 CHAPTER XIX Happy people. At Esther's age nature does her work of recreation well and fast. It was early yet, and the dawn just breaking in the day when she woke. And, calling to mind her purposes formed last night, she immediately got up. The business of the toilet performed as speedily as possible. She stole downstairs and roused Mrs. Barker. And while waiting for her to be ready, went to the back door and opened it. A fresh cool air blew in her face. Clouds were chasing over the sky before a brisk wind. And below her rolled the broad Hudson. It surfaced all in commotion, while the early light lay bright on the pretty Jersey shore. Esther stood in a spell of pleasure. This was a change indeed from her seaforth view, where the eye could go a little further than the garden in the road. Here was a new scene opening and a new chapter in life beginning. Esther's heart swelled. There was a glad mental impulse towards growth and development, which readily connected itself with this outward change and with this outward stir also. The movement of wind and water met a movement of the animal spirits, which consorted well with it. The cool air breathed vigor endure resolves. She turned to Mrs. Barker with a very bright face. Oh, Barker, how lovely it is! If you please, which is it, Mrs. Esther? Look at that beautiful river and the light and the air, Barker! It is delicious! I can't see it, Mom. All I can see is that there ain't no indwiddle chair standing on its legs in all the house, and whatever old Colonel do when he comes down, and want to begin at first, I'm sure I don't know. We'll arrange all that. Where is Christopher? We want him to open the boxes. We'll get one room in some sort of order first, and then Papa can stay in it. Where is Christopher? They had to wait a few minutes for Christopher, and meanwhile Esther took a rapid review of the rooms. She decided which should be the dining room, and which the one where her father should have his sofa and all his belongings. Then she surveyed the packing cases, to be certain which was which, and what ought to be opened first, examining her ground with the eye of a young general. Then, when the liking Mr. Bounder made his appearance, there was a systematic course of action entered upon, in which packing cases were knocked apart and cleared away. Chairs, in a table or two, were released from endurance and set on their legs. A rug was found and spread down before the fireplace. The Colonel's sofa was gut at, and unboxed, and brought into position, and finally a fire was made. Esther stood still to take a moment's complacent review of the morning's work. It looks quite comfortable, she said. Now the fire is burning up. We have done pretty well, Barker, for a beginning. Never see a better two-hour's job, said Christopher. Taint much more. That's Miss Esther. There are there, she wouldn't have known which was her head and which was her heels, and other things according, if she hadn't another head to help her. What o'clock is it now, Miss Esther? It is some time after eight. Pop on, maybe, down any minute. Now, Barker, the next thing is breakfast. Breakfast, Miss Esther, said the housekeeper, standing still to look at her. Yes, aren't you hungry? I think we must all want it. And how are we going to get it? The kitchen's all cluttered full of boxes and baggage and that, and I don't know where an endowittle thing is, this minute. I saw the tea kettle downstairs. Yes, I'm, but that's the sole solitary article. I don't know where there's a pan, nor a gridiron, and there's no fire, Miss Esther, and it'll take patience to get that gray to go in. The housekeeper, usually so efficient, now looked helpless. It was true, the system by means of which so much had been done that morning, had preceded from Esther's head solely. She was not daunted, now. I know the barrel in which the cooking things were packed stands there, in the hall, I think. Christopher, will you unpack it? But first, fill a kettle and bring it here. Here, Miss Esther, cried the housekeeper, yes, it will soon boil here, and Barker, the hampers with the china are in the other room. If you will unpack them, I think you can find the teapot and some cups. They'll all won't wash in, Miss Esther. Very well, we shall have one water here by that time, and then I can give Papa his tea and toast, and boil some eggs, and that will do very well. Everything else we want is in the basket, and plenty, as we did not eat it last night. It was all done. It took time to be sure that it was done, and when Colonel Gainsborough came down, hesitating and somewhat forlorn, he found a fire burning in the grate, Mrs. Barker watching over a skillet in one corner, and Esther over a tea kettle in the other. The room was filled with a morning light, which certainly showed the bare floor and the packing boxes standing around, but also shown upon an unpacked table, cups, plates, bread, and butter. Esther had thought it was very comfortable. Her father seemed not to take that view. What are you doing there? He said. Is this to be the kitchen? Only for this morning, Papa, said Esther cheerfully. This is just a kettle for your tea, and Barker is boiling an egg for you. At least she will, as soon as the water boils. All this should have been done elsewhere, my dear. It was not possible, Papa. The kitchen is absolutely full of boxes. It will take a while to clear it, and I wanted first to get a corner for you to be comfortable in. We will get things in order as fast as we can. Now the kettle boils, Barker, don't it? You may put in the eggs. My dear, I do not think this is the place for the sofa. Oh, no, Papa, I do not mean it. The room looking towards the water is the prettiest and will be the pleasantest. That will be the sitting room, I think. But we could only do one thing at a time. Now you shall have your tea and toast in two minutes. There is no doing anything well without systems, said the colonel. Arrange your work always, and then take it in order. The first thing first, and so on. Now I should have said the first thing here was the kitchen fire. Esther knew it was not, and that her doings had been with admirable system. She was a little disappointed that they met with no recognition. She had counted upon her father's being pleased, and even a little surprised that so much had been done. Silently she made his tea and toasted him with much difficulty, a slice of bread. Mrs. Barker disappeared with her skillet. But the colonel was in the state of mind that comes over many ease-loving men when their ease is temporarily disturbed. How long is it going to take two people to get these things unboxed in their places, he inquired, as his eye roved disconsentally over the room and its packing cases. This is pretty uncomfortable. Three people, Papa. I shall do the very best I can. You would like the sitting room put in order first, where your sofa and you can be quiet? You are going to school. Oh, Papa, but I must see to the house first. Barker cannot get along without me. It is her business, said the colonel. You are going to school. But Papa, please let me wait a few days. After I once began to go to school, I shall be so busy with study. Time you were, that's what we are come here for. The season is late now. But your comfort and the house, Papa. My comfort must take its chance. I wish you to go to Miss Fairburn on Monday. Then Barker and Christopher can take the house between them. There was no gain saying her father when once in order was given, Esther knew, and she was terribly disappointed. Her heart was quite set on this business of writing and arranging the new home. Nobody could do it as it should be done. She knew, except by her order and her own hand long to be in the work. A sudden cloud came over the brightness of her spirit. She had been very bright through all the strain and rush of the morning. Now she suddenly felt tired and dispirited. What is Christopher doing? Papa, I do not know. He has been opening boxes. Let him put the kitchen in order. Yes, Papa, Esther knew it was impossible, however. And let Barker get the rooms upstairs arranged. Papa, don't you want your sitting room prepared first, just so that you may have a corner of comfort? I do not expect to see comfort, my dear, for many a day to judge by what I have around me. Esther swallowed a choking feeling near her throat, commanded back some tears which had a mind to force their way and presided over the rest of the meal with a manner of sweet womanly dignity, which had a lovely unconscious charm. The colonel did even become a little conscious of it. You are doing the best you know, my dear, he condescended kindly. I do not grudge any loss of comfort for your sake. Papa, I think you shall not lose any, Esther said eagerly. But then she can find her energies to doing. And with nerves all strung up again, she went after breakfast at the work of bringing order out of disorder. The first thing for you to do, Barker, she said, is to get Papa's sleeping room comfortable. He will have the one looking to the west, I think. That is the prettiest, the blue carpet that was on his room at Seaforth will just do. Christopher will undo the role of carpet for you. Miss Esther, I can't do nothing till I get the kitchen free. There'll be the dinner. Christopher will manage the kitchen. He can't, mom. He don't know one thing that's to be done. No more than one of his spades. It's just not possible, Miss Esther. I will oversee what he does. Trust me, I will not make any bad mistakes, Barker. You put Papa's room in order. He wishes it. What the colonel desired had to be done, Barker knew. So with a wondering look at Esther's sweet, determined face, she gave in. And that day and the next day and the third were days very full of business and in which a vast deal was accomplished. The house was really very pretty, as Esther soon saw. And before Saturday night closed in, those parts of it, at least which the colonel had most to do with were stroked into order and afforded him all his wanted ease and luxury. Esther had worked every hour of those days to the admiration of her subordinates, the informing spirit and regulating will of every step that was taken. She never lost her head or her patience or her sweet quiet, though she was herself as busy as a bee and at the same time constantly directing the activity of the others. Wise and quick-witted and quick to remember her presence of mind and readiness of resource seemed unfailing. So, as I said, before Saturday night came, an immense deal of work was accomplished and done in a style that needed not to be done over again. All which, however, was not finished without some trace of the strain to which the human instrument had been put. The son had just sat and Esther was standing at the window of her father's room, looking out to the West. She had been unpacking his clothes and laying them in the drawers of his bureau and press. Miss Esther, you're tired. Bad, said the housekeeper wistfully, coming up beside her. There's all black rings under your eyes and your cheeks as pale. You have worked too hard indeed. Never mind, said Esther cheerfully. That will pass. How pretty it is, Barker. Look out at that sky. Yes, it's just the color from that sky that keeps your cheeks from showing how white they be. Miss Esther, you've just done too much. Never mind, said the girl again. I wanted to have Papa comfortable before I went to school. I'm going to school Monday morning, Barker. Now I think he'll do very nicely. She looked around the room, which was a pattern of neatness and of comfort that was both simple and elegant. But the housekeeper's face was grave with disapproval and puckered with lines of care. The wistful expression of anxiety upon it touched Esther. Barker, she said kindly, you do not look happy. Me? No, Miss Esther. It is which I do not expect to look. Why not? Mum, things is not according in this world. I think you are mistaken. Do you know who the happy people are? Indeed, Miss Esther. I think they're the blessed ones that has gone clean away from the earth. Oh, no. I mean people that are happy now and happy here, Barker. I am sure and I don't know, Miss Esther. If it wouldn't be little children, which is then that it's too young to know what the world is like, I do suppose they are happy. Don't you know the Bible says some other people are happy? The Bible, Mrs. Barker stared open mouth at the face before her. Esther had sat down by the window where the glow from the west was upon it, like a glory around the head of a young saint. And the evening sky was not more serene. No reflected more surely a hidden light than did the beautiful eyes. Mrs. Barker gazed and could not bring out another word. You read your Bible, don't you? Yes, I'm in course, which it isn't very often, but in course I read it. Don't you know what it says about happy people? In paradise, gasped the housekeeper. No, not in paradise. Listen, let me tell you. Blessed is the man whose iniquities are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Mrs. Barker met the look and Esther's eyes and was absolutely dumb. Don't you know that? I've heard it, mum. Well, you understand it? If you please, Miss Esther, I think a body could be that noted. That same, I mean. How can anybody be happy that does not know it? True enough, mum, but how is anybody to know what for sure, Miss Esther? I know it, Barker. You, Miss Esther? Yes, mum, that's easy when you never did nothing wrong in your life. Take the way with the likes of us. It is not the way with anybody. Nothing but the blood of Christ can make anyone clean, but that will. And don't you see, Barker, that is being happy. There was indeed no dissent in the good woman's eyes, but she said nothing. Esther presently went on. Now I will tell you another word. Listen, blessed is the man whose strength the Lord is. Don't you think so, Barker? Don't you see he can never be weak? Miss Esther, you do speak beautiful. Came out at last the housekeeper. Don't you think that is being happy? It do sound so, mum. I can tell you it feels so, Barker. Blessed are all they that put their trust in him. And that is, they are happy. And I trust in him, and I love him, and I know my sins are forgiven and covered. And my strength is in him, all my strength, but that makes me strong. She went away with that from the window in the room, leaving the housekeeper exceedingly confounded, much as if a passing angel's wings had thrown down a white light upon her brown pathway. And from this time it may be said Mrs. Barker regarded her young lady with something like secret worship. She had always been careful and tender of her charge. Now in spirit she bowed down before her to the ground. For a while after Esther had left the room she stood very still, like one upon whom a spell had fallen. She was comparing things, remembering the look Mrs. Gainsborough had used to wear. Sweet, dignified, but shadowed. Then the face that at one time was Esther's face. Also sweet and dignified, but uneasy and troubled and dark. And now what was her competence like? The housekeeper was no poet, nor in any way fanciful. Otherwise she might have likened it to some of the fairest things in nature. And still the comparison would have fallen short. Sweet as a white rose, untroubled as the stars, full of hope as the flush of the morning. Only in the human creature there was the added element of life, which in all these dead things was wanting. Mrs. Barker probably thought of none of these images for her young mistress. Nevertheless the truth that is in them came down upon her very heart. And from that time she was Esther's devoted slave. There was no open demonstration of feeling, but Esther's wishes were lost to her, and Esther's welfare lay nearest to her heart of all things in the world. End of Chapter 19 Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen, Gilbert, Arizona For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Shashank Jagmola, a red-walled flower by Susan Warner, school After much consideration the colonel had determined that Esther should be a sort of half-border atmosphere-bend school. That is, she should stay there from Monday morning to Saturday night. Esther combated this determination as far as she dared. Papa will not that make me a great deal more expense to you than I need be. Not much difference, my dear. As to that, if you came back every night, I should have to keep a horse. Now that will not be necessary, and Christopher will have more time to attend to other things. But Papa, it will leave you all the week alone. That must be, my child. I must be alone all the days, at any rate. Papa, you will miss me at tea and in the evenings. I must bear that. It troubles me, Papa, and that you must bear. My dear, I do not grudge the price I pay. See you only that I get what I pay for. Yes, Papa, Esther said meekly. She could go no further. Miss Fairbent was a tall woman, but not imposing either in manner or looks. Her face was sensible with the mixture of the sweet and the practical, which was at least peculiar, and the same mixture was in her manner. This was calm and gentle, in the utmost degree, also cool and self-possessed equally. And it gave Esther the impression of one who always knew her own mind and was accustomed to make it the rule for all around her. A long talk with this lady was the introduction to Esther's school experience. It was a very, very talk. It roved over a great many fields and took looks into other. It was not inquisitive or prying, and yet Esther felt as if her interlocutor were probing her through and through and finding out all she knew and all she did not know. In the latter category, it seemed to Esther lay almost everything she ought to have known, perhaps Miss Fairbent did not think so. At any rate, her face expressed no disappointment and no disapproval. In what way have you carried on your study of history, my dear? She finally asked. I hardly can tell. In a box of coins, I believe, Esther answered. Ah, I think I will get me a box of coins. Which meant Esther could not tell what. She found herself at last, to her surprise, put with the highest classes in the English branches and in Latin. Her work was immediately delightful. Esther was so buried in it that she gave little thought or care to anything else and did not know or ask what place she took in the esteem of her companions or of her teachers. As the readers may be more curious, one little occurrence that happened that week shall serve to illustrate her position. Ted illustrated in the consciousness of all the school family only not of Esther herself. It was at dinner one day. There was a long table set which reached nearly from the front of the house to the back through two rooms leaving just comfortable space for the servants to move about it. Dinner was halved through. Miss Fairbent was speaking of something in the newspaper of that morning which had interested her and she thought she would interest the girls. I will read it to you. She said, Miss Cainsborough, may I ask you to do me a favor. Go and fetch me the paper my dear. It lies on my table in the school room, the paper and the book that is with it. There went a covered smile round the room which Esther did not see. Indeed it was too covered to be plain even to the keen eyes of Miss Fairbent and glances were exchanged and perhaps it was as well for Esther that she did not know how everybody's attention for the moment was concentrated on her movements. She went and came in happy ignorance. Miss Fairbent received her paper, thanked her and went on to read to the girls an elaborate account of a wonderful wedding which had lately been celebrated in Washington. The bride's desk was detailed. Her trusso described and the subsequent movement of the bridal party chronicled. All was listened to with eager attention. What do you think of it, Miss Tikeman? The lady asked after she had finished reading. I think she was a happy girl, Miss Fairbent. Hmm, what do you say, Miss Tellavan? Uncommonly happy, I should say, ma'am. Is that your opinion, Miss Essink? Certainly, ma'am. There could be but one opinion I should think. What could make a girl happy if all that would not? Asked another. Hmm, Miss Kainsborough, you are the next. What are your views on the subject? Esther's mouth opened and closed. The answer that came first to her lips was sent back. She had a fine feeling that it was not fit for the company, a feeling that is expressed in the admonition not to cast pearls before swine, though that admonition did not occur to her at the time. She had been about to appeal to the Bible, but her answer as it was given referred only to herself. I believe I should not call happiness anything that would not last, she said. There was a moment's silence. What Miss Fairbent thought was not to be read from her face. In other faces, Esther read distaste or disapprobation. Why, Miss Fairbent? Nothing lasts. If you come to that, cried a young lady from near the other end of the table. Some things more than others. The mistress of the house appealed. Not what you call happiness, ma'am. That's a very sober view of things to take at your age, Miss Tisborough. Yes, ma'am, said the young lady, tittering. It is true. Do you think it is true, Miss Jennings? There was a little hesitation. Miss Jennings said she did not know. Miss Lawton was appealed to. Is there no happiness that is lasting? Miss Lawton? Well, Miss Fairbent, what we call happiness, one can't be married but once, the young lady hazarded. That called forth the storm of laughter. Laughter well modulated and kept within bounds. Be it understood, no other was tolerated in Miss Fairbent's presence. I have heard of people who had that happiness two or three times. The lady said demurely. Is there, then, no happiness short of being married? Oh, Miss Fairbent, you know I do not mean that. But all the things you read to us off, the diamonds, and the beautiful dresses, and the lace, and the presents, and then the traveling, ending whatever she liked. Very few people do whatever they like, murmured Miss Fairbent. I mean all that, and that is not last only for a while. The diamond lasts, of course, but the pleasure of wearing them might not. True, quite right, Miss Lawton, but I come back to my question. Is there no happiness on earth that lasts? There was a silence. We are in a bad way, if that is our case. Miss Gainsborough, what do you say? I come back to you again. Is there any such thing on earth as happiness, according to your terms, something that lasts? Esther was in doubt again, how to answer? I think there is, ma'am, she said, with a look up at her questioner. Pray what it is? Did she know, or did she not know? Esther was not certain, was not certain that her words would find either understanding or sympathy in all that tableful. Nevertheless, the time had come when they must be spoken. Which words? For several Bible sayings were in her mind. Blessed is everyone that feareth the Lord, that walketh in his ways, for thou shalt eat the labor of thine hands. Happy shalt them be, and it shall be well with thee. The most profound silence followed this utterance. It had been made in a steady and clear voice, heard well throughout the rooms, and then there was silence. Esther fancied she discerned a little sympathetic moisture in the eyes of Miss Fairburn, but also that lady at first said nothing. At last one voice in the distance was understood to declare that its owner did not care about eating the labor of her hands. No, my dear, you would surely starve. Replied Miss Fairburn, is that what the words mean? Do you think, Miss Gainsborough? I think not, ma'am. What then, won't you explain? There is a reference, ma'am, which I thought explained it. Say ye to the righteous, then it shall be well within him, for they shall eat the fruit of their doings. And another word perhaps explains it. O fear the Lord, yea his saints, for there is no one to them that fear him. No one to them, hey? Repeated Miss Fairburn, that sounds very much like happiness I confess. What do you say, Miss Lawton? Miss Disbro? People that have no want unsatisfied must be happy, I should say. Silence. Then one lady was heard to suggest that there was no such people in the world. The Bible says so, Miss Pains, what can you do against that? Miss Fairburn, there is an old woman that lives near us in the country, very poor. She is an old Christian, at least so they say, and she is very poor. She has lost all her children and grandchildren. She cannot work anymore, and she lives upon charity. That is, if you call it living. I know she often has very little indeed to live upon, and that very poor, and she is quite alone, nobody to take the least care for her or of her. So you think she does want some things? Miss Gainsborough, what have you to say to that? What does she think about it? Esther asked. She looked as she spoke at the young lady who had given the instance, but the latter took no notice until Miss Fairburn said, Miss Pains, a question was put to you. I am sure I don't know. Miss Pains replied, they say she is a very happy old woman. You doubt it. I should not be happy in her place, ma'am. I don't see, for my part, how it is possible, and it seems to me certainly she wants a great many things. What do you think, Miss Gainsborough? I think the Bible must be true, ma'am. That is Faith's answer. And then the word is, Blessed is everyone that feared the Lord. It is true of nobody else, I suppose. My dear, is that the answer of experience? I do not know, ma'am. But Esther's smile give a very convincing affirmative. But the promise is, no good thing will heave it whole from them that walk uprightly. There you have it, no good thing, and from them that walk uprightly. Miss Gainsborough, when you were getting well of that fever, did your mother let you eat everything? Oh no, ma'am. Not at all. What did she keep from you? Nearly everything I liked, ma'am. Was it cruelty or kindness? Kindness, of course. What I liked would have killed me. Then she would hail from you. No good thing, hey? While she kept from you nearly everything you liked. There was silence all around the table. Then Miss Gainsborough spoke again. But, ma'am, that old woman has not a fever, and she don't get any nice things to eat. It is quite likely she enjoys her meals more than you do yours. But, granting she does not, are you the physician to know what is good for her? She does not want any physician, ma'am. A laugh ran around the table, and Miss Fairburn let the subject drop. When dinner was nearly over, however, she remarked, You want light for your practicing? I will excuse you. Miss Gainsborough, if you wish to go. Esther went very willingly. Then Miss Fairburn held one of her little discourses, with which now and then she endeavored to edify her pupils. Young ladies, I am going to ask you to take patterns by Miss Gainsborough. Did you notice her movements when she went to do that little errand for me? Silence. Then murmurs of assent were heard. Not very loud, not enthusiastic. Miss Fairburn did not expect that. Nor care. What she wanted was to give her lesson. Did you observe how she moved? She went like a swan. On land, her keen ears heard something say under her breath. No, not on the land, like a swan on the water, with that smooth, gliding, noisiness movement which is the very way a true lady goes. There was the cat lying directly in her way. Miss Gainsborough went around her gracefully without stopping or stumbling. The servant came right against her with the tray full. Miss Gainsborough stood still and waited compositely till the obstacle was removed. You could not hear her open or shut the door, you could not hear her foot on the stairs, and yet she went quick. And when she came back, she did not rustle and bustle with her newspaper, but laid it nicely folded beside me, and went back to her seat as quietly as she had left it. Young ladies, that is good breeding in motion. It is just possible that the foregoing experiences did not tend to increase Esther's popularity among her companions. She got forthwith the name of Favorite, the giving of which title is a consultory excuse to themselves of those who have done nothing to deserve favor. However, whether she were popular or not was a matter they did not concern Esther. She was full of the delight of learning and bent upon making the utmost of her new advantages. Studies swallowed her up, so to speak. At least swallowed of all lesser considerations in attendant circumstances. Not so far but that Esther got pleasure also from these. She enjoyed the novelty, she enjoyed the society, even she enjoyed the sight of so many in the large family. To the solitary girl who had all her life lived and worked alone. The stir and breeze and bustle of a boarding school were like fresh air to the lungs or fresh soil to the plant. Whether her new companions liked her she did not so much as question. In the sweetness of her own happy spirit she liked them, which was the more material consideration. She liked every teacher that had to do with her, after which it is needless to add that Miss Gainsborough had none but favors and friends in that part of her new world. And it was so delicious to be learning and in such a mood one learns fast. Esther felt when she went home at the end of the week that she was already a different person from the one who had left it on Monday morning. Christopher came for her with an old horse and a gig which was the new subject of interest. Where did you get them? She asked as soon as she had taken her seat and begun to make her observations. Nowheres, Miss Esther, these ways I didn't. The Colonel, he's bought them off some old chap that wanted to get rid of them. But then there are ours, explained Esther with delight. Well, the gig seems very nice. Is it a good horse, Christopher? Well, Mum, said Mr. Bounder, in a tone of very moderate appreciation. Master says he's the remains of one. The Colonel knows, to be sure, but I can't say as I see the remains. I think maybe somewhere in the last century he may have deserved high consideration. At present he's got four legs to be sure, such as they be, and a head. The head's the most part of him. Obstinate, said Esther, laughing. Well, Mum, he thinks he knows in all circumstances what it's best to be done. I'm only a human and naturally I think so otherwise. That makes differences of opinion. He seems to go very well. No doubt, Mum, said Christopher, you let him choose his way, and he'll go uncommon, that he do. He went so well, in fact, that the drive was exhilarating. The gig was very easy, and Esther's spirits rose. At her age, the mind is just opening to appreciate keenly whatever is presented to it. Every new bit of knowledge, every new experience, a new book, or a new view, seem to be taken up by her senses and her intelligence alike, with a fresh clearness of perception, which had in itself something very enjoyable. But this afternoon, how pleasant everything was! Not the weather, however. A grey mist from the sea was sweeping inland, veiling the country, and darkening the sky, and carrying with it a penetrating raw chilliness which was anything but agreeable. Yet to Esther it was good weather. She was entered at school, she had had a busy, happy week, and was going home. There were things at home that she wanted to put in order, and her father must be glad to have her ministry again. Then learning was so delightful, and it was so pleasant to be, at least in some small measure, keeping step with Pitt. No, probably not that. Certainly not that. Pitt would be far in advance of her. At least in some things, he would be far in advance of her. In others, Esther said to herself, he should not. He might have more advantages at Oxford, no doubt. Nevertheless, if he ever came back again to see his old friends, he should find her doing her part in standing up to a full measure of possibilities. Would Pitt come back? Surely he would, Esther thought. But would he, in such a case, make all the journey to New York to look up his old teacher and his old playmate and scholar? She answered this query with his little hesitation as the other. And so it will be perceived. Esther's mind was in his brisk motion as her body during the drive out to Chelsea. For at that day a wide stretch of country, more or less cultivated, lay between what is now Abingdon Square and what was in the city. Esther's new home was a little further on still, down near the bank of the river, a drive of a mile and a half or two miles from Miss Fairbairn School, and the short November day was close again already when she got there. Mrs. Barker received her almost silently, but with gladness in every feature, and with a quantity of careful, tender administrations, every one of which had the effect of a caress. How is Papa? Has he missed me much? The Colonel is quite a Jewish woman, and he didn't say to me as his feelings were, but in course he's missed you. The house itself has missed you, Miss Esther. Well, I am glad to be home for a bit, Barker, said Esther, laughing. Surely I know it must be fine for you to go to school, Mum, but a holiday is a holiday, and I've got a nice pheasant for your supper, Miss Esther, and I hope I shall enjoy it. Thank you, Barker. Oh, anything will be good, and she ran into the sitting room to see her father. The greetings here were quiet, too. The Colonel was never otherwise in manner, and then Esther gave a quick look round the room to see if all were as she wanted it to be. My dear, said the Colonel, gazing at her. I had no idea you were so tall. Esther laughed. I seem to have grown oh inches in feeling this week, Papa. I don't wonder I look tall. Never wonder, my dear, at anything. Are you satisfied with your new position? Very much, Papa. Have you missed me? Badly, I mean. There is no way of missing a person pleasantly that I know, said her father, unless it is a disagreeable person. Yes, I have missed you, Esther, but I am willing to miss you. This was not quite satisfactory to Esther's feeling, but her father's wanted way was somewhat dry and self-contained. The fact that this was an unwanted occasion might have made a difference, she thought, and was a little disappointed that it did not. But then, as the Colonel went back to his book, she put off further discussion till suppertime, and ran away to see just some of the house arrangements which she had upon her heart. In these, she was soon gaily busy, finding the work delightful after the long integral of purely mental action. She had done a good many things, she felt with pleasure, before she was called to tea. Then it was with new enjoyment that she found herself ministering to her father again, making his toast just as he liked it, pouring out his tea, and watching over his wands. The Colonel seemed to take up things simply where she had left them, and was almost as silent as ever. Who has made your toast while I have been away, papa? Esther asked, unable tonight to endure the silence. My toast? Oh, Parker, of course. Did she make it right? Right? My dear, I have given up expecting to have servants do some things as they ought to be done. Toast is one of the things. They are outside of the limitations of the menial mind. What is the reason, papa? Can't they be taught? I don't know, my dear. I never have been able to teach them. They always think toast is done when it is brown, and the browner the better, I should say. Also, it is beyond their comprehension that thickness makes a difference. There was an old soldier once I had under me in India. He was my servant. He was the only man I ever saw who could make a piece of toast. What are some of the other things they cannot be taught, papa? A cup of tea. Does not Parker make your tea good? Ask Esther in some dismay. She can do many other things, said the Colonel. She is a very competent woman. So I thought, what is the matter with the tea, papa? The tea she makes. I don't know, my dear, what the matter is. It is without fragrance and without sprightliness, and generally about half as hot as it ought to be. No good toast and no good tea. Papa, I am afraid you have missed me very much at mealtimes. I have missed you at all times, more than I thought possible. But it cannot be helped. Papa, said Esther, suddenly very serious. Can it not be helped? No, my dear. How should it? I might stay at home. We have come here that you might go to school. But if it is to your hurt, papa, not the question, my dear, about me it is of no consequence. The matter in hand is that you should grow up to be a perfect woman. Perfect as your mother was. That would have been her wish, and it is mine. To that all other things must give way. I wish you to have every information and every accomplishment that it is possible for you in this country to acquire. Is there not as good a chance here as in England, papa? What do you mean by chance, my dear? Opportunity? No. There cannot yet be the same advantages here as in an old country, which has been educating its sons and its daughters in the most perfect way for hundreds of years. Esther pricked up her ears. The box of coins recurred to her memory, and sundry conversations held over it with Pitt Dallas. Whereabouts she had certainly got an impression that it was not so very long since England's educational provisions and practices, for England's daughters at least, had been open to great criticism and displayed great lack of the desirable, hundreds of years, but she offered no contradiction to her father's remark. I would like you to be equal to any English woman in your requirements and accomplishments, he repeated musingly, so far as in New York that is possible. I will try what I can do, papa. And after all, it depends more on the girl than on the school, does it not? Hoof. Well, a good deal depends on you, certainly. Did Miss Fairbairn find you backward in your studies to begin with? Papa, said Esther slowly, I do not think she did. Not in anything? In French and music, of course. Of course, but in history? No, papa. Nor in Latin? Oh, no, papa. Then you can take your place well with the rest? Perfectly, papa. Do you like it? And does Miss Fairbairn approve of you? Has the week been pleasant? Yes, sir, I like it very much, and I think she likes me. If only you get on well, papa. How have you been all these days? Not very well. I think not so well as at Seaforth. The air here does not agree with me. There is a rawness. I do not know what. A peculiar quality, which I did not find at Seaforth. It affects my breast disagreeably. But dear papa, cried Esther in his may, if this place does not agree with you, do not let us stay here. Pray, do not for me. My dear, I am quite willing to suffer a little for your good. But if it is bad for you, papa, what does that matter? I do not expect to live very long in any case. Whether a little longer or a little shorter is most immaterial. I care to live only so far as I can be of service to you, and while you need me, my child. Papa, when should I not need you, cried Esther, feeling as if her breath were taken away by this view of things. The children grew up to be independent of the parents, said the Colonel, somewhat abstractly. It is the way of nature. It must be. For the old pass away, and the young step forward to fill their places. What I wish is that you should get ready to fill your place well. That is what we have come here for. We have taken this step, and we cannot go back. Couldn't we, papa, if New York is not good for you? No, my dear, we have sold our seaforth place. Mr. Dallas would sell it back again. I shall not ask him, and neither do I desire to have it back, Esther. I have come here on good grounds, and on those grounds I shall stay. How I personally am affected by the change is of little consequence. The Colonel, having by this time finished his third slice of toast and drunk up his tea, turned to his book. Esther had been greatly chilled and cast down. Was her advantage to be bought at the cost of shortening her father's life? Was her rich enjoyment of study and mental growth to be balanced by suffering and weariness on his part? Every day of her new life in school to be paid for by such a day's price at home, Esther could not bear to think it. She sat pondering, chewing the bitter cud of these considerations. She longed to discuss them further and get rid, if possible, of her father's dismal conclusions. But with him she could not, and there was no other. When her father had settled and dismissed a subject, she could rarely reopen a discussion upon it. The Colonel was an old soldier. When he had delivered an opinion, he had an assort given his orders. To question was almost to be guilty of his ordination. He had gone back to his book, and Esther did not say another word. All the more her thoughts burnt within her, and for a long time she sat musing, going over a great many things besides those they had been talking up. Top up, she said, once when the Colonel stirred and let his book fall for a minute. Do you think Pitt Dallas will come home at all? William Dallas? Why should he not come home? His parents will want to see him. I have some idea they expect him to come over next summer. To stay, Papa? To stay the vacation. He will go back again, of course, to keep his terms. At Oxford? Yes, and perhaps afterwards in the temple. The temple, Papa? What is that? A school of law. Do you not know so much, Esther? Is he going to be a lawyer? His father wishes him to study for some profession, and in that he is, as usual, judicious. The fact that William will have a great deal of money does not affect the matter at all. It is my belief that every man ought to have a profession. It makes him more of a man. Do you think Pitt will end by being an Englishman, Papa? I can't tell, my dear. That would depend on circumstances, probably. I should think it very likely and very natural. But he is an American. Half the Colonel took up his book again. Papa, said Esther eagerly, do you think Pitt will come to see us here? Come to see us? If anything brings him to New York, I have no doubt he will look us up. You do not think he would come all the way on purpose? Papa, he would be very much changed if he did not. Impossible to say, my dear. He is very likely to have changed. And the Colonel went back to his reading. Papa does not care about it, thought Esther. Oh, can Pitt be so much changed as that? End of chapter 21, recording by Nancy Cochrane-Gergen, Gilbert, Arizona. Chapter 22 of A Red Wall Flower This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Nancy Cochrane-Gergen, Gilbert, Arizona. A Red Wall Flower by Susan Warner, Chapter 22. Hey, question. The identically same doubt busied some minds in another quarter, where Mr. and Mrs. Dallas sat expecting their son home. They were not so much concerned with it through the winter. The Gaines boroughs had been happily got rid of, and were no longer in dangerous proximity. That was enough for the time. But as the spring came on and the summer drew nigh, the thought would recur to Pitt's father and mother, whether after all, they were safe. He mentions them in every letter he writes, Mrs. Dallas said. She and her husband were sitting as usual in their respective easy chairs on either side of the fire. Not for that they were infirm, for there was nothing of that. They were only comfortable. Mrs. Dallas was knitting some bright wools, just now mechanically, and with a knitted brow. Her husband's brow showed no disturbance. It never did. That's habit, he answered to his wife's remark. But habit with Pitt is a tenacious thing. What will he do when he comes home and finds they're gone? Make himself happy without them, I expect. It wouldn't be like Pitt. You knew Pitt two and a half years ago. He was a boy then. He will be a man now. Do you expect the man will be different from the boy? Generally are, and Pitt has been going through a process. I can see something of that in his letters, said the mother thoughtfully. Not much. You will see more of it when he comes. What do you say in answer to his inquiries? About the gamesporos? Nothing. I never allude to them. Silence. Mr. Dallas read his paper comfortably. Mrs. Dallas's brow was still careful. It would be like him as it used to be. If he were to make the journey to New York to find them, and if we should seem to oppose him, it might set his fancy seriously in that direction. There's danger, husband. Pitt is very persistent. Don't see much to tempt him in that direction. Beauty! And Pitt knows he will have money enough. He would not care for that. I do, said Mr. Dallas, without ceasing to read his paper. I would not mind the girl being poor, Mrs. Dallas went on. For Pitt will have money enough. Enough for both. But, Hildebrand, they are incorrigible dissenters. And I do not want his wife to be of that persuasion. I won't have it, either. Then we shall do well to think how we can prevent it. If we could have somebody here to take up his attention, at least. Pre-occupy the ground, said Mr. Dallas. The Kermal would say that is good strategy. I do not mean strategy, said Mrs. Dallas. I want Pitt to fancy a woman proper for him in every respect. Exactly. Have you one in your eye? Here in America it is difficult. I was thinking of Betty Freer. Hmm, if she could catch him, she might do. She has no money, but she has family and beauty. You understand these things better than I do, said Mr. Dallas. Half amused, half sharing his wife's anxiety. Would she make a comfortable daughter-in-law for you? That is secondary, said Mrs. Dallas. Still with a raised brow, knitting her scarlet and blue without knowing what color went through her fingers. Perhaps her husband's tone had implied doubt. If she can catch him, Mr. Dallas repeated, there is no calculating on these things. Cupid's arrows fly wild, for the most part. I will ask her to come and spend the summer here, Mrs. Dallas went on. There is nothing like propinquity. In those days the crossing of the Atlantic was a long business, then solely by the help or with the hindrance of the winds. And there was no telegraphing to give the quick notice of a loved one's arrival as soon as he touched the shore. So Mr. and Mrs. Dallas had an anxious time of watching and uncertainty, for they could not tell when Pitt might be with them. It lasted, this time of anxiety, till Seaforth had been in his full summer dress for some weeks. And it was near the end of a fair warm day in July that he at last came. The table was set for tea, and the master and mistress of the house were seated in their places on either side of the fireplace, where now instead of a fire there was a huge jar full of hemlock branches. The slant sunbeams were stretching across the village street, making that peaceful alternation of broad light and still shadows, which is so reposal to the eye that looks upon it. Then Mrs. Dallas's eye, which was not equally reposal, saw a buggy drive up and stop before the gate, and her worst hits fell from her hands and her lap as she rose. Husband he has come, she said, with a quietness of intensity, and the next moment Pitt was there. Yes, he had grown to be a man. He was changed. There was the conscious gravity of a man in his look and bearing, the cool collectiveness that belongs to mature years, the traces of thought and the lines of purpose. It had been all more or less to be seen in her board before, but now the mother confessed to herself the growth and increase of every manly and promising trait in the face and figure she loved. That is, as soon as the first rush of delight had had its due expression, and the first broken and scattering words were spoken, and the three sat down to look at each other. The mother watched the broad brow, which was whiter than it used to be, the fine shoulders, which were even straighter and broader than a vole, and the father noticed that his son overtopped him. And Mrs. Dallas's eye shone with an incipient moisture, which betrayed a soft mood she had to combat with, for she was not a woman who liked sentimental scenes. While in her husband's great orbs, there flashed out every now and then a fire of satisfied pride, which was touching in one whose face rarely betrayed feeling of any kind. Pitt was just the fellow he had hoped to see him, and Oxford had been just the right place to send him to. He said little. It was the other two who did most of the talking. The talking itself for some time was of that disjointed, insignificant character which is all that can get out when minds are so full, and enough when hearts are so happy. Indeed, for all that evening they could not advance much further. Eyes supplemented tongue sufficiently. It was not till a night's sleep and the light of a new day had brought them in a manner to themselves that anything less fragmentary could be entered upon. At breakfast all parties seemed to have settled down into a sober consciousness of satisfied desire. Then Mr. Dallas asked his son how he liked Oxford. Pitt exhausted himself in giving both the how and the why. Yet no longer like a boy. Think you'll end up by settling in England, eh? said his father, with seeming carelessness. I have not thought of it, sir. What's made old Strahan take such a fancy to you? Seems to be a regular love affair. He is a good friend to me, Pitt answered seriously. He has shown it in many ways. He'll put you in his will, I expect. I think he will do nothing of the kind. He knows I will have enough. Nobody knows it, said the older Dallas Riley. I might lose all my money for anything you can tell. The younger man's eyes flashed with a noble sparkle in them. What I say is still true, sir. What is the use of Oxford? Hope, said his father. The use of Oxford is to teach young men a fortune to spend their money elegantly, or to enable young men who have no fortune to do elegantly without it. There is no doing elegantly without money, and plenty of it, said the older man, looking from under lowered eyelids, in a peculiar way he had at his son. Honey of it, I tell you, you cannot have too much. Money is a good dog. A good what? A good servant, sir, I should say. You may see a case occasionally where it has got to be the master. What do you mean by that? A man unable to do anything and spoiled for doing anything worthwhile because he has so much of it. A man whose property is so large that he has come to look upon money as the first thing. It is the first thing, and the last thing, I can tell you. Without it, a man has to play second fiddle to somebody else all his life. Do you think there is no independence but that of the purse, sir? Biggerly little use in any other kind. In fact, there is not any other kind, Pitt. What passes for it is just fancy and struggling to make believe. The really independent man is the man who need not ask anybody else's leave to do anything. Pitt let the question drop and went on with his breakfast for which he seemed to have a good appetite. Your muffins are as good as ever, mother, he remarked. Mrs. Dallas, to judge by her face, found nothing in this world so pleasant as to see Pitt eat his breakfast, and nothing in the world so important to do as to finish him with satisfactory material. Yet she was not a foolish woman, and preserved all the time her somewhat stately presence in manner. It was in little actions and words, now and then, that this care for her son's indulgence and delight in it made itself manifest. It was manifest enough to the two who sat at breakfast with her. Mr. Dallas, observing it with a secret smile, his son with a grateful swelling of the heart, which a glance and a word sometimes conveyed to his mother. Mrs. Dallas's contentment this morning was absolute and unqualified. There could be no doubt what Betty Frear would think, she said to herself. Every quality that ought to grace a young man, she thought she saw embodied before her. The broad brow and the straight eyebrow and the firm lips expressed what was congenial to Mrs. Dallas's soul. A mingling of intelligence and will, well-defined, clear and strong, but also sweet. There was thoughtfulness, but no shadow in the fine hazel eyes, no cloud on the brow, and the smile when it came was frank and affectionate. His mother pleased Mrs. Dallas infinitely. It had all the finish of the best breeding, and she was able to recognize this. What are you going to be, Pitt? His father broke in upon some laughing talk that was going on between mother and son. To be, sir, I beg your pardon? After you have done with Oxford, or with your college course, you know I intend you to study for profession. Which profession would you choose? Pitt was silent. Have you ever thought about it? Yes, sir, I have thought about it. What conclusion did you come to? To none yet, the young man answered slowly, it must depend. On what? Partly, on what conclusion I come to respecting something else, Pitt went on in the same manner, which immediately fastened his mother's attention. Perhaps you will go on and explain yourself, said his father. It is good that we should understand one another. Yet Pitt was silent. Is it anything private and secret? His father asked, half laughing. Although with a touch of sharp curiosity in his look. Private, not secret, Pitt answered thoughtfully, too busy with his own thoughts to regard his father's manner. At least the conclusion cannot be secret. It might do no harm to discuss the subject, said his father, still lightly. I cannot see how it would do any good. It is my own affair, and I thought it might be better to wait till the conclusion was reached. However, that may not be for some time, and if you wish, we wish to share in whatever is interesting you, Pitt, his mother said gently. Yes, mother, but at present things are not in any order to please you. You'd better wait till I see daylight. Is it a question of marriage? Asked his father, suddenly. No, sir. A question of Uncle Strayan's wishes, suggested Mrs. Dallas. No, mother, and then with a little hesitation he went on. I have been thinking merely what master I would serve. Upon that would depend, in part, what service I would do, of course. What master? Mars, or whenever to it? Or possibly Apollo? Or what was the God who was supposed to preside over the administration of justice? I forget. No, sir. My question was broader. Broader? It was, briefly, the question whether I would serve God or Mammon. I profess I do not understand you now, said his father. You are aware, sir, the world is divided on that question, making two parties. Before going any farther, I had a mind to determine to which of them I would belong. How can a navigator lay his course unless he knows his goal? But, my boy, said his mother, now anxiously and perplexedly, what do you mean? It amounts to the question whether I would be a Christian mother. Mr. Dallas slew his chair round so as to bring his face somewhat out of sight. Mrs. Dallas, obeying the same instinctive impulse, kept hers hidden behind the screen of her coffee-earn. For she would not her son should see, in it, the effect of his words. Her answer, however, was instantaneous. But, my dear, you are a Christian. Am I? Since when, mother? Pity, you were baptized in infancy. You were baptized by that good and excellent bishop downing, as good a man, and as holy, as ever was consecrated, here or anywhere. He baptized you before you were two months old. That made you a Christian, my boy. What sort of a one, mother? Why, my dear, you were taught your catechism. Have you forgotten it? In baptism you were made a member of Christ, a child of God, and an inheritor of the Kingdom of Heaven. You have learned those words often enough, and said them over. That will do to talk about, mother, said Pitt slowly, but in what sense is it true? My dear, in every sense, how can you ask? It is part of the prayer book. It is not part of my experience. Up to this time, my life and conscience know nothing about it. Mother, the Bible gives certain marks of the people whom it calls disciples and Christians. I do not find them in myself. Pitt lifted his head and looked at his mother as he spoke. A grave, Frank, most manly expression filling his face. Mrs. Dallas met the look with one of intense worry and perplexity. What do you mean, she said helplessly, while a sudden shove of her husband's chair spoke for his mood of mind, in its irritated restlessness. Marks, she repeated. Christians are not marked from other people. As I read in the Bible, it seems to me they must be. I do not understand you, she said shortly. I hope you will explain yourself. I owe it to you to answer, the young man said thoughtfully. It is better, perhaps, you should know where I am, that you may at least be patient with me if I do not respond quite as you would wish to your expectations. Mother, I have been studying this matter a great while, but as to the preliminary question, whether I am already what the Bible describes Christians to be, I have been under no delusion at all. The marks are plain enough, and they are not in me. What marks? It is a personal matter, Pitt went on a little unwillingly. It must be fought through somehow in my own mind, but some things are plain enough. Mother, the service of Christ, follow him. It is the test of their service. I never did, nor ever thought or cared what the words meant. The children of God are known by the fact that they love him and keep his commandments. So the Bible says, I have not loved him, and have not asked about his commandments. I have always sought my own pleasure. The heirs of the kingdom of heaven have chosen that world instead of this, and between the two is just the choice I have yet to make, that is precisely where I am. But, my dear Pitt, said Mrs. Dallas, while her husband kept an ominous silence, you have always led a most blameless life. I think you judge yourself too hardly. You have been a good son, always, and her eyes filled, partly with affection, and partly with chagrin. To what was all this tending? You have always been a good son, she repeated. To you, Mother, yes, I hope so. And, my dear, you were confirmed. What did that mean? It meant nothing, Mother, so far as I was concerned. It amounted to nothing. I did not know what I was doing. I did not think of the meaning the words might bear. It was to me a mere form, done because you wished it, and because it was said to be proper. The right thing to do. I attached no weight to it, and lived just the same after as before. Except that for a few days I went under a little feeling of constraint, I remember, and also carried my head higher with a sense of added dignity. And what is your idea of a Christian now, then, Mrs. Dallas asked, between trouble and indignation. I am merely taking what the Bible says about it, Mother. Whichever man interprets for himself, added Mr. Dallas dryly. Where words are so plain, there can hardly be any question of interpretation. For instance, Let that be, said Mr. Dallas, and tell us, if you can, what is your idea of the choice you say you have to make? A choice between what? The one thing runs into the other, said Pitt, but it does not signify it which end we begin. The question is, I suppose, in short, which world I will live for. Live for both. That is the sensible way. But, if you will partly serve impracticable. How impracticable? It has been declared so by the highest authority, and it has been found so in practice. I see it to be impracticable. I do not. Where is the impracticability? Mr. Dallas had wheeled brown now and was regarding his son attentively, with a face of superior, cold, rather scornful calm. Mr. Dallas's face was rarely anything else but calm, whatever might be going on beneath the calm. Pitt's face was not exactly so quiet, thought was working in it, and lights and shades sometimes passed over it, which his father carefully studied. Where is the impossibility, he repeated, as Pitt's answer tarried. The impossibility of walking two ways at once. Will you explain yourself? I do not see the application. He spoke with clear coldness, perhaps expecting that his son would be checked or embarrassed by coming against that barrier to enthusiasm. A cold, hard intellect. Pitt, however, was quite as devoid of enthusiasm at the moment as his father, and far more sure of his ground, while his intellect was full as much as stir. His steadiness was not shaken, rather gained force, as he went on to speak. Though he did not now lift his eyes, but sat looking down at the white damask which covered the breakfast table, having pushed his plate and cup away from him. Father and mother, he said, I have been looking at two opposite goals. On one side there is what people usually strive for, honor, pleasure, a high place in the world's regard. If I seek that, I know what I have to do. I suppose it is what you want me to do. I should distinguish myself if I can, climb the heights of greatness, make myself a name and a place, and then live there as much above the rest of the world as I can, and enjoying all the advantages of my position. That is about what I thought I would do when I went to Oxford. It is a career bounded by this world and ended when one quits it. You ask why it is impossible to do this and the other thing too? Just look at it. If I become a servant of Christ, I give up seeking earthly honor. I do not live my own pleasure. I apply all I have of talents or means or influence to doing the will of a master whose kingdom is not of this world and whose ways are not liked by the world. I see very plainly what his commands are, and they bid one be unlike the world and separate from it. Do you see the impossibility I spoke of? But, my dear, said Mrs. Dallas eagerly, you exaggerate things. Which things, Mother? It is not necessary for you to be unlike the world. That is extravagance. Petrose went to the table where a large family Bible and book of common prayer lay, and fetched the Bible to the breakfast table, during which procedure Mr. Dallas shut his chair around again to gain his form of position. And Mrs. Dallas passed her hand over her eyes once or twice, with her a gesture of extreme disturbance. Petrose's book opened it on the table before him, and after a low turning of the leaves, stopped and read the following. If you were of the world, the world would love his own. But because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hated you. Yes, at that time, said Mrs. Dallas eagerly, at that time, then the heathen made great opposition. All that is past now. Was it only the heathen, Mother? Well, the Jews, of course, they were as bad. Why were they, just for this reason, that they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God? They chose this world. But the apostle James, here it is, he wrote, Whosoever will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. Wouldn't you then be a friend of the world, Ted? His mother asked approvingly. I should say, Mr. Dallas remarked with an amusing different tone. I should say that Ted had been attending a convent at all. Only at Oxford, that is hardly possible. The young man made no answer to either speaker. He remained with his head bent down over the Bible. And a face almost stirring in its gravity. Mrs. Dallas presently repeated her question. Ted, would you not be a friend to the world? That is the question, Mother, he said, lifting his face to look at her. I thought it right to tell you all this, that you may know just where I stand. Of course, I have thought of the question of a profession. But this other comes first, and I feel it out first to be decided. With which utterance the young man rose, put the big Bible in its place, and left the room. End of Chapter 22, Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen, Gilbert, Arizona A Red Wallflower by Susan Warner Chapter 23 A Debate The two who were left sat still for a few moments, without speaking. Mrs. Dallas once again made that gesture of her hand across her brow. You need not disturb yourself, wife, said her husband presently. Young men must have a turn at being fools once in a way. It is not much in Pitt's way. But, however, it seems his turn has come. There are worse types of the disorder. I would rather have this Puritan scruple to deal with than some other things. The religious craze passes off easier than a fancy for drinking or gambling. It is hot while at last, but it is easier to cure. But Pitt is so persistent. In other things, you will see it will not be so with this. He's very persistent, repeated the mother. He always did stick to anything he once resolved upon. He is not resolved upon this yet. Distraction is the best thing, not talk. Where is Betty Frere? I thought she was coming. She is coming. She will be here in a few days. I cannot imagine what has set Pitt upon this strange way of thinking. He has got hold of some Methodist or some other dreadful person. But where? It couldn't be at Oxford. And I am certainly was never in Uncle Strand's house. Where could it be? Methodism began at Oxford, my dear. It is one mercy that the Gainsboroughs are gone. Yes, said her husband. That was well done. Does he know? I have never told him. He will be asking about them directly. Say as little as you can, and get Betty Frere here. Pitt, meanwhile, had gone to his old room, his work room, the scene of many a pleasant hour, and where those at-for-time lessons to Esther Gainsborough had been given. He stood and looked about him, all with severe order and emptiness. Telling that the Master had been away, his treasures were safe packed up, under lock and key, or stowed away upon covered shells. There was no pleasant litter on tables or floor, alluring to work or play. Was that old life, of work and play, which mixed and mingled, light-hearted and sweet, gone forever? Pitt stood in the middle of the floor looking about him, gathering up many a broken thread of association. And then, obeying an impulse which had been on him all the morning, he turned, caught up his hat, and went out. He lordered down the village street. It was mid-morning now, the summer sun beating down on the white spade, and making every big tree shadow grateful. Great overarching elms, sometimes an oak or a maple, ranged along in straight course in their neighborhood, making the village look green and bowery, and giving the impression of an easygoing thrift and habit of pleasant conditions, which perhaps was not untrue to the character of the people. The capital order in which everything was kept confirmed the impression. Pitt, however, was not thinking of this, though he noticed it. The village was familiar to him from his childhood, and looked just as it had always done, only that the elms and maples had grown a little more bowery with every year. He walked along, not thinking of that, nor seeing the roses and syringa blossoms, which gave him a sweet breath out of some of the gardens. He was not in a hurry. He was going back in mind to that which furnished the royal answer to his mother's wonder and query. Wins Pitt could have got his new ideas. It was nobody at Oxford or in London, either convinical nor discourse, but a girl's letter. He went on and on, thinking of it and of the writer. What would she say to his disclosures, which his father and mother could do nothing with? Would she be in condition to give him the help he knew he must not expect from them? She? A girl? Who did not know the world? Yet she was the goal of Pitt's present thoughts, and her house the point his footsteps were seeking, slowly and thoughtfully. He was not in a hurry. Indeed, he was too absorberly busy with his own cogitations and questions to give full place to the thought of Esther and the visit he was about to make. Besides, it was not as in the old time. He had no image before him now of a forlorn, lonely child, awaiting his coming as the flowers looked for the sun. Things were rather turned about. He thought of Esther as the one in the sunlight, and himself as in need of illumination. He thought of her as needing no comfort that he could give. He had hoped to find a way to peace to her leading, but, yes, she would be glad to see him. She would not have forgotten him, nor lost her old affection for her old playfellow, though the entire cessation of letters from either her or her father had certainly been inexplicable. Probably it might be explained by some crankiness of the Colonel. Esther would certainly be glad to see him. He quickened his steps to reach the house. He hardly knew it when he came to it. The aspect of things was so different from what he remembered. Truly it had been always a quiet house, with never a rush of company or a crowd of voices. But there had been light, and now it stood still at the little gate and looked, with a sudden blank of disappointment. There could be nobody there. The house was shut up and dead. Not a window was open, not a door. In the little front garden the flowers had grown up wild and were struggling with weeds. The grass of the lawn at the side was rank and unmoan. The honeysuckle vines in places were hanging loose and uncared for, waving in the wind in a way that said eloquently, nobody is here. There was not much wind that summer day, just enough to move the honeysuckle sprays. Pit stood and looked and queried, then yielding to some unconscious impulse, he went in through the neglected flowers to the deserted veranda, and spent a quarter of an hour entwining and securing the loose vines. He was thinking hard all the time. This was the place where he remembered sitting with Esther that day when she asked help of him about getting comfort. He remembered it well. He recalled the girl's subdued manner, and the sorrow for craving in the large, beautiful eyes. Now Esther had found what she saw, and today he was nearly as unable to understand her as he had been to help her then. He fastened up the honeysuckles, and then he went and sat down on the step of the veranda, and took Esther's letter out of his breast pocket, and read it over. He had read it many times. He did not comprehend it, but this he comprehended, that to her at least there was something in religion more heartfelt than a forum, and more satisfying than a profession. To her it was a reality. The letter had set him thinking, and he had been thinking ever since. He had come here this morning, hoping that in talking with her she might perhaps give him some more light, and now she had disappeared, strange that his mother should not have told him. What could be the explanation of the sudden disappearance, disaster or death it could not be, or that she certainly would have told him? Sitting there amusing over many things, his own great question ever and again. He heard a mower wetting his sides somewhere in the neighborhood. Pitt set about searching for the unseen laborer, and presently saw the man. He was cutting the grass in an adjoining field, dismissing thought for action. In two minutes he had sprung over the fence and was beside the man. But the mower did not intermittent long sweeps of his side. Until he heard Pitt's civil, good morning, then he stopped, straightened himself up, and looked at his visitor, looked him all over. Good morning, he replied. Guess you're the young squire, ain't you? If Pitt's appearance had been less supremely neat and faultless, I'd think the honest worker would have offered his hand. But the whiteness and summer suit, the polished boots, the delicate gloves, were too much of a contrast with his own dusty and rough exterior. It was no feeling of interiority, be it well understood, that moved him to this bit of self-denial. Only a self-respecting feeling of fitness. He himself would not have wanted to touch a dusty hand with those gloves on his own. But he spoke his welcome. Glad to see you home, squire. When did you come? Last night, thank you. Whom am I talking to? I have been so long away, I have forgotten my friends. I guess there's nobody he ain't forgotten you, you'll find, said the man, wiping his scythe blade with a wisp of grass, needlessly, for he had just wedded it, but it gave him an opportunity to look at the figure beside him. More than I deserve, said Pet, but I seem not to find some of my old friends. Do you know where is the family that used to live here? Gone away, I guess. I see they have gone away, but where have they gone? Don't know. No more than the dead, said the man, beginning him again. You know who I am speaking of, Colonel Gainesboro. I know. He's gone. That's all I can tell you. Who takes care of the place? The place? If you mean the house, nobody takes care of it, I guess. There ain't nobody in it. The land has as good care as it ever had. The squire, he sees to that. My father, do you mean? Who else? It belongs to the squire now, and he takes good care of all he sees to. He bought it, you know, when the Colonel went away, said the man, stopping work and resting on his side to look at Pet again. He'd let it, I guess, if he could. But you see, there ain't nobody that wants it. The folks in Seaforth all has their own houses, and don't want nobody else's. There is, folks, they say, as I'd like to live in two houses to once, if they could manage it, but I never hear to no one that could. Do you know at all why the Colonel went away? Ain't an idea. Never know to him particular, you see, and so never hear you tell. The Colonel, he weren't a social man by no means, and kept himself mostly shut up. I think it's a man's loss, but there's different opinions, I suppose, on that point, as on every other. Folks, do you say the Colonel weren't never to home in Seaforth? Anyway, he ain't now. With which utterance he went to Mowing again, and Pet, after a courteous good day, left him. Where could they be gone? And why should they have gone? And how was it that his mother, in her many letters, had never said a word about it? Nay, had let him go out this very morning to look for what she knew he would not find. And his father had bought the ground? There was something here to be inquired into. Meanwhile, for the present, he must do his thinking without Esther. He walked on and on, slowly, under the shade of the great trees. Along the empty grassy street, he had plucked one or two shoots from the honeysappos, long shoots full of sweetness, and as he went on and thought, they seemed to put in a word now and then. A word of reminder, not distinct nor logical, but with a blended meaning of Esther and sweetness and truth. Not her sweetness and truth, but that which she testified to, and which an inner voice in his heart kept declaring to be genuine. That lured him and beckoned him one way, and the other way sounded voices as if of a thousand sirens. Pleasure, pride, distinction, dominion, applause, achievement, power, and ease. Various forms of them, various colors, started out before his mind's eye, vaguely discerned as to individual form, but every one of them, like the picadors in a bullfight, shaking its little banner of distraction and alignment. Pitt felt the confusion of them, and at the same time was more than vaguely conscious on the other side of a certain steady white light which attracted towards another goal. He walked on in meditative musing, slowly and carelessly, not knowing where he was going nor what he passed on the way, till he had walked far. And then he suddenly stopped, turned, and set out to go back the road he had come, but now with a quick, measured, steady footfall which gave no indication of a vacillating mind or a labored question. He went into the breakfast room when he got home, which was also the common sitting room and where he found, as he expected, his mother alone. She looked anxious, which was not a usual thing with Mrs. Dallas. Pitt, my dear, out all this time? Are you not very hot? I do not know, mother. I think not. I have not thought about the heat, I believe. He had kept the honeysuckle sprays in his hand all this while, and he now went forward to stick them in the huge jar which occupied the fireplace, and which was full of green branches. Turning when he had done this, he did not draw up a chair, but threw himself down upon the rug at his mother's feet, so that he could lay back his head upon her knees. Presently he put up his two hands behind him and found her hands, which he gently drew down and laid on each side of his head, holding them there in caressing fashion. Caresses were never the order of the day in his family, rarely exchanged even between mother and son, who yet were devoted faithfully to each other. The action moved Mrs. Dallas greatly. She bent down over him and kissed her son's brow, and in loosening one of her hands, thrust it fondly among the thick brown wavy locks of hair that were such a pride to her. She admired him unqualifiedly. With that blissful delight in him which a good mother gives to her son, if his bodily and mental properties were anyway allow of it, Mrs. Dallas's pride in his son had always been satisfied and unalloyed. All the more now was the chagrin she felt at the first jar to do satisfaction. Her face showed both feelings, the pride and the trouble, but for a time she kept silence. She was burning to discuss further with him the subject of the morning. Devoured with restless curiosity as to how a good ever have got such a lodgement in Pitt's mind, at the same time she did not know how to touch it and was afraid of touching it wrong. Her husband's counsel, not to talk, she did not indeed forget. But Mrs. Dallas had her own views of things and did not always take her husband's advice. She was not minded to follow it now, but she was uncertain how best to begin. Pitt was busy with his own thoughts. I have invited somebody to come and make your holiday pass pleasantly, Mrs. Dallas said at last, beginning far away from the burden of her thoughts. Somebody? Whom? asked Pitt a little eagerly, but without changing his attitude. Ms. Betty Fair. Who is she that she should put her hand on my holiday? I do not want any hands but yours, Mother. Hop, and I have wanted them. But Ms. Fair will make your time pass more pleasantly, my boy. Ms. Fair is one of the most admired women who have appeared in Washington this year. She's a sort of cousin of your father's too. Distant, but enough to make a connection. You will see for yourself what she is. Where did you find her out? In Washington last winter. And she is coming? She said she would come. I asked her to come and help me make the time pass pleasantly for you. Which means that I must help you make the time pass pleasantly for her. That will be easy. I don't know, and you do not know. When is she coming? In a few days I expect her. Young, of course. Well, Mother, I really do not want anybody but you, but we'll do the best we can. She is handsome, and quick, and has excellent manners. She would have made a good match last winter at once, if she had not been poor. Are men such cats as that on this side of the water, too? Cats, my dear? I call that being cats, don't you? My boy, everybody cannot afford to marry a poor wife. Anybody that has two hands can, or a head. It brings trouble, Pitt. Does not the other thing bring trouble? It would with me. If I knew a woman had married me for money, or if I knew I had married her for money, there would be no peace in my house. Mrs. Dallas laughed a little. You will have no need to do the latter thing, she said. Mother, nobody has any need to do it. You, at any rate, can please yourself. Only you. Only what, said Pitt, now laughing in his turn, and twisting his head round to look up into her face. Go on, Mother. I am sure your father would never object to a girl because she was poor if you liked her. But there are other things. Well, what other things? Pitt, a woman has great influence over her husband if he loves her, and that you will be sure to do to any woman whom you make your wife. I should not lie to you. I should not like to have you marry out of your own church. Pitt's head went round, and he laughed again. In good time, he said, I assure you, Mother, you are in no danger yet. I thought this morning, said his mother, hesitating. I was afraid from what you said that some Methodist or some other dissenter might have got hold of you. Pitt was silent. The words struck him and jarred a little. Was his mother not grazing the truth? And a vague notion rose in his mind, without actually taking shape, which just now he had not time to attend to, but which cast a shadow like a young cloud. He was silent, and his mother, after a little pause, went on. Methodists and dissenters are not much in Mr. Strahan's way, I am sure, and you would hardly be troubled by them at Oxford. How was it, Pitt? Where did you get these new notions? Do they sound like the said, Mother? I do not know what they sound like. Not like you. I want to know what they mean, and how you came by them. He did not immediately answer. I have been thinking on this subject a good while, he said slowly. A good while? You know Mr. Strahan is a great antiquary, and very full of knowledge about London. He has taken pleasure in going about with me, and instructing me, and he is capital company. But at last I learned enough to go by myself sometimes, without him, and I used to ramble about through the places where he had taken me, to review and examine and ponder things at my leisure. I grew very fond of London. It is like an immense illustrated book of history. One day I was wandering in one of the busy parts of the city, and turned aside out of the roar and the bustle into a little chapel, lying close to the roar but separate from it. I had been there before, and knew there were some fine marbles in the place. One especially that I wanted to see again. I was alone that day, and could take my time, and I went in. It is a tomb of some old dignitary who lived several centuries ago. I do not know what he was in life, but in death, as this effigy represents him, it is something beautiful to look upon. I forget at this minute the name of the sculptor. His work I shall never forget. It is wonderfully fine. The gravity, and the sweetness, and the ineffable repose of the figure, are beyond praise. I stood looking, studying, thinking, I cannot tell for how long, or rather feeling than thinking, at the moment. When I left the chapel and came out again into the glare and the rush and the confusion, then I began to think, mother. I went off to another quiet place, by the bank of the river, and sat down and thought. I can hardly tell you how. The image of that infinite repose I carried with me, and the rush of human life filled the streets I had just come through behind me, and I looked at the contrast of things. There, for ages already, that quiet. Here, for a day or two, this driving and struggling. Even suppose it be successful struggling. What does it amount to? It amounts to a good deal while you live, said Mrs. Dallas. And after? And after too. A man's name, if he has struggled successfully, is held in remembrance, in honor. What is that to him after he is gone? My dear, you would not advocate a lazy life, a life without effort? No, mother. The question is, what shall the effort be for? Mrs. Dallas was in the greatest perplexity how to carry on this conversation. She looked down on the figure before her. It was still sitting at her feet, holding her two hands on either side of his head. And she could admire at her leisure the wealthiness, energetic frame, every line of which showed power in life, and every motion of which indicated also the life and figure of the spirit moving it. He was the very man to fight the battle of life with distinguished success. She had looked forward to his doing it, counted upon it, built her pride upon it. What did he mean now? Was all that power and energy and ability to be thrown away? Would he decline to fill the place in the world which she had hoped to see him fill, and which he could so well fill? Young people do have foolish fancies, and they pass over. But a fancy of this sort, just at its age, might be fatal. She was glad it was herself, and not his father who was his confidant. For Pitt, she well knew, was one neither to be bullied nor cajoled. But what should she say to him? My dear, I think it is duty, she ventured at last. Everybody must be put here to do something. What is he put here to do, Mama? That is the very question. Pitt was not excited. He showed no heat. He spoke in the quiet, calm tones of a person long familiar with the thoughts to which he gave utterance. Indeed, alarmingly suggested that he had made up his mind about them. Pitt, why do you not speak to a clergyman? He could set you right better than I can. I have, Mama. To what clergyman? To Dr. Calcott of Oxford, and to Dr. Plumpton, director of the church to which Uncle Strahan goes. What did they say? Dr. Calcott said I had been studying too hard and wanted a little distraction. He thought I was morbid, and warned me against possible listening to Methodists. Said I was a good fellow, only it was mistake to try to be too good. The consequence would be a breakdown, whether physical or moral, he did not say. I was left to apprehend both. That is very much as I think myself, only not the fear of breakdowns. I see no signs of that in you, my boy. What did the other doctor whom did you say? What did he tell you? Dr. Plumpton, he said he did not understand what I would be at. I agree with him too, said Mrs. Dallas, laughing a little. Pitt did not laugh. I quoted some words to him out of the Bible, and he said he did not know what they meant. I should think he ought to know. So I thought, but he said it was for the church to decide what they meant. Mrs. Dallas was greatly at a loss, and growing more and more uneasy, Pitt went on in such a quiet, meditative way, not asking help of her, and, she fancied, not intending to ask it of anybody. Suddenly, however, he lifted his head and turned himself far enough round to enable him to look in her face. Mother, said he, what do you think those words mean in one of the Psalms? Thou hast made me exceeding glad with thy countenance. Are they on the Psalms? I do not know. You have read them a thousand times. In the Psalter translation, the wording is a little different, but it comes to the same thing. I never knew what they meant, my boy. There are a great many things in the Bible that we cannot understand. But is this one of them? Exceeding glad with thy countenance? David knew what he meant. The Psalmist was inspired. Of course, he understood a great many things, which we do not. We ought to understand some things that he did not, I should think. But this is a bit of personal experience, not abstruse teaching. David was exceeding glad. And what made him glad? That I want to know. Pitt's thoughts were busy with the innocent letter he had once received, in which a young and unlearned girl had given precisely the same testimony as the inspired girl singer. Precisely the same. And surely what Esther had found another could find, and he might find. But while he was musing, Mrs. Dallas grew more and more uneasy. She knew better than to try the force of persuasion upon her son. It would not avail, and Mrs. Dallas was a proud woman, too proud to ask what would not be granted or to resist forcefully what she might not resist successfully. She never withstood her husband's plans, or asked him to change them, except in cases when she knew her opposition could be made effective, so it did not at all follow that she was pleased where she made no effort to hinder. It was the same in the case of her son, though rarely proved until now. In the consciousness of her want of power she was tempted to be a little vexed. My dear, she said, what you say sounds to me very like Methodist talk. They say the Methodists are spreading dreadfully. Fit was silent and then made a departure. How often I have wanted just a touch of these hands, he said, giving those he held a little squeeze. Mother, there is nothing in all the world like them. End of Chapter 23, Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gurkin, Gilbert, Arizona