 In many Muslim communities, you have individuals who use Quranic verses, who take advantage of religious texts, a hadith, as a justification for the abuse. You know, sometimes you have individuals who are abusive to their spouses and you ask them, why do you think it's okay to abuse your wife, to abuse your spouse? They say, Shaykh, Allah SWT says in the Quran, Surah An-Nisa, Surah 4, verse 34 Allah SWT says, Wadribu hun, strike them, hit them. They say, I'm operating within the limits of the shari'a. Allah has given me this right as the head of the household that if my wife displeases me, if she disobeys me, I have a right to maintain order in my household. Before you call the ayah, the wife beating verse, read it from the beginning. What does Allah say at the beginning of the verse? Al-Rijalu qawwamuna al-an-nisaa bima fabbalallahu ba'abahum ala ba'at wa bima anfaqu min anwali. Allah begins the verse by saying that men, meaning husbands in this case, they are the maintainers and caretakers of women. You know, when you think about a relationship, you know, when people get married, especially youth, when people get into a relationship, they usually ask, what are my rights? Everyone wants to know, what's my right? What's my right? When in reality, before you ask about what is your right, you should ask, what is my responsibility? Allah in the beginning of this ayah highlights the responsibility of the husband. By default, you are the financial provider. You are the caretaker. You are the maintainer. And look at the word that Allah uses. Al-Rijalu qawwamun. Qawwam is an Arabic word. And it is, it's a derivative of one of Allah's names. The word qayyum is one of Allah's names. It means Allah, one of His names is qayyum, that He is the self-subsisting. And He cares for all of His creation. He is independent, but His creation is dependent on Him. Now, when you think of Allah being qayyum, do you think of Allah abusing His creation? Do you think about Allah being violent against His creation? From the beginning, Allah calls the husband that you are, Qawwamuna al-nisa. By the grace of Allah, Allah has given certain privileges to men, and He has given certain privileges to women. They have different rights. The right of the wife is that she has the right to be maintained. Now, what is the right of the husband? The right of the husband is that she has to make biryani every night for him? Is this the right? Brothers and sisters, it may come to a surprise to many of you. The husband, because the ayah says, because you maintain her, because you are providing shelter and food, and you are taking on the financial responsibility. Because you're fulfilling this right, Allah gives you a right. What is that right? There are two rights that are mentioned by the Fouqaha. The first is you have the right to intimacy. And SubhanAllah, look at the wisdom of the sharia. Allah could have given any right to the husband. Allah could have said that your right is the right to be fed. Your wife should cook for you. Or you have the right that if your wife is at home, she should look after the kids and raise them. That's not a right. She doesn't have to raise your kids for you. She doesn't have to cook for you. She doesn't have to clean the house for you. And therefore, when they do that, when they cook and they clean, you have to understand that from an Islamic perspective, they're doing something that is above and beyond what Allah has required of them. There has to be some appreciation. The one right that Allah has given to the man is that when he desires intimacy with his wife, she cannot deny him. And he may say, why that right? Because Allah knows what he created. I have personally met with many couples. And when you sit and you want to get to the bottom of what is the problem? Why this bickering? Why this animosity towards each other? In many cases, it comes down to the fact that the husband is being neglected. That part of the marriage is not being looked after. It's almost as though Allah is telling the believing women that if this Haqq is observed, your husband is going to be very easy going. If this right is fulfilled, there's going to be harmony in the house. Men are very simple creatures. Allah says, this is this. If you fulfill this right, if you make biryani, peanut butter and jelly, he's okay. In fact, there's a hadith from the Holy Prophet. So a woman, a wife cannot deny her husband intimacy without a valid reason. In fact, we have a hadith that say the wife should not even delay intimacy if the husband desires her. There's a hadith where a woman comes to the Prophet and she has some marital problems. She comes to the Prophet. And Rasulullah, of course, being the best listener that he is, he realizes that there's something wrong here. So he asks the woman. He says to her, so this hadith is from Imam al-Sadiq. He says, A woman came to the Prophet for some issues. She had some marital issues. So he said to her, the Prophet after listening to her carefully, he says to her, It seems that you are one of the delayers. She asked the Prophet, What does it mean to be a delayer? Rasulullah says, This is a woman who when her husband calls her to have intimacy with her, she tells him later, later, later, until he falls asleep. Meaning she what? She delays that conjugal right. The Holy Prophet says such a woman, the Malaika ask Allah to deprive her of his mercy, Why? Because you don't think it's a big deal, but this is silently breaking the marriage. Now, if we go back to the verse, Allah says, And then Allah, before he gets to the controversial part of the ayah, Allah describes a righteous woman. A righteous woman is who? A righteous woman is one who is obedient to God. Many people, they read obedient and they think obedient to the husband. Your wife, Islamically is not required to be obedient to you. Meaning if your wife is sitting and the husband says, Get me water. She's not committing a sin and she says, Please go get it yourself. You have two legs. She doesn't, she's not Islamically required. If he says, go do the dishes. She's not required. Clean. He can give her commands from dawn to dusk. The only command that she has to respond to Islamically is if he calls her to be with her. Intimacy. And some folks say she cannot leave the house without his permission. And some folks have said and that second right is also related to the first because he might desire her and if she's away, it's going to be problematic. So Allah says, They are obedient to God. And then look at what Allah says. A righteous woman is a woman who guards her modesty and her dignity in the absence of her husband. Meaning what? She's faithful to him. She doesn't flirt with men. There's no infidelity. She is modest. She's honorable. She's maintaining her modesty. And then Allah says, Wala titakhafuna nushuzuhun As for a woman who is naashiz. Now what is the meaning of nushuz? So now we're talking about the opposite of a righteous woman. A woman who is not righteous. A woman who is not obedient to God. And a woman who does not guard her chastity. So it's not that Allah says you have the green light, your wife ticks you off, do what you want, beat her. There's a contrast in the verse. This is why some ulama, some contemporary scholars, they say that nashiz here is not just any type of woman. We're talking about a very extreme case where she's not righteous. She's disobedient to God. And she's not guarding her modesty. That the husband is afraid. He's becoming suspicious. There are signs of infidelity. Now the question is, brothers and sisters, the Quran tells us, لقد كان لكم في رسول الله أسوة حسن. And the Prophet is the best example for you. Is there anyone who understands Quran more than the Holy Prophet? Did the Prophet strike any of his wives? There's a hadith from Aisha. She says, She says, The Holy Prophet never struck anyone. Not any of his wives nor any of his servants. The only time that he struck anyone was on the battlefield. The Holy Prophet had certain wives that had some rebellious attitudes. Some of the wives of the Prophet on some occasions, they offended the Prophet. They were belligerent. The Holy Prophet never struck. In fact, the Holy Prophet says, he speaks about the hypocrisy of husbands who beat their wives. The Holy Prophet says, The Prophet is basically saying that don't beat your wife during the day like she's your slave. And then at night you want to sleep in the same bed as her. What kind of hypocrisy is this? On the one hand, you want to enjoy her company, but during the day, you mistreat her? There's a hadith from the Holy Prophet where he says The Holy Prophet says, I'm astonished at a man who beats his wife when in reality he's more deserving of the beating. This is what the Holy Prophet says. Imam Al-Sadiq says, Allahumma salli ala Allah He says, Imam Al-Sadiq says my father, Imam Al-Baqar had a wife who used to cause him a lot of distress. She wasn't a good wife. The Imam, alaihi s-salam, and she used to hurt the Imam. So he forgives her. Imam Al-Sadiq says, Imam Al-Baqar had a wife that used to insult him, that used to be very antagonistic, cause him a lot of distress. And the Imam never once struck her. He would pardon her. He would be lenient with her. In fact, the Holy Prophet, he says, Haafid, he says, Resulullah says, He used to come to me and emphasize kindness and compassion to women, to wives, to such an extent. Rasulullah says I began to wonder If it is even permissible to divorce them unless they have committed zina. So if this is the level of compassion that the Prophet is being instructed to teach the Muslims with regard to women, scholars say that this verb that's mentioned in the ayah is not beating or domestic violence.