 Alright guys, welcome to the channel again, you're going to be looking at the camera, not at the monitor. Yeah. What the hell? I got it. Okay, so welcome back to the channel. Was it last week that I did the episode on why we choose the one we love? And for me, I've been guessing the question a lot about how I ended up with a European or a Caucasian woman. So I did a video about why I choose the person I love and the fact that the person I chose or my reason for choosing this person was because it was a person that made me feel a certain type of way, not because she thought it was a certain type of way or from a different country. So that was why I chose the person. And the story is one that... Are we going to tell the story? Mm-hmm. Are we going to tell the story? Yeah, the story is one that, yeah, we're going to tell at some point in this video. But, yeah. So this is a little too close. Am I wrong? Yeah, this is better. For me, this was a bit messy. I think you should start with... Hi, I'm Kami. Two weeks ago I recorded this. For two weeks? Yeah. For two weeks? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, okay. And in what? You should welcome me. Hi, my name is Kami. My name is Kami. I'm a documentary filmmaker and voiceover artist. And, of course, a YouTuber based in Accra. And last two weeks I did a video about why we choose the one we love. And, of course, I mentioned my wife in there, who is Elaine, yes. So I told my part of the story and the question that I do gets a lot. Okay, cut. So let me start. So, hi, my name is Kami. I'm a documentary filmmaker and a YouTuber and a voiceover artist based in Accra. And if this is your first time tuning into the channel, it usually doesn't happen like this. But last two weeks I did a video about why we choose the one we love because I often get the question about how I ended up with a European or a Caucasian woman. And I found it's always weird because I didn't choose this person because of where she was from or the color of her skin. So, you know, like this person, after engaging the person, you know, one-on-one talking, being friends, it was nice. And I ended up falling in love without even realizing. And the person makes me feel a certain type of way. So it wasn't even about where the person was from. But I don't know if the same for my wife, Elaine, that's why I brought her here today to also tell me her part of, or tell you guys her part of the experience of, you know, being with a person from a different continental race or whatever. I don't like that word. Race? Yeah. Yeah, it's a bit heavy. Yeah. So, yeah. Here's my wife, Elaine, and she's going to tell her part of the story. I thought you were going to ask me a question, but it's okay. Yeah. It's the same question. Do you get that question asked? About myself. Okay. No, it's fine. Go on. I'm a bit nervous. Okay. So I think it would be nice if you asked me why I wanted to come in. Okay. So why did you want to come in for this episode? Okay. You want to answer after I ask? Oh, you're going to ask it again? Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm not going to edit it. No, because this part was messy. Yeah. We're going to leave it all in. No. I look silly. No, you don't. Okay. So why? Well, I mean, I think it connects to what you said that you, when I met you, I didn't see you as, I saw you as Kwame, not a black Ghanaian 30 year old. I wasn't 30. I wasn't 30 when we met. So what you see first is your appearance, but that's not, I don't fall in love with your Appearance. Appearance. I fall in love with the person. You sure about that though? Yeah. Okay. You look good, but. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And yeah, how you answer that question? Why? Because I happened to meet this person and I think it was really a good match and I, we started off with a lot of conversations and we really clicked like we could sit at the workplace. We were also working. We were also talking a lot. We were all working. And yeah, I think that made us connect like first with how we approach life and our thoughts and we exchange a lot of things very easily. And I even remember talking to my best friend on Skype. You know you were that I was actually excited to tell her that I met you. So like I was just excited to, like I was like, I met this. It's a colleague. He's like really cool. I'm really cool. She said I'm really cool. Or you tried to be really cool. I don't know which one it was. I am cool. But. I am cool. Yeah. I remember that excitement. Like I met this person. He exists and it wasn't immediately like a love thing. So I didn't have the love at first sight. I don't think you had it either. I had some likeness at first sight, but not like, oh my God, I'm in love with her. Yeah. Yeah, but I never definitely didn't have that. Wow. No kidding. But I was just happy to have met him and I think that's a genuine. Yeah. A genuine feeling. Like I'm happy this person exists. I'm happy. We can connect. We can talk. Yeah. Yeah. So it starts with that. That's how it started. And then over time. Over time and develop. But at the time we were colleagues. It was a workplace setting. So you also have limited space to kind of explore who this person is because I mean, you're working. Yeah. And I at that time I was going to Netherlands back to Netherlands very soon. I wasn't even sure. If you're going to come back. I would come back. Yeah. So by faith or chance or however you want to call it, serendipity. Yeah. Serendipity. Serendipity. Serendipity. I was supposed to do another research, but I was supposed to go to Burundi, but then it was unsafe there. And then the same organization was in Ghana. She doesn't know how I reacted. Yes. So I decided to pursue it in Ghana as I thought, why not? Yeah. And then we were both like ready to try it on without any expectations. So we just said, we just want to properly date, get to know each other. And then we take it from there. So we went to the movies. I think it was a really bad movie with Zac Efron. Are we going to get rid of this? Yeah. The punchline was he wanted to become a DJ and he kept shouting, are we ever going to be better than this? So that was kind of our punchline. We shouted sometimes at each other. And it was nice. I mean, I was very nervous. It was a terrible movie, but it was a nice date. I was very nervous though. Yeah. Was I? Was I nervous? Maybe I mask it well. Yeah. Maybe I mask it well. Like we were just exploring it in the beginning, like get to know each other better. Like we were really taking our time. You wanted to rush into things. I remember that. No. I think a little bit. I didn't want to rush into things. I was very sure. Yeah. Okay. You were very sure. Yes. While I was still trying to match my head with my heart because I know that I liked him, which was close to like, like them a lot. But I also didn't just want to jump on it without being really sure like this is what I want to do. So even if it would become long distance, I would want to be able to say fully yes. Like with. Yeah. Committing to it. Committing to it. Instead of just saying yes. And then once there's one challenge, I'm like, oh, you know what? This is not for me. I didn't want. Like I wanted to be fully present. And so I think we did. I think we did like three months. Yeah. We did three months. We're actually less because you're here in October. Well, people don't care about the timeline. Yeah. But October and then December, we decided to try it officially to try it. And then luckily I got an internship for half a year and I decided to do it. So then we had a little bit more time to really, you know, hang out, do activities and get to know each other. Get to know each other even better. Yeah. So that was the beginning. And then we did a lot of long distance, which is a whole other story. But I think we'll go into that. We'll go into that. Yeah. But I did ask you guys to send some of your questions as what you want to know. I don't know how deep we can go with the questions, but I'm going on YouTube to see maybe we can answer one because the video is already really long. What do you want us to do? I want to still add something. Okay. Go on. So with the question why we choose the one you love, I feel Kwame wasn't super specific, but I think for us, what we have in common is that we really like to learn. So if we don't understand anything or we don't understand something or a challenge has brought up, we're both trying to find a way around it. And make it work for us. And I think that's also kind of been our approach in our relationship. So what's happening? What can we do? How can we manage? Like find a way to move through it together. But you have been the lead on that all the time. Most of the time. Actually all the time. I don't think so. Because you're also very creative and innovative. So in a way that fuels it too. I think I'm more collaborative when it comes up. Like I'm open-minded to let's talk about it. Let's learn. Let's figure it out. But I think most of the initiative in terms of communication. Because I mentioned communication a lot in the last book. Yeah. And how I thought I was a good communicator. But when I met you, I realized that there is more to it than what I thought I knew. And so I have learned a lot in the last five years. In our communication. Because the communication is what leads to learning. Because when it comes up. We're both open and like willing to learn and throw in options or like ideas to find solutions. And then we learn from it. And then we keep, you know, moving from there. Yeah. I don't know whether. I think it's just a general approach we have. Like we bounce off ideas. Even though it's business or it's personal. And what comes with that. What you already mentioned is the open-mindedness. Yeah. Because that's the one thing that is difficult. I'm not going to deny. Like we're both from different backgrounds. So I have a Dutch background. I'm as a Ghanaian background. But also that on itself has so many parts. Yeah. That differ from each other. We have different families. Different way of bringing up different kind of schools. Yeah. So it's a whole other world you have to explore. And in order to do that well, you really need to be open-minded. And that's one thing I really appreciated in like both of us that we're willing to be open-minded and be curious and ask a lot of questions. And I think I still, well, I live in Ghana or we live in Ghana now. So for me, it's also, I don't understand everything. All the time. That's going on. That's fine. I try to learn and be curious. And even now, I've been living here for quite a while, I still am able to ask my questions to Kwame and even if it gets personal, I can still ask. And that's open-mindedness of me being vulnerable enough to ask and him being able to come to my level and kind of explain, break it down. I think that's a really important part of our relationship. And the other way around when you were in Netherlands, I could hopefully do the same for you after your culture shock, but we'll go into that another time. Culture shock. Well, yeah, I did have a massive culture shock. Yeah. But that's another topic for another time. Yeah. So that open-mindedness and the willingness to learn and I think that really... Is a driving force. Yeah. In kind of making it work because there's a lot to bridge and there's a lot of stretching going on all day because you want to understand each other and move from that place of understanding before you continue. So we had a lot of exploring to do. Yeah. But I have to say that it hasn't been easy with the exploring because I tend to get rather logical and defensive because when something comes up and I can explain my part or explain my decision or rationalize my decision, then I think that, yeah, it's right or I'm right. So that's it. So, yeah, I've had to evolve over time in seeing a broader perspective and actually tolerating the point of view of the other person and also seeing that the point of view of the other person may not always be logical. Yeah. But then you need to see that there's an emotional side to it and it ties into a lot of things that you want to bridge like you're saying and understand. Yeah. But I think because of your perspective, you're also not forcing, but you're forcing me in a way to also distinguish between the rational and emotional arguments. So sometimes when we even talk about it logically, you would still have feelings or I would still have feelings attached to it. Yeah. So then we try to also bridge how can we make space for those feelings without like brushing them aside. Yeah. And that took a lot of conversation and confrontation and misunderstandings. And time. A lot of time as well. Yeah. So I guess ultimately it's still a work in progress because I wouldn't say it's perfect now because there's still, I mean, there are still times when there's some misunderstanding and some level of confrontation. Yeah. So I guess the whole journey would be to build whatever this is to the point where it becomes second nature. You know exactly what to do, when to do. Well, I disagree with that because I feel that a relationship, no matter what you have to one show up. So stay curious, ask your question, try to understand the other person. You don't think it has to become second nature? No, I don't think it will ever get easy. Not easy, but... Like you need to put in the work. I don't think it will ever get easy, but I'm just saying that you would know what to do when it happens. Yeah, but not all the time. Yeah. Sorry. We're also really good at this, like having discussions. Yeah. Like teasing, not teasing, but kind of challenging the other person to... Tugging, tugging. Yeah. Yeah. So for me, showing up and doing the work is really important because it's never finished. Like in life there's no, like, oh, I made it, I'm done. That's not what I meant. Okay. Okay. But yeah, I understand. Because if we do this here right now, that's another, like, trying to break it down here right now. Yeah. So, yeah, there's a lot of tugging and it will constantly evolve. You face bigger challenges like Elaine is saying. So it never gets easy. It never becomes second nature. Even though I disagree that, well, you become, you get better at knowing how to deal with things, for example. You get better. Yeah. Yeah. Like for now, for example, like now I know, like, to distinguish logical or rational from emotional and when to do which one. No matter how big or confusing the other things. It's the willingness to learn. Yeah. But it's also like in small things because remember when, okay, we were driving to this coconut place and we, coconut, yeah, bottles of coconut water and we were sitting in the car and I was on the side of the coconut cellar and we wanted three. So I was told three. This is three. And this is three. In Ghana, apparently this is three. I can't even do it. Look at my fingers. So I was doing three and he brought me two and I was so confused and the car was like, no, this is three and I'm like, who comes up with this? And we just had a good laugh or first I was just confused and then later we laughed it off but these small things from three to three because he wouldn't brought me two because he only looks at this. Yeah, you only see this. You're not counting your time. So these, this is an example of the small things but they also, it's how we solve a bit of the big things like, okay, wow. I didn't know. I didn't know what's this and I want to understand. Yeah. So, you know, this is how many, oh. Project can edit. What? I think you should edit a bit. No. No, I don't want the whole thing. I want the whole thing. No. I want the whole thing in there. Stop recording it. So yeah, I think we're going to have or we're going to streamline our conversations and pick up the topics. We didn't even get to answer any of your questions but I think one thing run through which was communication when I was looking through the comments but the specific questions that I got under the previous video, we're going to make a follow-up video on that one because we're already clocking 21 minutes and yeah. No, I think you should stop now and we should make it a bit more. We put in a question. You edited a bit. No, we're going to put the question inside now because the question also like it's related to the... Stop recording, please. Okay, so stay tuned for the next episode. That's all I'm going to say because I'm not going to stop recording and re-record another one and put the question inside. So we're going to record another episode which has the questions in there. We're going to pick them one by one. So maybe in a few days or next week we'll come back with that one. So it's peace from Kwame and Elaine. Yes, finally she's showed up on the vlog and yeah if you like this video don't forget to hit the thumbs up yeah and subscribe hit the bell button and select all so that you get notified when I post a new video or when we show up again. So yeah, my name is Kwame and... This is Elaine. We'll catch you again another time. Peace!