be over by the time your mother arrives So I suggest that we kick back the rugs put on some dance records and have our own little party Say that's not a bad idea miss Brooks. Give me another glass of that punch and let's live a little Honey Brooks punch bowl just pushing the fruit aside before I dive in Turns in just a moment. What's greater or better gift? Can we offer the republic? Then teach and instruct our youth The united states Now once again, here is our miss Brooks Well, mrs. Boynton was so eager to renew her feud with her old checker pigeon That she literally swept her son out of his apartment and off to the birthday party That left mama a check board and me Let's see now after I jump your king a one minute mrs. Boynton I hope you'll forgive my curiosity, but as I recall you weren't planning on coming to town until tomorrow I've been wondering what prompted you to change your mind. Well now. I'll tell you it was power of suggestion Power of suggestion exactly miss Brooks I had lunch today at the ferndale cafe with the lady who works for the telegraph company there And she told me that a wire had been sent from her office addressed to a mr. Boynton go on Well, I convinced her that she must have been wrong about the name But the wire was from some boy's mother and that's when I said to myself Why not visit Phillip tonight? So you see miss Brooks if it hadn't been for that wire, I'd still be at ferndale Now Who's move is it? We each have a jump coming mrs. Boynton. We have yes You're going to jump my king and I'm going to jump off the fire escape Our miss Brooks starring eve arton was produced by larry burns and directed by al lewis Written by arthur olsberg with the music of ludd bluskin Mr. Conklin was played by gale gordon This program came to you from the frankfurt studios of the american forces network euro and was prepared for rebroadcast over this network by specialist ed baron